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Responsibility to let girls be tom boys...

244 replies

Judy1234 · 29/05/2009 10:27

Do you dress your girls in pink? Expect them to be housewives? Given then a role model at home of mother home 24/7 doing dull domestic stuff, father hardly there? or do you encourage them in their adventurousness, let them ride, ski, fight, climb trees? Would you steer them away from a stereotyped party dress and read them stories where girls can be brave rather than simper?

........
From The Times
May 29, 2009
The pernicious pinkification of little girls
Find the link between (a) princess costumes (b) short hair and (c) the number of women graduates in maths and science
Antonia Senior

Where have all the pirate queens gone? Where are the cowgirls and the Supergirls? Today's fancy dress parties divide strictly on gender lines. The boys' side holds a handful of Batmans, a sprinkling of Spider-Mans, some soldiers and the odd cowboy. And on the girls' side, ten identikit princesses, swathed in pink, encrusted with fake crystals.

Is this, then, the summit of their ambition, the ultimate fantasy wish of modern girlhood - to be a princess? A role that can be inherited along with genetic mutations from generations of inbreeding. You can work for the role, it is true. Be pretty enough, my darling girl child, and mute enough, and bland enough, and you too could marry a prince. Because every girl's dream should be to lead a life of buffed and pedicured leisure, courtesy of a balding, chinless aristocrat, Whisper it, but the frog, as long as he's funny and kind, would have been the better bet.

There is an alternative to being a princess, a second costume beloved of today's girls. They shun the Ice Queens and the Elven warriors, ignore Artemis, the huntress, and Athena, the wise. Instead they celebrate the Fairy; three inches of cute, winged blondeness, dressed, inevitably, in pink.

This creeping pinkification of girlhood is ubiquitous. Toys and clothes have split down gender lines. It is impossible to buy a gender- neutral bike any more. Bikes come in blue, or in pink; as do baby walkers, and mini-keyboards, and any other toy that might once have been - imagine it! - purple or green.
Background

  • Staff baffled by fuss over bed called Lolita

  • Hollywood goes girly

  • Katie Price: a feminist icon of our times?

  • Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and his daughter Cecile

Girls' jeans come with butterflies and hearts stitched on every spare centimetre of fabric. T-shirts carry cute slogans - ?Cherry cute! Hello Kitty?. Swimming costumes are girdled with frills. Next time you are in the park, try to spot a prepubescent girl with short hair, or one wearing trousers. Long hair, dresses and pink; it's Amish meets Disney out there.

The triumph of this pink and cutesy ideal of girlhood is grim for more than aesthetic reasons. A report published this week by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) highlighted the differences between 15-year-old girls and boys' attitudes to learning. Even though girls graduate from senior school in greater numbers than boys across the OECD countries, girls lag behind in key areas. Boys outperform girls in maths in all but eight countries. In most OECD countries, girls and boys perform equally well in science. But in six countries, boys achieve significantly better results. Top of this list is the United Kingdom.

There is a correlation between attitudes to academic subjects and performance. In the UK, girls don't do numbers. And girls definitely don't do science. Angel Gurría, the OECD's secretary-general, argues that we are complacent about gender stereotyping and that the idea that boys don't do reading and girls don't do maths persists.

These girls will one day grow up. Even though the number of women at university is increasing rapidly, they are not narrowing the gap in science, maths and computer science. As graduates then, they leave the lucrative jobs in the City, in laboratories and in computers to the boys. Armed with liberal arts degrees - a useful accoutrement in the marriage market, like a little French and dancing once were - they may marry their prince after a few years pretending to have a career at an auction house. But happy ever after is a lie. Divorce statistics suggest he is likely to leave for a pinker, younger version.

The modern, Western world has emancipated women and made breadwinners out of them. Yet we are imprisoning our little girls in pink straitjackets, and then acting surprised later when their academic ambitions fail to outshine their accessories. Our girls' view of the world is pink-tinted partly because of the supply of cheap goods. When hand-me-downs ruled, parents would be more cautious. Now that clothes and toys are imported and cheap, it matters less if you buy all pink for your first-born, and replace it all with blue when a boy arrives. A T-shirt is expendable when it cost £5 in the shop, and pennies to make in a sweatshop employing the quick, cheap fingers of foreign children.

