The Hoarders Anonymous Thread #7. Keep On Keeping On!

[Solo]

We are a mixed group of likeminded householders that are leading somewhat challenging lives; be that living with too much 'stuff' that we find difficult to deal with, houses that are falling apart (mine included), health issues within the family unit, wider family, or ourselves (myself included) that means sorting out our households is challenging, to say the least. So...

You are all welcome to join us for support, adding your own ideas to help others out, storage ideas, and even tips on actually getting those items out of the house which sounds so simple when you say it, but this part can be so very difficult; we are often attached emotionally to our 'things', afraid of letting things go just in case we need them.
Encouragement and support abound here, and we do not criticise. EVER! We even try not to criticise ourselves as it's not helpful to anyone, but this can be very difficult not to do.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by clutter, mess, disorganisation and generally don't know where to start. If you can't be bothered, but really do want to be bothered. If you think you are a bit lazy, or if you just need to see your highs and lows and everything in between on the screen here, join us, and we will help you. We'll virtually high-five your achievements - small or large, and virtually hug you when the need arises, and if you want a hug, just ask because we are here for you, here for one another because we get it. The art of washing up is sometimes our great achievement of the day, but it's still an achievement.

Welcome to thread #7 of Hoarders Anonymous - Keep On Keeping On!

Thread #6 HERE

I am finally winning in my war against the dumping ground corner in the bedroom. There's still a pile of things but it's much more open than it was (was crammed, with floor creep too). It just looks like a fairly normal, organized, pile of stuff now, with minimal floor creep. Some has been decluttered, mainly it's been better organized and redistributed to other areas in such a way as to ensure those areas maintain their tidiness too (the decluttering has been going on in all areas which sometimes frees up a bit of space). I can't remember the last time that area looked good. I just have to keep at it now.

I might aim for a no-buy year in 2024. Except for food, needed toiletries and cleaning supplies, fuel and car repairs. If I can manage it, it'll make quite a dent in everything.

@Elleherd I've finished SYLO now and am bereft! Currently watching Big House Clearout on Channel 5 instead which is similar... how scary about your work, is there any chance things will pick up after Christmas? I found it quite distressing that PT salaries had hardly gone up during the 5 year career break I took to have the DC, but the cost of everything certainly had!

I think the fridge culprit was half a mouldy cucumber @Miaowse, thankfully it was bin day so anything looking dodgy was sent for composting...

@BlueSummerBaby my DP will moan endlessly about 'clutter' in the house whilst maintaining a large pile of stuff in his side of the room he also only dusts his side once in a blue moon - I refuse to do it as he would only accuse me of losing/ breaking/ moving something 'important'!

From yesterday's jobs I accomplished:

• sorting out the fridge - DONE
• finishing going through the photos & adding them to the photo storage case - PARTLY DONE
• putting jewellery in a clear storage box and freeing up some storage space - DONE

I got sidetracked with the photos by noticing that the medicine drawer needed a clearout too, some of the stuff in there was years a bit out of date - so jobs for tomorrow are:

• finish putting photos in storage cases, recycle paper cases
• clear out stuff from the bottom of the wardrobe

I may yet be joining you on a no buy year BlueSummerBaby if work continues to be so quiet

Trying to stop myself going awol on all fronts!

Miaowse Hoping the routines come back easily. I know in my case, without them with what's happening now, we would be in unbearable chaos. They are what is keeping us just afloat when everything else is totally overloading me.

BlueSummerBaby well done with getting the corner under control. If you can do it, from what I've understood, a no buy 2024 could do a lot for your situation.

KittyTalbot It is scary how easily we can find ourselves at a financial disadvantage. I hope your work picks up. Part of my long term hoarding been driven by fear of not having enough. Living of what one already has, can help the realization of how out of kilter acquiring vs need, can or has become.

