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Why the Madeleine critics make me mad

336 replies

mumofteens · 18/08/2007 16:30

It makes me mad to still be hearing pompous, judgemental, illogical people criticising the parents of Madeleine about their decision to eat nearby while the children were in the room, and even going so far as to say that social services should be involved.

Here's why. If you have ever been to a Mark Warner resort you will know that there is (or used to be) a baby sitting service available whereby a nanny walks around the floors of the hotel while you dine in the restaurant somewhere else in the hotel. We have used this ourselves. Now, if someone was determined to abduct a child, they could walk into the hotel and take a child from the unlocked room while the nanny is walking on other floors, or is inside a room comforting a crying child. Like most hotels, people come and go without reception turning a hair. Security is usually incredibly lax in hotels and no-one knows who is staying there, who has come in just for a meal or drink and who is a friend of guests. Equally, someone could let themselves in/out of a downstairs window or back entrance if they did not want to walk past reception.

Are the critics suggesting that all the parents who have used such services should have their children taken away by social services?

Ditto with the baby listening services that people use in hotels when reception listen in for crying babies. A person of criminal intent could let themselves into the room, (assuming it had been left unlocked due to a fear of fire) and abduct a child.

You could be asleep in you house and someone could break in and take a baby/child while you were asleep. You could be sitting in the garden while you child was asleep in the house and the same thing could happen. Equally, in my experience, schools and hospitals are often extraordinarily lax about security with people coming and going. One of my daughters had to spend quite a bit of time in hospital and the staff were incredibly laissez-faire about security with hoards of people traipsing in and out of the ward day and night. Someone could easily have taken my child while I nipped off to the loo.

You could watch your child 24 hours a day and something bad could happen - a wierdo could grab them and hurt them etc. Someone was attacked in the park by a wierdo recently - if that had been a child, would the parents have been deemed neligent for allowing their children to walk (with them) in the park?

The point is - if someone is determined to snatch a baby/child, or do something horrible they will find a way to do it.

In terms of risk assessment, the most dangerous place for your child to be is near the road. Yet we all happily put our children in cars every day. Every single week children are killed in cars on the roads, driven by law-abiding, caring parents.

There is also a danger associated with babysitters. We used one for a stage who came highly recommended (she was a nanny at the creche at the prestigious Harbour Club in Chelsea). In fact, she was a criminal with a huge history of stealing. Another friend used one who again came with glowing references but who was in fact a serious drug-addict. I would rather have my children on their own in the house than locked up in a house with a drug addict/criminal.

There is also a danger of putting a child in a creche. One of mine was once badly attacked by another child and could have lost her eye. This would not have happened if she had not been in the creche.

See what I mean? There are risks associated with every single thing we do/don't do. In the context of the big bad world, the possibility of accidents and the reality that not all people looking after children are necessarily very responsible (and that other children can cause accidents), having the children sleeping nearby on their own might have seemed like the lesser of a number of evils.

Having said all that, I do not want to scare people. I do not think that there are bogeymen around every corner. We give our children quite a bit of freedom and do not worry. The main thing I worry about is road accidents as statistically this is by far the most dangerous place to be.

OP posts:
aloha · 21/08/2007 15:42

I'm pretty sure I was not left alone in the house - though I would have been parked in a pram outside shops & was left in the car outside the pub when I was a bit older (with crisps!) while my parents sat inside. That was really normal. And no baby monitors!
I just find it interesting.

Rhubarb · 21/08/2007 15:44

There was a german woman who had her son of around the same age snatched on that beach in Portugal 15 years ago. He was walking about 15 yards behind them at the time, in broad daylight.

You can be as safe as you like but sometimes some things are unpreventable. I agree it was lax of them and a mistake, but in any other circumstances they would have gotten away with it and would be happily back at home now. And who knows, some little Portugese child could have been snatched off the street and the British public would never know about it.

Just think of all the things you have done as parents that wasn't such a good idea at the time but that you got away with. How would you feel if someone came on afterwards saying "I wouldn't have done that, how negligent!"

