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Why the Madeleine critics make me mad

336 replies

mumofteens · 18/08/2007 16:30

It makes me mad to still be hearing pompous, judgemental, illogical people criticising the parents of Madeleine about their decision to eat nearby while the children were in the room, and even going so far as to say that social services should be involved.

Here's why. If you have ever been to a Mark Warner resort you will know that there is (or used to be) a baby sitting service available whereby a nanny walks around the floors of the hotel while you dine in the restaurant somewhere else in the hotel. We have used this ourselves. Now, if someone was determined to abduct a child, they could walk into the hotel and take a child from the unlocked room while the nanny is walking on other floors, or is inside a room comforting a crying child. Like most hotels, people come and go without reception turning a hair. Security is usually incredibly lax in hotels and no-one knows who is staying there, who has come in just for a meal or drink and who is a friend of guests. Equally, someone could let themselves in/out of a downstairs window or back entrance if they did not want to walk past reception.

Are the critics suggesting that all the parents who have used such services should have their children taken away by social services?

Ditto with the baby listening services that people use in hotels when reception listen in for crying babies. A person of criminal intent could let themselves into the room, (assuming it had been left unlocked due to a fear of fire) and abduct a child.

You could be asleep in you house and someone could break in and take a baby/child while you were asleep. You could be sitting in the garden while you child was asleep in the house and the same thing could happen. Equally, in my experience, schools and hospitals are often extraordinarily lax about security with people coming and going. One of my daughters had to spend quite a bit of time in hospital and the staff were incredibly laissez-faire about security with hoards of people traipsing in and out of the ward day and night. Someone could easily have taken my child while I nipped off to the loo.

You could watch your child 24 hours a day and something bad could happen - a wierdo could grab them and hurt them etc. Someone was attacked in the park by a wierdo recently - if that had been a child, would the parents have been deemed neligent for allowing their children to walk (with them) in the park?

The point is - if someone is determined to snatch a baby/child, or do something horrible they will find a way to do it.

In terms of risk assessment, the most dangerous place for your child to be is near the road. Yet we all happily put our children in cars every day. Every single week children are killed in cars on the roads, driven by law-abiding, caring parents.

There is also a danger associated with babysitters. We used one for a stage who came highly recommended (she was a nanny at the creche at the prestigious Harbour Club in Chelsea). In fact, she was a criminal with a huge history of stealing. Another friend used one who again came with glowing references but who was in fact a serious drug-addict. I would rather have my children on their own in the house than locked up in a house with a drug addict/criminal.

There is also a danger of putting a child in a creche. One of mine was once badly attacked by another child and could have lost her eye. This would not have happened if she had not been in the creche.

See what I mean? There are risks associated with every single thing we do/don't do. In the context of the big bad world, the possibility of accidents and the reality that not all people looking after children are necessarily very responsible (and that other children can cause accidents), having the children sleeping nearby on their own might have seemed like the lesser of a number of evils.

Having said all that, I do not want to scare people. I do not think that there are bogeymen around every corner. We give our children quite a bit of freedom and do not worry. The main thing I worry about is road accidents as statistically this is by far the most dangerous place to be.

OP posts:
totaleclipse · 22/08/2007 15:18

haychee

There are children as young as 2 or 3 playing out in the street I live on I dont know how the parents rest, If I let my 3 year old dts out the gate, I know theres a good chance I would'nt see them again.

NAB3 · 22/08/2007 15:20

I'd be tempted to ring Social Services and mention it to them. Though I'm not sure they would help.

totaleclipse · 22/08/2007 15:28

I would'nt have alot to go on, its a huge street (250 houses) I dont know where the kids live or thier names, and I dont think social sevices would be prepared to sit in a car and watch, even so young they seem street wise, its a way of live for them.........why oh why do these people have children?

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 15:30

I wonder the same thing...to lazy to use birth control?

It's a very world

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 15:32

That of course should have been.... too lazy to use birth control

totaleclipse · 22/08/2007 15:33

Yes, that or an instant house/flat and child benefit seems appealing

lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 16:28

OMG just leave it, please, get on with your own lives, none of you are perfect either you know.

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 17:12

Ah yes the old nobody's perfect excuse, covers everything just nicely.

lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 17:15

sso tell me judy, in what way ARE you perfect? It is very easy to judge other people, less so to turn that around on yourself dont you think?

totaleclipse · 22/08/2007 17:23

Erm, actualy lucy, judy has barely been involved in this thread, her last few posts were'nt in reference to the McCanns at all.

lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 17:26

i know she wasn't! but she chose to answer mine, so i simply fired the q back at her, im sure she is busy composing an answer to shoot me down in flames as we speak.

totaleclipse · 22/08/2007 17:28

Thats rather judgemental, dont you think?

