fatherhood ruined my marriage - twice

[harpsichordcarrier]

from today's Guardian
what a total twonk

TOSSER

could have been written by my H except he was born in 1972 and so no excuse

I had PND and when disagnosed was told by him i was "wallowing in self pity since told by DR"

of course seeing as we were on 2nd child (8mths at this stage) and he had just embarked on affair, not surprising

there was an article about men and babies in last Sunday's Times - basically said that having children is the making of most men BUT for a few they cant cope, the wife ends up with an extra child, and the marriage breaks down....never thought that would happen to me though

MrsM, your x and I were born in the same year. Claiming our partners are wallowing in their depression is not a feature of 1972ers, just in case you were wondering!

My dh uses that as an excuse too (he's a 1971 baby) and I didn't even have PND - I just got low because my childcare arrangements fell down and I had to start all the arrangements again! But I do think having children radically changes relationships and it can be hard (all round) to adjust. Not that I am excusing my dh's affair - I just wish guy's talked to each other, then they would know that the way they feel is not unusual, and that in time it will change. Just like we do really.

men are like kids, they want all the attention. its pathetic. if my DH had a fling i would never take him back.
id have to get a job, and miss all the good things like family holidays and buy a smaller house but i would be a lot happier in myself and my kids, as always, get all my attention

I thought he was a tosser as well.
But harpsichordcarrier, you've made my day with 'twonk' - what a fabulous, fabulous word.
I will be using it forthwith

Did anyone see thwe reaction to this in yeterdays guardian weekend?

No, was it good, is there a link?

yes, links please (rubs hands with glee, gets poprcorn out )

I was just searching for it on guardian website, can't find it

come on woman, we're all baying for blood here!!

I forgot to buy a copy yesterday so I don'yt know! I really hope he got the *rse kicking he so richly deserved.

Letters

Saturday January 28, 2006
The Guardian

I never fully understood the meaning of "false victim" until I read Peter Morris's Experience (January 21). Shouldn't it have been called "I was too immature to cope with the realities of a marriage with children"? Grow up, Peter. You alone made your life choices: deal with the consequences and stop blaming those who had no say in the matter.
Nicola Howell
Bristol

Peter Morris's marriages might not have failed if he had not had such a negative attitude towards having a female child and not absented himself physically and emotionally from her upbringing (no wonder his first wife was preoccupied if he was unwilling to help). A good example of why feminism had to happen.
Jennifer Milligan
London SE20

Most men go through an earth-shattering change with the birth of their first child. For the first time I felt vulnerable - that I could be hurt through my child who became more important to me than myself. Men like Morris have a duty to plan not to have children if they cannot make the transition from adult male-infant to father.
Bill Allen
High Peak, Derbyshire

Peter Morris's daughter will be old enough to read of his "acute disappointment" at her birth, so know that, instead of enjoying her infancy, he was sulking as he wasn't getting enough attention and sex. The fact that he had an affair with another woman because of her existence and now shows no interest in her will make her feel unloved and confused. He makes me hugely thankful for my loving, kind and present father.
Rosie Hayes
London N4

Thank you LadySherlock.

thank you LSGJ! presumably that was a selection of the most printable seems quite mild considering.

My husband went through a bit of a complete asshole stage when we had our son who is now 6 for 3 days after the birth and during the birth he wanted to help and was lovely and then after 3 days of the stress and 'horror' he switched off and started sleeping on the sofa and not really taking part he was there but only physically apart form the odd time he would play with the baby, I think he realised that it was not a temporary state lol.he continued to be like that untill ds was around 2, then everything changed he played with ds all the time and they still do and totally enjoys ds now.He always loved the baby he says but he could not cope with the responsibility. me! I feel he was not there in the first year, even though he was and that I did it myself as dh got bad depression and I had to look after him aswell, when ds was little. All my friends that had babies at the time either split up because of the baby or had problems, because of the new baby, and we were all early twenties, late 70's babies

What a total tosser and what a thing to write in an intellignet paper like the Guardian.

He has a daughter with a woman he supposedly loves, but all he has on his mind is how he can't get enough sex ?

Thank goodness for people like my father (adored his 2 daughters and constantly told us so) and my DH whom I am sure would love a daughter as much as he loves our little son.

What a total *hole! He has two of his own kids and doesn't give a toss about them and then dotes on his stepdaughter - I want to give him a good slapping. But the article is soooo bad surely it was made up to get this sort of reaction

He sounds like a perv to me so may be he fancies his stepdaughter ?

why is thread still going?????

Because it is MN and it is forum for debate and this guy and is attitude is highly debatable.