With no parents as a child to help me to learn cleaning/ organisational/ budgeting skills, my home has become horrific and I am hoping someone has tips please? Possible TW in my background

[LadyInParis]

So as above, I never had effective parents (so called father ditched when I was 2, mum then married stepfather when I was 4, and all I saw from then until she committed suicide when I was 13, was an alternate cycle between when she left him and became a happy and sober single wonderful mother who taught me how to be the kind genuine and considerate person I am today, and she was lots of fun, and the other half of the cycle where she got back with him, and exposed me to viewing extreme physical abuse from him to her, and then her subsequent drinking and not being present as a parent. I saw her being wheeled out by paramedics throwing up pills and so on, it was horrific, then she committed suicide when I was 13.)

So as a bit of background I was basically living in fear all of the time, and desperate need for validation and love, as well as the need to protect her and my little brother, it was all just pure emotional and physical trauma. Always basically in survival mode. Although she was a wonderful person and a wonderful mother when she was well (I understand this may be hard to understand- as on the face of it you could easily say she was the worst mother ever but.. I was there- and I can’t take away from her the wonderful things she taught me)

Anyway I digress! The point is from age 2 up until age 13, my life was one big mess of emotional chaos and trauma. From there, I was passed around from family member to family member, often in extremely toxic environments. I recall being around age 15/16 and running away. To avoid the streets I (unbelievably) went to stay with my stepdad (I know ) but I really didn’t want to live on the streets. After a while he sat me down and told me I had to leave. I was heartbroken thinking I had done something wrong. On the contrary- in his words (remember I was 15/16) I “reminded him too much of my mum and he ‘wanted’ me.” (This turned out later to be the tip of that vile iceberg). Then I went into the hands of social services who deemed me “too old” for proper housing with say foster care but too young yet for a real home of my own. In other words we can’t help you... so they put me in a bed and breakfast alone and gave me 5 pounds a day to live on. My life did improve to some extent and I ended up in college then university and then later got my own flat. By then I had run up huge debts. Was behind in many bills, and generally struggled to maintain or create any kind of proper home life schedule in terms of budgeting, shopping, paying bills and all of that stuff. I was often in the dark and freezing cold with no food because of my lack of skills meaning I had no money for those things. I struggled to maintain jobs, I just struggled. I was there for 7 years before I went to Paris, and met my now fiancé who I live with, in Paris, and he provides an excellent source of emotional support and has a very good job meaning that although I don’t work (I don’t speak the language despite living here for 3 years and I struggle to even go out) we don’t struggle for money. I am still clearly struggling to “be an adult”.

So when we first moved into this apartment (our second one) I was so happy. I had a cleaning cupboard, I kept it so lovely and clean and it was amazing. Then I suffered a really bad bout of long depression. And my fiancé and me let the place get out of control. Which made my depression and anxiety worse, and therefore my coping skills and house keeping skills worse. Like a cycle.

I have now gotten out of this cycle of depression and I want my home back!!! I want to learn to budget. I want to do shopping that doesn’t leave loads of out of date wasted food. I want to cook daily and clean daily (normal top up cleaning) and plan my budget and shopping around the weekly meals. He works so so hard to give us a wonderful life. I think the least I can do, instead of staying in bed depressed all day, is keep a nice home and cook dinner for us both, and do the food shopping (because when I got into my depression he was working hard, doing the shopping, getting my medicine, washing clothes, etc) and this really isn’t on. He’s been great about it, but that isn’t the point. I want to take all this stuff off his hands- he has recently become extremely stressed and quite unwell due to exhaustion and this was a big factor in me having my eyes forced open and waking me up to real life - pulling myself out of my depression. The shame of it!!

There are so many repairs I need to do. Painting too which is half finished. I need to also essentially clear out whole rooms to clean inside cupboards then re fill them after a sort out. I need to have a good sort through and get rid of clutter. I need to clean the sofa. I need to clean every single surface and continue the painting and do the repairs. All whilst implementing the new budget and cooking and shopping regime. I need to wash soooo many cushion covers and throws and clothes. I need to make space. There is so so so much that needs doing that I am just completely overwhelmed by it all. The whole place needs a complete overhaul, scrub, sort out and throw, clean, organise, and repairs as well as decorating finished. All whilst maintaining said food and shopping stuff as above.

