Sorry, but my children bore me to death!

[MrsBigD]

Not meaning to start a major debate here (that already seems to be happening on the articles own board), just thought it was quite well written and touching on one of the things 'us bad mums' don't dare bring up... imho she's a bit extreme in her attitude but simultaneously have to admit that I have had some of the thoughts myself at times

here is the article

maybe this is the bit that explains her behaviour:

'When the current generation of mothers was young, children were simply appendages.

'Our parents would never cancel an adult activity to get us to a soccer game. They would often not show up for our games or school plays, and, as a consequence, they never witnessed our great triumphs or were there to comfort us in our humiliations. As a result, our generation said we would do it differently.'

Well, my parents did make sacrifices and put me and my siblings first. My Mum was there for every single school nativity, school sports day and dance show. Wihtout fail.

Obviously her parents didn;t bother, which tells you something, I think.

I think that she's probably exaggerating as if she wrote an article on, oh how great, how wonderfully unboring it is to be a mother, i find it so fulfilling to be a perfect doting homebaking mother etc etc then that would be mindnumbingly boring. I think some articles are purposely written to cause debates.

Of course being a mum is boring at times, but then isn't everything boring at times?

I don't really see how you can find your children totally & utterly boring all of the time. Surely all children make some funny entertaining comments quite regularly - but maybe she doesn't bother to listen.

what an old witch I agree with cod for once why did she have them and as for the names!!!!!!!!!

I think she does have a point about the pressure we put on oursleves as parents. My partner thinks that the pressure I put on myself to be my image of a perfect partner is what creates a lot of my negative feelings about motherhood.

I know my childhood was an extreme but I definetely was treated as an appendage as a child, it was made very clear that we were not be be seen or heard. Whereas (perhaps in an attmept to make up for my feelings) my dd is at the centre of everthing I do and that is exhausting.

Constantin is ok, Ivan I find a bit doubtful, unless you have a Slavic background

Blondilocks I agree I don;t think she could possibly find her children boring all the time and it is written to get us all fired up -but I do think there is an important nugget of truth in what she is saying

I see your point twinsetandpearls but i don't think it's harsh to her.
I think she's harsh in writing the article and posing with her kids for them to see how boring she thought they are oneday.
Nice one for the family album.
Even if they are happy now, reading that will make them reflect on their childhood in years to come.

I f**king hate the Daily Mail

yes - I noticed that frayed knot. I think she's got a skewed view of our generation. vastly more of us had sahm's than nowadays and prompt repeated attendance at nativity plays came with the territory - certainly for me. And it mattered. and it's been part of having a close and lovely relationship with my mum who is now the best granny ever.

The bit at the top of the article says: "Here, she argues provocatively that modern women must not be enslaved by their children."

Well she hasn't done it very well has she!

OMG didn't think it'd get that many hits!

I was just wondering how she can get bored with 2 kids... annoyed, fed up etc. sure but I wish I had time to get bored with my 2 kids . Saying that we drag them everywhere just to distract them

But I do think that there is a new breed of mothers who treat mothering like a career. I left a very successfuol career to become a SAHM for nearly five years and was just as competitive ambitious and eager for approval inmy mothering as I was in my career. Except that as a mother you don;t get the positive feedback, promotion, the feeling of a task completed well or often even recognition.

if you have to point out that someone is arguing 'provocatively' then the argument probably isn't being done very well...

it is a typical DM article - trying to turn women against each other basically - they LOVE that!

I gave my opinion on this ridiculous woman earlier.
However to go off on a not unrelated tangent, she reminds me of one of my sils...an allegedly intelligent woman who found her kids really boring. Sil's 2 are now 15 and nearly 14. She made it clear from the off that in many ways having children was somehow beneath her, but she was doing it out of some biological necessity. Wouldn't even say urge. Looking on from the side, dh and I, and his sister (this sil is married to dh's brother)and even mil, with whom i don't always see eye to eye, think she made it only too clear to her kids, in a very damaging way, that they were somehow an impediment to her "real" life and her career. Her dd used to suffer badly from horrendous chest infections every winter - not uncommon of course- but these would be brushed off as "attention seeking". The child was genuinely ill fgs, who wouldn't want mummy's attention when ill aged 3,4, 5 or whatever.

