Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

News

Responsibility to let girls be tom boys...

244 replies

Judy1234 · 29/05/2009 10:27

Do you dress your girls in pink? Expect them to be housewives? Given then a role model at home of mother home 24/7 doing dull domestic stuff, father hardly there? or do you encourage them in their adventurousness, let them ride, ski, fight, climb trees? Would you steer them away from a stereotyped party dress and read them stories where girls can be brave rather than simper?

........
From The Times
May 29, 2009
The pernicious pinkification of little girls
Find the link between (a) princess costumes (b) short hair and (c) the number of women graduates in maths and science
Antonia Senior

Where have all the pirate queens gone? Where are the cowgirls and the Supergirls? Today's fancy dress parties divide strictly on gender lines. The boys' side holds a handful of Batmans, a sprinkling of Spider-Mans, some soldiers and the odd cowboy. And on the girls' side, ten identikit princesses, swathed in pink, encrusted with fake crystals.

Is this, then, the summit of their ambition, the ultimate fantasy wish of modern girlhood - to be a princess? A role that can be inherited along with genetic mutations from generations of inbreeding. You can work for the role, it is true. Be pretty enough, my darling girl child, and mute enough, and bland enough, and you too could marry a prince. Because every girl's dream should be to lead a life of buffed and pedicured leisure, courtesy of a balding, chinless aristocrat, Whisper it, but the frog, as long as he's funny and kind, would have been the better bet.

There is an alternative to being a princess, a second costume beloved of today's girls. They shun the Ice Queens and the Elven warriors, ignore Artemis, the huntress, and Athena, the wise. Instead they celebrate the Fairy; three inches of cute, winged blondeness, dressed, inevitably, in pink.

This creeping pinkification of girlhood is ubiquitous. Toys and clothes have split down gender lines. It is impossible to buy a gender- neutral bike any more. Bikes come in blue, or in pink; as do baby walkers, and mini-keyboards, and any other toy that might once have been - imagine it! - purple or green.
Background

  • Staff baffled by fuss over bed called Lolita

  • Hollywood goes girly

  • Katie Price: a feminist icon of our times?

  • Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen and his daughter Cecile

Girls' jeans come with butterflies and hearts stitched on every spare centimetre of fabric. T-shirts carry cute slogans - ?Cherry cute! Hello Kitty?. Swimming costumes are girdled with frills. Next time you are in the park, try to spot a prepubescent girl with short hair, or one wearing trousers. Long hair, dresses and pink; it's Amish meets Disney out there.

The triumph of this pink and cutesy ideal of girlhood is grim for more than aesthetic reasons. A report published this week by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) highlighted the differences between 15-year-old girls and boys' attitudes to learning. Even though girls graduate from senior school in greater numbers than boys across the OECD countries, girls lag behind in key areas. Boys outperform girls in maths in all but eight countries. In most OECD countries, girls and boys perform equally well in science. But in six countries, boys achieve significantly better results. Top of this list is the United Kingdom.

There is a correlation between attitudes to academic subjects and performance. In the UK, girls don't do numbers. And girls definitely don't do science. Angel Gurría, the OECD's secretary-general, argues that we are complacent about gender stereotyping and that the idea that boys don't do reading and girls don't do maths persists.

These girls will one day grow up. Even though the number of women at university is increasing rapidly, they are not narrowing the gap in science, maths and computer science. As graduates then, they leave the lucrative jobs in the City, in laboratories and in computers to the boys. Armed with liberal arts degrees - a useful accoutrement in the marriage market, like a little French and dancing once were - they may marry their prince after a few years pretending to have a career at an auction house. But happy ever after is a lie. Divorce statistics suggest he is likely to leave for a pinker, younger version.

The modern, Western world has emancipated women and made breadwinners out of them. Yet we are imprisoning our little girls in pink straitjackets, and then acting surprised later when their academic ambitions fail to outshine their accessories. Our girls' view of the world is pink-tinted partly because of the supply of cheap goods. When hand-me-downs ruled, parents would be more cautious. Now that clothes and toys are imported and cheap, it matters less if you buy all pink for your first-born, and replace it all with blue when a boy arrives. A T-shirt is expendable when it cost £5 in the shop, and pennies to make in a sweatshop employing the quick, cheap fingers of foreign children.

But the pinking process would not be happening without demand from the girls themselves and their parents. Put a gaggle of girls in a nursery and they will copy each other. Throw into the mix the culturally overbearing world of Disney, add a sprinkle of fashion fairy dust, and a roomful of princesses is born. For a vision of what this looks like, visit disney.go.com/princess/#/home. All the Disney princesses are there in a terrifying tableau of simpering, gurning girlishness. Why are all these princesses, the apotheoses of modern girlhood, clasping their hands together in front of them, in an expression of coy submissiveness?

If peer pressure is one driver of demand, the other must come from the parents. Perhaps this is a backlash against the Seventies, when boys called Orlando were forced to play with dolls, and girls wore trousers. Feminist theory has developed since then, recognising that there are differences between the sexes. But this seems to have mutated into an insistence that we emphasise the differences. If a girl old enough to choose begs to dress as a princess, it would be dogmatic to refuse. But why encourage this inanity in babies and toddlers too young to care?