Update- Life's whizzing by, mainly out of control, and the next three weeks are going to be a nightmare of very hard work, long hours, and keeping it together.
It feels like things are going backwards. No choice but to go out acquiring so much in order to fulfill work projects. I hoped to use what I already have but ironically they turn out to want mainly what I don't have! So only way to make a tiny budget work is hunting out cheap fabric supplies, pound shops, and supplement it with hitting flea markets and buying lots of clothing, curtains and brica brac etc for cheap materials to make from. The effects of the disaster that is fast fashion etc, is now shockingly visible, but serving me right now.
Too much time spent, and so much stuff!
It's the opposite of all I've been training myself over and disheartening to be reacquiring rather than discarding. Worse, the 'acquiring for little, buzz' is getting re-energized. Trying hard to keep all of it in one place so when the works finished I can try and make sure as much as possible left over, actually leaves.

Insufficient hours in any day. Aunt's taking up too much time which I feel so guilty over, as she's going through so much and all she wants is her cats and to be back home. I can do one or the other, but both are huge time sinks.

Somehow today has to include launderette, flea market, taking cats to visit aunt, surface tidying both gardens, overdue form filling, and make a prototype outfit for a client presentation tomorrow. (arghh!) It's going to be a long day and the only potential decluttering is going to be of gardens and obligations.

Hoping everyone else is doing better.

Hi all. Not much (if any) progress recently but have told myself to stop drinking alcohol until house is a lot tidyer, so fingers crossed I can make some inroads before Xmas.

Hi everyone. Would I be able to join this thread?

I'm beyond stressed about my house, and am really starting to freak out. I have a toddler (age 2) and am expecting again in February... also have DSS(15).

Currently living with my parents and DD2 til we get things in order and convert loft for more space, but this has left DH (and DSS) to the day to day which has gradually increased the problem rather than reducing it! And the house is gradually falling to pieces as we've poured money into loft conversion with no savings now really to do anything else.

Loft conversion is nearly complete (next week!) which will mean DS15 can use this as bedroom when he is here. He is particularly filthy for a teen so I will have to restrict food in the room / really keep on top of him to make sure that stays clean, especially as it's less visible up an extra set of stairs (and it's easy for me to close the door and ignore the problem until it's a mountain of work to fix).

DD2 will have DS15's old room, which is cleared out and is being freshly painted and carpeted. Will need a deep clean prior to painting. I feel like this is a bit of a fresh start for the room!

Hall is empty and also being freshly carpeted and decorated. (Fresh start).

Living room has two big sideboard units which I'm planning to clear out and get rid of, to avoid having extra places to keep 'stuff'. Walls and skirtings need cleaned, and will also be freshly painted pre-Christmas. (Hopefully also fresh start!)

And kitchen also being re-painted prior to Christmas, but cupboards all need washed down, tons of stuff needs binned, one of the cupboard doors is hanging off, etc which needs fixed, dishwasher needs fixed.

Generally we've made good progress in the last few weeks........ (after I had a meltdown!) but I'm still feeling a bit defeatist. I went up last week to work from the house while workmen were in, and opened the bin to flies. Not sure when it had last been emptied. DH is working loads and is making the effort - clearing out old cupboards etc - but it's like he just doesn't see a lot of the dirt / grime! I was mortified to let the workmen in - DH had just shut the door on our bedroom, which was literally piled with junk, as had assumed that they wouldn't need in there (they did!) and also hadn't cleaned the bathroom as he felt it was 'fine' - it wasn't!

My energy levels are zero, I'm working full time and also running around after a toddler, so the day to day feels like a lot. Looking for a bit of support / tips / chat with others, without the judgement. My mum offered to help with cleaning, but I'm too embarrassed to let anyone else near the place. Just want to be able to have people over - especially when the baby comes! - without being mortally embarrassed.

Talk to the hand You're definitely a braver woman than me.😂That and caffeine is all that's keeping me going!

Welcome Bawbette. No negative judgement here. Sounds like you have a great deal going on, and are carrying a lot, but hopefully attempts at a fresh start hold promise even if very stressful.

