Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

Hi Nellie what a poignant thread, and what a lovely thing you are doing. I'm afraid I don't have any tips for you, but I just wanted to say i think you are doing a very kind, selfless thing. All the best to you in your endeavours, will be willing you on

Hello again blitzen and thank you x2. Your skip tip sounds worth looking into, so I'll put that on the list of 'to dos'. No photos because it just didn't/doesn't seem right somehow. I'm still feeling motivated, (though very tired tonight), and I don't think I'll forget the before, during and hopefully afters for a long time, if ever. I can see exactly why you suggested it though.

Thank you so much PrivateP, and for the tea. Very welcome, especially in the absence of anything stronger at home tonight, (just too tired), and to wash down all the dust encountered at the bottom of rolling back the years 2018-2010 on the landing.

A quick progress report before I grab something to eat and hopefully a good sleep despite the achey back, knees and neck. Drops for my eyes are definitely on the shopping list as they are feeling dry and a bit itchy, probably from all the dust.

Day 2 on the landing, and a space of about a metre square at the top of the stairs is now clear and clean, and with 5 crates on the go. Not much rubbish but plenty of recycling and some confidential waste and treasures. This almost makes a clear corridor between the stairs, bathroom and main bedroom. I hope to finish that bit tomorrow and get on with the rest of the landing to gain access to the other bedrooms.

Two more chocolate oranges, would you believe?! This time 6 years out of date. Note to self not to panic if some eyeballs and fingers fall at your feet. They're just chocolate and jelly Hallowe'en treats, and the scariest thing about them is their expiry date. A tip for all is that a Bobble Off will not get the bobbles off your sweaters if it stays in its box for 6 years.

When even a mini-Barry ignores you, its time to put down the rubber gloves. I'm £1.95 richer. Anyone fancy sharing any chips? I'm buying.

Well done. You are a good person and a great updater. Thank you.

Has he managed to keep the bathroom clear?

Alarm bells are ringing all over this for me. My family spent ages sorting out our Aunts house.

2yrs on she has just reaccumulated. Still not socialising. Still resisting carers.
Ducking waste of our time.

Has made me feel that there is no point in doing anything until the hoarder initiates it and accedes to psychological support (our local NHS has a Hoarding service). If they won't do that they are by default choosing the consequences. In our case my uncle went into care earlier than necessary as the house was not a safe place for him to live.

Aunt cries crocodile tears about him in care but won't access the available psych services. The rest of us now employ a stuck record approach "you were told the house was an issue we cleared it, you bought lots of new stuff, uncle was removed to care. You made these decisions not us".

Oh and it has ruined our relationship with my aunt because we are all so angry that she took so much of our time and then pissed all over it because she couldn't resist "bargains" in the M&S sale.

Just came across this thread. What a lovely person you are, OP. Your friend is so lucky to have you around.

Hi OP. Just wanted to echo that you are doing such a lovely thing for your friend. I truly hope he's able to access whatever support he needs to live a happy and healthy life.

Also, you are a talented writer. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

Wow, I can't even imagine how stairs can get in such a state that it can take so long to clear them! You're doing an amazing job in what must be near impossible circumstances.

If it does pile up again at least you will have given him the chance of a fresh start, though I'd keep an ongoing eye on him.

Another person saying you are doing a great job. And I hope he manages to keep on top of it all.

Can I just suggest you have days off? Don’t go every day. You need a break from it all. I know you want to get it done but days away from it will help.

Fantastic thread, Eating, and a fantastic thing you are doing. We've had to do it in a relative's flat after he died, and it is not easy.

Audiobooks would be great for this - random recommendations from me (as I'm sure you'll need lots!):

The Martian
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
John Bishop's autobiography

Well done for sticking at it! I would have gone in with a burst of enthusiasm, then given up. I

Thanks to everyone for your posts. I'll have a read through when I get chance for a teabreak later.

I came across your post a couple of days ago and read it in one go. It's very soothing and heart-warming. Good on you OP.

Hope today is proving productive OP, what you are doing really is amazing. I don’t think I could summon the energy for it.

I did get a teabreak but I went to spend it with the DCs, and my mind was on cake not mumsnet I'm afraid

I'm now back at it. Think of me if you will, back in time 2018-2015 (so far), surrounded by a selection of large carrier bags, like Sorting Hats.

Hope to check in with an update later. Feeling a bit lonely as no Barrys for company, but thankfully no unmentionables or out of date confectionary taunting me. The highlight so far has been £1 and a John Lewis charity token. Stop your envy, people.

Just came across this thread earlier today, you are doing a wonderful thing OP. I hope your friend appreciates the time and effort you are putting in to help them.

Nellie, you're an amazing woman, you have a heart of gold.💛
I have read the full thread, and the only thing I can contribute to, is the shredding. If your friend has a Solicitor, they will have an industrial shredder, just a thought ! That's what I did with my late DF's paperwork.
These are for you Lovely.💐

Just some quick questions, pending an update:

Beachcombing treasures - how to display? Layered in a glass container, or in the garden, or?

Can a 4 year old cheque from a company be cashed?

Are Felix tokens still valid?

Can a 3 years expired chocolate owl be safely eaten?!

Ignore the last one, only joking, but otherwise any thoughts please, oh wise mumsnetters?

I've just read through the whole thread @EatingTheElephantInChunks, what a lovely friend you are.
My own house got on top of me after a year long mental and physical illness and it was my now DH that helped me turn it around! I have also helped friends to do big huge house sorts although nothing on the scale you're doing.

If you happen to be doing this on the West Sussex/Hampshire boarder and would like some help please let me know.
I'd love to send you a nice bottle of it's unexplainable how much a friend can turn your life around. You're a star.

Beachcombing treasures - how to display? Layered in a glass container, or in the garden, or?

In a container would look nice, I think.

I'm East Sussex, if you're near. I don't have much free time, but I'd be more than happy to spare a free few hours if it'd be helpful.

This thread is like a warm hug. You are truly lovely, Nellie. People like you are rare to find in this day and age.

Fraid the chèque is long past its best. It could be reissued by the original person/company.

You are a lovely friend!

This is amazing...you are amazing!!! Give some hints as to location you might get some help! Though it does sound like that might not be ideal for your friend xxx