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Housekeeping

Find cleaning advice from other Mumsnetters on our Housekeeping forum.

Does anyone else love being a housewife?

181 replies

Bookaholic73 · 14/11/2019 17:50

Im just wondering if anyone else loves being a housewife and has decided with their spouse that you’ll stay at home instead of work?
Not because you have to financially, or for any other reason than you really enjoy it.

I love it. I love the traditional way of life, I love having dinner ready for my fiancé when he gets home, I love cleaning our home and making it look nice.

OP posts:
Jeleste · 15/11/2019 16:49

Im like you OP and i love it!
Due to DHs job i have been travelling all over the world with him since we got together in my late teens. This constantly interrupted my studies and work and made it impossible to have a proper career.
I was working before, but in a low paid job so it was clear that i will stay home with the kids.
I really love it and so far i didnt get bored. My kids are still small though, so i dont know what i will do when they are both in school. Already now i spend a lot of time meeting friends with kids or at the gym!

I did protect myself financially a bit of course just in case. House is in my name, i have my own savings that i havent touched since we got married. DH also regularly puts money on that account, so it constantly increases. DH pays into my pension fund. We have life insurance and a prenup that benefits me greatly.
Im also taking some weekend and evening courses in my field atm so that if i wanna go back to work in a couple years, i actually can.
He does a lot to help me out with all the finances, but during his studies i always supported him and gave up everything so that he could get ahead in his career. Its give and take. We are a team!

Bourbonbiccy · 15/11/2019 17:26

@aHintOfPercy I think you have hit the nail on the head. Good post.

gamerchick · 15/11/2019 17:34

People will always put it down to jealousy, it's par the course Grin

I could stay at home if I want with husband's blessings. I can't think of anything worse having him put money in my account. Just no thankyou.

If you're happy with it then crack on, just don't assume it's the coverted golden goose.

puds11 · 15/11/2019 17:46

For me its the insecurity I’d feel being financially reliant on someone to a larger extent than if I worked.

Also, those saying they’ll have up skilled or ‘will just get a job’ it’s really not that easy after a substantial period not working, especially in a skilled field. The anxiety would keep me up at night! And I’d be bored shitless. Everyone’s different.

Courtney555 · 15/11/2019 18:32

I thought I'd be bored shitless too.

I'm honestly not.

I do miss my colleagues, but chat to them regularly via WhatsApp etc (which isn't the same) and have gone out to dinner with a couple of them a couple of times.

I think if people assumed less until they'd actually tried it, there wouldn't be such strong opinions of how trivial and tragically dependant my life must be. Opinions that I was certainly guilty of at one time too. But it's hard to explain unless you've experienced this at your own choice, why it's actually far from unfulfilling.

Another thing I've noticed is that we're a lot more appreciative of each other now. I appreciate how hard DH works in order to finance all of us. I appreciate the time we have together and find myself making more effort to make those times special. He appreciates the efforts I go to, to make really good food for us all. How the house is always full of flowers and smells lovely. Tidy, easy to find things, all the admin done so he has to think of nothing but relaxing when he gets home. He and DS both love coming home and seeing what's in the cake dome for the day. Former me would laugh at how pathetic that sounds. Current me looks at former me and thinks, if only she got her head out of her suit wearing arse and remotely considered the happiness you feel from seeing your family happy because of something so small each day.

DH likes that I have time to keep my nails/hair/beauty stuff done. I like that I have the time to keep on top of things he finds attractive. I don't do it for him, by any means, but I'm not too stubborn and "girl power" to admit that it's a positive thing for your partner to look at you and think "she looks really nice today." When I was working, I still looked nice, but often missed appointments and couldn't always find the time to keep on top of things the way I do now.

He works. I don't. It doesn't mean what I do has less value. It has less monetary value, of course. But then his career brings zero to our family life other than monetary value. We respect each others contribution hugely.

But, of course, I would have refused to believe any of this whilst I was still working. Maybe an element of me was too aware of the lowly opinions of housewives amongst general society and my colleagues, so I didn't entertain it ever as an option. Not when educated successful women such as myself found it all so pathetic. It must be unfulfilling and pathetic, right?

All I can say, from purely my own experience, is that the working crowd who imagine how mind numbingly dull my financially reliant existence is, are talking with false authority. Pretty blinkered to have zero experience of something, yet dictate how that experience must be.

And to balance, housewives aren't all happy. Those who have no choice but to stay home, thereby feeling they have been denied opportunities, those who despise cooking and household admin, those who have to penny pinch and have very little life outside the home because of it... They're not going to enjoy their day. Anyone in a role/job they do only because they have to, is not going to have much of a positive spin on that role.

FacebookRager · 15/11/2019 18:34

I find spending hours baking and cooking up a storm extremely satisfying. Before kids I had a well paying career, part owner of a company that was very successful and quite frankly? I hated it. I got no job satisfaction. It was stressful yet at the same time, soul crushing and monotonous. Long hours, hard work and I could go for days without speaking to anyone except sub contractors over the phone. Having a career and your own wage packet isn't necessarily for everyone. I was happy to give it up to raise my kids and support my DH working.

OllyBJolly · 15/11/2019 19:00

I loved being a SAHM. I was out every day, loads to do, really happy times. Lasted three years and two children and XH left because he found me boring He isn't a "bad guy".

Three years out the workplace and I had to take a job at half my previous salary. It took me a good five years to get back to my previous level. My salary didn't cover bills and childcare so I got into debt. I was tired all the time and the stress of one income was huge.

I vowed to become totally self sufficient in property and income. I now own my house outright (protected for my children) and earn a six figure salary. The years of not working and no spare cash mean my pension is woeful. Despite a great salary, I don't think I'll afford to retire. But I love my work so as long as I stay healthy that's not necessarily an issue.