I hear you on energy and time, and others 'increased the problem rather than reducing it!' is oh so familiar, along with different standards and selective blindness
I understand why you feel unable to take up your Mums offer, though if you can bring yourself to, and there aren't other reasons not to, it might make a big difference.... I wonder if there might be other ways she could help pick up some of the load? She sounds like she can see how difficult things are and wants to help...
Possibly best 'tip' )apart from reduce - (easier said than done for many of us) is that everything you own needs to have a place it should be. When things have a home, it makes tidying up possible.

Amazingly Sundays list mainly happened! Not much attacking of gardens, but aside from daffodils, did get large number of bulbs that have been waiting since September, planted into pots. They're sitting in the greenhouse and I'm hoping they'll still grow. An investment of hope for a better future.
Form filling didn't happen but that at least has a decent deadline date. One majpr piece of work almost finished today. Onward and upwards.

Hi everyone,
I was on a few threads back, and remember what a lovely and supportive group you are.

I've hit a sort of crisis point with the house. Discovered a month ago that we have mice, which has been a nightmare. I'm trying to clear stuff out, fill in all the holes. There are so many holes, nothing is finished or fitted properly. I've abandoned the 2 sets of kitchen draws, because they are completely open at the back, and the mice go behind them. My plates and cutlery etc is now in a chest of draws in the living room, the living room is full of plastic boxes of crap, the hoover lives in front of the TV as I have nowhere else to put it.
I have never liked my house. Due to unfortunate circumstances at the time (eldest dd in and out of hospital) I never saw it before moving in. If I had I would never have bought it. My husband (who chose it) spends as little time in the main house as possible, he basically lives in the loft conversion and comes down for meals. For the last 4 years I have raised 2 kids (a baby and a toddler when we moved) largely unaided in a run down nightmare of a house. I've not done it well. I don't clean, or at least not nearly enough. Pre-mice I frequently didn't tidy either. I am so sad that no matter how hard I try it never seems to improve much. I decided to get rid of 2/3rds of my dvds. Stuff I loved. But I don't have the energy to get a dvd working now, don't have time to rewatch old favourites, and I'm just not the person that bought them any more.
Sorry, that was a very long moan. I've spent today crying because it's all too much. Thank you for this safe space to let it all out.

Welcome back @GlumyGloomer ☕️

I can completely relate to your situation - our house was a compromise too (location good, actual house was really a favour to DH’s family member and would never have chosen the layout or the maintenance it requires).

I also remember well the overwhelm of small children and DH worked away a lot (it’s now DCs are older that he disappears and considers the house my problem because obviously all the stuff is my responsibility 🙄).

I know the solution is little and often and I have bursts of progress but I’m often tired and can’t get started… so moan away and I hope you can find what works for you.

“Unbearable chaos” is precisely right, Elleherd I don’t know why I’m so stuck.

positives
I properly cleaned my sink at the weekend, and it’s still in good shape. Laundry is being done regularly but I’m still never on top of it. Too much inventory as the minimal mom would say… I’ve not been following the one in (at least) one out rule.

I finally relinquished some favourite pyjamas. They had little holes along the seams but as the holes were rather small I’d been hanging onto them and wearing on period nights. Before I last washed them I intentionally ripped one of the small holes into a much bigger one. Now clean & dry, they (and the matching top) are finally in the rag bag!

FiniteSagacity your final paragraph resonates so much.

Welcome to new people and returners.

Hi all. I've managed to fill 2 big black bags worth of clutter from the bedroom which I'm quite chuffed about. House still messy in every room but I can see a bit of progress.

I find if I set myself a certain amount of time tidying I can get motivated.

Had a couple of drinks last night but nothing silly.