I don’t know where to start, it’s all so overwhelming that I feel massively stressed at the idea of it all. It makes it so hard to just even start! I don’t know where to start! I have a list of all that needs doing, and I have made charts for budgets and things like that.

But practically speaking I don’t know where to start. All I see is the whole thing. I struggle to break it down in my mind. I’m lost.

Does anyone have any kind of advice or ideas on how I can start the process and see things I can do one at a time rather than seeing the whole thing and being overwhelmed? Has anyone been in similar, and gotten through it? And how? Anything would be helpful right now. I am so ashamed and I really really miss the beginning when we first moved in and I had my cleaning cupboard and everything was done to the T- I even used to dry the kitchen sink I was that “on top” of things. I miss that so terribly!

I never had a role model ever, to see how a house should be run. Although I know how, it was never ingrained in me and my mental health and trauma means that even though I technically “know” how to be a proper adult, it’s very hard for me to actually put it into place. Especially when I get depressed. Once our home is back to normal I know it’s so much easier to keep on top of. But how do I get back there? It’s so very overwhelming. I’m scared.

Please help?

You sound fab OP. Everything you do will be a step in the right direction so don’t feel disheartened if some days you do less well than others.

I agree with PP, get as much sorting done before you repair / paint. You’ll be grateful when you get to painting that you have less clutter to shift about.

When the chores feel overwhelming, I start in the areas that bothers me the most. For me this is, clearing and cleaning the kitchen worktop and cleaning the bathroom. I feel better when it’s done.

I also really like the smell of some cleaning products. Zoflora and some citrus bathroom cleaners so enjoy using them. Also have some nice clothes conditions that make the house smell nice when washing is drying. xx

@Slothkin thank you that’s really helpful- indeed so little amount storage wise! It’s terrible! But controllable if I am clever about it/ organised! Who thought to put a dish washer in a kitchen- but no oven? I mean- really! These places are insane! As much as I love my dishwasher I would rather have had the space used by an oven but.. cest la vie!! Haha. Thank you for the great advice about shopping- the stuff about meat and shopping around for the cauliflower etc, I would never have thought of that it just wouldn’t occur to me and yet is so very helpful!! But the stuff about beans pulses spices etc we do do now; mainly through accident! My fiancé I asked him to buy baked beans (not too simple as it sounds in Paris weirdly!) and he came back with beans and whatever they were- cannelloni beans or something in water haha. But they have been so useful for cooking! So stuck with that now

@Woulditbeworth

Thank you so much for the lovely post! I needed to hear that today, after the past couple of days of stress due to my uncle who apparently thinks that my 3 and a half year relationship is me “running around the world with a man I don’t know and have nothing in common with and no connection with” I am apparently deluded beyond belief, and he apparently speaks for the whole family when he says he is concerned for my health, my mental health, and my safety. Yet when I call the home of my grandad who he lives with, he’s so “concerned” he lied about being “super busy” which was in fact (I found out later as grandad told me by accident) he was playing computer games. I looked through my past messenger history with him as saw clear as day- missed calls after missed calls from me to him from last year to this. That’s how concerned he is he was absolutely vile. All because I called him out on his lack of adulting in regards to being too lazy to ever make an effort. And boy did he go to town on me! It’s not true by the way. My grandad is the most annoyingly opinionated man in the world believe me- and if the “whole family were worried and keep telling me and giving me advice and I just ignore it and do what I want anyway like I always do” believe me- my grandad would be on the highest of rooftops and screaming the loudest. Instead he is incredibly supportive (for the first time ever!) is interested in my life, knows loads about my life and my fiancé (not the “stranger” my uncle claims!) and is supportive and happy for me for the first time in my life. I think his choice of words say a lot- the advice I never actually ask for (because if I ever did ask him- I would get a bloody tirade of don’t get married - yes indeed he is two time divorced kids with two different women etc- and I don’t judge his choices yet.. ugh!) he was awful. Really really awful. I’m deluded and out of touch with reality apparently! He’s 9 years my senior behaving like this!!
I got so fed up of this. Being the one adult in the family that they want to keep in the “abused girl with mental health problems” box for EVER. And so nothing I can ever do is ever right! Sorry that’s not fair because it’s only him who thinks that way! My aunt has said nothing, I don’t speak to the rest of the toxic lot, and grandad is happy for me for the first time ever.. so where is he getting this “all of us” from? I rang grandad and he was so confused to be honest this uncle does have a bit of a “head of the family” complex. Always has had an ego.. As being the “good” one, the “rational” one, the “successful” one except.. now his consequences of his life choices aren’t quite panning out like that of a good rational and successful man, he’s becoming bitter with it and clinging to the last shreds of this ego with all he has. And the odd thing is, despite this post, I never judge him. Not ever. In fact before this incident I had rose tinted glasses on re him- I thought he was great. Until he tried to rip my life and me and my partner to shreds. He even used quote marks to describe my “successful life”! I mean really! So now the blinkers are off I suppose. And I really looked at him and his life, and saw that really, he’s just a very unhappy man. His words hurt me deeply. My partner too. Very much. But I have worked too long and too hard for him to bring me down - I don’t allow him to have that power anymore. Nor anyone. Though I don’t deny he hurt me terribly. I was crying and really shaking with shock.

