Sorry, but my children bore me to death!

[MrsBigD]

Not meaning to start a major debate here (that already seems to be happening on the articles own board), just thought it was quite well written and touching on one of the things 'us bad mums' don't dare bring up... imho she's a bit extreme in her attitude but simultaneously have to admit that I have had some of the thoughts myself at times

here is the article

Just for the record twinsetandpearls, because I don't want you to feel got at by me - I was referring specifically to that foul hack in the DM. You and she are worlds apart as far as I can see.

But also for the record, as long as this remains a public discussion forum, I will express my views along with everyone else, forcefully if I deem it necessary. And if anyone doesn't like it, they can fucking lump it.

MrsJohnCusack but you can be sure that if I was interviewed my story would be twisted.

Twinset

You sound like a conscientious and committed mum, one that your dd is lucky to have, but clearly it is with a herculean effort on your part. Do you have any insights as to why you feel this way (please note, I am not saying that your feelings are unnatural or unnacceptable or in any way judging - just interested)

i think everyone gets bored with certain things - i know i get totally fed up when ds2 has made me play '1 potato, 2 potato' for 30 minutes and shows no sign of stopping!

i am quite sure everyone has bits they find dull, but most of us have bits we dont find dull too!! To seem so disinterested in everything to do with your children? to want to do nothing, with them ever?? every minute spent with them is boring? very sad.

thinking of a few people i have known - including my own mother as a matter of fact - i think that some people are just not cut out to be mothers. its not their fault, its not a crime, they just dont have the maternal gene or whatever it is that makes the rest of us do finger painting, give horsey rides or read the same bloody book 182 times a week (complete with funny voices!) and get actual pleasure out of it all at times too! if you are a woman you are supposed to be maternal and supposed to be a mother and so you do it and then find out you just arent cut out for it. tragic. not least for the poor kids now in the world with a parent who would probably rather give them up, if she wasnt more worried about how she'd be judged!

my mum did for us what she had to do but she never enjoyed being a mum - she freely admits she's not a maternal bone in her body and she says she 'hates' children (she actually claims that when she sees a child she wants to slap it, but i think shes kidding...i think......) - shes bril with the grandkids as long as they dont cause mess or stay too long! she has my niece to stay, babysits etc but wont do same for my boys because they arent easy like my neice! but she does love them, i know. shes a funny old bird, my mum!

yes it probably would be twisted by lots of papers (not just the gruesome DM)

which is a shame because actually it is a really interesting discussion. unfortunately they'll go for shock exaggerated nonsense every time rather than something genuinely thought provoking like what you say - and get similarly exaggerated answers (and I was there, merrily slagging off Kirwam-TAylor earlier in the thread).

I just really hate to see you having to identify with her, when what you feel is I'm sure a much more common thing and one with which many more people can identify with. She doesn't speak for you at all, she speaks for herself and she is doing herself No Favours

this is all very clumsy, but there is just such a huge difference between what you say and what she says, and I would hope that would shine through even the most heavy handed hack editing

Yes, being an sahm all day is boring but it is a smallish price to pay and doesn't last forever. Who says you have to have children anyway if you hate spending time with them?

I am relieved that I get a bit of piece and time to do my own thing when my ds is with his childminder but love seeing his face light up when I return.

That woman is an idiot to have written an article like that. I am even more shocked at some of the feedback received such as "spot on". and

whoops should have been PEACE!

what an appalling woman. It really does take a lack of imagination to be bored by an activity as varied and surprising as raising children. Sure, it can be laborious and a bit tedious, but overall you get out as much as you put in.
If you genuinely do find the whole thing dull, don't try to justify yourself with that superior, 'it's all just too intellectually-lowly for me.'

handlemecarefully there are lots of reasons why I feel like I do, although I do refrain from talking about them because then it makes my fellings deviant if that makes sense. A bit like Beth Jordache in Brookie only being a lesbian because her Dad abused her. I also don't want pity, I have spent a small fortune in counselling to get away from the poor me syndrome and I don't want any encouragement to return their.

My dd is a product of a long abusive marriage and was not concived consentually. Having my dd means that her father remains a constant feature of my life. I was very ill when I had my daughter so her start in life is accompanied not by the normal feelings of joy but lots of regret and sadness.

My own childhood was abusive and difficult so I have no role models from which to learn - that is perhaps why I find it difficult to understand or express love becuase I have never felt unconditional love apart from my current partner. INterestingly amd predictably my Mum also had a very difficult childhood - her mum walked out onher and my grandma's mum died when she was little as did my great grandma's mum so the dysfuntionality goes way back in our family.

I am very lucky that my partner understands me and I can be completely open with him about my feelings about motherhood. I sometimes wonder if things would be different with another child born into a loving respectful relationship but the risk is to much to take.

Greensleeves I don't feel got at by you, well maybe for a second I did but i knew I was being daft over emotional and irrational.

The joy of mumsnet is that we can disagree, even offend one another but it all comes out in the wash.

Right am off now as dd has prepared a dance show for dp and I to watch in attempt to delay bed time.

