Sir Roy Meadow to face inquiry

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Here's the story

The Hodge interview will be here shortly.

I'd like to help - what should I write to Margaret Hodge and my MP?

You can not imagine how many times I have typed something to post here and deleted it in the last 24 hours! I spent part of yesterday speaking to someone at NORCAP- Not much joy there. They feel that I should contact the agency that handled the adoption. A bit difficult as the 'am' is on the board, and I do not think that they would support me.
Thank you all so much for your input. I have had a lot to think about. I think it may be best if I try again contacting my ds. Instead of a general invitation to meet as I have offered in the past, say that I will come up and see him on a set day at a set time as I would like to talk to him now that he 18. I will use the fact that I took out a policy that matured when he was 18 (I handed the details to the ap's but I know that they have done nothing as I keep getting the statements.) That way he will have to tell me a firm yes or no. I will make certain that my letter is not one of a 'command' but say that I should very much like to explain some things to him now that he is 18 and then play it by ear. I think you are correct. I need to see his face, to guage his reaction and how much he can take. I think the first thing is to get him to agree to meet me and to let him know that I love him and have always loved him. If he will not meet me then I shall have to re-think. Does that sound like a good idea?
Now for the BIGGY!
I have left out one piece of information when telling you my story. Not to deceive but because I thought it would cause complications that it should not cause but it is never the less part of my situation. The other reason was that I did not want to say anything that could identify me or the children. But I realise that if you know me then you will have already realised that this is about me or if you know my children or their ap's. I just have to trust that no one will tell the ap's of this thread or it would cause more problems than I can even fathom to think about.
I told you that I have a rare illness, well it is progressive and I am in a wheelchair now. So to a certain extent their is a 'time factor' concerned here. I want them to know the truth, I want to get to know them and I want them to get to know me.
Having had the label MSBP attached to me for several years meant that I could not get treatment or a firm diagnosis. I have that now, and a consultant who is prepared to put it in writing if necessary.
I do not think that the ap's have ever believed that I have an ilness and that I sit in a wheelchair for fun! I have never discussed my illness with the children but about seven years ago my consultant wrote and sent forms for the children to have their blood checked as it is inherited. It took the ap's about 6 months before they decided to have the tests done and I thank God daily that they were both clear. However it did mean that they doubted the validity of my illness.
I do not believe in sitting back and saying "woe is me for I am disabled" I would rather think of it as O.K. I can't do that any more but I can do this. I have taken up new hobbies like painting and even fishing!!! I only tell you this so that you realise that even if I did want to wait to tell them I could not. It is really a case of I tell them as soon as posssible or I do not tell them. Your postings have made it clear to me that I should tell them and so it is now How do I go about it?
I will be honest and say that I am angry over one thing to do with myself and Meadows and that is If I had not had this label attached to me I would have been able to get treatment earlier and I may not be in a wheelchair now. Yes I feel bitter, but I also realise that that is destructive and I will not let him destroy my life anymore.
I shall finish this by telling you that I have quite a determined streak in me that comes out at times, ie, when told I needed a wheelchair I refused, shuffled around on my bottom until the pressure sores I got were so bad that I was hospitalized and then 'sat' in a wheelchair and told to get used to it. I then realised how stubborn I had been because all of a sudden this wheelchair gave me mobility and the ability to do so much without pain of trying to move on my own. So you see I sometimes am too stubborn for my own good and I need people like you to tell me if I am right or wrong.
I am sorry if you feel deceived but I hope you can understand why I did not tell you sooner.
Oh and just because I sit in a wheelchair does not mean that I can not sit in it wearing a beautiful £10 ballgown!!
Cheeseball, Please please do not give up now, I know it is difficult, the critisism and remember that you are doing this to keep your sanity and if this acts as a release valve for your emotions,(which it has for me), then it can only benefit your relationship with your dh. I am certain your Mother-in-law is well meaning but she can not understand what it is like to have a secret that eats away at you and your relationship with your dh. Even if you do not act on any advice offered here, please use the wonderful mumsnetters as a vent for your emotions. Believe me they are very perceptive and I know without their support I really would have 'lost it' by now. Cheeseball a big hug from me (((((((HUG)))))))).
Mumsnetters - Thank you. I am going to post this without re-reading it, otherwise it will never be posted, so sorry about the typing mistakes!

Oh, Bunglie - all the more reason to see him as soon as you can. Fingers crossed that he will want to see you straight away too.