Thank you for the welcome ☺
FiniteSagacity it's exactly that, he somehow seems the house as my responsibility. He keeps expressing the hope that the problem will be sorted soon, whilst not lifting a finger because his job is 'too stressful' to do anything else 🙄
A cupboard under the stairs sorted today. No real mouse holes to fill, but I did chuck a suitcase and loads of replaced but not thrown bags on the junk pile. I've not gained any visible space, but it's nice to have the gas meter more readily accessible.

Aww @GlumyGloomer , my cupboard under the stairs has been clear for a few months now since being full for years. I'm so tempted to fill it all with clutter but managing to refrain for now.

@bawbette that sounds like immensely hard work with a toddler and soon a new baby to cope with! Our house extension ran massively overdue and they were still finishing it whilst I was in hospital having the DTs honestly, please do take up your DM's offer of helping with the cleaning if you can, once things are reasonably clean you'll feel much better. I struggled for years to keep the oven clean and finally paid someone to clean out all the gunk, no regrets

@Elleherd I had to throw away bulbs as they were just ruined from hanging around for ages waiting for me to have the time to plant them I have bought myself some lovely seed sorting tins though to put my veg & flower seed packets in month order, which at least makes me feel more organised...

@TalkToTheHand123 our cupboard under the stairs is quite organised at the front. Yippee! And full of clutter in the bit behind that that I can't get to. Very annoying!

@Miaowse I had a big clothes clearout recently and gave lots of rags to our local charity shop for them to recycle for cash, things like the DC's filthy school tops and holey trousers which no one could possibly want to buy... made me feel a bit better about the clothes not lasting very long!

@GlumyGloomer that sounds really, really hard - what a crap situation to be in. DP is definitely not the most supportive partner and he was utterly useless when the DC were small (although plastered his Facebook page with photos of them in a typical Disney dad way ) - he is slightly better now but I think that's mainly due to him realising that they're not going to be small children much longer, so he'd better actually spend time with them whilst he can! Is there anything you could do to improve things - no chance of selling and moving somewhere nicer/ easier to look after/ more convenient? Do you have a decent pest control company sorting out the mice?! We haven't had mice in the house <touches wood frantically> but we did have bedbugs a few years ago and it was HORRIFIC

I'm still plodding on, I really like the TOMM theory and Gemma's podcasts but just haven't worked out HOW I'm supposed to find half an hour a day to keep on top of the cleaning!! I mean 30 minutes sounds great but that's in addition to doing a load of laundry, making packed lunches, loading/ unloading the dishwasher, washing up everything else, vacuuming downstairs, supervising homework, cooking dinners, taking the DC to various activities, etc etc. I'm working my way through the messy house bootcamp and have got rid of loads of bags of 'stuff' - rags donations, clothes and accessories to the charity shops, toiletries to the food bank etc - but there still seems to be so bloody much to go, it's quite disheartening. I've written myself an 'elephant list' with all the tasks I need to complete before I might feel that the house is finally done, means I have 25 tasks to go before I've eaten the elephant bit by bit, but I work much better with a to do list so here's hoping that it helps!!

Am still trapped in the having to acquire materials cycle of major work projects at the same time as making, and deadlines that mean most else has to take a back seat. So far I think I've had to aquire the equivilent of eight sack-fulls with half in my work space and the rest here. I'm trying to keep proper track in trhe hope of ensuring it all leaves again.
Only progress here is in whats been prevented from getting worse.
It’s the weekend and facing a huge maintenance list as well as work-related stuff for deadlines, to get through
Two large projects are Christmas related, so glitter of all sizes and bits of lurex are getting everywhere as I end up tracking it back home when I can’t get things finished at work, just to add to it all and I'm dreading what happens when Christmas hits.

Welcome back Glummy, though sorry life’s so tough and you’re not getting the support you need. Well done with the cupboard. You probably already know, but the holes mice can get through are ridiculously small. Despite appearances, when you put a mouse next to a pencil, generally anything a pencil can go into, a mouse can get through.