As for me and my lovely “stranger”?

We finished the toilet room and shower room. I’m now happy to announce that-

All rooms are clean decluttered and organised

Woohoo! Now ready for the budget and shopping routine to come about, and repairs and finishing decorating. And we have a happy plateau on which to build our very happy new life together!!

I have to say despite uncle dick heads- it’s been truly wonderful! And great for the mental health too! Such a routine and boundaries and rules and things that i never had as a child myself- I now found the power to put into place myself. In a different way. I will never have a mothers touch. But I can be the mothers touch. You know? Ready for our own family, our own wedding, the start of a normal real life. Despite the nasty nay sayers, it can be done. It will be done. I’m very happy and excited for the future!!

Sorry for the rant

@Woulditbeworth for me it’s bleach, the smell of bleach, drying washing and coffee and toast in a clean kitchen even if I don’t drink coffee myself haha!

@Slothkin In fact my grandad made a very good point re the purchase of our plug in oven when I asked him for advice how he used to do things when he worked and gave my nan money for shopping.. and he said “but how much did you spend and what are you going to do with that oven now when you buy a house soon? I’m guessing you’ll be buying a house in a couple of years so be careful what you spend money on. Never get in debt. And save for the stuff you want”. Good point grandad! I didn’t think of that and now we’re gonna end up with two ovens though they could be useful! (And it was nice to hear grandad talk like that about our life given “everyone is telling me they are worried and I am out of touch with reality” he’s the only one! The only one! I think it shows who is really out of touch when he’s the only one!)

Anyway .. he gave some great and helpful advice. If not a bit dated re me and my personality! He still thinks I am terrible with money (I’m not I have grown up now!) and that fiancé should take care of money! But easier to agree because really, he’s doing his best to be supportive and helpful and he doesn’t mean to be so.. dated. Just trying to help! I think my whole family has this problem of putting people in boxes so to speak; and keeping them there. They do struggle to move on with things. But at least grandad is trying to be helpful even if he is a bit dated about it (and accidentally called me almost 35 yesterday the bugger!)

How is everyone else doing with their house overhauls? Xx

Bit of a lazy start to the day for me! For a nice change in a very weird way now! Given recent changes and my fairly strict new routine etc, I haven’t got up to do breakfast etc (he can get some toast if he likes but I will make dinner soon! I do most stuff for him as is so he can bring me tea today )

I hope this afternoon will be more active. (Impending migraine is saying no!)

So I’m just lazing around in the other room, browsing mumsnet, while my dear stranger is in other room, working —arguing with the cockatiels— I think I’ll go and empty the dishwasher!
Hope everyone is having a nice day too!

From what I can hear of the “conversation” it consists of- cockatiel (Freddie) screaming.

Dear Stranger saying “I can get a new cockatiel you know”

Freddie- “scream”

Dear stranger- “I can and I will. I can get a new quiet bird who will tell you how to be quiet.”