The mothers of these girls, the careless inheritors of the equality hard won by their own mothers and grandmothers, are complicit in this pinking up of girlhood. Why? These women have themselves bestridden the world of work like colossi. Yet they are raising a generation of girls who, when confronted by a periodic table or a quadratic equation, are fit only to curl hair coyly round fingers, and say, in an affected lisp: ?Why are we bothering our pretty little heads about any of this??

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 29/05/2009 11:28

Xenia what a good thread, thanks for posting the article.

I do get baffled by the constant need of manufacturers to make anything aimed at girls girly in some way, or instantly identifiable as something for a girl.

I like pink, I have nothing against it as a colour, but why is it the main colour for anything girly, and equally, why do boy's things have to be so blue and matcho?

Why do all companies think they have to make two versions of verything, blue/green ones for the boys and pink/purple ones for the girls?

Why?

ahundredtimes · 29/05/2009 11:30

To make more money!

LeninGrad · 29/05/2009 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muffle · 29/05/2009 11:34

That's a good point cory about girls refusing to get dirty. But then my DS gets his beige trousers, orange or lime green or bright blue t-shirts, hawaiian shorts, etc etc filthy (he has clothes in all colours really) - and they all wash clean with no problem - so again I don't think it's the pink clothes that are the problem, it's the attitude that how you look is the main thing, and that getting dirty is a boy thing.

titchy · 29/05/2009 11:35

Is the last paragraph, blaming it on mothers, not fathers, meant to be ironic.....?

muffle · 29/05/2009 11:37

Those high-heeled plasticky mules for little girls do make me shudder. I know several girls who have them and when I see them I do think "that's one thing I would refuse to buy".

cory · 29/05/2009 11:40

muffle, my experience (one child of either sex) is that boys' T-shirts in orange/lime/beige etc wash up a lot better than the girlie stuff, and don't get torn as easily as the white frills that so many girls indulge in these days

out of ds's clothes, I have been able to hand down most of what he's grown out of as it still looks fairly ok, but once dd's more girly stuff has been stained it has often stayed stained

white and soft pink are hellish colours to get clean ime and the materials often far less washable

and the shoes....

muffle · 29/05/2009 11:41

I talk to DS (nearly 4) about advertising and what it is for and why they are showing these things, to make us want to buy them, but usually we don't need them and it is just because the companies want us to give them our money. He understands this and now yells "we don't need a LAND ROVER do we mum! Look mum SILLY SQUIRTY SOAP - we don't need that!" (But I also say advertising is useful eg it told us that monsters vs aliens was going to be on and so we went to see it.)

I think parents of girls should definitely have that discussion too, about what advertising is really for and to think before allowing yourself to be played by it.

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2009 11:44

I am not sure that I agree with this at all, actually.
I am not a fan of the garish pink princess nonsense but I don't think that it is the sum of parts of the girls who partake.
I know lots of little girls aged 5-6 ( having one myself) and I honestly don't know one that only wears dresses or who won't run around and climb trees.
They are all smart and confident as far as I can tell.
My own daughter went through a fairy/princess phase when she was younger but it was more about fantasy and imagination. She has also been a cowgirl, a cat and when I read her the options in the article she said that she would rather be Athena than any of the others.
Of course some people overdo the pink thing but I don't think that on the whole it robs them of their ambition.

muffle · 29/05/2009 11:44

So cory do you think manufacturers actually think "this doesn't need to wash well, it's for a girl she won't get dirty". Maybe they do - if so I find that chilling!

ahundredtimes · 29/05/2009 11:46

MrsR - I do! I know them. But at the same time I think they're possibly just not interested in climbing trees or playing 'rough'? Perhaps?

Weegiemum · 29/05/2009 11:48

Thanks for posting this Xenia.

I have terrible trouble getting clothes for my 9yo dd1 who doesn't like pink. We regularly buy boys jeans, trainers etc for her, as they don't have glitter/hearts/flowers etc.

I try my best to be gender neutral in activities etc ... which I think is where dd1's more tomboyish attitude comes from - she plays rugby, for example. And ds is my best "kitchen helper" - he loves cooking, peeling carrots etc - as well as running around playing superheroes with his friends, riding his bike, playing lego and computer games.

Dd2, otoh, is a girlie - not sure where that came from as I am definitely not! She likes dresses, frilly socks, dancing etc - but doesn't let wearing dresses stop her playing out - she has a few "play dresses" which we don't mind getting muddy/torn/grass stained etc.

My worst fear is the same as another poster - the "princess" syndrome, that all you have to do is look good and simper and a man will come along. I hope I am a good role model in this case as I am NOT a princess, yet dh clearly adores me and the children yell "weirdos" at us if they catch us having a quick snog in the kitchen! We do our best to model a healthy and equal relationship. Dh works outside the home, 4 days a week and I am a student again. We're lucky that dh is a GP and therefore can earn enough to spend more time at home with his kids (and me) and he and I share the household chores - the laundry would never be done without him! I wish more men had the option of doing what he does.

