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Responsibility to let girls be tom boys...

244 replies

Judy1234 · 29/05/2009 10:27

Do you dress your girls in pink? Expect them to be housewives? Given then a role model at home of mother home 24/7 doing dull domestic stuff, father hardly there? or do you encourage them in their adventurousness, let them ride, ski, fight, climb trees? Would you steer them away from a stereotyped party dress and read them stories where girls can be brave rather than simper?

........
From The Times
May 29, 2009
The pernicious pinkification of little girls
Find the link between (a) princess costumes (b) short hair and (c) the number of women graduates in maths and science
Antonia Senior

Where have all the pirate queens gone? Where are the cowgirls and the Supergirls? Today's fancy dress parties divide strictly on gender lines. The boys' side holds a handful of Batmans, a sprinkling of Spider-Mans, some soldiers and the odd cowboy. And on the girls' side, ten identikit princesses, swathed in pink, encrusted with fake crystals.

Is this, then, the summit of their ambition, the ultimate fantasy wish of modern girlhood - to be a princess? A role that can be inherited along with genetic mutations from generations of inbreeding. You can work for the role, it is true. Be pretty enough, my darling girl child, and mute enough, and bland enough, and you too could marry a prince. Because every girl's dream should be to lead a life of buffed and pedicured leisure, courtesy of a balding, chinless aristocrat, Whisper it, but the frog, as long as he's funny and kind, would have been the better bet.

There is an alternative to being a princess, a second costume beloved of today's girls. They shun the Ice Queens and the Elven warriors, ignore Artemis, the huntress, and Athena, the wise. Instead they celebrate the Fairy; three inches of cute, winged blondeness, dressed, inevitably, in pink.

This creeping pinkification of girlhood is ubiquitous. Toys and clothes have split down gender lines. It is impossible to buy a gender- neutral bike any more. Bikes come in blue, or in pink; as do baby walkers, and mini-keyboards, and any other toy that might once have been - imagine it! - purple or green.
Background

  • Staff baffled by fuss over bed called Lolita

  • Hollywood goes girly

  • Katie Price: a feminist icon of our times?

  • Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and his daughter Cecile

Girls' jeans come with butterflies and hearts stitched on every spare centimetre of fabric. T-shirts carry cute slogans - ?Cherry cute! Hello Kitty?. Swimming costumes are girdled with frills. Next time you are in the park, try to spot a prepubescent girl with short hair, or one wearing trousers. Long hair, dresses and pink; it's Amish meets Disney out there.

The triumph of this pink and cutesy ideal of girlhood is grim for more than aesthetic reasons. A report published this week by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) highlighted the differences between 15-year-old girls and boys' attitudes to learning. Even though girls graduate from senior school in greater numbers than boys across the OECD countries, girls lag behind in key areas. Boys outperform girls in maths in all but eight countries. In most OECD countries, girls and boys perform equally well in science. But in six countries, boys achieve significantly better results. Top of this list is the United Kingdom.

There is a correlation between attitudes to academic subjects and performance. In the UK, girls don't do numbers. And girls definitely don't do science. Angel Gurría, the OECD's secretary-general, argues that we are complacent about gender stereotyping and that the idea that boys don't do reading and girls don't do maths persists.

These girls will one day grow up. Even though the number of women at university is increasing rapidly, they are not narrowing the gap in science, maths and computer science. As graduates then, they leave the lucrative jobs in the City, in laboratories and in computers to the boys. Armed with liberal arts degrees - a useful accoutrement in the marriage market, like a little French and dancing once were - they may marry their prince after a few years pretending to have a career at an auction house. But happy ever after is a lie. Divorce statistics suggest he is likely to leave for a pinker, younger version.

The modern, Western world has emancipated women and made breadwinners out of them. Yet we are imprisoning our little girls in pink straitjackets, and then acting surprised later when their academic ambitions fail to outshine their accessories. Our girls' view of the world is pink-tinted partly because of the supply of cheap goods. When hand-me-downs ruled, parents would be more cautious. Now that clothes and toys are imported and cheap, it matters less if you buy all pink for your first-born, and replace it all with blue when a boy arrives. A T-shirt is expendable when it cost £5 in the shop, and pennies to make in a sweatshop employing the quick, cheap fingers of foreign children.

But the pinking process would not be happening without demand from the girls themselves and their parents. Put a gaggle of girls in a nursery and they will copy each other. Throw into the mix the culturally overbearing world of Disney, add a sprinkle of fashion fairy dust, and a roomful of princesses is born. For a vision of what this looks like, visit disney.go.com/princess/#/home. All the Disney princesses are there in a terrifying tableau of simpering, gurning girlishness. Why are all these princesses, the apotheoses of modern girlhood, clasping their hands together in front of them, in an expression of coy submissiveness?

