Does anyone else love being a housewife?

[Bookaholic73]

Im just wondering if anyone else loves being a housewife and has decided with their spouse that you’ll stay at home instead of work?
Not because you have to financially, or for any other reason than you really enjoy it.

I love it. I love the traditional way of life, I love having dinner ready for my fiancé when he gets home, I love cleaning our home and making it look nice.

People are criticising women for being SAHM/housewife because they are able to work and it’s not the 1800s anymore. But what we should be celebrating is that women now have a choice to do what they want, they can SAH or they can work.
I’ve got the luxury of staying at home with my DS until he goes to school and I am so grateful to be able to spend that precious time with him. I could work more than half a day per week but I don’t want a nursery bringing up my child if I have the opportunity to spend that time with him instead. Ooooh what about my career? Well I won’t be on my deathbed wishing I’d spent less time working and more time with family.

I personally hate being a SAHM, let alone without any kids, however peoples attitudes towards this are disgusting! Maybe it’s jealousy who knows? But surely when your married which I assume she will be, you are a team... if that works for your team then it’s no one else’s business. At all. Both our parents worked full time and barely saw each other, they are both divorced as once the kids grew up they barely knew each other! The only successful relationships I know, the women stayed at home or at best worked part time through only some stages of life. For us, although I HATE being at home, it’s allowed my husband to progress his career and he is so grateful for that. If we get divorced ...,, what’s his, is also mine .... so no worry there. What works for some won’t work for everyone.

Ive had two ‘friends’ say that no wonder my house is clean because that’s obviously what i do all day

Pisses me right off

And the more recent comment that no wonder i read a lot of books because thats all i do all day

A) that person needs to make their mind up...do i clean all day or do i read

B) i dont read during the day...and if you are cleaning all day you’re doing something wrong!

Women used to be judged for wanting to work, now they are judged for not wanting to. Women can't win, and our biggest critics are other women. OP if it works for you and you are happy then who is anyone else to judge?

When my first DC was born I fully intended to be a SAHM, but quickly discovered it wasn't for me and I returned to work part-time, I also worked and took a degree when my 2nd DC was primary age. Last year, aged 55 I decided to quit (DH completely supportive). The mortgage is paid off, DC no longer at home, I have 37 yrs NI contributions in the bag and I was knackered (menopause doesn't help). I love my life! Never bored, volunteer for 2 local charities, joined a walking group, started an arts group. Sad that some on here would think of me as a boring sponger. What's the saying about nobody on their death bed wishes they'd spent more time in the office?

We should be celebrating that women have choices today, not attacking them for the choices they make.

To me personally, there is a quite a big difference between being a stay at home parent to pre school or to an extent primary age children, and being a housewife.

My experience was that having a child progress to school was an equally large change when I was working. The day was different, he needed picking up at 3 which was a nuisance, he needed something different every day it seemed, an outfit, cakes for a bake sale, show and tell, world book day, all that nonsense that I was forever rushing around to keep on top of.

As a sahm now (he's 11, I gave up work this may due to pregnancy) my day is far more geared to household admin, my hobby selling things on eBay, cooking and baking, preparing for our new arrivals, getting set for Christmas, taking up classes. It's a lot more enjoyable.

It sounds a lovely idea in principle. But where does it leave you in 30 years if your lovely DH decides it doesnt work for him anymore and ups and leaves?

You read about it so often on MN, and it has just happened to my lovely SIL. She now has three children, two over 18, a cat and two dogs that she never wanted he did, to house. She doesnt have a job and doesnt have any skills and BIL has decided he will have the youngest 50% of the time so he doesn't have to pay maintenance either.

Please retain your financial independence.

I was a SAHM before my kids started school and enjoyed being at home with them. I wanted to be at home but we would have been worse off financially if I had gone back to work, although it was pretty tight with me at home.Now I work 25-30 hours a week and can attend most important school events with a bit of juggling around. I enjoy days off but I think I would feel guilty if I was going to the gym, shoping and having my hair done while my DH worked long and stressful days at work.
But that is my situation, staying at home works for a lot of people I know and they are happy with it.

