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Why the Madeleine critics make me mad

336 replies

mumofteens · 18/08/2007 16:30

It makes me mad to still be hearing pompous, judgemental, illogical people criticising the parents of Madeleine about their decision to eat nearby while the children were in the room, and even going so far as to say that social services should be involved.

Here's why. If you have ever been to a Mark Warner resort you will know that there is (or used to be) a baby sitting service available whereby a nanny walks around the floors of the hotel while you dine in the restaurant somewhere else in the hotel. We have used this ourselves. Now, if someone was determined to abduct a child, they could walk into the hotel and take a child from the unlocked room while the nanny is walking on other floors, or is inside a room comforting a crying child. Like most hotels, people come and go without reception turning a hair. Security is usually incredibly lax in hotels and no-one knows who is staying there, who has come in just for a meal or drink and who is a friend of guests. Equally, someone could let themselves in/out of a downstairs window or back entrance if they did not want to walk past reception.

Are the critics suggesting that all the parents who have used such services should have their children taken away by social services?

Ditto with the baby listening services that people use in hotels when reception listen in for crying babies. A person of criminal intent could let themselves into the room, (assuming it had been left unlocked due to a fear of fire) and abduct a child.

You could be asleep in you house and someone could break in and take a baby/child while you were asleep. You could be sitting in the garden while you child was asleep in the house and the same thing could happen. Equally, in my experience, schools and hospitals are often extraordinarily lax about security with people coming and going. One of my daughters had to spend quite a bit of time in hospital and the staff were incredibly laissez-faire about security with hoards of people traipsing in and out of the ward day and night. Someone could easily have taken my child while I nipped off to the loo.

You could watch your child 24 hours a day and something bad could happen - a wierdo could grab them and hurt them etc. Someone was attacked in the park by a wierdo recently - if that had been a child, would the parents have been deemed neligent for allowing their children to walk (with them) in the park?

The point is - if someone is determined to snatch a baby/child, or do something horrible they will find a way to do it.

In terms of risk assessment, the most dangerous place for your child to be is near the road. Yet we all happily put our children in cars every day. Every single week children are killed in cars on the roads, driven by law-abiding, caring parents.

There is also a danger associated with babysitters. We used one for a stage who came highly recommended (she was a nanny at the creche at the prestigious Harbour Club in Chelsea). In fact, she was a criminal with a huge history of stealing. Another friend used one who again came with glowing references but who was in fact a serious drug-addict. I would rather have my children on their own in the house than locked up in a house with a drug addict/criminal.

There is also a danger of putting a child in a creche. One of mine was once badly attacked by another child and could have lost her eye. This would not have happened if she had not been in the creche.

See what I mean? There are risks associated with every single thing we do/don't do. In the context of the big bad world, the possibility of accidents and the reality that not all people looking after children are necessarily very responsible (and that other children can cause accidents), having the children sleeping nearby on their own might have seemed like the lesser of a number of evils.

Having said all that, I do not want to scare people. I do not think that there are bogeymen around every corner. We give our children quite a bit of freedom and do not worry. The main thing I worry about is road accidents as statistically this is by far the most dangerous place to be.

OP posts:
snowwonder · 21/08/2007 14:41

i feel for them >
it is something that will live them for the rest of there lives.....

I think they made they wrong decision that night... and it is one that i would never even have thought about as i would have been with my kids the whole time not through fear of a kidnapper but children walking up, being sick etc.... but i accept that everyone is different...... and i feel very sorry for them in the critisism thay are getting....

The only thing i do think is I think they need to say that what they did that night was wrong as i am sure many people will think it is ok to do the same....

I really hope this has a good outcome for all of them

aloha · 21/08/2007 14:44

So you think people will rush to leave their kids because the McCanns say that they thought it was OK at the time and now bitterly regret it?
I tend to think the fact that their daughter disappeared will have a bit more effect on behaviour, actually.

Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 14:45

Yes I think it would be helpful if they did that too but they have apparently had to take legal advice on the home alone issue - and I wondered if they might perhaps have been advised not to make any public admission of that nature.

Just speculation of course, but it would be a possible explanation as to why they hadn't.

Countingthegreyhairs · 21/08/2007 14:53

Haven't read entire thread but agree with Elf when she says "It is possible to EXPRESS different views about a situation but still want the same resolution" and LittleBellatrix's eloquent post about the "atmosphere of total hostility to parents and parenting in this country".