Talk to the hand Well done on progress, and in keeping the alcohol sensible.
Miaowse bit by bit we can make things leave and get routines to work … In agreement with Finite Sagacity’s post resonating.
Kitty Don’t underestimate the feeling of having things under control. The feeling of not, can make us more chaotic and give up hope, so to me the reverse is true to. With you on difficulties in finding the time.

KittyTalbot bed bugs are literally my worst nightmare, I really hope we never get those (although they are on the rise sadly). Good luck with the list. I baulked at the TOMM just half an hour thing too, there's no way I can even fit a laundry load into half an hour, unless I always use the emergency 15 minute cycle and that doesn't feel good enough for stuff like towels.
I try to set myself a minimum standard of stuff to get done in the week, but rarely stick to it these days.

Thanks for the welcome back Elleherd, sounds like things are very busy for you at the moment. I can imagine it's frustrating to have work materials taking over the home, good luck getting everything finished.

After sealing every gap I could find and still having a mouse leap out at us the other night I bought some glue traps. I half expected these to be a bust like the other traps, but after only a couple of hours I was alerted by distressed squeaking. I half considered trying to save it with olive oil on the glue or something crazy, but realistically i'd just be prolonging the distress, so I went for the swift kill option instead. I feel quite horrible about it now, like if I'd just kept a handle on my fear I never would have done that. It may well have been dying from poison anyway, but that doesn't make me feel hugely better. Left out a strategic crumb overnight, which was still there by morning, so it's just possible that we're now mouse free. I don't feel happy about that yet, just so sad that any of it happened.

Hello, my beautiful friends! How are you all?

I have not got far at all. But I did something that I shouldn't have done and it's niggling at my conscience. There was a carrier bag with odd cables, broken smoke detectors, a carbon monoxide detector, and some broken light bulbs in, that I kept having to step over. I put the whole bagful into the general rubbish, and I feel bad about it. So bad and I know that it will keep popping up into my head. I just wanted rid of it from the house, the floor, etc., but instead, it's living in my head.

Washing up has piled up again - although it's not terrible.

I admit that I'm stressed over too much at the moment to do much.

And I need to catch up here, too.

Welcome new people

Lovely to see you @Solo 💐
Dana from a slob comes clean helped me with the guilt about not always doing the ‘ideal’ thing.
I’ve had to deal with hoarding parent’s home a lot recently, thankfully often with support from siblings. Some of the things I’ve had to deal with there I have just not been able to deal with in the ‘ideal’ way. Time constraints and conditions mean its just not practical pick through piles for recycling and donating, quantity needs to be removed - so the general rubbish has had to be the solution several times. We do what we can with what resources we have (and time and patience are resources).

Meanwhile I can’t get to my cupboard under the stairs… it has been years. So tomorrow is another day and if I can do my dishes almost every day and do 5 minutes in my house (juggling with family, work and hoarding parent’s house) then I’m still better than before almost every day.

I'm resorting to being up stupidly early to manage things, partly because I can't sleep anyway. Not sure I'm going to survive all this, but still trying.

Good to see you Solo. Totally relate to being ' stressed over too much to do much.' Re getting the bag out of your head; it might help to focus on not every item that goes into the bin ends up in landfill. There is a fair chance that a lot of it will have either been picked out on hand sorting, and or caught by magnets during processing. All depends on how your council processes rubbish and who it goes on to.
Don't know if it's the same for you,but I generally find when I'm beating myself up over things I've done wrong that I could have made better choices over, it indicates that there is a great deal going on that I actually have no control over.

Finite thank you for the reminder that "time and patience are resources." It's very timely.

(edited to remove waffle!)

Hello hello! Nice to see you Solo, these feelings of guilt are very normal but try to make peace with the letting go. Agree with Elleherd that it might be pointing to other stuff going on and emotions around that.

My paid job has been very busy and I’m feeling swamped and stressed. I also have a ton of SEN/medical admin to deal with. I need to try the “just 5 minutes” trick on it. Also on the to do list is a coffee with a friend for a long overdue catch up. That should raise my spirits somewhat.