Freddie- “sqwauk”

Dear stranger- (thinking he’s now winning the row) “yes I can. I can go to the shop, Right. Now”

Freddie- continues to scream even louder

Dear stranger- “I’m sick of it. I really am.
You’re not fair at all. I really am sick of it.” (Like the bird understands )

It’s been interesting! Haha

Note to all- no animals were harmed in this ridiculous row, and no voices raised! And no threat of rehoming and replacement will be carried out! He is loud to be fair- dear stranger has music on for him and is now clapping along to the music for the amusement of said bird

Oh to add- it’s so so so lovely that it’s all done now, for days like today and yesterday etc. I don’t feel too good anxiety- wise, have a migraine coming on, family drama that put me back a ways mental health- wise (the irony of that!) etc. I have just got up and cleaned round- took ten mins to put stuff back, straighten up etc.

I’m going to shower then do the dishwasher then an egg on toast for us for dinner. It’s all so quick and easy now. Life is smooth even on hard days. That it’s made the hard days.. kind of normal. Like they aren’t so hard if that makes sense. Who knew!

Struggling to get my butt into gear big time today! Luckily the house is fine. I need to shower and make some dinner. He’s just nipped out for a filter replacement for the fish tank. Ugh! Feel heavy emotionally. Wonder if it’s emotional fall out from family argument? After it happened I was high anxiety, now I’m high anxiety low energy too- like I’m coming down from the emotional high strung part of it, back to harsh reality. From survival mode to sadness kind of thing. But I don’t feel as bad as I used to because I’m far more secure in myself and the fact that my home is clean and most things done helps too- I’m functioning basically. Whereas before; no chance! So I’m glad for that. Tomorrow will be better (emotionally!)

It’s odd to me that my uncle is so concerned for my health safety and well being - apparently- yet he is the sole cause of this current state of mind of mine. If I weren’t feeling stronger than before, then it really would have messed me up terribly. Self harm etc. At least I’m now in a better place to deal with it but the question remains in my mind- if he is so concerned about my health, mental health, safety, etc- then why would he not speak to me ever? Why lie about being busy to play computer games? Then when called out on it- claim all this “traipsing round the world with a stranger and everyone is worried and keeps telling you and you don’t listen” bull shit which is clearly not true? And thusly make me feel like shit, and have my mental health and self worth take a bartering; from which I have to then recover, I have to then pull myself up from the shit by my boot straps. I have to then reason his hurtful shite out of my mind and weigh up the real reality of the situation. And I have to then delve deep to not let it bother me. And I have to deal with the leftover feelings of hurt and shock at his words. It’s fucking exhausting. Really and truly, and yet I was doing so so well both in my life- and mentally. Until he said all that. Suddenly I am feeling like shit for an uncle who worries that my mental health is shit? I mean?????! When before I was quite happy- I am very happy. Just why! I don’t understand. Obviously I am way more hurt than I realised. It lingers like a bad taste. Even though I know it’s bullshit. I know he’s just a very unhappy man. I know he wants his comfort zone of - I am the smart, successful, clever, rational, sane one in this family but- is grappling with the reality of his choices in his life which don’t reflect this. And now I am happy on my own path in life for a change, I’m just starting out. I pulled myself out of the shit and filth and fucking sewer of a life I was given- and let myself continue to live in for a long time- by myself with NO help from anyone but my fiancé. And now that makes him uncomfortable because I’m not in his neat little box anymore of the abused girl who fucks up her own life and is a victim. I’m not that anymore. I’m a happy grown woman in my own right and I did it with no help from him. I don’t know that he knows what to do with that. He can’t feel happy for me clearly- otherwise then I’m not in his box and he would have to put emotional energy into actually getting to know me now. And he doesn’t fit into his own box that he put himself into either. And he doesn’t know what to do with any of it. And the sad part of it all is that all he needs to do is ditch the fucking box! I respect him and love him as an individual in his own right- no matter his life circumstance and choices. Why can’t he do the same for himself and for me? If I had ever, ever gave him any reason ever for having any concern (well he is playing the concern card isn’t he) I would maybe understand (though he is taking way too far) except.. I haven’t. I haven’t given him any reason to be concerned beyond the fact that I am in a different country, and he doesn’t know my fiancé. But.. he has had many years now (3 and half) to get to know him! Even my crotchety moody 80 year old stuck in his ways grandad asks about him- how is he, he says hello on speakerphone and stuff, he even knows all about Ramadan and all kinds now! He knows him as best as possible over a phone. And if we get the chance to meet in person then he will know even more. Because he has taken the time to do so. So where is my uncle basing this crap? Apparently my relationship is too “convenient”, how it all came about? Convenient for who? My fiancé? Well that’s as far from true as can be. I have poked and prodded and provoked that man for dear life (to my shame) before I could finally trust that he isn’t going to rape me, or break my nose like my past exes. He has his own visa in France that he alone gets with no help from me; and that he works bloody hard for in his daily life running his business to stay in this country. And has it been convenient for me? Hell no! I miss England. It’s been hard. Life is hard. I have no friends here. So in total no it hasn’t been at all convenient for me or my fiancé. We work hard together to ensure we have a good healthy relationship with respect and trust and love. So what does he even mean? Is he suggesting that it’s convenient for me because my fiancé has money? Because that is fucking batshit- I could make my own bloody money than living with no friends in a country I really do not like or understand. Is he saying it’s convenient for my fiancé? What does that mean? That my fiancé wants a visa or what? Because he’s so sadly mistaken if he thinks that! As I explained above.

