fatherhood ruined my marriage - twice

[harpsichordcarrier]

from today's Guardian
what a total twonk

Even it's that true, tigermoth, putting it in print(he did volunteer the information) is pretty vile. Didn't he think of the impact it would have on his children?

Think the Guardian's website is down, tigermoth -I can't get into it either.

Sorry..should read 'Even if that's true'..can't type today

His feelings are absolutely understandable and imo isn't the issue. It is the fact that he acted on them and really believes himself to be the victim. I am in fact in a mega hard-done-by mood at the moment and I may sulk for an hour or two but I am not going off to have an affair.
Now there's an idea.....

definitely agree that this article needs a 'now I am more mature I can see the error of my ways and I do so much love all my kids' type of paragraph to end it. As I said, it is a vile article without this.

If he still feels he was the only victim in these 'accidents' he is incredibly selfish and in denial.

Yup, tigermoth, I agree, His failure to adjust to fatherhood may explain his actions vut it doesn't excuse them.

And the fact that he still can't see that makes it worse. Even if his feelings are out in the open with his children there is still such a thing as reopening old wounds.

Fatherhood didn't ruin his marriages, he ruined his chances at fatherhood and marriage himself.

There's something really unattractive about the way he presents his behaviour without even a scrap of regret or remorse for any of the evil, cruel things he did. He remembers his appalling treatment of his wife over the birth exactly as he experienced it then - with distaste. The sentence "I tried the having an affair aproach" - it's so calculating, so manipulative. It borders on the sociopathic in my view. I haven't come across anyone as unpleasant as this man in a very long time. All this rot about valid feelings and praising his honesty makes me sick. It's not difficult to be honest about something when you don't think you did anything wrong. He likes telling people about it. He is addicted to attention. That's what rendered him incapable of being a husband and father in the first place. Ugh, frankly.

Totally agree that he is only being 'honest' because he still thinks he is in the right! There is no element of mea culpa in it at all. A vile article, but the Guardian is full of them. There is a distinct horror (bordering on disgust) of children that permeates the magazine and has done for a long while.

Nowadays, we do tend to put the children first, but I don't think that has always been the way. My mother firmly believed that my father came first. As children, we were shooed away so that she could cook supper for my Dad. When he came home, the TV was his as was his desire for a bit of peace and quiet. We were sent to bed after saying good night and unless we were sick, we were absolutely not to be seen again as the evenings were "grown-up time". When we were babies, we were all wheeled down to the end of the garden for a couple of hours in the afternoon so that my Mum could tidy the house, prepare dinner, have a little rest and be fresh for my Dad when he came home and at the same time believe that we were enjoying the fresh air and exercising our lungs!!!!!
We definitely knew our place in the pecking order.
So, while I have no sympathy for this man it is just possible that he expected to still be top dog, like it used to be in the "olden days".

Then he's an arse.
Maybe he thinks he should also be allowed to know the wife about a bit on Saturday nights. After all, everyone used to be able to do it.

Sorry, but the guy is in his early fifties not his seventies. Like me, early fifties that is. All the families I know operate with very supportive fathers and they would think it odd to be any different. Actually now I come to think of it. I know 2 exceptions so lets change that to most men, so most generations probably have their arehles.

If this was an apology, a Don't-do-as-I-have-done article it wouldn't be too bad but it is a Treat-your-man-better-otherwise-you'll-lose-him piece.

This guy is the same same age as my stepfather. Couldn't be more different.

He's a scumbag. Pure and simple. A selfish, cruel, anal scumbag. It puzzles me the way some women feel a compulsion to find ever-more tenuous excuses for horrible men.

I think this article just sums up how a lot of men feel about children and fatherhood etc., and how it has become acceptable to feel like that.

Permanent adolescence is now seen as a valid lifestyle choice. Whereas previous societies did actually expect their members to become adults at some stage in their lives. Preferably before they hit senility.

Caligula LOL you summed how I felt up so well....!

we should send this thread to the paper and get them to pass it on so he knows what a total wan**r he is

It would probably turn him on...all these women talking about HIM. Asswipe.

Yes, we'd all be lesbian man-haters (yawn)

he personifies the 'me, me, me' generations doesn't he? hasn't a clue and shakes his head in bemusement whenever another relationship fails..It's a shame he'll never know the real meaning of life or never experience the depth of the love a parent can feel for their children. He's a selfish man and an idiot to boot.

Am glad I found this thread!! Only read the article this morning & couldn't believe it!!! To be disappointed he had a daughter, to leave everything to his wife & then wonder why he felt excluded, the affair....what an idiot. And then to think about writing it in the press!!!

Haha, read this yesterday and one of my first thoughts was 'bet the mumsnetters get this numpty bang to rights!'.

What a tosser.

What a contrast in the same paper to read the story of Constance Briscoe and how she refused to allow her abusive upbringing to affect her own parenting. From the idiotic to the inspiring in one afternoon's read.

BUMP for anyone who hasn't yet condemned this worthless sack of sh*t

this post is so annoying. i would love to meet this guy and kick him in the nuts. but like i said further down, there are a lot of men like him around even in this generation. selfish, attention seeking, expect sex at a moments notice type. that poor little girl (his DD) and his 2nd. bet that git is single.

We should send Mark Oaten round to shit on his chest...I bet the fastidious little twerp would never get over it