But the pinking process would not be happening without demand from the girls themselves and their parents. Put a gaggle of girls in a nursery and they will copy each other. Throw into the mix the culturally overbearing world of Disney, add a sprinkle of fashion fairy dust, and a roomful of princesses is born. For a vision of what this looks like, visit disney.go.com/princess/#/home. All the Disney princesses are there in a terrifying tableau of simpering, gurning girlishness. Why are all these princesses, the apotheoses of modern girlhood, clasping their hands together in front of them, in an expression of coy submissiveness?

If peer pressure is one driver of demand, the other must come from the parents. Perhaps this is a backlash against the Seventies, when boys called Orlando were forced to play with dolls, and girls wore trousers. Feminist theory has developed since then, recognising that there are differences between the sexes. But this seems to have mutated into an insistence that we emphasise the differences. If a girl old enough to choose begs to dress as a princess, it would be dogmatic to refuse. But why encourage this inanity in babies and toddlers too young to care?

The mothers of these girls, the careless inheritors of the equality hard won by their own mothers and grandmothers, are complicit in this pinking up of girlhood. Why? These women have themselves bestridden the world of work like colossi. Yet they are raising a generation of girls who, when confronted by a periodic table or a quadratic equation, are fit only to curl hair coyly round fingers, and say, in an affected lisp: ?Why are we bothering our pretty little heads about any of this??

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 29/05/2009 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 29/05/2009 14:55

I think Xenia is good for more than a laugh. There are many points on which we do not see eye to eye, but when it comes to a role model for my daughter, I would rather have her than one of those mums that urge you to marry a rich man. Though of course it would be possible to urge your daughter to work hard anyway, without worrying to much about the riches. Just a thought.

LeninGrad · 29/05/2009 14:58

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cory · 29/05/2009 14:59

Just checked in on my dd, LeninGrad, and she is reassuringly dressed in black

nicked out of MY wardrobe!

WHERE ARE YOUR FLUFFY PINKS???

cory · 29/05/2009 15:00
OrmIrian · 29/05/2009 15:00

"I've just looked at 100 photos of a friend's daughter's wedding on-line. It seemed to typify the worst aspects of consumerism but is the main aim for many girls but the happily ever after often goes wrong and then they are dependent on if the man comes good and pays out to keep them"

Can't argue with that. Be able, be strong, be independent.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/05/2009 15:01

DD wears boys clothes and the least girly of girls clothes, she hates with a passion anything pink and flowery, preferring shorts teshirt, hoodie and wellies/trainers, she chosses her own clothes every morning to wear, she is 3 and definitely has her own sense of identity and practicality, ie shorts/jeans better for running aorund in woods, beach and climbing trees which are important to her. She also wears boys swimming shorts as I hate to see small girls in bikinis and swimming costumes i find are impractical for her to get off when she wants to use the loo.

But I guess that I influence her aswell as I never wear skirts or dresses.

LeninGrad · 29/05/2009 15:03

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Geocentric · 29/05/2009 15:04

I love your last phrase, OrmIrian... Great mantra.

LeninGrad, pink, if treated as such, is just a colour. So yes, an analogy for a particular phase. Stong role models and open-minded parenting will always help a child realize there can be much, much more than 'pink' in life.

Tocca · 29/05/2009 15:05

I totally agree. Nice to see you again Xenia, you have been missed.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/05/2009 15:08

I also think that little girls should be little girls and not have all these clothes with slogans on, which is why we don't have alot of girls clothes as I find it difficult to find them without.

LeninGrad · 29/05/2009 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PortBlacksandResident · 29/05/2009 15:13

Shorts in Millets for boys have a fab whistle / thermometer / compass combo. The girls shorts have a pink flower on them.

I have 2DSs but if i was buying for a girl i would have gone for the boy option (or swapped the keyring over).

PortBlacksandResident · 29/05/2009 15:25

Oh no - i've killed a really good thread!!!!

That Disney Princess website is pretty vile! 'Parenting a Princess' - WTF?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/05/2009 15:26

Are they in Millets at the moment as DD would love them.

PortBlacksandResident · 29/05/2009 15:33

Boys

Girls

I rest my case! Maybe an email is required? hmmmmm.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/05/2009 15:34

Definitely

Granny23 · 29/05/2009 15:56

When my DDs were small, early 70s, clothes were expensive and we were poor. Presents always seemed to be impractical party frocks. I bought one pattern which did pinafore or sundress or dungarees and using my mum's old Singer, rattled up loads of dungerees, in gingham, soft denim, stripy and plain. Also often used fabric from my own outgrown garments or DH's denim shirts where cuffs and collars had gone. Dungarees are great, you can turn the hems up and down and move the buttons to alter size and they don't fall down like trousers. Another bonus with dungies is that they COVER UP naff slogans.