I just don’t get it. Why not just be supportive, loving. Why label everyone in your family? Why label and put the pressure on himself? He’s making himself unhappy with this labelling thing.

I’m sorry for the rant i don’t know where that came from. I’m feeling very sad at the moment I really am. It’s bothered me more than I realised.

Magnificent rant. Your uncle sounds vile. (but next time could you divide your rant into more paragraphs...)

Every time I get the flat like I want, I rest on my laurels for far too long. I hate routine, so find it difficult to do the same things every day
OTOH, we all need rest days, even God had Sunday off after making the world.

@TheSilveryPussycat

That made me laugh- I’m sorry you are right! I hate trying to read through walls of text! Should follow my own standards

I have been ok today in terms of doing stuff (after many rests!) It’s just seemed harder today. But I have enjoyed the routine. It’s somehow kept me going off the edge into full on lying in bed in a heap of filth! But you are right in the sense that even though I do have more stuff to do, I have gotten too comfortable now and need to up my game a bit! Resting on my laurels I am!

Things are infinitely better. I shouldn’t let dick head family members get to me like that. It was just such a shock- I really had rose tinted glasses on before re this particular uncle. Lesson learned!

Magnificent rant this made me truly! I have never heard my rants described as something magnificent - I’ll take it thank you! You should see what I sent him- ooft! I have no doubt he would have cringed in shame (if he has any!)

But you’re right about rest days. I do need to not push it too much on “off” days- I’m not a machine. This is all new and mistakes and lazy days are a given aren’t they!

Thank you for your lovely support

I have to trick myself into doing housework! I am currently focusing on getting the sparkly bits sparkling again, and ignoring mess for the time being.

Fortunately I have a flat inspection by the lettings agency next Monday, which will help my motivation a lot I would really like to do a proper spring clean, but we will see.

You may well already know OP but for baked beans there are a number of M&S food stores in Paris! Spaghetti hoops, marmite and Yorkshire tea were my homesick treats when I was abroad that really helped on a difficult day - sometimes a cup of tea, slice of marmite toast and an episode of Fraiser did a great deal for my mental well-being!

@Slothkin

Oh the marks and Spencer in Paris! I relied on them heavily and for a long time most of our food was bought from there. At long last- real milk, bread, proper sausages, BROWN SAUCE! Haha all English food ❤️ But.. after the Covid stuff, second time round lockdown stuff, my fiancé went there for a shop and.. the shelves were practically empty. We aren’t too sure as to what is going on there- apparently one of the staff mentioned something about brexit. So we aren’t too sure if it’s closing due to brexit, or if they are waiting for the new deals to come through for stock now due to brexit- or even if they just don’t have much stock due to Covid making overseas travel difficult. We just don’t know. Perhaps it’s worth another trip and see if things are back to normal again. It’s very sad because I really loved having a taste of home. Marie Rose (Marie something.. I think it’s rose!) and King Edward potatoes like my nan used to use! Etc!

But you have to work with what you have and the fact is that we’re lucky to have food, and the workers who make sure we don’t go hungry despite the risks of Covid. And be thankful for what we have. And so I make “home” foods like my nan used to make- with what I have. Thankfully we found beans in Paris haha- monoprix. “Haricots et tomate” or something they are called! And anything we can’t find (like good cake- the English sort- I have started to make myself. Have to look on the bright side

I hope the m and s are sorted if not now then soon although I appreciate this pointer because I would have been made up had I not known there was an m and s!