One of our fave books with dd2 at the minute is "Princess Smartypants". There's a role model princess for you!

cory · 29/05/2009 11:50

they think 'girls want the princess look' , muffle

and the princess look is not particularly compatible with the need to climb trees and paddle in puddles

mrsruffalo, I have known several full time princesses

including one, very gifted, girl who was early with everything- early reader, very bright talker etc, but who by the time she got to Yr 6, seemed to have given up all ambition except to dress like an adult and attract a boyfriend; her entire conversation according to dd is about clothes and makeup

cory · 29/05/2009 11:52

I got funny looks from the said girl's mum when I turned up with a car mat for the girl's 4th birthday- you know one of those carpet-type things with roads marked out on it, and a couple of cars to go with it

apparently, it was a boys' toy

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2009 11:58

But their are more women med students than men at the moment.
There are more females going to uni than ever before.
It is the norm

cory · 29/05/2009 12:04

going to uni is no guarantee that you are going to have a successful career

I see enough clueless young girls who drift into uni because it's the path of least resistance

humanities are choc a block with female students

some of them are driven, success-orientated young (or not so young) women with a goal in mind

but a lot of them are there because for a middle class young girl choosing to study English at uni is the option that requires the least amount of ambition or original thinking

cory · 29/05/2009 12:06

I suspect a lot of them are waiting for Mr Right. It's hard to look at them and feel that they are waiting for a time when they forge their way in the world by their own efforts.

titchy · 29/05/2009 12:06

A - There are a similar amount of boys as girls drifting about aimlessly at my university.

B - Why is the measure of a successful person always with respect to how well they do in their career?

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2009 12:09

How patronising
What's wrong with the humanities or studying English?
Getting to uni is not the path of least resistance for everyone actually, it is a big achievement for many working class kids

What is wrong with not having a glittering career anyway? People make choices in life.As long as they are happy and secure and it is their choice then why do we all have to be driven and ambitious and earning lots of money to be successful?

Gorionine · 29/05/2009 12:09

I think it is not only the mother influence TBH. I am a SAHM but am probably the least girly and pink person I know. DD1 had a stage between the age of 3 and 5 where it was all tutus and tiaras.

She is now 10 and likes to wear pretty things every now and then but is mostly playing outside with her friends or pretendig to be a baddy in Dr Who with her brothers. DD4 is 2 1/2 and, a part from looking like a doll she has shone absolutely no girly trait yet but who knows what she will like in a couple of years?

If there is someone to blame for "girly girl" syndromes, I am not sure sahm are actually the ones to blame. I really fail to see how devoting all your time to your family for a periode of time shows a bad example to the daughters.

On a different note, Whenever we go shopping for clothes with Dds, we alway have to go for jeans and plain t-shirts as there is indeed very little else on offer that I would agree for her to wear. It always look to grown up in style, shows the belly button or has a stupid slogan on. TBH media and fashion are to blame more for it IMHO.

cory · 29/05/2009 12:12

Of course it isn't titchy; but it was mrsruffalo not me who brought the universities up, presumably to show that girls are now at least equally ambitious, if not more

I don't think under current circumstances that attending university says anything much about your level of ambition- unless you come from a sector of society where university attendance is still rare

I still think it's a shame when I see girls like dd's friend, who have so much ability, waste what they've been given on an obssessive interest in their personal appearance and on whether or not they are going to be acceptable to the opposite sex. Not saying uni is always the answer.

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2009 12:14

She's only 10 isn't she cory?
I imagine in 4 years she will turn goth and tear the heads off her Barbies

Overmydeadbody · 29/05/2009 12:16

I agree gEorgie, this cannot be blamed on mothers or SAHM or any other single group or cause. It is caused by society, by our society and its expectations, and by the fact that it is a consumer driven society looking to maximise profit.

And little girls, whatever their upbringing, tend to veer towards pink flowery glittery pretty things.

It's just a shame that nowadays they aren't even given the choice, they don't even have the option a lot of the time not to do the whole pink princess thing, without people thinking "she looks like a boy/why has she got boy's trainers on?why is she playing with boy's toys?"

I think on the whole girls still have loads of opportunities to by tom boys, to participate in rough and tumble, outdoor activites, they just have the privilage of doing it in 'pink' outdoor wear!

muffle · 29/05/2009 12:17

Totally agree that femisism is not about banning anything "traditionaly girly"

There is nothing wrong with liking pink and flowers, doing traditional female crafts, studying english at university - I did/do all these, and I'm a very staunch feminist. The point is about restriction - girls being restricted in their thinking and ambition and being socially encouraged to have appearance and man-pleasing at the forefront of their minds. I do agree that this is a problem and one that's had a resurgence.

Overmydeadbody · 29/05/2009 12:18

cory a lot of boys obsess about their appearance now though too, and whether or not they will be accepted by the opposite sex. Anxiety over appearance is no longer confined to girls (or maybe it never was?)