A thread to discuss DEVELOPMENTS regarding Maddie McCann

[jampot]

We can discuss parenting styles in a few weeks

It seems to me that threads titled

"Thread to discuss (CERTAIN ASPECT( of (topic lots of people have opinion on)"

usually kick off

Of course I don't expect you to care. Why would I?

So agree with the Diana post. But it was irksome that people really did think it was grief over Diana. Irked me anyway.

actually, i understand it more from teh Diana perspective, because so many of us have had people die. i don't completely understand it, but i can see it more... if someone came on and said 'this brings back memories of the time my child disappeared' then i'd get that, totally.

I was reading the earl spencer's speech this morning. remember what an emotional week it had been distinctly... a catharsis somehow.. then it was over..

We all filter the news story through our own minds. It frightens us, it makes us feel vulnerable and our emotions are churned. We want it to be okay. That's normal. But it isn't the same as empathy. It's not about putting ourselves in someone else's shoes. It's about thinking what we would feel like in those circumstances.

I just want to say that I am so about this little girl and hope she will be returned alive and well to her parents soon.

I would also like to say (and I can't believe the need to justify my comment) but I did not know about this news story until coming onto MN, I have been out and about most of the day, then had visitors to the house etc and have not seen or heard the news.

Your response at things like this probably depends on your personality type - you know, Thinker, Feeler, Perceiver etc.

I know I'm an 'off-the-scale' 'Thinker', so I don't tend to 'feel' the issues personally - I'm more interested in discussing the surrounding issues.

Some people just 'feel' things much more personally and acutely though...

aitch but the grief wouldn't really have been for dianna. I wasn't sad that dianna died. yes it was sad, but I wasn't sad, iyswim? because she meant nothing to me, I'd never met her, she hadn't had any impact on my life. but had I said that publically on a public forum at the time there would almost certainly have been people who would have said that was disrespectful, and there is almost this obligation to follow the pack in the outpouring of emotion.

similarly people, myself included, who have come on here and expressed opinions over the actions of the parents have been viewed as disrespectful because people believe that all should act in a certain way at a time like this. but ultimately anyone is entitled to an opinion, and anyone is entitled to agree/disagree.

Why oh why are we all on here arguing over whether 'our' reaction to this is more or less appropriate than anyone else's?

A child is missing. Some people feel a compulsion to talk it through because it helps them feel better. Others feel the need to block it out because it makes them feel better. Neither is right or wrong. Neither will make a difference to outcome. Her parents don't care either way. They just care about their daughter.

None of us need to 'deal' with this in the terrible way that that her parents are having to deal with it but as parents we do need to rationalize it in our heads. To have others confirm it's rare, that it's unlikely to happen to us.

Let's just accept that we're all posting or avoiding for the same reasons. It's horrific and terrifying. Let's all go to bed hoping the morning brings happy news and thankful it's not our child.

mmmm, perhaps...
i've no idea what i am, but i know i'm not in love with all the 'feeling sick' business.

I am sorry but I find this endless speculation about what has happened to Madelaine really distasteful. I was quite shocked to wannabe write "I have to say I am not hopeful of a positive outcome" etc, etc. I am too tired to find the right words for this but I find it all really ghoulish. Who are we to say whether a positive outcome looks hopeful or not. What do we know? Surely we are all just praying for one.

I'm very ashamed to admit it, but sometimes whenever there's talk about Princess Di I giggle, because I was way stoned the night she died.

I'd gone to this party w/the ex and come home and sprawled on the bed whilst he searched the kitchen for some munchies.

He came through and said, 'Expat, I don't think it's a joke, but the TV is saying Princess Di is dead.'

It was a very surreal moment.

Homemama, I think a quick answer to your question is that this is one of those cases (mercifully rare) that acts as a trigger for all sorts of feelings and thoughts. It hits us deeply and makes us think. And when we think we want to talk. And if there's no-one around, we log onto mn.

I agree I don't understand the question of what is "appropriate". Can't stand the word at the best of times. But yet there does seem to be a sense of "some things can't be said."

wannabe, i COMPLETELY agree with you, right down to everyone's right to say what they 'feel'. did you think that i was saying something different?

all i'm pointing out is that the 'feelers' are questioning the taste of the 'thinkers' and then when the 'thinkers' question them right back they get all huffy about it and say MN is worse off for it. as if it's better, by definition, to emote than to reason.

twofalls but when something like this is reported publically people speculate about it. There is endless speculation about whether she could be on a boat, or whether the suspect could be a member of staff, we none of us know, but doesn't stop us playing amature detective. it isn't wrong, it's what people do. and I'm not the first one to say that I'm not hopeful of a positive outcome.

Aitch - I violently agree with you!

(Have just scrapped my semi-formed post, as you have put it so much better...)

it is a bit ghoulish, though, wannabe...

H2o - can I call you that? I agree.

so this isn't a thread to discuss developemts then?

please, nkf call me aitch.
are you new, nkf?

aitch perhaps, but is it wrong because people say it? because people must think it, surely?

it is indeed, lucy, but be prepared that in the absence of any developments it'll just be speculation and hand-wringing. and there haven't been any real developments...

i don't know, that's interesting wannabe. because the same thing applies to the 'judgement' of the parents. we are all thinking about whether we would leave our children in a room on their own but you're only allowed to say that you would have done. if you say you wouldn't you;re being judgemental and innappropriate, apparently. so i'd apply the same standard to both. however, my standard is that it's all up for discussion, the ghoulish and the judgemental and the empathetic etc etc etc. so long as no one goes all huffy.

bloody hell