fatherhood ruined my marriage - twice

[harpsichordcarrier]

from today's Guardian
what a total twonk

Idiot. Stupid, brain dead, insensitive, gender biased, idiot.

Dh said 'wanker'

Just a shame it wasn't wanking he was upt o when the poor women conceived.

Surely this must be a joke?

surprised at how many of you think that this must be a joke. My ex-H is one of these men. He couldn't bear that I was no longer utterly devoted to his needs, he found the children really tedious and couldn't reconcile his 5 star weekday life away with work, with the tedium of a terrace in SW London with two tiny children.
I have two other friends whose husbands have walked away for exactly the same reason - all of them trying the affair option too!!!
Its not a joke - believe me!

I'm the oldest and my father was so disappointed that I was a girl that he wouldn't go to the nursing home to see my mum and me. He stayed home and built a pigsty instead! Eventually the matron of the nursing home rang him up and insisted that he come in.

I did go out w/a few utter tools like this, Bugsy. If I were away at work too much, they'd complain of 'neglect' or 'putting work before me' - gees, I was single and needed to pay my mortgage, car loan, etc. That was tip off to run fast and far!

The disappointed about gender thing I just don't get, especially b/c it's the man who determines that and they've known that a long time now.

What an idiot. He hasn't a clue. And to publish it in the newspaper! Why would anyone want to tell the world how much of a wanker they are? Wnaker, wanker and triple wanker!

What a pillock!

Didn't read the whole article as was feeling enraged, somis he still married and what do his kids think of him as a father (arsehole)....

Grrrrrr

lets face it, men (i am sure most) naturally feel a bit resentful towards a new baby, especially first. they dont get the attention like they used to, plus they dont get the sex life. i agree that this man is a total idiot though, selfish, childish and pathetic. there are lot like him around. ive told my DH to sod off many a time with someone else if hes not happy.

My dh was never jealous of the new baby. I was a bit though

Have to admit, as a woman when I was in my twenties, I could not have handled having children. Absolutely no way. I spent all my teens in a very claustrophbic steady relationship with a boyfriend. I left him when I was 21. There is no way I could have handled a steady relationship, let alone a baby for many years after that. So I can sort of see where the writer is coming from in talking about how he felt when he was that in his twenties. And it's not that unusual for a woman to feel a degree of resentment when they move from being young, free and childless to having their first baby. It is hard work and a huge emotional change.

I hate the article however - it seems to me it's missing a vital last few paragraphs, about how, now this man is older and more mature, he really values his children, realises that they come first for very good reasons, and is so very glad he's a father. If he still feels the same way he did in twenties I agree he's a twonk (great word!).

I couldn't have handled it in my twenties, either, tigermouth. But I was mature enough - and you should be by that age - to make DAMN sure I didn't get pregnant then, either.

If this tosser felt that way, he shouldn't have fathered kids. End of. There ARE ways around that.

Message withdrawn

Nothing to add to all the various bottom-related insults on here, really.

I thought the contrast with john simpson's rather touching article was notable (ok I'm sure john simpson isn't the perfect father, but he did comes across as someone who could completely relate to the joy of having children, something this selfish immature person still doesn't seem to understand....)

Orinoco, how awful for you

I couldn't cope with pnd, little children and a cruel selfish pig like that. You're very strong

And has it not occurred to him that many women are knocked sideways/suffer the occasional pang of resentment after childbirth?

'I tried the 'have an affair' option' 'my solution was to immerse myself in work'

orinocho - are u still with this man u mentioned??

orinoco i just read your post properly, sorry i just skimmed through before. guess your not!

Well as a man, and father of 3 children I hardly dare to put my head above the parapet, but here goes...

What a complete and utter arho!!!!!

Everything bad about "men" in one article.

What gives him the right to have singular attention?

Why should he be put first?

Doesn't he know what happens if you "do it" and aren't careful?

Creating new life is just about the most wonderful and fulfilling experience I can think of. OK being at the birth is not a bundle of laughs for the man, but I suspect it is a little worse for the woman involved! If the man leaves his ego at the door things tend to work out ok. For once in our petty little lives we are not (and should not!!!!!) be at the centre of the universe.

If a man is not big enough to accept that some things in life are bigger and more important than his own primal needs then he does not deserve the right to be called man. We all grow older, it is a shame some of us do not grow up!!

Message withdrawn

"Oh, poor Diddums, he's thrown all his toys out of the pram!" What a piece of nonsense.

w*nker. not for 'being honest' for which i guess he should be applauded. but for writing an article in a national newspaper about it, thus making money out of a piece of writing that no doubt his first daughter will see. total pr8ck for that imo.