I don't think there's anything particularly wrong with a family deciding that what works for them is one person staying at home and running the house and thereby possibly making life easier and nicer and less stressed for everyone. I don't agree at all with your comments about "cooking him a nice meal" and "keeping the house clean for him."

Do it for you and your family OP, not for HIM.

Well said @aHintOfPercy

Wow, some harsh replies!
Just to clarify:

We don’t get any benefits, my partner earns enough.

Between us, we have 5 children. But only 2 live with us. They are teenagers.

I am degree level educated with a great work history and have paid into my retirement and savings for the last 15 years.

I have my own savings that should I need to rely on, I could.

I think many of the replies are more jealousy than anything else. Yes, I do find being a housewife 100% fulfilling and I don’t think there is anything wrong at all with that.

We are getting married in January. Not that I understand what that has to do with anything!

@Courtney555 Yes that’s sort of what I meant, I’m sure it’s more enjoyable staying at home when your children are older if that’s what you’d like to do, but in most cases it’s a lot less necessary. It really wouldn’t be for me (or my partner ) but I’m not the one doing it so it doesn’t matter!

I can assure you it's not jealousy, we could afford for one of us to stay home if we wanted to, but I genuinely believe it would be a waste of my life to stay home and clean, cook or whatever else we some how still manage to do without having someone home all day. I really hope my children aspire to more from life too, not just to have a purpose to do more than menial tasks that everyone is capable of, but so they have their horizons broadened, and make money to have adventures.

OP, I was you, for almost 19 years. Married at 18
Just under a decade of building a fantastic career for myself and my ex-husband building his.
Perfect life with no concerns.
Then planned our children at which point I decided to become a SAHM and I loved it. I felt very fulfilled and happy.
Ex-husband went from strength to strength in his profession. I went from strength to strength as a Mum and Wife, I really thought our life was perfection.

3 children later, he left.

At the time I had a 1 year old, a 3 year old and a 7 year old and no professional career to speak of.

Present day, I have a full time career in Law and I love it, absolutely love it. I spent all day in Court yesterday getting an Injunction against a nasty piece of work and helping a really scared and vulnerable client. I then came home and cooked dinner with my children. Perfect balance.

My home is still my pride and joy.

I parent my children alone and they are all thriving.

I love cooking and crafting and I STILL do these things even though I work full time.

My point is this, do what makes you happy. Personally I was you some years ago and I learned that I absolutely will never, ever put my personal growth and independence on hold for anyone or anything.

Life really can change in the blink of an eye and saying 'I'd just go and get a job' is not that straightforward in reality when you've spent years at home.

I literally had to start from scratch, law degree and everything that goes with it and I would not change a thing.

Happy Homemaking.

Believe me people are not coming from a place of jealousy. You've opened up a discussion on a public forum, your replies will be varied.

I think many people find the picture you have painted mind numbingly boring, a novelty that would be nice for a few days but where's the challenge and what are you accomplishing for YOU.

Naturally if you're perfectly happy doing what you are then there's no need to justify it, is there?

And marriage doesn't mean you have better security that all will be well, things can change so fast and your contingency plan should always be fresh and ready. That's not to say you should live a perpetual state of doom, just a little dose of realism.

Ultimately we all do (within reason) what we want to do. For the majority, your life is nothing to be jealous over.

I'm a sahm and I love it. I feel very lucky. I am studying online for a second degree at the same time, so I will have upskilled for when I return to work when kids are older. I don't really think for me it's one or the other, it's just phases in life and what suits the family best at the time.

I am degree level educated with a great work history and have paid into my retirement and savings for the last 15 years.

I’m not sure 15 years of pension contributions will get you terribly far in retirement, sadly.

Well I don't work at the moment, have a 5 year old at school, 3 year old in childcare 4 days a week (because he likes it and it suits us all), and an 8 month old. We have a cleaner once a week, because we want one. I don't cook from scratch every day, I don't stay on top of all the housework. Sometimes I do things like reorganising the attic, or the entire kitchen, but mostly I see mates, watch hours of tv, do fun stuff with the baby or with the kids if they're on holiday, see family...