I love this point you made..

sometimes a cup of tea, slice of marmite toast and an episode of Fraiser did a great deal for my mental well-being!

Yes!!! Well minus the marmite but say.. a tea, proper tea haha with proper milk, and English biscuits, and friends on repeat! It really does help the home sickness! That’s the problem really I guess- I have terrible home sickness for the things I became so used to. Like I said I can make the stuff I can’t find, and make do with what we have. I’m hardly starving! But I miss my home stuff. I miss gravy!!!!!! I miss jam roly poly and custard! Haha.

@TheSilveryPussycat

I have to trick myself into doing housework! I am currently focusing on getting the sparkly bits sparkling again, and ignoring mess for the time being.

Fortunately I have a flat inspection by the lettings agency next Monday, which will help my motivation a lot grin I would really like to do a proper spring clean, but we will see.

And this in spades haha! I’m the same! So he had time off work and so I used that as a deadline to trick myself too- I told myself I’ll need his help and so I only have this time off of his to get it done fast! And though much of the start of my work was done by me- as I started to decline in motivation, and the clock was ticking (he was back in by the Monday and I wanted it finished Saturday so he could rest Sunday before work again) I squeezed every last ounce of energy to work through the lack of energy and exhaustion from previous cleaning, to make sure this imaginary deadline of mine was met!

I had to. If I said to myself I have loads of time, we can just do it at weekends or wherever- I don’t know that I would have done it. At all. There was always some reason I couldn’t. Usually mental health. But I got so tired of it, so tired of mental health issues running my life so I set this deadline and presto! Almost all the rooms except the two small rooms I mentioned were done.

And now the two toilet and shower rooms are done also

Just the decorating and repairs and then we’re done! I definitely feel you on the deadline thing!

How did you get on? Sending you house cleaning dust!!

Oh goodness of course @LadyInParis I’m not sure how but I’d completely forgotten the current Brexit lorry chaos! So pleased you already knew about M&S, you’re always so kind towards people with suggestions even if it’s teaching granny to suck eggs 🤗

@Slothkin

That’s so lovely to say! Thank you. I’m kind in return, because it’s so lovely that people take time out of their day to try to give advice, and help someone they don’t know/ don’t have to help.

It’s so refreshing for me to see so much care and kindness so.. right back at ya!

Also- what is obvious to one person isn’t always so clear or obvious to others. So what you know I might not. For example running a home and having a routine etc seems so straightforward to many but not others. You’re not a mind reader so how are you to know what I know and don’t? I’m just very very grateful that you take the time. Thank you 😊

Yes I’m not so sure what’s going on with marks and Spencer but alternatively- it is teaching me so much. So; if I want something to my taste, to remind me of home, then I have to learn to make it myself .. and that can never hurt can it! It’s nice to be able to feel stronger and more equipped to deal with these things. I always think that I am lucky to be able to eat and drink and have a roof over my head. Many don’t! So to learn a bit of independence and making do and tips for coping when I don’t have my English biscuits or whatever- it can’t do any harm!

This thread has been so so very useful and helpful. Really I don’t know what it is, maybe the collective kindness and lack of judgement, the help and advice, all of it together, has helped keep me positive. I can’t think why I would tell you to suck your own eggs in response That would be so bloody ungrateful! I think mumsnet is what you make of it isn’t it. You can get really good help and advice- or you can be a dick and it’ll bite you on the rear!

For me it’s been great. At the risk of always sounding so gushy and flowery, it has. I feel like a strong confident woman on the start to her life. I didn’t feel that way when I started the thread. In fact the title alone I find embarrassing- because I don’t feel like that person anymore. I really don’t. I’m not defined by my past or what I saw or went through. I’m defined by what I make of my own life, now. I think I have turned a really good corner finally.

Oddly I think my uncles attitude helped in a way. What he saw, I just didn’t see. He helped hold up a mirror to what my life was, and what it is now, and helped me see that they are two very different images. I don’t think that was his intention of course! But it is what happened. Which opened my eyes. A lot of things have opened my eyes lately.

It’s been a quick and interesting learning curve that was long due!

I’m going today to monoprix for some stewing steak for stew. Very excited to make my nans recipe for “scouse”!! I miss her (and her food!) very much! So I’m going to make it today Oh and possibly a cake (that dear stranger has been waiting for for ages haha!).

