fatherhood ruined my marriage - twice

[harpsichordcarrier]

from today's Guardian
what a total twonk

It begars belief to me that a man can feel this way about his own flesh and blood. I had severe PND after D1 was born, and PND after DD2 arrived. But even in my darkest moments, I never saw my child as 'an unwelcome intruder'. Imagine putting such emotions on a baby.

Adulthood ruined his life. How sad. Wanker.

No idea what having a baby does to a man's life?! Guess he never stopped to contemplate what it does to a woman's.

oh dear, oh dear. The notable omission in this article is what he feels about his children/his current relationship with them (well apart from the lack of any concern about how they felt about the situation)

Twonk doesn't even begin to describe it. His poor children - imagine being so unwanted, being rejected because you're a girl and - at least it sound like that from the article - then having to watch the stepdaughter being doted on

what a complete tosser!!!!! what a load of self pitying shite!
his poor kids.
i thank god for my sensible decent husband.

"I spent more time in the office and less time pandering to the unwelcome intruder who was ruling the roost at home"

what a delightful thing for his daughter to read.

It is really sad that he feels this way, but he definitely isn't alone!
Some men are such egotists and so immmature, they just can't believe that they are not going to be "the most important person" in the relationship.
The worst thing about this article, is the fact the only child he speaks positively about isn't his own.

What a sad, immature, little man. Did the baby need attention? Ah, poor diddums. Good job it would have been such a walk in the park for your wives, otherwise you might all have been having a hard time. Still, those children's loss is the world of DIY's gain....

What a waste of skin

I bet his first child is going to be delighted to read that she engendered such profound disappointment in her father, through something over which she has no control. And his subsequent child will be equally delighted to learn that, not only did his mother have an affair with a married man and break up that marriage, but that his dad only married his mum because she was pregnant with an unwanted child.

Charming chap.

what the hell was that self indulgent sh*te about?

I thought it was a very honest article - and because of that a horrifing insight into the way some men think. A real eye opener!!

Thankfully DH the complete opposite, which is just as well as I did shut him out a bit after dd was born. Luckily we have an honest & open enough relationship to be able to talk things out.

That could be my Biological Dad that wrote that.

What a total .

What a mean-spirited, stunted, narcissistic, worthless little scrote

I thank God dh is a proper man who can love other people without feeling he is giving too much away!!

I'm Alex's Dad.

Different times, different men.
What he is describing is the first year of the child's life. If he can't appreciate what his wife was going through at that time and didn't have a strong enough relationship to get over it, then perhaps he shouldn't have kids at all. Probably his child by his mistress was an accident.

I agree about the comments of what his relationship with his biological children is like today. If I was his child, perhaps I would not want to know him now.

the birth was "uncomfortable and embarrassing for us both"

WTF?

You know, my grandfather died alone and bitter because he rejected his children when he realized his life couldn't be the same as it was before.
What a stupid, short-sighted, self-absorbed, egotistical, cretin.
I can't quite believe the arrogance of a man who not only thinks that way about his flesh and blood, but also thinks it's appropriate to tell everyone about it. Does he honestly think he'll get sympathy???

What an emotionaly immature fool of a man.

Dhs father walked out on them when dh was 13 and never had a real relationship with any of his childen. He was too selfish and self centred for parenthood. He died last year and none of the boys bothered to see him.

LOL I just read the article myself and came on here to post the exact same thing - you got up earlier than me HC. What a complete and utter wnker. I feel such pity for his entire family, or anyone that has ever met him.

A close friend of mine has recently been left by her husband because he 'can't handle family life' ... He is the biggest tosser that ever walked the planet ...
My DH would agree that the arrival of a child puts pressure on a marriage ... it put incredible pressure on us ... but he loved me and loved our baby and he (being a bloke with a brain) knew that everything would change completely and for ever ...
When I was pregnant with DD I read that 80% of divorces happen within 2 years of the second child being born ... I went into a panic (being hormonal) and burst into tears one day telling DH what I had read and that he would leave me ...
He said, that he could see why that happened in marriages but he couldn't understand why some men can't understand that the first 2 years of a child's life is hard for his/her parents and any bloke who leaves his wife in this time is a tosser.
DD will be 2 in 2 weeks time and he is still here and we still love eachother and are actually more 'together' than ever ...
He is adamant he doesn't want any more kids though

Those poor poor kids. i do hope that they understand that their biological father's inability to share is his parents fault, not their fault.

What an idiot, dh has just pointed out to me that he sounds like my ex bf, and he's right, which is why he's and ex and dh is dh!!

You have to feel a bit sorry for him though, I mean he is missing the whole point of life isn't he. That point of view is fairly unevolved. Lets hope his biological kids have found decent role models to love them.

Christ. "I still think a better balance is healthier all round. It shouldn't always be child first." No, perhaps just occasionally it should be the woman first but, god knows, that never occurred to him. I like the way he suggests that having an affair was basically his only option, what a poor soul.

"I sat beside my wife when our child was born and when I realised it was a girl, my feeling of disappointment was acute"

You sad, pathetic man.

Especially considering gender is determined by the man's sperm, tripot.

What a LOSER!

All those couples out there, desperate for a baby, ANY baby. And he get two who 'disappoint' him by being girls thanks to his sperm.

I don't feel sorry for him at all. I feel terribly sorry for the kids, but above all I feel so sorry for his wife...his comments about the birth really hit a nerve with me. I went through a terrible birth with DS1 - having dh there is one of the deepest and most trusting things I've ever done, and I am so grateful for the man he is. That poor woman , to have had that bastard there judging her and finding the whole thing "uncomfortable and embarrassing"..."a red-faced woman screaming and swearing"...if anyone had said anything like that to me it would have been emotionally crippling. It took me a long time to get over the insensitive remarks the midwives made to me... knowing dh was proud of me and didn't think less of me for having a bad time was what got me through, really. Poor woman.