Here's a story to get you all debating - was the mother in this story right or worng in her actions?

[saltire]

here.

She has come in for a lot of criticism. I personally think she was wrong. but I am not the mother of a 14 year old daughter.

And the mum did write to the local rag defending her position - the dad didn't!!

Did everybody here turn from child into sentient adult on the stroke of midnight before their 16th birthday?

I guess I am an 'abused child' then, as I had sex loads of times when I was 15.

Please, can we not go down this road of calling it child abuse and paedophilia - a paedophile is a person who fantasises about sex with children ie kids who have not hit puberty.

After that, it may be disgusting to some but it is not paedophilia.

I knew what I wanted to do and with whom when I was 15 - so did all my friends. We weren't abused children, we were sexually active teenagers a few hundred days before the law randomly said it was ok.

Grief! What a silly moo. I would have threatened to chop his bits off if he touched my child. He knew she was only 14yrs old, why did he carry on doing it anyway?

I like jesuswhatnext's policy!

Morris - I am guessing that you didn't have sex with grown men when you were 15 - I think there is alot of understanding about teenagers gettign together with kids of their own age (or there abouts) but 8 years difference is huge when you are 14

can I just say...

WHAT THE FUCK IS A 22 YEAR OLD MAN DOING WITH A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL???

oh yes. sex.

it ain't because they have a lot in common.

the man is a freak and deserves to be put away never mind put on the sex offenders register.

these people are bad parents.

Couple of points to make..

Those of you who say that your 14 year old daughters wont be mixing with men of that age.. does that mean that they wonbt be permitted to have a p/t job? I worked as a waitress at 15, lots of older blokes there.

What happens if a girl of 14/15 goes out clubbing - to an over 18 night - and meets a bloke - they start a relationship, she either lies about her age or it isnt discussed - who is at fault then? If a girl tells a bloke she is 16 then does it become her fault and not his? I went out with a bloke when I was 15, he was in his late 20's (I think ), I told him I was 16 - I used to stay at his, he used to drop me at school the next day - his fault or mine?

At what point does an age gap become inappropriate? 15 & 17? 15 & 19? 14 & 16? 19 & 39?

I started a relationship with a 39 year old whe=n I was 19.. 7 years later we are still together..

I dont think any of us would want to think of our kids sleeping with anyone ever, especially not someone who was 8 years their senior, and yes it is against the law, and rightly so. However if we think back to our own teenage years it is not as easy to inforce as some on here would have you believe. Whilst you could lock a 14 year old in her room, I hate to think what would have happened to mine and my mums relationship now if she had.

I certainly dont think that this man should be put on the sex offenders register. Those of you with sons - imagine if he was having sex with a girl a year younger, she
was 15, him 16 - the mother objected, the police got involved, he was placed on the rgister, no hope of ever getting a decent job? Very sad

I can only comment from my point of view.

Our youngest DD was 15 when she became involved with a man of 34. We were horrified beyond belief and when we tried to end the relationship she ran away.

I will, to my dying day, never forget the terror those few days brought us.

We got the police involved, they told us that unless my DD made a rape complaint there was nothing they could do re the man but they did look for and eventually found her and brought her, unwillingly, home.

I made a deal with her that while we would never condone the relationship we wouldn't stop her from seeing him as long as she came home every night and continued in school.

The alternative was her running away over and over again.

When she finished school at 16/17 she moved in with him and stayed with him for almost 10 years before they split.

I made the best of an awful situation and I chose to try and keep a relationship going with my child which, in our case worked for us as we are now very close.

To all who say "oh no that wouldn't happen to my child" I'd say you never know, parenthood doesn't come with absolutes or guarantees.

My DD has on many occasions apologised for her behaviour all those years ago but has said that the harder we pushed the more determined it made her to be with him.

The mother allowed the relationship - actually facilitating it in the mistaken belief that it was the better choice!!!

I can't say what my daughter will be doing when she is 14, but it won't be having sex with a 22 yo under my roof !!!!

Great posts from flower and geordie.