Simply cannot comprehend criticism of the McCann's for courting publicity. It's not for themselves for heaven's sake - it's to find their missing child!! I'd crawl around the world naked - on my hands and knees - and invite every tabloid to follow if my £4 yr old dd went missing and I thought there was a one in ten million chance that it might help to find her.

divastrop · 21/08/2007 15:02

rhubarb-as i said in an earlier post,you had to show id to get into butlins but the under-paid security staff would let anyone in for a tenner.

not that the customers would have been aware of that fact.nor the fact that a large percentage of the staff were on drugs or had a warrant out for their arrestso i can understand the mccanns being lulled into a false sense of security to an extent,buti can honestly say it is not something i would have done.

as for them being prosecuted.i imagine if somebody left their kids in the uk in that situation the most they would get would be a visit from ss and some advice not to do it again.

FioFio · 21/08/2007 15:21

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Rhubarb · 21/08/2007 15:28

Well, if all parents got prosecuted for leaving their kids unattended in the 60's and 70's then the courts would have been full!

Same amount of risks then, but completely different attitudes.

We are much more edgy these days. Children don't even play on the streets anymore! Yet statistically children are more in danger in their own homes than anywhere else. So if you go off that basis, the McCanns were being very safe.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:29

really intereseting that in the time the McCann case has happend that there have been other casews of children dying asa result of parental negligence, that attract little or no comment here on MN

eg The Mum in N.England who was out in pub all day getting pissed whilst her young child was at home baby sitter, when it was time for mum to return to home (after all day drinking and she was now well and truly munted) she chose to ask a stranger actually a drunk stranger she had meet whilst drinking to go to her home and watch the child whilst mum could continue geting drunk. The mum gave the stanger £10 to buy themselves additional beer whilst watching her child...sadly the stranger beat the child inflicting traumatic injuries as a result child died

so in summary

  • pissed mum
  • allows a drunk stranger to babysit her child giving the babysitter(if that is what u can loosely call it) a £10 for more alcohol

i dont see threads and threads on MN discussing this wanton wilful neglect that resulted in child dying

NAB3 · 21/08/2007 15:29

OMG! Never even heard that story.

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:30

I agree with you re 60s and 70s but on the second point, actually I think the fact that most accidents happen at home makes leaving children in an apartment worse, not better, as that is a 'home' - ie with electricity, potential for falls, all the risks of home, bar cooking and open fires, I suppose.

SueW · 21/08/2007 15:31

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 15:32

I agree with Aloha. Again.

SueW · 21/08/2007 15:32

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Rhubarb · 21/08/2007 15:33

Statistically you could well be better off leaving your child alone than with a babysitter too.

My mother never put any thought into potential hazards around the home, we never had babysitters and I was often left at home alone with my younger brother to look after. We were much more streetwise then though.

I just don't think you can say that this is safe and that is not. If something like this happens, it's fair to say that it could have happened to any one of us, as those people were determined to get a child.

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:34

SueW, lots of people have come on to say that they must attack the McCanns/call for their prosecution/call them child abusers etc otherwise other more stupid, less moral folk than themselves will think it is a good idea to leave their children alone because the McCanns did it (with such great results )
They are doing it for our benefit don't you see?

Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 15:34

But Rhubarb, as a child of the 60s and 70s myself, I would not have been left home alone when I was three. Nor when I was two. Not even in those dim and distant days. My parents would have got sitters or stayed in.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:35

my point is numerous opinions and digs at the McCann family should-they-have-left-the-kids and in a clear cut case of wilfull neglect....um silence..tumbleweed....

why do people seem to want to offer opinions about this rather than any other sad sad case

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:36

We have no idea that someone was 'determined to get a child' though. And it would clearly be trickier to take a child from a locked apartment and/or one that is occupied by adults. It wasn't a great idea. They regret it and will regret it every day of their lives. Calling them child abusers though is just plain nasty.

NAB3 · 21/08/2007 15:36

You can't offer an opinion on a case you don't know about.

Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 15:37

I agree with Aloha. Again again.

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:37

I must ask my mum if I was left alone at two! Friends my age do remember being left alone in ways that today would be unacceptable, like the poster down the thread with the floating lilo!

FioFio · 21/08/2007 15:38

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NAB3 · 21/08/2007 15:38

I was left in the house below 2 but that is because my mother is an f-ing b with no idea how to look after herself never mind a child.

SueW · 21/08/2007 15:39

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:42

and a wee bitty schaedenfraude too for some people and the mccaans

themes that recurr are o they might be doctors but they left the kids...

o go on a fancy holiday dont bother with your children

i disagree with all such sentiments of course

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