I listened to Margaret Hodge just now - a very unimpressive performance. The fact that adoption is a "final" settlement is no reason for the facts behind each case not to be reviewed so that the children concerned can know, when they are old enough to understand, that their mothers didn't try to harm them, loved them then and love them now - Cheeseball, you know that goes for you too, even though (or especially because) your daughter's adoption isn't an open one - please don't give up.

Hugs to both of you.

I have just spoken to the adoption agency. No they do not offer any kind of conselling service. They denied that they had ANY cases that involved Professor Sir Roy Meadow, I pointed out that mine did, they could not comment. Next I asked about the letter my son was given. They said it was normal practice and called 'A Letter For Life' It is written by the case worker at the time and it is given to the child when it is 18, giving details of why it was adopted in adult terms that it can understand now that it is more mature, as opposed to the simple version it may have been given when younger. It is a personal letter from the social worker/case worker to the child and I have no right to a copy of it, and 'Yes' my daughter will be given a letter on her 18th Birthday.
I can not explain how emotional I feel at the moment. I heard Mrs Hodge on 'woman Hour' a few minutes ago, and she is asking the social services to 'police' themselves? Did I get that right?
I am angry, Frightened and very confused as to what I should do. I think my ds must be told the truth but face to face, not in a letter and I want him to have the offer of some support as this will be an emotional bombshell for him - I think it would be wrong for me to jump in feet first and tell him my side. Not knowing what he has already been told is really hurting me. I do not know why I feel so angry but I do, and wish I didn't, anyone got any Vallium?

Bunglie, you have every right to feel angry and you have every right to wear a beautiful green ballgown know matter what you sit in on stand on!!!

This may sound strangly out of place right now just had a thought and that thought is have you ever considered writing a book of your life story. It seems clear to me that you would write well and that it would make for exceptionally moving interesting and informative reading. Also it could be really cathartic for you and also a great undeniable legacy for your children. Also you could write in under another name to remain anonymous in sofar as the legal issues are concerned? Big hugs and love to you?

Bunglie, at the very least, I think you should write SOMETHING to your son. In it say you have this policy for him, and say you took it out because you love him and his sister, that you always loved him, never hurt him and never wanted to be parted from either of them. Do try to meet him. I think Tigermoth could be right - can you imagine how lonely he must be if she is? Please do this - and soon, before anyone else - the aps or your stepmother, get a chance to poison him further. As for counselling, well he may not need it at all - he may be delighted. If he feels he does, then you can find someone together. I'm sure all the Mumsnetters will do their best to help you. He needs to know and you need to tell.

Bunglie, I can't remember from all the previous posts whether you actually have his address or will have to write to him c/o his sister or c/o the APs (I hope not them!) but please please do it as soon as poss and arrange a meeting. This secrecy is so infuriating and painful to deal with, the frustration must be unbearable. Of course you are angry. You have to talk to him.

Following M Hodge's statement etc, can you approach your MP again to see what he advises now? And your solicitor?

Lynda Lee-Potter has written a nice paragraph about Margaret Hodge today in the Mail - she obviously doesn't care for he much either - here goes willt ype it quickly so sorry for any mistakes:

The Cruelty Goes On..........

Mothers who have had their children wrongly taken away from them will not have them returned. Margaret Hodge (still Minster for Children) says that to overthrow the ruling would cause distress to happily settled adoptive families.

What about the terrible distress of the birth mother? Their lives have been destroyed but Margaret Hodge hasn't even offered them compassion, apology or an enquiry.

She's merely virtually said that it's too late for justice. She doesn't change.

Her email address is [email protected] - I know they are not the best paper in the world and I only have a copy because they did not have a small Times at the train station (I refuse to grapple with a broadsheet on the train in the morning!!) but if she really feels this way about Margaret Hodge and your predicatment maybe she could help publicise it or at least point you in the right direction.

Sorry may be crap idea but a thought anyway.

Twinkie XXX

Hold on to your hats (knickers or whatever...!)
I have an answer in writing from my MP.
Are you sitting comfortably, 'cos you wont need to be....

Dear Ms *, (Ooh I hate being a MS)
Thank you for your corresponence regarding your previous court case. I do sympathise with your situation.

I will shortly be meeting with the minister, Margaret Hodge MP. and will raise your case with her. I will contact you again when I have some further information.

