A thread to discuss DEVELOPMENTS regarding Maddie McCann

[jampot]

We can discuss parenting styles in a few weeks

so in the mean time you'll all argue semantics amongst yourselves

Exactly Aitch, and I am sorry wannabe but I think it is Goulish to speculate in the manner you have. There is a difference between discussing developments and the kind of speculation that says "I don't think there is going to be a positive outcome". Like we know for goodness sake.

agree totally aitch.

Aitch, when you are dividing the thinkers and the emoters, do you define thinkers as 'people who are arguing about whether leaving kids on their own while you have dinner is OK'? And emoters as 'people who say this isn't the place to have a pop at the parents'?

Because if that's the case, I'm with the emoters, tbh.

is it semantics? i don't think so. if you mean trivialities rather than the study of linguistics then i don't find this stuff trivial.

My post was trying to say,'why do we do this to each other?'
Before joining MN,I would honestly have thought that concern/empathy/discussion about a missing child would be one topic where we'd all be singing from the same hymn sheet.
Sure, some people are more emotive than others but do the 'feelers' and the 'thinkers' really feel so different about this?

Whatever feelers and thinkers are anyway? I'd like to think I was both!

but I'm not. and beaty said similar on the other thread I think, which I didn't post to because it had moved on to this one...

people speculate. no I don't think the police are giving all info, but I can't remember a case like this that's had a positive outcome, so unfortunately, no, I don't feel very hopeful that this one will. but it doesn't mean I don't want her to be found alive and well and reunited with her parents.

I've been exasperated by the notion that anyone who says they wouldn't leave their child in a hotel room while they went to eat is automatically assumed to be saying that the parents were negligent. You might not leave yours because you'd rather not. But you could be making that judgement for yourself without criticising someone for doing the opposite.

i'm not sure where my line is, edam. i read the first thread and as it progressed and more info became available i didn't see so many people 'criticising' the parents. and it's a complete given that everyone wants the wee girl found safely. but i really do think it's all up for discussion, truly.

Ah, why do we do this to each other, Homemama? I don't know and I'm interested in why too.

forget about the feelers and thinkers, homemamma, if you don't like it. it was just an interesting thought that gameboy, i think, had which might have begun the process of stopping everyone fighting.

i think we're all interested in that, nkf.

are you a newbie, come on, tell...?

Newish. A week or so.

I think it's a false proposition though, the thinkers/emoters one. As if anyone who says, hang on, isn't criticising the parents horribly unkind, is somehow applying insufficient critical rigour. I don't think there's anything particularly intellectual about having a go at the McCanns right now. Far from it.

so at what point is it appropriate to discuss it then? because it will be discussed, in the media, there will almost certainly be calls by some kneejerk radical to make it illegal to leave a child undupervised like that, but at what point is it appropriate? when she's found safe and well? and if she isn't? will it never be appropriate?

but you're assuming that people were having a go at the mccanns, edam, and i really didn't interpret it like that. i wasn't on the thread becasue i haven't ever been on holiday with dd so it's never come up but i read it and didn't see it like that.

edam I don't think anyone had a particular go at the parents though. I know many asked why "a parent" would leave their child in a hotel room, and also people did ask why they didn't use baby listening, but I don't recall anyone saying they were negligent? but then I didn't read all the other thread ...

Edam,

Having a go at the McCanns right now would be shocking. But nobody has done that have they? Unless you think that to say you would have done something different is criticising.

Of course to say that you would have done something different isn't helping them. But let's not be vain here. Unless we are a member of their family, a close friend or on the police investigation, we're not in a position to help really.

I'm not assuming people were having a go at the McCanns, it was there on the thread in black and white!

Sorry Edam, I missed it then.

i read the thread... the overwhelming tone was not one of people having a go. as i recall a couple of people said, before many details came out, that they thought something odd was going on but that's all i saw.

Yes, homemama, you would hope that everyone would be singing from the same hymn sheet and that is that we hope the little girl is returned safely to her parents and we, as parents empathise with what they are going through and wish there was something we could do. I am sure that when push comes to shove, that is exactly what everyone is thinking.

Thing is, there will always be people who speculate. There will always be people who make judgements or like to say what they would have done in than situation, there are people who want to be able to share what they are feeling with others and there are people who like to intellectualize everything. If you had such an eclectic group of friends round to dinner you probably would have the same kind of heated discussions and disagreements but most of us don't. Which is what makes MN so interesting and yet so frustrating at times.

I'm with you on this one, I really am.

likewise aitch, and I still think so. and I was one who questioned why the parents would leave the child, and why such apparently over protective parents would have dinner in a restaurant where they couldn't see their hotelroom and would turn down baby listening. it didn't make sense to me then and it still doesn't. but that doesn't mean I blame them for her disappearance.

and similarly I think rhubarb's post accusing people of being "smugly smothering" could be interpreted as being equally judgemental

Oh come on, I don't want to cut and paste for obvious reasons but comparing the parents to drink drivers wasn't having a pop, for instance? There were several aggressive posts implying it was somehow the parents' fault.