Do you have anything nice planned? How did your inspection go?

I’m very excited we have a food delivery booked for next week so I’m defrosting the freezer in readiness and flicking through recipe books - I got a rabbit from the butchers yesterday and can’t decide what to make with it. With mustard sauce is looking promising!

@Slothkin

Ooh sounds fancy! I never had rabbit- I just got back from monoprix and they have a butcher in there and I saw rabbit for the first time I think! But since I have pets of the lapin persuasion, I will stick to my beef!!

I just got back and jeez Louise! I’m aching all over! Was long but I really enjoyed myself- the butcher was so helpful and lovely, the fish man too! I found some Heinz stuff in their version of the “world food” aisle- etc! Was great.

How long will it take you to cook the rabbit? I need to get my stew on the go- but first I’m putting my feet up for a bit!! Then shove the lot in a pan and let it bubble for a while

Mustard sauce .. mmmmmmmm (mouth is watering haha)

I can’t bring myself to eat Bambi or Thumper, I have to admit @LadyInParis - or any other Disney characters. I used to have a bunny when I was a child that helped guard me from my violent mother. It disappeared on the same day my mother was cooking “chicken”. I didn’t eat that, just in case, either!!!

Also play your fav music as you go

@justilou1

I can’t bring myself to eat Bambi or Thumper, I have to admit *@LadyInParis* - or any other Disney characters. I used to have a bunny when I was a child that helped guard me from my violent mother. It disappeared on the same day my mother was cooking “chicken”. I didn’t eat that, just in case, either!!!

I was in two minds about posting this...

Back in 1967, aged 15, our class took part in a French Exchange, each of us stayed with a partnered French girl's family. One day one of my friends saw they now had a live rabbit. Which was the next day's dinner!

I did have rabbit in mustard sauce cooked by the mother of my exchange family, but no live rabbits were involved. It was delicious.

Since then I have only tried cooking rabbit once, as a stew, a failure sadly.

I live in Australia, where rabbits are actually a massive environmental disaster. I wish I COULD bring myself to eat them. I just can’t. Could probably eat kangaroo if I was starving to death, but have avoided it so far. They’re just too cute. I will admit that I also don’t ever go fishing because I know if I’ve seen it’s face, I’m not eating it.

The rabbit stew was absolutely delicious. I’ve a bit leftover so am going to pop a pastry lid on and have that for dinner tomorrow.

@justilou1

and

Also- how lovely that rabbit must have been! When you were young. Isn’t it funny the things we do as children to seek safety. Me, I used to read and hide. My grandad (paternal) used to be a carpenter he was wonderful. He made me a desk as a child. One of those old fashioned types that you have the chair and desk attached- and the lid lifts up. It was awesome! I used to cover it in a few sheets, put blankets in the inside of the part (between desk and floor) and squeeze myself into this tiny space. And read. And read. And read! I also used to hide on a high shelf in my closet. Same thing- blankets, close wardrobe door, and read. Books were my comfort. I used to feel that if you can’t see me.. etc! What was your bunny called? I hope that it didn’t end up in the pot that shocked me- though I don’t know why!

@TheSilveryPussycat

What is it like? It’s hard for us too because now we have fish and I am particularly taken by my “mr sticks” and his wife. Who are shrimp! I used to love shrimp! Now.. no more crevette for me!!!! It’s so odd really isn’t it. I have rabbits, dogs, fish and birds. It made me wonder the other day when I posted about the eating of rabbit- what if I lived on a farm? I would never eat anything!!

@justilou1

I am, like you, particular about anything to do with Disney also. (Probably all that reading I did!) And it’s funny isn’t it how we can eat some meat/fish, but not others! (Not that I want to! Poor bambi!) I like you will never, and have never, eaten a bambi haha!

Just- if there were cows in Disney.. or some poor defenceless fish..

