The Hoarders Anonymous Thread #7. Keep On Keeping On!

[Solo]

We are a mixed group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (myself included) that means sorting out our households is challenging, to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.
Encouragement and support abound here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult not to do.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #7 of Hoarders Anonymous - Keep On Keeping On!

Thread #6 HERE

I’m really sorry if this triggers anyone, it’s what’s working for me right now. It’s really, really bad here after a horrific year and I’m really struggling with the making progress and then stalling thing. Also hoarding parent has been ill and just had a milestone birthday and putting them into care is on the horizon. Which will mean dealing with an even more desperate house than mine (and likely having even less time).

What is keeping me going (towards my goals in my own house - to have a dining table for Christmas and a lounge people can sit comfortably in) is the Swedish Death Clean. Slowly, with a bin bag and a donate box and various receptacles for my recycling obsession. Looking at things with the perspective I wouldn’t want someone to have to deal with this if I died. I have so much rubbish that is actual (obvious to anyone else) rubbish. Paperwork is my nemesis and it is everywhere in piles in no particular order and with rubbish mixed in with useful things.

@Literaturemakeslifebetter that’s amazing progress. I’ve managed to donate some things I’d been keeping ‘for the children my children used to be’ and bagged up some old linens like character bedding.

DH has been helping by going to the Household Recycling Centre but he still feels ‘like he needs permission’ to help. I don’t know how to handle that because there is stuff of his that he could sort out.

@Miaowse keep on keeping on indeed - the dishwasher is the key to day to day for me too, I get anxious if I don’t/can’t get that done as it sets the day to day back and causes chaos.

@BlackeyedSusan I also managed to clean some nasty windows (slowly, but tackling one at a time has got me there). Sending you and @Elleherd strength and thinking of you in your current struggles.

Yeah, my kitchen doesn't look like I've tidied either, but it's better than before.

Thanks Finite,
I am finding that watching some videos is really inspiring me and helping me get momentum. I get that it is about totally shifting mindset so you can let go of stuff even if perhaps one day you might wear that item, once or twice- that is not enough to justify it taking space in the house. Same with the books, I seem to have acquired so many and they represent a fantasy future where I have time to read them but I am accepting thy are remaining unread so I am letting go, have dropped off 250 more today.

It is very hard isn't it though getting into the mindset, I feel like now I am in it I have to take advantage and radically let go whilst I am able to be so decisive and whilst I am getting the full impact of what holding onto this stuff is having.
Just taken another full car load to charity shop so that is maybe 9 carloads in a week and the house is starting to look better but there is still plenty more to purge.Clothes all fit on one rail now. Well done to everyone whatever you are releasing, it is all progress.

Christmas Wishes to each and every one of us and especially those having a rough, difficult, and or, sad time.

Mindset is indeed everything, though Christmas can be hard going for many reasons, not least because celebrating it, is often translated into acquisition.

This one’s a ‘me, me, me’ post, but I’m hoping acknowledging the situation will help me, and maybe others facing difficulties as well as expectations that can’t be met. You're not alone.

The big drive was survived, but then had to go on a several hour one, and back again a few hours later, which hasn’t done any good, and we’re all exhausted, with a lot that has to happen boxing day onward, if we’re to get out of immediate troubles.

Been to see aunt. Feel lousy about the situation, but little I can do short term, and while things aren’t brilliant where she is, they do seem to have pulled out the stops for today, and she’s relieved to be told 1st hand cats are ok and neighbor still being lovely,, her home is still standing, and it’s a matter of me sorting out what’s happened to me, to get her out of there, not a desire to leave her to it. She said it was the best present she could get and was accepting
I had to sort out my own immediate issues first.

So many problems here, inspections overdue, and running so far behind it’s tempting to give up on Christmas, but can’t bring myself to do it to everyone, especially following lots of previous discussions about trying to get back to where we used to be, and Ds has brought a Christmas tree.

So decided last night to use some space in a unit and just take lots of boxes out for the week, and going to decorate it today…

Feel like a bit of a failure tbh, but if Christmas is what we make it, then we’d better make it anyway.
So about to wrestle it all into being somehow, and hope some part of Christmas spirit may yet descend. (If not, then the Christmas spirits have had it!)