If peer pressure is one driver of demand, the other must come from the parents. Perhaps this is a backlash against the Seventies, when boys called Orlando were forced to play with dolls, and girls wore trousers. Feminist theory has developed since then, recognising that there are differences between the sexes. But this seems to have mutated into an insistence that we emphasise the differences. If a girl old enough to choose begs to dress as a princess, it would be dogmatic to refuse. But why encourage this inanity in babies and toddlers too young to care?

The mothers of these girls, the careless inheritors of the equality hard won by their own mothers and grandmothers, are complicit in this pinking up of girlhood. Why? These women have themselves bestridden the world of work like colossi. Yet they are raising a generation of girls who, when confronted by a periodic table or a quadratic equation, are fit only to curl hair coyly round fingers, and say, in an affected lisp: ?Why are we bothering our pretty little heads about any of this??

OP posts:
ninedragons · 07/06/2009 05:44

I wonder if it's coincidence that the ubiquitousness of pink has happened in tandem with the ubiquitousness of what I would class as very girly, frilly names.

Naming DD 16 months ago, it was quite striking to look through the lists at the extreme femininity - all the Olivias, Mias, Sophies, Rubies. When I was at school, half the girls were called Sam and Lou (short for Samantha and Louise, obviously, but still less gender-extreme). We deliberately chose a name that didn't end with a vowel sound and now we deliberately choose clothes that aren't princessy, so I wonder about parental aspiration, and whether Eve Elizabeth's parents are more likely to hope she's a tomboy than Poppy Grace's are.

monkeytrousers · 07/06/2009 08:05

girls now out doing boys at uni - in spite of liking pink news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8085011.stm

RachaelandAgatha · 08/06/2009 11:06

I work with a biologist with one male and one female child who swears that gender differences are innate and due to evolution. He insists he treated both children the same but the girl grew up wanting to play with dolls not tractors. Probe a little deeper though and I found out that she was dressed in pretty pink girls clothes right from the start. She was not wearing her older brother's hand-me-down dungarees!

The clothes we wear can influence the way we are perceived. I dress my 6mo DD in boys clothes and non-pink girls clothes mostly dungarees, baby gros and the occasional dress on hot days now the weather is warming up. I remember being shocked the first time I put her in a dress and tights outfit that a friend had bought her. She was no longer my sparky, feisty baby but a little doll. The dress kept riding up and it was such a hassle to take the tights on and off every time I changed her. People in the street cooed at her and said how pretty she was rather then look in the pram and make a gender neutral comment like how smiley or alert she was. They were already taking cues from her appearance to guide how to treat her. She didn't wear the outfit again.

I a bright yellow baby gro and jumper she is off rolling round the floor, unrestrained by her clothes in what she can do and free from any assumptions about what she should be like when other people meet her.

I love fashion and even sew my own clothes, I cook and am at home being her mum full time at the moment. I also have a degree in physics, can out-geek most men and spent last weekend repairing our lawn mower with spanners and screwdrivers on the lawn. I hate the lack of choice in clothing for girls (and be fair boys too as they only seem to get to wear blue and brown) and I totally loathe the attitudes towards female roles that goes with the "mummy's little princess" brigade. I have taught teenage girls who think thongs, full make up and push up bras are OK aged 12 and playboy bunny is a sensible career choice. That is what happens when the pink princesses grow up a bit. Ugh.

monkeytrousers · 08/06/2009 13:14

Gender differences are innate and due to different evolutionary challenges.

But that's not to say culture isn't just as importent.

There is no dichotomy between nature/nurture.

Mithriltari · 08/06/2009 16:21

I hate pink. I was dtermined not to buy my little girl anything pink for as long as I could avoid it. Then financial crisis hit us because Im a PhD student without grant (last year of experiments)and I get her whatever is on offer because I cant be choosey when the money is tight. I try to avoid pink but she does have some pink items, but what the heck. Most of her stuff isnt and we do not do princess at home. She was on babyballet for a while and her uniform (bought by me) was black shoes, black leotard with a white tutu skirt, and the occasional colorful cardi which had some pink in it. For All Hallows party she was ...a vampire!! yay! all in black with red little devil horns, painted wee fangs and a red and black cape. Never has a vampire looked so cute. She listens to iron maiden with us, and we do roughousing loads. She has all the colors in her closet, some nice dresses but mostly trousers. And her mama is a tomboy and her dad (and mum) is a rocker. She probably will end up liking embroidery just to spite us! LOL

nosleeptilbedtime · 08/06/2009 16:39

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say what an interesting and well written post from Xenia. I agree wholeheartedly. I avoided pink and dolly rubbish for my daughter and often bought boys clothes for her as I preferred the look of them. I also told her from day one that women and men are equal, and that she can do whatever she wants in life.
Now at 8 years old she is a bit of a tomboy and a bluebelt in Karate. she also enjoys dressing up and dancing etc. She is a v confident and assertive child though.
I hate gender stereotyping, i also worry as my daughter gets older about the over sexualisation of girls at a much younger age than was ever the case in my day.

