Does anyone think its odd that as fewere peopel go to church

[pedro]

oyu get more of this slithgly odd public mournign flowers byt the road lighting candles thing

I think all this 'national outpouring of grief/candlelit vigil/floral memorial' thing really got going with the death of Princess Diana when appropriating another's grief as your own became legitimised even encouraged. Personally, I find it distasteful.

This vicarious grieving seems not dissimilar to the recent rash of abusive childhood books.

It sounds harsh, but at some level I think people find the emotional intensity generated by vicarious grief somehow spiritually fulfilling and enlivening. And I agree that it fills a spiritual void that in previous decades would have been filled for many people by the Church.

OR maybe, I should have read thread first as I would have seen it was about to kick off

its just different tho dino - bunches of flowers and candles or notices in the papaer

When I did my introduction to counselling last year we talked about public grief such as was expressed at the death of Dianna. The grief that people express publically isn?t grief for the person that has died, ie people didn?t know Dianna so could not really grieve for her, but their grief is expression of personal grief they have experienced in the past, but because of the society we live in, have not felt the ability to express publically before. But with everyone ?grieving? the loss of Dianna, or whatever public figure it is, people can express the emotion they have been previously unable to if that makes sense.

this is it naily

I don't think there needs to be something to see

thread was talking about being competitive etc and how there needs to be evidence flowers candles etc

The last funeral I went to I didn't know the peson that well but I cried. I cried for the people who were left behind and grieving and I creid for the people I have lost and miss.

When I see a sad film I cry. Why, becasue it evokes emotion in me.

What's the difference?

These people are feeling something we are not over Maddie and as therre is a thread on it people are letting out emotions through their keyboard.

Just let them if that's what they want to do.

That's awful Fio

I don't go in for public mourning either tbh - but I don't mind those that do either.

some people ahve DAYS OUT to places like Soham or Hungerford

unreal

Coach trips

A day out to Hungerford, or the like, is weird I have to agree with that one!

I think its ok to put a flower tribute on the spot of a road accident when it first happen, but I think it should be cleared after a week or two. I just don't think its fair to expect everyone to have to witness others' private grief in their day to day lives, especially children - who always ask questions.

Fio

Fio - It probably won't ever go away no , how could it, it must be soooo hard
I grieve for my sister and she's still alive. She's here in body but that's about it and it hurts like hell.

I think one of the reasons why people have felt the need to talk about it so much is because it?s so shocking, so out of the ordinary. Child abductions are rare in most circumstances, but an abduction like this one where someone came into a hotelroom and took a child are unheard of. I certainly haven?t ever heard of a case like this, other than the little girl who was taken from her bath but was then returned. And I think also that because of the lack of information given by the police, people have felt more of a need to speculate, not saying it?s right, and hold my hands up to having speculated on that thread, but I do seriously believe that if we?d been getting news updates every few hours there wouldn?t be nearly as much talk and speculation on those threads. Would be interesting to see what kinds of threads were started when holly wells and Jessica Chapman went missing and we were getting updates almost on the hour.

I have to say the one thing I do find bizarre is the lighting of ?virtual? candles. It?s as if rl has been replaced by this virtual world where we can do everything via the internet, including expressing emotion. Nothing wrong with saying a prayor/lighting a candle in church but virtual ones I find odd. And coach trips are sick.

the flowers on the side of the road always seem angry to me

as if they are put there through anger and defiance - ie wanting people to see that someone died

not saying that this is not totally understandable

Well, if I went into a church to light a candle you can bet it would go all wrong. I wouldn't be able to find the matches, or the priest would come in and ask me what I wanted.

Boco - "If you really want to make a difference, donate to childline, become a volunteer, be nice to other people."

That's exactly how I think. Many children in this country have miserable lives at the hands of their poor excuse for parents/step-parents. Instead of wallowing in pity for them, donate some money so the agencies that are skilled at dealing with these things can take more action.

in New Zealand they have crosses at the side of the road for accidents

red for injured
black for deaths

and , we used to go ooooooh loook how many are on this corner