And it's not always infidelity. I have a couple of SAHM friends who lost their DHs to cancer. Renting houses, no savings and a sudden loss of income as well as the trauma of losing a much loved life partner.

I would never advise any woman to become dependent on someone else for their income. Stay in the workforce, keep earning.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 15/11/2019 19:41

I loved being a housewife! I did it for 15 years.

I took pride in taking care of my DH and children as well some voluntary work. I was financially dependant on DH but he was financially dependant on me for several years before then.

I went back to work (part time hours, term time only) when youngest went to secondary school purely because there was no longer enough for me to do all day. Now I’m a part time housewife and still enjoy making my DHs dinner most nights. I take pride in a tidy house and actually LOVE putting away armfuls of freshly ironed laundry.

Skinnychip · 15/11/2019 20:40

I'm really lucky that I've had the same workmates for 20+ years (3 of us have had time off when had kids) and we have banter and laughs that I couldn't replicate with other friends. Despite finding work really stressful some days I wouldn't swap it for being at home every day, even if I could afford to.

Sophonax · 15/11/2019 22:17

@Courtney555, it’s great that you gave up work and a financially-independent existence to service the cake dome and keep up with your nail appointments. I mean, really.

And that your husband’s merely financial contribution is dwarfed by your commitment to waxing and making your house smell nice.

Courtney555 · 15/11/2019 22:37

And aren't you just like the people I worked with Flowers

All the best x

fatulousatforty · 15/11/2019 23:09

The thing is yanbu for enjoying being a hw.
It's just that I and a lot of others no it not for us.
I work and still manage to clean, cook from scratch, book holidays, do house admin, look after pets, read, see friends, host, socialise.go to the gym, do hair and make up .
So it's not about jealousy, it's just about personal choice

Beseen19 · 15/11/2019 23:27

I'm a SAHM for the next few years due to being abroad and I'm insanely jealous of working mums. Love spending every day with my kids and not ever having to clock watch but I am lonely and bored and feel like my brain is wasting away. I'm usually a very self motivated person but seriously lack motivation to craft/plan activities with the kids then feel the guilt that I'm not doing enough with them. Love cooking, hate cleaning. Would not choose this set up longer than a year in all honesty.

TolpuddleFarter · 15/11/2019 23:42

I am SAHM (to school age children.)

I absolutely love it, and am loth to ever step foot in the workplace again. I'm judged all the time, but I couldn't give less of a shit Smile

There is that old adage - no-one on their death bed wishes they'd worked more.

OP keep doing what you're doing.

Sophonax · 15/11/2019 23:55

Whereas everyone on their deathbed wishes they’d done more laundry and putting bleach down the loo. So many people’s last words are ‘If only I’d kept a tidier airing cupboard...’

Oh, sorry. So many women’s last words. Because men seem pretty well able to resist the glittering allure of skivvying, filing bills and ‘getting set for Christmas’ in October, with a few manicures thrown in, because it’s so nice for their wife to just be able to relax when she comes home.

fatulousatforty · 16/11/2019 00:06

But I do relax when I come home.
I manage my time well

Sohololopopo · 16/11/2019 00:08

@sophonax are you suuuure you don’t want to stay at home?

Fuck me your on one 😂

IdblowJonSnow · 16/11/2019 00:23

I'm 'between jobs' atm and am so very far from being bored.
I do love cleaning though and grudgingly cook - less keen on that.
I am looking for work but could try harder Blush

Courtney555 · 16/11/2019 00:46

Whereas everyone on their deathbed wishes they’d done more laundry and putting bleach down the loo.

So, we have a cleaner, and a lady that does the ironing.

That's as idiotic as me saying, look at you in your stupid job typey typey file file.

OutOntheTilez · 16/11/2019 01:46

Well, to each her own.

When I was a teenager, my dad told me, “Never, ever rely on anyone else to support you financially: Not your mother and me, not some man, and certainly not the government. Always be able to support yourself.” He wanted better for his daughters and his son.

Best advice anyone ever gave me. I started working at 14 by babysitting three kids across the street from me on a semi-regular basis. That was enough for me to realize that a) I was going to wait a VERY long time before having children, and b) I enjoyed earning my own money and having a sense of accomplishment and financial independence. I put most of it in the bank and kept some as spending money. I loved that I didn’t have to go to my parents for money.

So why in the hell would I now, as a capable adult, not want to work and be forced to go crawling to my husband with my hand out?

managedmis · 16/11/2019 01:55

God who gives a shit really, if you are a SAHM and enjoy it, fair play

KristinaM · 16/11/2019 02:05

I think you are mad to be doing this without the legal contact of marriage.

You have given up your job, security , career progression and pension to benefit his while he has no commitment to you. Yes I see that you plan to marry in the future but I’m guessing you didn’t start being a house worker last week.

15 years of pension contributions wont get you very much.

I see that you say you have teenagers but you sound very young and naive. I’d not be gambling with my children’s future like this.

ChristmasArmadillo · 16/11/2019 02:11

I quite like it. I’m an introvert though and a big homebody, I’m content cooking cleaning and reading. I have children now but was a SAHW during the first part of our marriage.

FridalovesDiego · 16/11/2019 02:27

I love cleaning our home and making it look nice are the OP’s words @Courtney555 so you actually proved my point 😂😂 own goal! Did you not read the OP, embarrassing.

Courtney555 · 16/11/2019 08:22

Wow. Really have to spell it out it appears.

Saying that a housewife can be summarised as laundry and putting bleach down the loo

Is as idiotic as summarising a job as doing some typing and photocopying.

Do you understand now Smile