Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

COPYRIGHT NOTICE
The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

I wish to share with you this exciting Friday evening my idea for a brilliant new invention. It is the rubber glove with a reinforced right index finger. Lefties will need the left index finger reinforced instead, naturally, or you could just do both, whatever is cost effective. Unlike a well known telly show, I have no thousands to invest, but I wouldn't mind a generous percentage of any profit, should you be so kind.

You see, when you've been down in the dust at ground level 2011, and you take off a very dusty and dirty rubber glove to scratch the side of your itchy trunk nose, it's very disconcerting to find that your index finger alone looks like you've been down a coalmine. And it's even more disconcerting to look in the mirror to see just what your trunk nose looks like, having been unknowingly very well scratched by said finger.

I am finding that the index finger is most used in this job, hence why the rubber glove had sprung a leak at that point. I can not be the only person to have had this problem.

A cracking invention for someone to take on. Will anyone take up the rubber glove gauntlet and run with it?

Luckily, in this house, there were spares. Several pairs of them infact.

I’m a big fan of branded marigolds. I washed up in a pub for many years and they were the only one that lasted through industrial level washing up. They have reinforced fingers and a reinforced palm.

Now you tell me Nac, now you tell me.

These weren't those ordinary thin yellow ones. I can't remember the name or brand now, but they were lined heavy duty ones I'd brought with me at the start. I suppose they'd done well to last this long. The ones I've found now are Tough Household Gloves With Special Resistant Coating For Tough Jobs. Sounds promising, but let's hope they last the week.

So my cracking invention has already been invented Nac. A fortune won and lost in a heartbeat. Oh well. Back to work then, I suppose.

If you turn a rubber glove inside out it fits the opposite hand. Sounds very much like many houses I've visited as a district nurse OP 😳, in some you certainly wouldn't want to kneel down in others you stick to the floor

Loving how you write OP seriously! You have made me watch this thread and as a person who often help friends clear out / tidy it makes me want to come and help. Keep up with the good work, we are all cheering you on xx or and

Hello Pash and thanks so much for your post. Yes, it does put a few things in perspective, doesn't it? I'm quite missing old Barry on the landing, and didn't mind too much being visited by Son of Barry, but I'm certainly glad to see the back of the unmentionables - at least so far, for I fear they'll be back!

Hello again Stealth. If I find the bins have been rifled through, I'll know it's you, looking for that owl!

Unfortunately I haven't been able to shake off the aches and overtiredness today. I think it's doing this, on top of normal life. I didn't get much down time as it was, and so I'm not really getting any at the moment. I know a couple of PPs have suggested taking a break, and I'll have to do that to get everything ready for the return to school very shortly. I didn't feel I could do nothing today, but I haven't done as much.

No, there haven't been any signs of mice or rats, and perhaps having a cat helps to keep them out. I don't know what to expect downstairs though, as that's going to be the toughest challenge. It's possibly been a walk in the park so far!

Hello May. Thanks for the tip! It sounds like I visited similar houses to you, in a previous incarnation. Sad that there are so many. It's funny though, because I still don't think of my friend's house as dirty.

Hello Iamnota and thanks for your very kind post. I'm feeling too tired for the wine tonight unfortunately, but the tea and cake are especially welcome. Family pizza night so I really shouldn't have cake....but what the heck, I must be using up a few extra calories at the moment!

Hello again blitzen. I really like your idea of using the material as an applique heart on something else, thank you - the cushion maybe.

Late to the theead, but very chuffed that people like you exist E

Just a quick progress report before I drop off.

Not so much done today, as mentioned in a pp. The main thing is that I managed to clear and clean the floorspace in front of the main bedroom, which means that it's now all clear and clean from 4 stairs up, onto the landing, into the bathroom, and up to the main bedroom door. Papers were stuck to the floor in this area, but I was able to scrape them off after a soaking with good old Zoflora, and another bag of rubbish has gone out. I found a lovely new wool rug there, apparently bought in a long ago sale, which I've got my eye on for my friend's future temporary bedroom. It's still wrapped in plastic so I'm hoping that it's OK, and that the dreaded moths and damp haven't got in. There's also the beginnings of a route to the spare bedrooms, with a small section of that clear and clean down to the floor. Finally today I got all the recycling packed up and out ready for collection early next week. It will be strangely satisfying when it's gone!