With Best wishes,

Letter is written to my son. I have put it on one side to read again before I post it. It was written when I was feeling really angry yesterday so I think I might have to alter it slightly. I think the most important thing is to ask him to meet me, and tell him that I love him, have always loved him and would never have done anything to hurt him or his sister. does that sound about right? I would like to put it in the post today, we only have one post a day here so I have some time.
Oh about the wheelchair, another reason I did not tell you is that people see the chair before the person and I wanted you to know me, not a disabled picture of a person that a wheelchair conjures up in peoples minds. THANK YOU for excepting, ignoring it, that is just how it should be. I wish I could put you all on my Easter card list, love Bunglie XX

Bunglie, have you heard of After Adoption? There's a good piece about it in The Guardian today - it sounds as if they would be able to help you - and Cheeseball too.

Their website is here .

(Apols if it's already been mentioned).

Email address for Patricia Hodge any one please?

Don't want to do it through the contact your MP thing on Gov website.

Margaret Hodges email - not Patricia. Getting my Hodges and Hewitts mixed up!!

I know I shouldn't have done and sorry for over stepping the mark but I mailed LLP and she has mailed me back saying:

Thank you for letting me know.it's such a terrible situation, I'll see what
I can do, best wishes Lynda

Sorry if I have put my foot in it - maybe she can point you in the right direction or get you some publicity so those arses have to sit up and listen and do what is right by you.

(Got her reply in 20 minutes after I mailed her - she's on the ball if nothing else!!)

jmg : [email protected]

(from the Guardian's Ask Aristotle page - assume it's current).

Right here it is - my rather long letter to Margaret!! I'm also copying it to Tony as Margaret doesn;t have responsility over how the family court operates.

Dear Mrs Hodge

The Roy Meadows situation distresses me enormously. I can't begin, though, to imagine how distressing it must be for the parents involved. I have been listening carefully to two specific cases relating to this debacle and have the following points to make:

1. This subject is, I consider, one of the greatest miscarriages of justice to take place in our country in recent times.

2. The Government, and you, are not acting proactively enough to ensure a swift and full inquiry into all the cases concerned.

3. It is inequitable in the extreme to deny those parents of children who have been adopted proper access to their children. This I consider to be a gross abuse of these parents' and their childrens' human rights.

4. In reaching the decision not to review 'settled' cases you are making sweeping assumptions about the happiness of the children within the adoptive family. Many adopted children do not lead lives of bliss in their new families, more so when they have been told that they were removed from their parents because they were deliberately harming them.

5. There is no equitable solution for all in this distressing situation. However, one must strive harder that you to find compromises that satisfy the needs of all parties.

6. You cannot and must not wipe your hands of the families who have suffered terribly as a result of the flawed expertise of this man. Justice must be made available to all, including settled cases. The children and parents deserve this. Just because something falls into the 'too difficult box' doesn't absolve those in power, i.e. you, from addressing it.

7. Not specifically a point for you, but it is vital that the modus operandi of the family courts is reviewed and radically overhauled as a matter of priority. This should include performance evaluations of those judges sitting in those cases where despite strong evidence to the contrary, over reliance was placed in Mr Meadows opinion in reaching their judgement. Steps to be taken to ensure these judges do not sit on family court matters in the future.

8. The Court Orders prohibiting those parents affected by these cases should be withdrawn with immediate effect. The parents should be advised to apply to the court immediately to have them overturned. Only then can a full and transparent debate be allowed.

9. In those cases where children are settled with their adopted parents, as an initial step, parents should have the right to write to their children explaining in an age appropriate way that there has been a miscarriage of justice in their case.

10. Once the cases have been reviewed those that are found to be sullied and tarnished by Mr Meadow?s opinions should be given special status. The parents involved in these cases should be given access rights to their children similar to those of non-resident fathers (or parents). I suggest building up over a period of not more than a year to one weekend every fortnight and half of the holidays. This is not viewed as disruptive to a child?s life in the case of contact orders so I presume it will not be viewed as disruptive for a child to spend time with their natural parents. Caseworkers need to be involved in ensuring this is handled sensitively but firmly.

So to summarise. I consider that the Government is attempting to evade its responsibilities to parents of children affected by the flawed evidence of Roy Meadow. Those parents of children in settled cases require a settlement that is equitable to them but sensitive to the new adoptive family. My proposals as set out above will enable this to happen.

I would like a response to my email, I appreciate you will probably be receiving quite a few emails of this sort at the present time, but I do consider responding to communication from ones electorate only basic courtesy.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bunglie, meant to say yes, what you suggest writing sounds just fine - it is by far the most important thing to say and probably what he will have been wondering.

