Here's a story to get you all debating - was the mother in this story right or worng in her actions?

[saltire]

here.

She has come in for a lot of criticism. I personally think she was wrong. but I am not the mother of a 14 year old daughter.

I can sort of understand her logic, I wouldnt' want to judge.
That said, I suppose I'd be inclined to threaten to tell the police about the 22yo boyfriend if she didn't stop the relationship, I'm not sure why that wasn't an option.

"As many mothers know, you can't lock a 14-year-old in their room until they are 16"

Can't you?

How exactly does a 14 yo get entangled with a 22 yo man? Surely, this wouldn't have been an issue if the girl was supervised from the beginning??

And what was a 22 yo doing with a 14 yo schoolgirl ???

I would never condone a 14 year old child having a sexual relationship with a 22 year old adult.

The mother in this case may have been well intentioned, but her actions make her look rather feeble as a parent.

imo the mum was wrong.
ds is 16 and when he had a 14 year old gf, I really read him the riot act. told him it was ilegal to have sex with her.
this was a grown man and a child wrong.
it was the mums job to rotect her child

(I wso hope custy posts)

I would have sent the bastard packing

Or hired a hit man or something.

Seriously tho, my ds1 and his gf were sleeping together at 16 and 15 respectivly. I only kenw because they asked me for help in finding the family planning clinic as they had run out of condoms.

I pointed them in the right dirction and his gf went with her mum to have the implant done. So yes i allowed my ds1 and his gf to have a sexual realtionship. I felt it was better to have teens in a protected sexual relationship than ds1 and a pg gf.

I was flamed in RL and IIRC here also at the time.

I certainly wouldn't want that for my dd, but, knowing how willful she is at just 6, I don't presume with 100% that I would have enough influence to prevent her sleeping with somebody if she really wanted to.

It would have been better if this girl hadn't wanted to sleep with a 22 yr old, filthy fekker, but I sort of see where Mother coming from. At least she wasn't on an old sofa in a squat with syringes lying around, and all the bloke's friends near her, influencing her.

YUCK. I'd call the police and report the man though and I wouldn't admit it was me!

The girl might have been very mature for her age and the boy very young for his in which case it may not have seemed like a man with a child.

Still the reason we have parents at all is to overide choices made by children who are not mature enough to see the consequences. That's the job description and this mother should have done so.

She had the option of threatening to call the police so she had control. If they claimed they were in love she could have said to the boy(man) "prove it by not taking advantage of her"

It depends on the child imo. If she is a wild headstrong type who will do whatever she wants anyway and would jeopardize her health and safety to see the 'man' in question, well then the mum did the right thing imo. But I probably wouldn't do it, I am planning on dd having a much healthier respect fear of for me when she is still only 14.
They obviously didn't think that the bloke was a peadophile either so I suppose they were just doing their best

A mum when I was at school was sent to prison for 6 weeks for this kind of thing. She was in my class and she was 15 and he was 17.

I overheard my mum gossiping about it saying "well, that was always going to happen because she was more interested in being her best friend than her mother."

I am now inclined to agree with my dear old mum. If i had tried that on I would have been walked to and from school until I stopped being an arse.

well, I was 14, the man was 21, the relationship lasted a year - my parents initially tired to stop it but it drove me to him more - they backed off and let me draw my own conclusions it made it seem in a different light.

BUT that first experience has wrecked my whole life in more ways than one. He was the /adult I was the child.

teh man in this case as well has abused this child.

BUT also, he stayed in my house twice during that time I NEVER stayed at his house, and when he was at mine he was downstairs and I was upstairs.

nag - in my case my parents knew where I was they don't have lax parenting - he was the man who worked in the local petrol station (classey eh!) it was the lure of an older man with a car!

the woman in question I can see why she did it - but on the other hand if it was my 14 y*ear old daughter - I would advise her, but sure as hell she wouldn't be having sex under my roof under 16 with my knowledge - then again my DS is only 2 and I have a lot to learn I think! lol.

FWIW DS won't be allowed any girls to stay in his room either until it's a serious committed relationship. (or he's over the age of 25 - he's my baby god damn it!

If this was my dd:

She would not have the opportunity to mix with people of this age in the first place.

She would be in during the evening doing her homework and only be allowed out by arrangement and be picked up/dropped off. Never been allowed to just hang around with friends.

Even if she dared came back to the house with bf of 22 I would be challenging the guy what the hell he was doing with a 14 year old girl and to fuck off and find someone of his own age. And if I saw him with my dd again I would report him to the police and probably want to knock his head off.

I can kind of understand where the mother is coming from - sadly she appears to have lost control of her dd and was trying to make the best of a no win situation - just sad that their relationship got to that point in the first place.

While I think it was the wrong decision to make I am annoyed that the father just gets a fleeting mention when it was clearly a joint decision .

Why are the papers just picking up on the mums role in this ?

Hmm not sure with this one, i don't and i doubt i will ever have a 14yr old daughter.
All i can say that my mum tried to stop a relationship with someone older and i just did it anyway.

I feel sorry for the mum she was put in a difficult position. I honestly don't know what i would do. I would question why a 22yr old man would find a 14yr old girl sexualy atractive though.

oh there is a dad!
so why didn't he do something.

in my opinion the law is there for a reason
but i dont have a teenage son or daughter so i cant really comment

He did 2shoes he came to the decision with the mum to allow it to happen

we have had to deal with a very simimlar situation with our dd when she was 14, (he was 21 and in my view old enough to know better) i'm afraid he was taken to a quiet spot and told his fortune, ie, 'a world of pain awaits you if you don't back the fuck off'

havn't seen him about for a couple of years now, suits us just fine dd has very nice bf, her own age, all is well - so, in consideration, i think mother was wrong, as a previous poster said, she is her mother, not her best friend!

if my dd had a steady bf and he had sex with her before she was 16 i would consider phoning the police
evne if i liked him im afraid to say

btw - my dad would have ripped his head off and shat in his neck.

not always down to mum to say how something will be.

it is different when the are 15 and the gf/bf is 16 imo
but this is a man

So IMO I think there is a difference between understanding they are having a sexual relationship and encouraging it.

Aparently he stayed over 3-4 nights a week.

I don't care how old the boyfriend is - NO this isn't acceptable.

Jesuswahtnext, I think that is the best possible approach.

My sister's best friend started dating a 35yr old man when she was 16. Her parents decided to "back off" and she ended up marrying him when she was 18 and divorcing when she was 24. He was old enough to know better.