They sound like they are good and caring parents. Criticism should be spared for those nasty animals who abuse their children behind closed doors. The NSPCC say that one child every week is killed by their parents and that figure hasn't changed for 30 years. I would vent my anger and fury at those people, not the McCanns who made a mistake and as a result lost the daughter they loved and cared for.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:44

ah retrospectively applying morals/social codes of normaility does not really work eg my mum smoked like a lumm when pg and when we weere all kids pretty frowned on know days

Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 15:45

Schadenfreude? No. That would be horrible. I honestly don't think anyone is thinking like that, Scottish Mummy.

Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 15:46

But Rhubarb, no-one is venting anger and fury on the McCanns, are they? I can't see anyone, not even the most hostile poster doing that.

Rhubarb · 21/08/2007 15:47

No, they are being spiteful. What I should have said then was that they should use their time productively in supporting those charities that try to stop abuse to children instead of attacking loving and caring parents who made a mistake.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:48

Yes agree rhubarb - mccaans made one decision that will haunt them all their days

it does not make them bad
it does not make them abusers
it does make them people experirncing a harrowing ordeal
some empath for them please

perpetrator deserves the vitriol because it id them who is abhorrent not the mccaan family

FioFio · 21/08/2007 15:49

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scienceteacher · 21/08/2007 15:49

There are things that some parents do that are clearly wrong, whatever way you slice it (like a mum spending the day in a pub getting legless). What the McCanns did is something that is much closer to home. OK, many of us wouldn't have done exactly what they did, but we have taken the same level of risk as them.

You can't go through life without taking risks, and you have to get the balance right between being neurotic and being content. We also all drop our guards from time to time.

I think why this story gets our attention is because it is very close to home, right down to them being 'clever', middle-class, and from nice families. We can't write them off as some underclass that doesn't apply to us.

Rhubarb · 21/08/2007 15:50

I think Social Services have better things to do with their time, like weeding out the true abusers and saving other children from horrible, tragic lives.

FioFio · 21/08/2007 15:51

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Rhubarb · 21/08/2007 15:53

Social Services can't even save children from a clearly abusive background. That little girl who was killed by her mother, the neighbours reported her time and time again, but SS called round, said she was ok and then buggered off!

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:53

ss children and families teams are drowning under unmanageable case loads, stress, and daily drudgery of horrid cases.

a week on duty intake is not a happy one

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:53

Well, they haven't interviewed me, so they don't know what I'm like either.

Rhubarb · 21/08/2007 15:54

Perhaps they should interview all new parents, just in case.

FioFio · 21/08/2007 15:54

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Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 15:54

TBH much of the criticism would go away I am sure if they were able to say "we made a mistake and we were wrong, we have been punished in the worst possible way for our mistake" as opposed to "it felt so safe and many people have done the same".

The second sentence, whilst perfectly true, seems to suggest a lack of humility. What could anyone say to someone who admits they were wrong in retrospect? Nothing.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:55

that was a Mental Health act assessment, at point of assessment the mum was deemed mentally fit, not detainable, not sectionable..tragic what resulted

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:55

And agree. A friend is a social worker. The stuff she deals with - the sheer, appalling, daily, routine neglect of children who aren't loved, fed, washed, taken to school, hugged etc - is so depressing. She would have no time to interview the parents of healthy, well-fed, nicely dressed, well-loved little twins who go to nursery and have a large, involved, loving family. She really wouldn't.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:56

christ are we McCann family judge and jury why the hell should the apologise to the british public...what mccann's next self mutilation to atone

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:58

I don't think parents whose children have been murdered/abducted/gone missing do routinely get interviewed by social services re their parenting skills.

kookaburra · 21/08/2007 15:58

And so a beautiful clean well-dressed child meets a grisly end while her respectable parents are boozing. Looks like the social workers need to re-examine thier priorities.

ScottishMummy · 21/08/2007 15:59

unless known to SS or on at risk register or any other case relevent facts become known

aloha · 21/08/2007 15:59

"boozing"
Here we bloody go again.

Hurlyburly · 21/08/2007 16:00

Don't get angry SM. Was not meaning that they should apologise nor suggesting that they should. Sorry if my post read like that. But it might help with the bad press they are getting in some countries.

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