@Elleherd Putting stuff in the unit temporarily to clear space for the festivities sounds totally sensible to me so none of that failure talk! How’s the DVT? Hope the long car journeys have been ok.

How is everyone getting on today? We always have a really quiet day and keep things fairly similar to a usual day, just with added presents and Christmas food.

The Christmas tree looks nice but it’s plonked in the corner of a room stuffed with clutter. My heart is sinking with the prospect of having to store all the new presents.

I'll be glad to put the tree away. Hopefully get a bit cleared in the loft in the process. Managed to fill 4 or 5 bin bags from the bedroom corner yesterday. Need to do 4 or 5 more but was exhausted. Hopefully can get this done this week. Can't believe I haven't done this months ago, so simple as all just stuff to throw out.

Plan to do a bit of the kitchen too this week.

Had a bit too much food and having a bit of a drink ☺️

Well done @TalkToTheHand123 you’re storming through the stuff!

@FiniteSagacity the Swedish death cleaning is an approach I have not tried but I’m pretty sure I did read the book a while ago. Did you manage to eat at the dining table for Christmas? I ate on the sofa as usual

@Miaowse we ate at a table! There were only 5 of us and there was a pile the 6th place (so 1 corner of the table) but we could comfortably eat at it. I’m not sure I can keep it clear, we mainly eat on the sofa or on patches of clear table so that sounds very familiar💐

Table and lounge were both ‘better’ (and although this was broadly achieved by cramming stuff I should go through and bin into boxes against a wall) I’m trying to take the victory.

@Elleherd I’m glad aunt was supportive and appreciates the situation. Hoarding parent has gone to siblings this year but I shopped and was in their house packing with them so could see the ghost of Christmas future. And I’ve solved my space issues with a temporary solution too, so trying to forgive myself for doing the best I can in the circumstances.

@Literaturemakeslifebetter it sounds like you’re ready and riding the wave. Well done and take a moment to recognise what you have achieved and worry less about your to do list.

I listened to a podcast with Dr Marilyn Paul about the importance of rest and how we torture ourselves with our to do lists when we do really need time out (and the unwritten ‘haunt list’ of things we never did). So trying to give myself a break and live in the moment.

@BlackeyedSusan anything is progress and you’ve had so much to process just keeping going is a victory.

Here’s to a better year in 2023.

That's true ...sometimes all we can do is stop it getting worse as quickly.

I managed to run the dishwasher last night so it was ready to empty while I made my morning coffee earlier. I’m hoping to keep that up as for such a small thing it has a surprisingly big impact.

Thanks for this. Following. X

Well done @Miaowse hope you can keep it going.

Right. I need to get stuff done. Still lethargic and struggling and hobbling about on adore foot so probably not as much as needed but going to give it a go. Stand by for incoming lists...

(It is the only way I cope)

Kitchen table top hasn't been on show for months. Now that the bedroom isn't as horrific, the kitchen table / kitchen is top priority. Just plan to do a little to get started and fill a couple of bin bags from the bedroom.

Sometimes once I start, I struggle to stop which I find bizarre. 🤔

I do love your lists @BlackeyedSusan after my strong start (!) with the dishwasher all I have achieved is a light clean in the bathroom (needs something much more intensive really but I can’t use the heavy duty bleach stuff until school goes back), folded dry laundry, and gathered together about half a bag’s worth of recycling.

Welcome @IDontHaveTimeForFoolishness Sorry you find yourself here as it probably means you are living a stressful life, but the people on the thread are a supportive bunch and reading about decisions, struggles and wins can be really insightful and encouraging.

@TalkToTheHand123 Brilliant work; there must also be a tipping point where it suddenly goes from chaotic overwhelm to manageable. Every time you get rid of something you are removing the obligation of ever having to think about it/move it/clean it/make a decision about it. So that is multiple bin bags worth of stress for your future self that you have just lifted. Now if I can just channel your energy and make some headway here… same goes for @Literaturemakeslifebetter - 9 car loads is incredible! And I quite agree with your username (hence my struggles to reduce my enormous book collection)

@FiniteSagacity eating at the table would feel like a big win here! Well done.