One disappointment today was the Hoover. I tried to use it for the first time, as I'd uncovered a socket on the landing, but it wasn't even strong enough to pull down a few cobwebs despite me emptying the waste cylinder. Thoughts on how to make it work better anyone?

Not so much for The Gin Fund today - only £1.

I might spend it on something to ease my aching joints instead. Cod liver oil, or - any recommendations?

Night all

Cut off a finger of a knackered glove, and pop it over the damaged index finger of your current pair (note: do this before you put it on as it is FAR easier)

Thanks so much Mrs. Everyone welcome. I think it's going to be a long and bumpy ride, so the more kind company, advice and support the better. I was only wondering today if anyone will stick it out with me to the end. Goodnight for now.

Sweet dreams lass.

Check the tubes of the hoover for obstructions?

What sort of Hoover is it? Only some of them have foam filters in them which will need washing out to clear the dust out - thinking specifically Dyson but other brands may have them too.

I’ve just read this entire thread. You are an incredible person. So sensible and practical and dogged, and so compassionate. You’re also a tremendous writer. Hugely inspiring too, as I definitely have a house that resembles some of the diagnostic photos a PP posted. Also like a previous PP, my hoarding troubles started with an out-of-the-blue medical diagnosis and some traumatic life events coinciding. I’ve been utterly overwhelmed by the task ahead of me but I’m going to make a start today. Thank you

I have t quite read all posts and while what you are do by is lovely and comes from the right place nothing will change unless they want it to.

Do you honestly want to spend 6 months clearing this house for it all to go back to the same 6 months after you have left. Because it will. You seem to be doing the work and they are avoiding the issue. I am talking from experience here - one family member doing there best to clean and sort a room while the other spends 2 hours sorting out 4 3 year old magazines they are ready to part with.

The person needs to interact with the appropriate support services available and address the root causes. Until they do that it will Just slip back.

Epsom salts for the bath will help your aching joints. You can get ones with lavender mixed in that are lovely and relaxing. You deserve lots of and !

I'm afraid I'm with all the people who say that it has to come from him and he's not engaging with it. It slightly breaks my heart to see the huge expenditure of effort from you which I would bet my mortgage will ultimately be wasted.

He IS a hoarder. Having to be updated with every tiny bit? Only 'retaining trust' if he thinks you're going through it all painstakingly??

If you'd been ill and the house had 'overwhelmed' you, wouldn't you just say "Oh throw it all out, please don't spend too much time sifting through, it's dirty and disgusting " to any kind friend prepared to help?

He's not ready to access support and let anyone else help him. I can't see this working.

You are a super kind person but you are being a bit naive about this condition.

Thanks to everyone for your posts. I'll have a read with a cuppa. It's been a lovely sunny morning here, but I've felt a touch of Autumn in the air these last few days. One thing that occured to me last night was that the house will be a bit colder without its layers of internal cladding!

Thanks Mrs. I actually had a dream of 2 giant Christmas decorations being delivered back from storage to the front garden! The Santa Please Stop Here sign on a stake was the size of a lamp post! I had been thinking yesterday that it was less than 4 months to go, so it must be because of that - I would love there to be some decent space in the kitchen and living room by then for cooking, a tree and so on, and I was considering whether it's achievable. I'm not sure, but I really hope so.

Well done, Nellie. Can you make a pact with yourself to start encouraging the idea of a cleaner as soon as the bathroom, bedroom & kitchen are clear? I think your friend will need to start letting someone else in as soon as possible, to make sure your good work is kept up, so if you can introduce the idea that it should be sooner not later that would be great. It doesn’t need to be perfect, and the cleaner can be instructed to stay out of areas he’s not comfortable with.

If your friend spends his time in the living room, could they work on that? You mentioned them sorting through DVDs etc which sounds positive. Books are another fairly ‘distinct’ category to sort through so one he could help with too? Or papers in that room? I do think keeping him involved is key and you know yourself the sense of achievement when a space is clear - it’s a real motivator if you’ve felt like you’ve achieved it.