nosleeptilbedtime · 08/06/2009 16:39

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say what an interesting and well written post from Xenia. I agree wholeheartedly. I avoided pink and dolly rubbish for my daughter and often bought boys clothes for her as I preferred the look of them. I also told her from day one that women and men are equal, and that she can do whatever she wants in life.
Now at 8 years old she is a bit of a tomboy and a bluebelt in Karate. she also enjoys dressing up and dancing etc. She is a v confident and assertive child though.
I hate gender stereotyping, i also worry as my daughter gets older about the over sexualisation of girls at a much younger age than was ever the case in my day.

monkeytrousers · 09/06/2009 09:28

So you prescribed what your daughter dressed and played with, rather than let he own personality flourish? Give yourself a pat on the backj by all means. You made that choice - it's not the only one available tp parents.

AS far as gender stereotyping, feminists put the pejorative term on there - it is actually far closer to archetype.

'Your day' was itself not the norm. Girls all over the world, explore their sexuality from a young age. Stopping adults exploit that is a different issue.

cory · 09/06/2009 09:49

I didn't prescribe what my dd wore

at the same time I can't help noticing that it is being prescribed by the manufacturers

and that the image of women presented in this country, through the toy industry, children's dresses etc, is quite different from that presented in northern Europe

and that it has become far more princess-like in the last 20 years

ime it is far more common for north European girls to be into outdoor pursuits; dd has a number of friends in the UK who would absolutely refuse to do anything outdoorsy and potentially dirty- her friends in Sweden are far more like what we in Britain would call tomboys (they don't have a word for it there because it is the norm)

kittywise · 09/06/2009 14:35

To my mind actively avoiding pink is as bad as actively choosing it

monkeytrousers · 10/06/2009 10:44

Well yeah, it does seem a bit odd - raging against prescribing pink but then prescribing not pink.

Raychill · 10/06/2009 15:17

One of the great benefits of buying most of my daughters clothes on ebay is whatever she is wearing (half them time in jeans & tshirt & half the time in cute dresses) she can do what she likes. If she comes home covered in muck that won't wash out I don't care. I'd much rather she had the freedom to get dirty, paint & play as she would like to, than worry about her 'ruining' her clothes. They aren't ruined - simply functioning as they are designed to.

As for all the pink it can be hard to avoid - but it can be done. We have pink days once or twice a week - otherwise we mix it up!

cheeseycharlie · 10/06/2009 22:46

when I was a child (in the early eighties) it was NOT a compliment to be called a princess as a little girl! at some point this has changed and now mums are proud to brand their chavvy children with glittery slogans about what little princesses they are and what how yummy their mummy is.

tasteless tat. i wish people would stop buying it so that some better gear would appear on the mass market.

cheeseycharlie · 10/06/2009 22:50

in fact, the manufacturers of clothes have a lot to answer for in the sexualisation of our daughters as children - there should be some sort of campaign or lobby against the toddler bikinis and the hotpants for under-10s

monkeytrousers · 11/06/2009 12:29

'chavvy' children? Oh my. I am noit sure that it is a class issue Cheesy. Not unless they have their ears pierced and are wearing gypsy hoops!

Like I said, kids like to explore their sexuality, especially girls who are just pre-menses. It happens all over the world, where they have the freedom to do it.

That's not to say parents need to guide them through, but denying them is just plain facist.

thedolly · 11/06/2009 13:43

I don't think Xenia's post was interesting or well written - it was a jumbled mix from which the prevailing message

'SAHM's don't dress your daughters in pink or you will be doing them another disservice'

emerged.

pink is not the culprit - you don't see a lot of pink in 'Silent Witness' or 'CSI'. These types of programmes are the reason why a lot of pure science degrees are undersubscribed in preference to 'forensic science' studies. That coupled with the perception of scientist as old white haired bloke in lab coat and specs. - pink could be the solution to the science crisis.

[shocked] at how many people on this thread are happy to use the word 'tomboy'

DD8 was just last night questioning the point of such a word

thedolly · 11/06/2009 20:19

even

kittywise · 13/06/2009 08:41

what's wrong with being a princess?

eltham · 16/06/2009 18:19

my very active non-pinky 8yr old dd insists on me calling her 'an adventure girl' and not a tomboy.

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