More likely she thinks you aint worth the hassle and is reading another threafd.

Hurlyburly · 22/08/2007 17:33

What is it with today? Why is everyone spoiling for a fight?

Lucyellensmum - here - this link is for you. And Oliveoil too.

www.fitness-superstore.co.uk/punch_bags/10096_0c.html?gclid=CNr5qu7EiY4CFQnilAodk0gGNw

Sheesh

lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 17:53

Ok, total eclipse, wind your neck in!!!

I was having a playful jibe at judy, which, i think, in turn, she was having with me - so butt out.

As for judgemental, WTF did i say that was judgemental??????

Hurly, i wasnt spoiling, honest i wasn't, im a very very very nice person, in fact, im almost perfect ;)

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 18:07

Back now have just been tucking my LO's (all under 3 years) into bed and reading them a bedtime story [adjusts halo]

I specifically did not comment on the M thing, although I do feel that some posters had a point about some parents not caring about their LO's.

I too have wondered why some of them have kids when they don't want them.

An ex friend of mine has had 5 children, the first she had adopted, the next 3 she handed over to their dad when they were little and never looked back, (not even birthday cards) the last one she had more recently and she has now left him with his dad (lives 100 yards away and doesn't go to see him) The worst thing is he doesn't seem to mind as she has seen so little of him lately he doesn't even miss her

So yes I do wonder why some people have children it saddens me as the only ones who are perfect and innocent in it all are the LO's.

My point is that she freely admitted to "not being perfect" as though i"it's ok to do this because I'm not perfect"

Hope that explains my position and how I managed to let myself get drawn into an M thread in the first place.

Total eclipse was just defending our side conversation so there's no need to get narky with her.

lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 18:15

judy, i totally take your point regarding your ex friend, i dont think she would have been a current friend of mine either with behaviour like that. I hope youdidnt take my comment as aggresive.

Clearly total eclipse feels very protective of you so im sure she will accept my humblest apologies. I just think we shouldnt judge until we are furnished with facts. And yes, there are people who simply shouldnt have children because they are selfish and neglectful. The sad thing is, there are people too who maybe dont look after their children because they are not intellectually or socially equipped to do so and i feel that this group of people often get judged harshly.

I refuse to comment re madeleines parents. I just pray for a happy outcome.

lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 18:17

oh, but i do take issue with you getting your LOs off to bed so early. Lucky cow, mine has just woken up from a late nap as i had to work this am - so will be up til nine no doubt - grrrrrrrr but that issue is defo

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 18:20

Not wanting to escalate the situation between us but may I just say that my 3 LO's will now sleep till 7.30am tomorrow

lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 18:26

oh just shut up why don't you! mine will be up at 5.30!!! But what you going to do anyway, sit there and watch eastenders i suppose, then maybe a film, oh and eat a stress free dinner i guess. Maybe have a glass of wine.......how can you sleep at nights!!!

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 18:27

zzzzzzzzz....sorry did you say something just napping here?

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 18:33

Seriously dh is so laid back he's almost horizontal and all 3 of my boys seem to have inherited it, in fact my 5 month old only has 2 modes smily and asleep!

Just realised, not making this any better, the judge is leaving the courtroom before missiles start flying!

totaleclipse · 22/08/2007 18:38

Shall we all kiss and make up then

But can I just say my 3 darling children also sleep at least 12 hours straight through the night

off to put dts down now in fact

JudgeJudyAndExecutioner · 22/08/2007 18:49
Grin
lucyellensmum · 22/08/2007 19:08

you insensitive bitches, how can you be so callous

MummyPenguin · 22/08/2007 19:40

Are people still going over and over this thing? Obviously they are. I think it's high time that everyone on this forum stopped discussing MM and the why's and wherefore's and rights and wrongs of her parents actions. Why don't we all just keep our eye on news reports for developments instead.

My own position is that I find it unbelievable to think that two educated medical proffesionals would have done what the McCanns did that night. I know their jobs etc don't make them good parents, and I'm not saying they're not but somehow you'd expect medical people not to make a desicion that they did leaving the children like that. They will obviously have seen first hand the outcome of accidents etc. I was even more staggered to learn that the patio door was left unlocked when there was a main road and a pool outside.

But....

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Makes you think, doesn't it?

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