Her nanny used to bring them round sometimes after school to play with my ds1 and ds2; from the ages of about 4 and 5 there would be the odd remark from the children along the lines of "Why don't you have a job?", later it would be "If I go to university like you did I'm definitely going to get a job". Bloody outrageous !

The irony is that sil is actually one of England's most boring women; when she talks about her work again - we are actually qualified in the same profession - everyone's eyes glaze over. This summer, knowing we'll be in a house in Cornwall for a month, she's been dropping heavy hints about how lovely that would be "for the kids"..Er...over my dead body. i do feel sorry for them but she's produced a couple of rather cold fish arrogant teenagers, such that an afternoon with them is irritating but tolerable, but any longer is a nightmare.

I feel sorry for that journalist's sons. They will grow up cold and emotionally shut down in all probability.

she doesn't sound very clever

and massively desperate if she would use her children 'just' to be provocative

you are only bored if you are boring, as my mum used to say on many, many occasions

I feel sorry for her, to be completely bored by your own children all the time and have no common ground is sad. There must be SOMETHING she likes doing with them. Also why bothering having 2! if she found caring for the first one was beneath her??!?

MrsJohnCusack good point, I am going through a period of self loathing for agreeing with anything the DM writes.

THe DM has worked out that women will be truely powerful when we are united so the more articles it can produce that divide us the closer it gets to its cause.

its not a 'taboo' either - any mum you meet will tell you they don't particularly enjoy music with mummy/some parties etc etc

but they usually find something to enjoy unless they are utterly self-absorbed and a bit weird

agree about twattish names, poor kids

exactly enid, not all of it is interesting to all women but most adults manage to grow emotionally to the degree that they are able to delay gratification - eg can put their own needs on hold for chunks of time, whether this be hours until the kids are in bed or 5 years till they go to school!

This woman appears to be on the same emotional level as a toddler who is struggling to learn about delayed gratification! As others have said this cannot fail to impact on the personalities of her kids.

I skimmed it, haven't read it properly but will slag it off anyway. I haven't read the thread either so sorry if repeating but

a) bloody hell that's an old photo if they're 12 and 10, d'ya think she got fat and that's the nicest photo she has

b) yes, it's boring some of the time, tell me something I don't know. But my children don't bore me, the drudgery associated with them sometimes does.

why is it important for children to experience boredom but not for the mother?

I can actually sympathise with the not finding childcare the most riveting activity in the world.

I adore being with my children, and love all the games, footie, parks, cinema,theme parks, seaside visits, etc etc. But I'm sure that is, at least in part, because for 4 days a week I only spend 3 hours a day with them because I woth. The other 2 hours of those days they are looked after by a nanny - the rest of the time they are at school. In many ways I feel that 8 hours a week less than a SAHM is neither here nor there (and to them I am sure that is true) but otoh, the value to me, of doing something other than child rearing is priceless.

You can see exactly what this woman is getting at if you look at the number of 'can't wait for the school holidays to be over' type threads, not only on MN but on virtually any other parenting websites there are. There are clearly loads of people who find spending huge amounts of time with their children hell on earth.

I also find her concerns over professional parents who pander to their children's every needs subordinating their own needs as adults, quite pertinant.

What I have absolutely no sympathy with, is the manner in which she tells the whole world those facts. Most normal parents have a protective instinct towards their children, and would rather walk over hot coals that have their children know that they find them boring. What a stupid, careless, damaging thing to put all that in print for her poor children to see and intepret with their immature take on life.

So in summary, I don't loathe her or think she is a bad parent because she finds her children boring, but I loathe her and think she is a bad parent for not protecting her children from knowing her views.

I thought that, Enid. "Taboo" my arse. She's just trying to glamorise her selfishness. She's obviously dimly aware of what a dreary shrivelled little person she has become, hence her aggressive need to make excuses for herself all over the tabloid press.

Yawn. Frankly.

I think it is a taboo, when I have confided in people about how I feel about being a mother they do look at me as if I am a freak or as Enid said self absorbed and wierd. I am talking about more though than finding the odd party boring.

Well said soapbox, I wold never tell my daughter how I feel and I am sure she doesn't know as I often here her telling her friends about her fab money who lets her do lots of exciting things. Although I may tell her when or if she becomes preganant, incase she has the same feelings as me and feels that she is a wierd self obsessed freak.