I had a very successful career pre kids, and have picked up part time work from home between babies from my old boss. I plan to retrain come next year in a new field.

If you're a stay at home parent you don't have to bloody talk about how very much time and effort you put into making home perfect- how many hours you dedicate to shopping or cooking. You are not required to validate and make excuses for your choice.

The house can be a shit hole - you're still allowed to be a housewife, or whatever else you want to call yourself. It's a valid personal choice for couples, which is no one else's business. There is an awful lot of jealousy on this thread. Cop on to yourselves those of you being sniffy or downright rude!

Believe me people are not coming from a place of jealousy. You've opened up a discussion on a public forum, your replies will be varied.

I think many people find the picture you have painted mind numbingly boring, a novelty that would be nice for a few days but where's the challenge and what are you accomplishing for YOU.

I see this from both sides because I've been both sides. And completely understand those in full time employment find the image of what a housewife is, mind numbing. Because as I said, because I knew no better, I had that (incorrect) image as well.

Would my former working self be jealous of my life now? Jealous is probably the wrong word.

Astonished is probably better. Astonished at how fulfilling the stay at home life could be.

Apart from 2 very short maternity leaves, I've actively avoided being a house wife. I find it unfulfilling and boring.

Plus after my 12 yr relationship fell apart, I'm very glad I was the higher earner.

There is an awful lot of jealousy on this thread.

I can hardly bear to think of the level of self-delusion implied by thinking that the vast majority of people would find the life of a SAHM something to be 'jealous' of. Economic dependence leaving aside the bizarre investment some people on the thread seem to have in vacuuming and laundry is hardly something to covet.

I am a housewife as well as a part-time worker.

I was a SAHM for 3 yrs and by the end, was losing my mind with boredom, monotony and a lack of self worth.

However, that's ME. You clearly feel very differently and that's fine.

I find washing cars, shopping, cooking and cleaning the house to be a massive chore, I really dislike doing it. You enjoy it, again, fine.

I don't feel there is anything ultimately wrong with being a housewife. As long as you haven't been coerced into it then enjoy!

It's just people who hold a different opinion, doesn't mean that they are jealous at all!

I think from reading a lot of the "don't like it/presume I wouldn't like it" posts, a lot comes down to:

1. whether it's done from choice or necessity
2. whether you like cooking, admin, housey stuff and take real pleasure from that

I'm now at home out of choice. I'd usually clean, but as heavily pregnant, we have a cleaner. I hate ironing, so we have someone to do just the bedding and shirts.
Today, I've been to the bank to get some cash out for a cash only pop up sale I want to go to tomorrow. I've bought a couple of stocking fillers on Amazon. Popped home to see if DH needed lunch making as he's working from home today, and currently in the salon having my nails done. A thoroughly enjoyable first half of the day. Has it taxed my brain? Not especially. Is that a bad thing? Not especially.

I also love researching, planning and making lovely meals. We're a family of foodies and get a lot of enjoyment from what we eat. So going to little local shops and markets is something I really enjoy. Genuinely love doing the grocery shop. I also take flower arranging classes and make some really gorgeous things for the house. I love that all our post/papers etc is filed. I'm so ahead on organisation and admin. This is really satisfying.

I've had two pretty different careers, one of which I was high level finance, my last position in that career, I was on £70k plus healthy bonuses. I did get job satisfaction. A sense of achievement as tasks were completed. That feeling has changed very little, I get the exact same feelings of satisfaction, just from achieving different things.

Being presented with industry awards and recognition for being outstanding in your field is great. But so is the feeling of contentment from seeing your family so happy as a direct result of the extra you can contribute as a housewife.

Good that you like it!

Think I fall in the middle somewhere. I'm a single parent and have to work. In an ideal world, I would either work a few days (not doing childcare on the remaining ones!), or do my dream job which is a solo one I would do from home or a rented space. Oh I'd love it.