I broke down yet more boxes for recycling. Where the hell do they all come from??

Like FiniteSagacity I’m trying to deal with dishes every day (and my laundry routine is not too bad apart from the putting away step). Back to basics, better is good.

Good luck in your endeavours everyone! Elleherd take care of yourself and don’t burnout

@GlumyGloomer when we had a couple of mice in the house thanks to DCat (who brought them in alive and dropped them ) the pest control chap told me the best way is peanut butter on a traditional snap-bang trap - worked for us sadly for the mice

Completely empathise with just wanting stuff out of the house @Solo - we have a couple of big bits of furniture ready to go which the charity shops don't want and I've been unable to sell so far - they'll be Freegled soon at this rate, even though I was hoping to make a few £££ from them...

Both my parents (long since divorced) are hoarders @FiniteSagacity they blamed each other for the house being a state when they were together, but now they're apart their houses are even worse!! DF 'never gets round' to cleaning/ tidying/ throwing away, DM is 'too busy' to sort out her stuff into the nice shelves and cupboards she had built in her house. They have both been retired for years

@Miaowse the boxes just pile up here too, but I know I'll have to keep a few at some point as I have some presents to post - sod's law as soon as they've all gone I'll need them again! I would love to have an hour free to meet a friend for coffee, but I'm either at work/ looking after the DC (who were utterly vile this evening)/ busy doing house stuff at the weekend because DP would moan and moan if I took a whole hour to myself...

@Elleherd I'm keeping on top of my TOMM stuff and ploughing on with emptying the loft; I must have taken a dozen boxes out and it looks just as messy and crowded, how is that possible?! I'm really hoping that by January I'll feel more on top of things. Hope your work project is going well too!

Miaowse If I get up any earlier I'm going to meet myself going to bed! However I've discovered it's possible to get more admin done when everyone else is asleep, so... Wouldn't recomend it longer term, it's exhausting but as a fix for dealing with a backlog it seems to work reasonably.

Kitty This stuff runs in families. Never sure what's inherited and what's learnt behavior.
Quite often things do get messier in the process of being tidied. I've found focusing on what you know you have achieved regardless of what it looks like, ie a dozen boxes have gone, helps when the results aren't visually satisfying. An awful lot of what I do feels invisible and can result in feeling I'm not achieving anything if I'm not careful.

@KittyTalbot thanks, I've not tried snaps yet, might be the next port of call. I really feel for you not being able to take even an hour for yourself. That was my life for 4 years, and it was utterly miserable. My light at the end of the tunnel was my lovely parents moving closer to us, and suddenly my world opened up because they actually like having the kids (unlike H, sadly).

This morning I moved 2 bin liners of dvd boxes from the kitchen to the junk pile in the back garden. Not having a car makes it hard to physically get stuff out.
Like Solo I feel bad about not dealing with stuff in the most environmentally correct way possible, but sometimes stuff just needs to be gone, without taking any more time or energy from me. The rubbish removal service we usually use claimes to sort and recycle where possible, so I just cross my fingers that they actually do it.
The dvd discs now live in 2 smart folders, which look nice (and small) on the book shelf. And the amazon boxes those folders arrived in are on the kitchen floor, sigh. Cardboard bin was emptied this morning, so I will have fun refilling it later.

Somehow this afternoon i summoned the energy to get the crate of duplo divided between 4 boxes, then listed it on vinted cheap to shift. I think I went too cheap, and everyone tried to bundle all the boxes, which totally muddled me and brought me out in a cold sweat due not being able to please everyone (plus people cancelling orders to do bundles, or because I wouldn't sell a second box even cheaper). Hope I have better luck with the v tech toot toot's tomorrow.
All being done by stealth too, as although kids agreed to them being sold 6 months ago I have no doubt that seeing the outgoing toys would cause an argument....