Bunglie, I'm SO pleased you are resolved to write to your son. I honestly believe it is the best and most loving thing you can do. Tell him you have something important to tell him that you have been waiting to tell him for a long time - reassure him that you love BOTH your children.
This site is an amazing place where you don't judge anyone on appearances.

Jmg, good letter. Let's hope that are brave enough to take notice.

I am "Gobsmacked". Twinkie no you did not overstep the mark, Thank you.
jmg WOW! I wish I could write a letter like that. If I was Mrs Hodge I would be too frightened not to send you an answer.
Letter sent to son, I hope it has a response. I have written before, as I think I told you, just 'chatty' letters, enclosed stamps writing stuff phone cards but had no response. This one is a bit more direct. And it should make him realise how much I have and always have loved him, that I want to talk to him about something that is difficult for me to write but very important. Ifthat fails then there is the enticement of money in the form of the policy I took out when he was born (I did the same for his sister), Do you think that he will realise that by taking out this policy and keeping it up that I have always had him in my thoughts. Because I could have stopped when they were adopted. I did hand over the details to the ap's when my ds turned 18 so that they could cash it in for him or if he wanted to continue paying, I do not know why I sent it to them really. I do know now that they obviously did not tell him about it and I am still getting statements. However I never changed the names on the policy when they were adopted which I think could be a bit of a complication. Does anyone know about these things?
Please tell me if I am right or wrong in sending letter I need reassurance now that it is too late to get it back. Agh!
Have just looked at the After adoption website and read the Guardian article.
I thought I would phone the action line after 2pm to see what they recommend. I am still in disbelief that the agency that handled the adoption is denying that they have any cases that involved Meadows, what have they got to gain from lying. When I pointed out my case they said that they could offer no help. I am supposed to contact my dd through their "letterbox". Which is where they pass on my letters to the adoptive parents. I think I am so very lucky to have had an open adoption otherwise I would have not known about my ds moving out etc. What about those people who do not have the contact that I have at least had. Well said jmg. I can not see that a reasonable adoptive parent that had the interests of the child at heart could object to contact. Wayward, am I correct in thinking you were adopted? What would you feel?
I think it is the lack of info. that makes me ask these questions-sorry if I am being too nosey.
Many thanks for all your input.
Cheeseball - I hope all is O.K.

Yes, you were right, Bunglie!!!!

It's after 2 - have you rung? All agog here!

jmg, that letter is a cracker.

Bunglie, that is wonderful news. At least something positive is happening on the official side. Please send the letter to your son. I'm sure you will have a good result.

Also, it may be worth letting your mp know that you contacted the adoption agency and that they denied having any cases involving Roy Meadows. I know that this is not quite the same as Social Services denying it as presumably the instruction from Margaret Hodge was to Social Services, NOT the adoption agency and they will have to wait to be contacted officially by Social Services. But, it might be worth your MP having this as ammunition to bring to Margaret Hodge to point out that leaving it up to Social Services to police themselves may not be good enough.

By the way, I have emailed both my local MP (no response to any of the 3 letters on various subjects I have sent him) and Margaret Hodge. Does anyone think that it's worthwhile sending emails to: Tony Blair, Cherie Blair, Patricia (last name??) or anyone else. I'm willing to do anything to help.

Bunglie and Cheeseball, please let us know if you need anything financially to help move things along (for lawyers etc.)....I'm sure we'd all be willing to do a mumsnet whipup.

Bunglie, you were completely right. Don't panic if he doesn't respond right away - he may want to mull it over for a while.
We all want such happiness for you!
No response to two email and a phone message to Harriet Harman - and she's my MP.
Must try again with Margaret Hodge, even though I think she is such a wicked, bad woman I will try to be civil
Good luck to you Bunglie. You already sound like a stronger person!

Ooooh - yes a whip round if you need it - lets do that - good idea - I would rather give y money to a cause like this than any other.

Do we bombard anyone just yet - I know it is completely different but the local council are trying to let a big housing development go ahead and we (hundreds) of residents have all sent the council one letter that is standadr plus one individual letter so they got 2 from each household - they will not ignore us sort of tactics if you know what I mean - can you imagine Margaret Hodge et al getting hindreds of letters from all around the world - would freak her out and make sure she knows we are not going to give up and let her get away from this - we could even leak it to the press and hound her until she actually makes some sort of statement or does something - then we carry on making her life a living hell (If I had a cross devilish face it would be here!!)

SOrry am getting carried away now aren't I.

Glad you sent the letter Bunglie XXX