Russia conflict is terrifying me

[Miracle29]

I've seen another of threads on here and to be honest to scared to look through them. I've got my 2 children off for half term and encouraged them to watch films and play as there is so much on russia. My teenage ds has come to me today dating its all over the news on his phone etc and he's scared and to be honest I am. I won't show that infront of my children but I am. I had a massive fear of war when I was little, no idea where it came from but I was always asking questions about war and if we will die etc. My anxiety on this since boris speech has heightened and I'm so scared now. What do we do if there is war? Will there be a war? I'm just so scared. I know there's alot of people who are scared but please put my mind at ease.

You need to be arming yourself with facts, actual facts not stuff from social media, and have open conversations with your children. Keeping them away from it isn't helping anyone and your anxiety is passing on to your children. My DS14 is keeping up with what is happening, but we are having discussions about it together. He isn't anxious or worried about it and rightly so. There is no point in anyone here worrying, it solves nothing.

That means he could move on from Ukraine to invade countries that are now part of NATO. If that happens, either we renege on the NATO treaty or we, along with all other NATO members, have to step in to defend the countries in question.

You couldn't do a more selfdestructed thing than reneging NATO. The whole point of NATO is having each others back. If the UK would renege then you're basically saying fuck you to any ally you have or could have. That would mean that no country would help the UK's defense if you are attacked. And the whole world knows it so you'd make yourself a nice sitting duck waiting to be attacked.

Someone on another thread was talking about our young men being called up “to fight in the trenches like in WWII” …. I do know there was some trench use in the Second World War but it was clear this poster had Blackadder Goes Forth in mind.

[quote RedPandaABC]**@RedToothBrush, What are the chances that Putin will lose the plot and use chemical/biological or nuclear warfare in Ukraine? @Itsnotover, Are you really telling grown ups to not talk about something they chose to talk about? If you don't want to see the threads, could you hide them or stay off MN for a bit? Not to be sarcastic but Netmums might be less buys with this type of talk.[/quote]
Always possible.

HOWEVER if he does go into full on dictator meltdown and does this, its not going to go unnoticed.

The more you do that, the more he potentially loses what SunTzu refers to as the Moral Cause.

Thats not going to play out particularly well back home or internationally.

The risk is if he takes that route it backfires anyway.

I don't think it can be ruled out. It certainly isnt the walk in the park he was hoping for.

He risks major questions over his competence as a military leader are an inevitability by the west, his own and the rest of the world. The mask is slipping and the facade breaking.

Not easy to fix, for a gamble he really had absolutely no reason to take.

Thankyou everyone for the very informative posts it's actually helped massively. Though I'm obviously anxious like many other's my main concern was my children asking questions. I didn't really want to get it wrong in what I'm telling them and what to make sure I have facts before saying anything. My little dd is top young for me to explain anything, she has seen bits on the news but doesn't understand it. I just didn't want this affecting my ds and he become obsessed with checking the news etc.
Putin is a evil nut job that wants putting down and fast. I did see a few threads on here but didn't see any about how to explain to children. If there is and I've missed it I'm sorry, didn't mean to add another war thread. I just needed some advice to stop my fear from resurfacing, find some facts from people who have seen the true news feeds and so I can help my ds who is obviously now feeling just how I did when I was younger.

@MajorCarolDanvers

I've lived through the Yalu end of the Cold War, the Falklands War and 2 Iraq wars, the IRA bombings, Lockerbie.

20 years ago it was 9/11 and Al Quade.

Tragically the reality of the world are these conflicts As parents our roles are to educate our kids and support them through these times.

The internet and silly threads about panic buying and making your own bomb shelter are not helping anyone.

Exactly the conversation that me and my husband had this morning. I remember being terrified after 9/11. Trying to stay off the internet is a good idea, and only watching the news headlines. It’s a worrying time, but we all need to carry on as normal and keep things on an even keel xx

A feature of modern warfare since Vietnam has been the propaganda war.

We know that Putin has shut down Facebook (or at least tried to) because he doesn't want people back home to see whats happening on there or be targeted by the propaganda through it.

The closure isn't going to go unnoticed. And it comes from a place of weakness not strength if you have to do that.

As I said before, domestic opinion matters in war. It can make a huge amount of difference to success / failure.

In someways NATO not riding in with troops to save Ukraine perhaps is a stragetic advantage because it gives Putin some rope with which to gets choose what he wants to do with.

International support for Ukraine is going to be needed to offset concerns about fuel and the impact of refugees.

Its early days but I think it takes some edge off jangling nerves about a wider thread and has some reassurance in it (which is what i thought people on this thread are ultimately looking for).