Do you really eat kangaroo over there? How is that possible haha. They’re so cute and bouncy and unlike some “people” mothers- they actually take care of their young! In cute lil pouches and all

If iv seen its face - made me I had to get over that the other day - in a french fish shop thing, well - fish counter in monoprix. The man was asking me what I want and I tried so hard to speak only french but.. he couldn’t understand me! He said “English”? I said yes yes please haha! He was lovely he said french is hard, English is easy. I said I want fish for a fish pie. So.. he offered me a variety of fishes with faces.. and I said you choose (I’m a coward!) and he places three full fishes down face and all, fins and all, and said these. I didn’t know what to do! I just said sure yes but.. will you take the heads off?.. and he said of course. He then offered me crevette which are giant shrimp! Which of course goes with fish pie but.. I really didn’t want to eat any of “mister sticks” family members at all.. no matter how distant they are related! I also didn’t want to appear rude to the fish man- since it’s hard to get all of the following in one man- A) speaks English well B) speaks it happily! C) does both of these while working your local supermarket fish stall of which you will now be regularly using.. So I said just a little now we have shrimp in the fridge, I feel like a murderer- Dear Stranger is worse than me for drama queen shite so of course when he saw it that was it

I will now name the coming fish pie- Guilt Pie

@Slothkin

How did you get it soft this time? As an aside! Because I got a lovely bit of beef the other day, really nice it was (again though- I got what I was guilted into because I am a wuss, the butcher - after the fish man - was so so lovely spoke perfect English and answered my questions about everything to do with monoprix including how you get bargains etc! Interestingly that is where I saw rabbit in the window. Fucking hell I don’t know where they get rabbits legs that big! If we ever ate our tiny little bastards, it’d be less meat than a chicken leg!) he was so nice, and the fish man too and so I felt more confident for the first time, as a not good at french English girl in Paris! I didn’t want to spoil it!

Anyway I am scared of handling meat (and fish) that aren’t either sausages or some easy format meat or fish. Proper meat? I just have never really handled in my life. Except chicken. So the butcher hauled this gorgeous looking piece of meat up, told me it will disperse like butter so be careful.. etc. I bought the scarily adult looking piece of meat. Went home, did a pan of scouse how my nan always did it. Same thing. Chucked the meat in without much ado- now it was out of my sight! Phew- and let it very very slowly burn cook etc. I was so scared it would explode like butter into the pan and my meat would just .. disperse.. I possibly went too far! But I just did it like my nans! To be fair the meat is tough like my nans haha! The butcher gave me far too much credit!! (and also offered to come and cook it for me in true french men stereotype fashion... )

Any road. My stew is exactly how my nan used to make it. Which is nice I love it but- not how the butcher man said it would be!! At all! Is this normal? Are butchers big fat liars? Or am I a big fat meat handling failure?? I am a wuss that much is for sure- those poor relatives of mister sticks .. what will I do with them??

I can't do guilt pie.... I'm such a wuss. Wusses like us are the poets and artists and healers, I guess. (I hope.) I just want to explain that I haven't actually ever eaten kangaroo, but they're not all cute and adorable. There are many kinds of kangaroos. Some are tiny - smaller even than bunnies. Some are bigger than people, and can take out a car if they are hit at speed. They are also aggressive - especially the males. (Like deer in rutting season, I guess, but kangaroos are ALWAYS in rutting season.). I have attached an example. Meanwhile, I should also explain that since we have been planting grains and crops here, the population of macropods (Kangaroos and wallabies) has grown exponentially and they are in plague proportions. There have never been as many here in Aus are there are now. If we were to farm responsibly here, we should in theory get rid of cows and sheep and farm them.... but that's never going to happen. (Because... steak and lamb is easier to cope with, really.)

@justilou1

Wow I didn’t know any of that! That’s so interesting! I suppose when it’s a different country it seems so exotic and fancy but.. when it’s your country and they breed like that! It’s a whole different story isn’t it! I understand what you mean don’t worry haha. I just had no idea! I didn’t know they were so aggressive either- or that they can take out cars!!

And in reality I don’t know that the shrimp will get used.. which also makes me feel guilty because of the waste so I can’t win! Except to woman up next time and say no thank you! When he asks if I want shrimp!

I feel awful since I got my tiny vampire shrimp- they are so lovely and cute in a gross way haha! We have two of them. And two small catfish. 5 neons and 5 guppies- very cute they are!

One almost died the other day but he hung on for dear life and we managed to save him! It was one of the neons and he fought and we saved him and I’m so happy about it!

My fish with faces that I bought for the pie I don’t mind because I don’t have these big fishes haha. And also they looked kinda mean with all their teeth sticking out haha! Isn’t it funny the things we attach sentiment to!