I hate to say this, but the frothing 'Not under my roof!' type parents at school always ended up with the most off the rails kids.

And yes, if he is a pervert then what does that make eveybody's son when he has sex with somebody a bit younger, who may look and act older?

My mum always took the view that whatever my sister and I got up to, she would feel better about it if we were at least safely at home. My mum was also a feminist, and had to grit her teeth and allow us the same freedoms my brother was allowed. We would have called her on her hypocrisy if she hadn't.

Good luck to those who think they would lock up their DD who desperately wants to get out and see her BF.

My friend used to climb out of her window to see her bf.

my parents were 'not under my roof' types.

there are 4 kids in my family. NONE of us got into any trouble. none of us were 'off the rails' so that's bollocks.

My experiences at school were not bollocks. They happened.

I didn't offer any judgement of your parents.

Geordieminx, obviously an 8 yr age gap between a 14 yr old and a 22 yr old is much more significant than between a 24 yr old and a 32 yr old.

That's why it's important that the age of consent isn't lowered in my opinion. If some 15 yr olds choose to have sex with their 16 yr old boyfriend, then I won't phone the police, but the age of consent should stay 16 to give the police the power to convict when an older man is so obviously taking advantage.

MorrisZapp how old is your dd/ds?

Good posts geordie and flower. It's funny how you think certain things when you have small children isn't it?

And yes i agree the "not under my roof" thing is strange. Nobody knows how they will deal with/cope with a headstrong teen or heaven forbid a teen in love when it happens!!!

I have a 14yo DD, and I would be utterly horrified if she was this girl, and I would be doing all in my power to prevent anything from happening, not allowing it to go on just on the proviso that 'well, I do at least know where she is'.

To me, that is warped logic.......yes, you know where she is, but you know she is doing the very thing that you should be protecting her from.....having sex with a man in such a way that it could be called sexual abuse, and indeed was classified as such in a court of law!

If my DD came home with a lad her own age (roughly), and was honest with me about her wanting to have sex, I would point out all I could to help her decide that in fact she is too young, but I don;t think I could prevent her.....where there is a will there is a way an all that. But with a man, who seriously should know better.......nope, I would be mother-lion protecting her cub I'm afraid.

aGalChangedHerName I would't assume not under my roof.
ds is 16 and I accept it will happen. but I wouldn't want him to break the law either.

I don't have kids.

I have a much loved neice though who is 9.

I don't want to think of her having sex with anybody - but I know that she probably will. And that it's unlikely that she will choose somebody that I would consider ideal for the job.

She will probably choose somebody who I think is a monosyllabic numpty, as I did and most of my friends did.

I just have to remind myself what adolescence is like, and how impossible it is to stop a teenager from fancying or loving somebody by force of will or by threats.

She will grow out of fancying idiots and bad boys, as we all did.

Maybe she'll be lucky like my friend's neice who has a super boyfriend, who accompanies the whole family on holiday! They're both over 16 but they have been inseparable since they met at 15.

I hate to say this, but the frothing 'Not under my roof!' type parents at school always ended up with the most off the rails kids.

and then you say you haven't got kids

I don't get your point.

Could you expand on that at all?

morris, I am very sorry, and I know this will sound condescending, but when you do not have kids I really don;t think you can possibly know the feelings we carry as parents for protecting our children.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_consent_reform#Close-in-age_exemptions

If I've read ths correctly, they won't prosecute a 16 year old for sleeping with his 15 year old girlfriend (or vice versa). So don't go threatening to call the police on your dd's boyfriends unless they are in fact manfriends.

22 and 14 is weird, but not paedophilia. A lot of 14 year old look like women, not like children. We warned my friend's 16 yr old little sister off a 24 year old simply by asking her why she thought he couldn't get a girlfriend his own age. (he is clearly a loser)

Believe me i didn't want to break the law but her parents and my DH and i made the decision that there should be proper contraception in place and we would want them to both be safe in the relationship.

If any of my dc wanted to have someone that much older to stay then it would be very much a case of "Not under my roof"