I think we can see that the idea of Putin sweeping across Europe is something thats not really matching reality.

*wider threat

@Miracle29 sorry - I didn’t mean to come across insensitive. I am not annoyed at those who are worried but more the same names who crop up on MN fanning the flames of every single crisis. And let’s face it, we’ve had more than our fair share lately!

Of course it is normal to worry. I was really scared about 9/11 - I was very young and heavily pregnant with my first baby. There was all this rhetoric about how trains and shopping centres weren’t safe and you could get blown up on one. I was particularly scared about the Iraq war and the very hawkish US as it was then. I found that particularly scary because the UN would not back it and America said they would go in completely alone, even if we didn’t back it. (Anyone else remember George W Bush announcing ‘hammer time’?)

It’s horrible when stuff like this happens and we’re fed up with lockdowns and Covid. Try to focus on your immediate life and leave worrying to the foreign affairs experts

Why DO people say things like, oh, phew, I'm glad it's not just me then that's a bit worried about all this. For the love of all that is holy, WHY would ANYONE think that NO ONE else is concerned???? It absolutely enrages me. There are a lot of people all over the world today with at least a passing eye on what's unfolding. Not just you. NOT JUST YOU. Jesus.

@Imabouttoexplode

Why DO people say things like, oh, phew, I'm glad it's not just me then that's a bit worried about all this. For the love of all that is holy, WHY would ANYONE think that NO ONE else is concerned???? It absolutely enrages me. There are a lot of people all over the world today with at least a passing eye on what's unfolding. Not just you. NOT JUST YOU. Jesus.

The problem is racism I’m afraid. When black or brown people are being killed in wars people decide they can distance themselves from it. In Europe? White people? Too close to home.

The problem is racism I’m afraid. When black or brown people are being killed in wars people decide they can distance themselves from it

I really hope not. I attended the march against Iraq in London under Blair together with 1m others.

@itsnotover I completely agree. You didn't come across as insensitive. I also remember the 9-11 just awful. I also had some fear when the isis were threatening too especially when going to my local city centre and there were armed guards there, it was scary.
Those poor Ukraines are still on my mind but my ds hasn't asked any questions since so I'm hoping I've put his mind at ease.

@Itsnotover - you have contradicted yourself. You say, “Try to focus on your immediate life” and then castigate people for being concerned about a war “too close to home”.

Perhaps those xenophobic Vietnamese should have spared a thought at the time for those in the Troubles in Northern Ireland. How flippin’ racist of them….

Well ds back to me again just now to tell me breaking news russia on high alert for nuclears and now saying i think somethings going to happen this week mum. I had a quick look and saw bits myself ill be honest i dont really understand it fully. I actually dread him going back to school tomorrow because I know there's going to be alot of children afraid and others making them feel worse.

All our lives can turn in an instant. It's always been the case. Those awful before/after moments. Accidents, birth defects, suicide, and yes, wars. I have experience of two of those. Maybe it makes me calmer about the other two, because I loved my life before, and I savour the memory of those carefree days. So right now, I live in the moments of my life, not in the tragedies of other people's. I will give money to UNICEF. I will keep abreast of developments. But I will not catastrophise, because if the worst does happen, I've realised it does not help.

There won't be a warm. Switch off social media (obviously includes Mumsnet) for a few days to calm down.

*war

But it's not 'too close to home' because it's white people @Itsnotover it's because it's an attack on Western values, what it means to be free, democracy, liberty. East vs West. That is nothing to do with race surely? Not everybody thinks like we do. Putin definitely does not. What we need to do is make our armies strong again.

I think trying not to read the news is the best thing. I decided to have a read this morning after missing yesterday and automatically read bad things and set my nerves straight back off again. I know nothing can be done but it doesn't stop the worry and this morning I just feel sick with the stuff I've read.

@Miracle29 I felt that same as you last week after seeing the news. It's so worrying. There is a thread on here under "chat" which is a good and not scary and makes me understand it a bit better. Lots of reassuring posts on there too

@newardrobe thankyou for your reply I'll go have a look. I think that's my probably to honest..I just don't understand stuff like that. Had a fear when I was younger but can't pinpoint why or what started it off. I've been quite good explaining to ds now. Told him don't believe everything he sees on his phone, pitty I can't take my own advice.

Just read on my local newspaper that an emergancy text will be sent out to people to test, incase of emergencies. It will have a loud siren and read emergancy alert. Now that I will say has terrified me woth everything going on

Where do you live, is it in the uk?

@Miracle29 a lot of places are doing this the idea started in 2021 it’s not in relation specifically to what’s going on now