Does anyone think its odd that as fewere peopel go to church

[pedro]

oyu get more of this slithgly odd public mournign flowers byt the road lighting candles thing

Fio - that is true but no t always. we scattered MIL's ashes in her favourtie spot and dh goes there often. much nicer than a graveyard

ok the utterly butterlys ont he madeline threads are FORCING me to do washing
its not tnatural itellya

I did a candle for Maude

didn't know we had a thread for Madeline

I try to avoid tbh

its all madness
if you dont light a cnadel oyu are not human dont care

i do agree - but i dont care if people think im uncaring

thats their problem and probably their guilty conscience too

If you don't do religion, flowers or candles then how does one deal with the great unanswerable stuff?

It's not as though this dilemma is the preserve of the uneducated, unquestioning and unphilosophical. We all have to deal with it some way.

Not sure what I do - certainly not candle burning or praying. Maybe I have a ridiculous sense of self belief measured with a nod to determinism...?

But it's different strokes for different folks.
You aren't as affected by it as some, nor am I as it goes. I feel sad for the family and I hope it all turns out ok, I really do, but it ends there for me really.
But I don't care that other people feel the need to go over and over it and light candles, that's fine, it's their way of living life and nothing to do with me.
Live and let live I say.

it is strange, as I didn't know Maude or GGG either but really felt that one

I am being driven to doing some work now, adios

Some people worry about stuff more than others.
Some people have a fear of flying while others love it.
If you don't feel it you can't understand anyone else who does, that's fine, but no need to knock someone elses way of living life.

nailpolish, in some cultures it would be insulting to the family of the person who had died if lots of people didn't attend... when I first moved to the UK, the father of a work colleague died and I was very surprised that no-one from the office attended the funeral - where I come from, people would think nothing of travelling a long distance to pay their respects in a similar situation.

I bloody AM affected by it! but I don't need to prove that to anyone

and thats what competitive grief is about

proving that you care and that you care more than others

it is unintelligent and false IMO

But everyone other than the person who took Madeline cares they just show it in a different way. To say any way is wrong or 'weird' is judgemental. Everyone should be allowed to mourn in a way that comforts them.

Kteepee - i agree but sometimes its too bizarre. if that was the case you would attending funerals on a daily basis. FIL just does it to be nosy and cos he is a widower and bored

not if being obsessive about it means that you may be neglecting your own mental health

'competitive grief'

sthats exactly what it is

i htink chic had a song about it

begins with f?

i dotn think church or religion ahs much to do with flowers and candles at the roadside tbh

may have done
am not allowed to driectly call peopela a song that chic sang thesedasy
am under a mn hq banngin order

yes like my mate amanda crying her eyes out in chemistry after john lennon had died

I pointed out that she didnt even like the beatles

didnt go down well then either

can anyone else?

commpetitive grief, thats so true, not sure what else to say without offending people but showing you care is not a competition.

oh yes
btu not me