For people who like watching YouTube videos for inspiration, I’ve remembered another one like - the messy minimalist.

Also feel like I haven't done much, but:
Found boys football boots and gloves and socks so he is off with dad. (Who's ten minutes turned into 40)
Boys breakfast drink phone charging

Hoovered under the computer desk and the patch of nearby carpet. (Ds was cross dd left a mess so it was a bit fraught)

Picked up and threw away a large handful of detritus from under dd's chair and random shit Ds dumps on the table.

Put the tube of Smarties I scoffed rather too quickly into the recycling bag. The bin men came today, there was a lot of rumbling and beeping but I was too sleepy to check which bins they were emptying)

Put up one load of washing,

Put another on and hung it.(associated decisions about what is urgent/needed when)

Cleared the clothes horse to make way for this washing. Took the clothes upstairs for dd to put away.

Not killed either child. (I'm hormonal and fucking furious and have sensory overload) (typing this out has shown me a couple of reasons I am so cross)

I am going to sit in silence for a bit.

That's quite a bit done @Miaowse

I write lists because I feel like I've done sod all but have done lots of bits and bobs even if not the thing I wanted to do. It helps feel like I am making progress or just stopping it getting worse so quickly.

You’ve done lots - hope a bit of quiet helps with regulation.

I agree with your point about all the decision making /forward planning needed with laundry. Even when things seem like they should be easy there’s often a lot of executive planning needed and I really struggle with this and I’m sure others on the thread can also empathise.

Thank you Miaowse. I am really seeing that most things just do not deserve their spots in the house because the amount of management each item takes is great so if a book is going to sit there unread for years, it can just go-when I want to read it I can get hold of it. This is helping me release. I have let go of so many clothes things with labels in which I thought one day I may wear and the thing is once they are gone they are gone forever. I feel like watching the YT vids like Minimalist Mom has somehow helped me shift my mindset and see the cost of holding onto all this stuff and I want a clear simpler house more than a storage place. So getting the real cost has helped me be really decisive as i no longer care what I paid for an item, I care what it is costing me now mentally to hold onto it which is far more than the cash I paid for it and when I think of it this way it really helps to release it. Well done everyone no matter where you are on your journey to de-hoard your stuff.

hello can I join?

after a really shit 18 months and my life just falling apart (still very hard, I already know 23 is going to be another awful year)
I’ve really let things slide in the house, I’m a hoarder anyway but stuff has really piled up and my whole house and life is chaotic.
I feel like I’m ready to part with some of late dhs stuff but actually getting it out of the house will be very hard ((struggle to let it go)

anyway today I took all the cardboard to the skips, tidied up downstairs and bought and put batteries in the tv remote ( I’ve bought two packs of batteries and lost them somewhere in the house)

cleared and made my bed, anyone who knows me know how cluttered one half of the bed is so that’s a win.

Just legging it in to welcome IDontHaveTimeForFoolishness and blackheartsgirl as just looked in on my way out thinking I had more time than I do. 🙄(nothing new there!)
Well done blackheartsgirl great start!

Huge well done to blackheartsgirl, that is an amazing start and if you are grieving, it is hard to do anything I am sure, you have taken action and that action will generate more action.

Thank you. I’m determined to start sorting my life out a bit, 2 members of my family are terminally ill and I’ve got so much beside that going on but I’m determined to organise mine and the dc lives so when the shit goes
down again next year at least I’ll be prepared .

baby steps though. Today was a start. I’m going to charge my fit bit tomorrow and reconnect to my phone and download a banking app to my phone. I have adhd too and even small tasks such as these I can’t get my head round.

oh and two loads of washing would be great as well.

Spent 45 mins tidying in kitchen. Managed to get to kitchen table and clear most of the stuff on it and around one side. Had only planned to spend 15 mins doing it.

Probs did a bit too much but nevermind. Had planned to do a little in main bedroom, but didn't have the energy.

Quite keen to start on the small bedroom. Can just about open the door to get in 😯. Usually I'd be dreading it, but the feeling of clearing out a lot of a room feels great and very motivating. Not as daunting when most of it is just to bag up and throw out.

Can't get my head around how it has got so bad, but not to worry, I'm sure I'll get there soon!