TAP - BIG Hug, you're a great mum just the way you are. She sounds like a little sweetie. Mine dances all the time too but it looks like a half-drunk cowboy to me

I think that if you feel that you must centre your whole life around your children it's not surprising that you may feel both suffocated and bored if that approach is not for you. But I don't think that's what parenting has to be like. In fact I don't think that that is particularly healthy for anyone. But most people don't live like that. If you feel that anything that is related to your children will involve spending time with people who go on and on as if everything in the universe is centred around children then you will get a skewed view on motherhood. The answer is not to reject your children, but to make new friends! Find other fulfilling things in life. Being a mother is not like building a career. That's just not a sensible comparison the challenges are utterly different. I found spending time with the children when they were little was pretty boring at times, and I was glad to go back to work. Yes there were times when I came back from work shattered, and would have preferred to listen rather than to read the stories, but to find absolutely nothing of interest to share with your children in ten years is sad and shows incredible lack of vision. Personally the fact that this woman would prefer to go to the hair dresser or think about clothes than engage in any conversion to do with children shows that it is nothing to do with her claimed intelligence, rather that she is just fundamentally self centred.

TS&P you sound like you are doing a fantastic job of nurturing your little girl. It is much harder to mother well if you aren't particularly maternal. But if your partner is better at that sort of thing than you, then I would go for being a really good parent rather than trying to be the mother that you think you should be. My dh is much more naturally caring than me, and is much more relaxed with the whole everyday parenting role, but I am great at the more traditionally father type stuff - we do lots of craft, expeditions and mind improvement type of stuff because I have a very low boredom threshold. It's all about providing the best environment you can, and recognising what you do really enjoy that you can share with your children.

i detest childrens parties. i etest the school gate thing. i find other peoples children usually bad mannered, loud, rude and utterly repulsive. there are a few exceptions. so i like the author refrain from taking part in these activities. i dont see why i should add the stress.

i do agree with her point about mothers supposed to be child centric.

i do fully understand her point about the utter tedious menial thankless tasks that you have to carry out everyday. i do think for soe women this can lead to depression.

i couldnt, hoever cancel a meeting to go to sports day last week. i couldnt afford to pay for my children to learn a musical instrument even on a subsidy. becuase working or not working was not a choice. this has been missed in this article.

the tone of the article was deliberatley brissly which is a sore nd sorry shame because there are good points in there.

i am a person too.

i am a person and i like that i am a person. i do not centre things around my children. inf act the family fit things in around work.

i did however recognise as any sane parent does that children need you and need praise, they need your input and infact delight in it.

i would often rather be out with the childrenw hen they were young than stuck i the house.

i never kept crappy nursery and junior school pictures. but when there was a good one i put it up.

when they get a certificate i put it up.
we make xmas decs together every year - and THEY get bored! usually end up finishing paper effing chains miself!! but we all like making snowflakes with glitter.

we are going snowboarding this year becuase the kids are teenagers. the kids forfeited birthday money and pressies and xmas money too for this holiday - they contributed to it and we realise its probably the last holiday with the 5 of us. we did deliberatley make this holiday child centric - but we dont usually.

there is a comprimise - its not one or the other. shame this woman in this piece comes ver as a rich bitch with no morals becuase there are good points true to some mothers.

but lets be fair - it ws the daily mail. i thought we were obliged to wear an apron and talk bout polishing before us women could read that tory shite

I don't think showing an interest in your children and enjoying being with them etc means you are child centric at all.I am a person and the same silly one at that that I was before ds but he has added to my life and made it better and I enjoy having him most of the time There is always the implication in these articles and subsequent threads that this means you have nothing else in your life when it is quite the reverse.

I thought the article was quite boring and therefore didn't read it all but did pick out this:-

"Research tells us that mothers drink the most when they have young children. Is that because talking to anyone under the age of ten requires some sort of lobotomy?"

and had a little chuckle, particularly as I am sitting here debating whether cracking open the Sancerre on a Wednesday night is bad thing or not.

its nice when you feel that way noddy, however some people don't and its a shame that its highlighted in such a tossy way in this article

Why did she have them??? Obviously getting a first doesn't automatically mean you have any sense...

Good grief she's a terrible name dropper isn't she.

Oh Dear, 6 paragpraphs in and I find my mind drifting to "where's my rifle with the telescopic sight and what's the best rooftop vantage point in Notting Hill?"

Thoroughly unpleasant woman, not least for her attitude to her kids but the snobber towards other women's career choices. Cow.

yes! So I didn't need to feel bad leaving 4 month old ds to play with his hands while I browse mumsnet?? I can't stand childrens parties and boardgames, but am very good at cuddles and stories. Where does that leave me?

ok...not read the article yet as i was struck by a few things as soon as i clicked the link.

A) who the flying feck names their chidlren Constantine??? and Ivan?? sounds like malt drink and a steam train. bloody pretentious bint before i start.

B) those kids are severely poorly developed if they are meant to be 12 and 10!

will go read as much as i can stomach now

nope. cannot read any further.
what an incredibly selfish woman she is. I feel such pity for her children and just hope they have a good nanny.

It does amaze me that she finds motherhood so incredibly life impending then why on earth did she go on to have another? Oh, maybe Harpers did an article saying that kids were the new black.

tut.

Who would want to be her nanny - she's basically said that anyone who enjoys children is obviously easily please and boring themselves.

I find having highlights and going to the gym tedious myself.

Fancy writing about your kids as a way to avoid being with them. How fkd up is that?