PS: my DD's sometimes turn their DD's T.shirts inside out so slogan does not show and rough seams look quite cool.

Judy1234 · 29/05/2009 17:01

The Panama island won't be luxury though so no one unless they are tom boy would be interested. You'd have to be happy to sleep on the ground, hopefully in a tent and beware of the snake, look out for sharks in the water and there will be torrential rain once a day and biting insects. Perhaps I should pick boyfriends based on their survival skills not that I need their protection. I'm very strong.

OP posts:
PMSLBrokeMN · 29/05/2009 17:55

DD (11) plays football, has more boys as friends than girls, and is currently engrossed in a book on graffitti. Oh, and she's trying to get breakdancing classes started for girls at school as she thinks it's unfair that the only ones they have are for boys. She attempted to do the whole 'girly pink' thing, but soon realised it's not for her.

The worst thing of all though is that she gets teased for NOT acting like a girl! The other girls at school are really catty (jealous?), and some of the boys just don't know how to deal with it. Then again, they're preteen boys . She recently announced she wants to join the RAF so she can 'blow people up' - should I be worried, or proud?

Anyway, not everyone fits the stereotypes thank goodness, although sometimes you wish they did when they come home from school in tears. I thought gender identities were meant to be more diverse these days!

Tortington · 29/05/2009 18:33

what a huge pile of shit that article is.

there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a princess aged 5

this has a whole lot of shit all to do with the ambition to be a doctor aged 14

if girls aren't learning maths in the same quantities that boys are - i put before you m'lud that perhaps the way it is taught needs to be revised.

its all bollocks.

in itself 'disposable society' as a soundbite it a different matter. there are lots of things mixed into this argument.

and statistics show that men are likley to leave for younger pink versions do they? no really....do they?

prove to me oh wise mumsnetters that statistics show this - statistics may show a high rate of divorce, but this is for many reasons - and one would /should ask this up her own arse writer of the article - why presume marriage at all?

the truth is that outside the world of mumsnet there is a working class world where you leave school and get a job. a job at tesco, a job in a factory or production line a job with no prospects on minimum wage.

the villain of the piece is not princess dresses - but lack of ambition. although there is a very very very tentative link made in this article between dressing your 5 year old as a princess and same girl becoming a subserviant wife to her husband ( which is bollocks) the real issue is where is the ambition and why didn't the parents dare to dream for their children?

becuase believe you me - in some sections of society, this lack of ambition doesn't only pertain to girls, its exactly the same for boys... production line, factory , manual labour.

isthis is a middle class argument thats passed me by? - where you MCs are dressing your kids up in preperation to become the perfect housewife - then its never ever ever ever ever been one that i have seen, read, heard about or witnessed before - i would go as far as to say that i am shocked when i do, becuase i never meet anyone like that - ever!

its the biggest pile of wank i have read in ages.

if a little girl wants to dress in a fairy outfit and a little boy wants to dress as buzz lightyear - then why the hell not?

it has ever been thus

its not a throw back backlash from the 70's.

i'll have you know that i had beautiful dresses when i was a child.

and when i was a child and playing with boys who wanted to play cowboys and indians, i would be an indian becuase they were prettier and bow and arrows were much more fun to make than holding two fingers and going "pow"!

k
its all about balance no?

i could be a princess - nay - an indian princess one day - but then i was actually climbing scaffolding the next.

PMSLBrokeMN · 29/05/2009 18:35

What Custardo said. Very eloquently put!

Tortington · 29/05/2009 18:41

[cough] just asked dd (16) if she ever had a princess outfit - she said no.

i feel a bit disturbed that she didn't

dd also said that she played mummies and daddies and mummies stayed at home and daddies went to work

despite me always always sodding working

so where the fuck do they get these stereotypes from?

but they do.

she also played power rangers ....she as the blue one, ds1 the red one and ds2 the green one

proportion!

Tortington · 29/05/2009 18:51

"the mothers of these girls, the careless inheritors of the equality hard won by their own mothers and grandmothers..."

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh through rose tinted glasses of the feminist.

the working class faught and died - not women alone

ramonaquimby · 29/05/2009 19:24

puleeeeez

women hoping they don't have a girl because they might like the colour pink?

can't read anymore

mum to 3 pink lovin girls
and yellow
and green
and purple
and orange
....