Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

Thank you and sorry to hear about your mum, Cleaning. That sounds hard. I don't use social media but good luck with your new page.

Hello again math and a huge thank you for the vote of confidence. Given my painfully slow progress, including even getting the rubbish/recycling day confused this week so missing it, I think I'd better put the 5 book, exercise DVD, mini-series, merchandise empire and Hollywood film deal on hold! I'll stick to what I know - sampling gins, befriending spiders and avoiding school-age chocolate - with a little help from my lovely mumsnet herd.

I'm enjoying the latest lemon Zoflora, but it's having the strange knock on effect of putting me off lemon drizzle cake and the lemon in my G&T - never a good thing!

🐘

I'm sure there'll be a special Christmas scent Zoflora soon so you can use that to stop you from eating too many mince pies instead 😜

I'm not keen on faux winter fragrances, Pash, which is just as well because I really don't want anything putting me off my warmed mince pies (with a drop or two of cream poured over) next month - even if I should be put off, in an ideal jungle.

It's probably worse being put off lemon in my G&T though, if it means I'm going to get behind on my gin drinking. I've already got 2 recommendations queuing impatiently for The Gin Fund as it is.

I wonder if there's a current bun or fossilised chocolate Zoflora?

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I am a newbie to the thread, just read it all over the last hour. I think you are doing a wonderful thing and it is a good sign that your friend seems to be open to a cleaner and not adding stuff in the meantime

I am still reading Eating! Slow yet sure posting and progress suits me just fine. You are doing a stellar job. That was a good insight: stuff just ending up becoming rubbish/ recycling.
Keep going! And never mind about not achieving your goals for Xmas, maybe those just weren't realistic, focus on the difference you have made! Waving at you from a stuffed attic that will be tackled soon!

Oh, my knees! 🐘

Poo - I'm waving back at you from the sofa just now and rubbing my knees! Thank you so much for your message and a huge good luck with de-stuffing your attic - progress or impasse reports always welcome!

Your mention of tackling it has made me imagine you entering your attic like a determined, quietly pumped up rugby player, blouse/shirt collar turned up, gum shield in, scrum cap on, thigh bandaged, and wrestling stuff out with the occasional 'oof' or grunt.

Perhaps that's just what your attic and my friend's house need: the Hakka.

I'm game if you are.

🏉💪

Welcome and thank you, Barbed. I think you're right. It's funny you should say that though - some things have just appeared, but because it's the first non-essentials and it's not much, I'm not panicking just yet!

Firstly, my friend has bought 3 little presents for Christmas for his cat - an advent calendar, turkey meal pot and turkey treats! They were apparently sold out when he tried to get them last year, so I understand why he's bought them now. I've got a couple of crates of Christmas things on the go from my chunking, so I'll put them in there, along with anything else that appears for Christmas. Hopefully it will mean that this year nothing gets lost and wasted. The cat is currently enjoying a bumper tin of Dreamies treats my friend bought for last Christmas and then couldn't find - they turned up in a chunk in the bathroom, happily still in date!

The second appearance is a box of 4 bargain books. Two are the latest offerings from favourite authors, another quite a funny looking autobiography, so I know my friend will really get lots of pleasure from them. The fourth is a Christmas gift to send to an old friend overseas. I'm going to get them out of the box, get rid of the packaging, get his 3 books into his cosy desk corner and help him parcel up and send off the gift, pronto. Otherwise we all know what might happen, don't we?!

I think that's pretty good going though, for about 3 months. Also, it's my friend's life and my friend's home. Just because I'm helping him, it doesn't mean I get to take over and call all the shots. It's really important to remember that, I think.

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Anyway, back to the cause of my aching knees: The Dreaded Fireplace.

Some members of the herd might remember I've already tackled the mantelpiece and over it to clear a nice place and focal point for a few photos, mementos and a lamp, next to my friend's now cosier desk corner in the lounge.

Taking a break from chunking a tunnel - tunking? chunneling? - on the landing, I'm on with the fireplace and hearth itself, and the overspill just in front of it. Not as simple as it sounds, as most will realise by now! Some hours in, I'm hoping I've reached about the halfway point. There's 7 bags of recycling and rubbish ready to go so far, and - great joy! - nothing really to keep and have to find a place for. The only exception being a precious photo which, while sadly no longer perfect, is thankfully salvageable. Oh, and an unusual missing button - important, apparently! The coal scuttle, some logs, fire irons, spark guard and ash can have been revealed, but that's fine because they'll just stay in situ for future use.

My thought is that, with winter and Christmas coming, if I can get the fireplace clear and working, and the sofa in front of it, it will make the room cosier and more comfortable for him to stretch out a bit, relax and read.

We just won't have to look at or mention the rest of the room for now...

Hence my poor knees. It's all stone and wood flooring - hard-going, and I didn't always remember to kneel on a pad or change position often enough, unfortunately. An excuse for a good moan and a sit down though.

Not sure whether to soak my knees in tea or gin!

And there was another £1.05 for The Fund, which makes it all worthwhile.

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Just read from the beginning you have done amazingly well

I was thinking of you today Ele as up north there is someone who hasn't claimed a big lottery prize so keep your eyes peeled for tickets!
On a serious note make sure that the chimney is swept before use. Not having it swept could invalidate the house insurance if there was a chimney fire

Having sat down and read this thread over a couple of evenings (two big chunks), it feels like you've made amazing progress, even if it doesn't feel like that to you when it's happened over the course of several months.

This is such a kind thing to do for your friend.

I've been reading along @EatingTheElephantInChunks, and have just broken my cover to say what an amazingly kind thing you are doing for somebody.

I think the reason you have so many readers following your progress and willing you on is because it's just such a lovely thread, you're lovely!

Sending you all the solidarity and success-vibes possible :)

Hi there! Tackling away I read :) Doing well.
(Please have the chimney properly cleaned, for safety reasons, erm obvs)
Or just use some of those fake candles (with reusable batteries - not quite the same but can look kinda nice). What is up next? My attic is a real mess still and has summer stuff unsorted and hurled in there )just before a friend came over and I needed at least one clean surface (nooo really its not that bad!)

Plus please just use some pillows / wooly jumper under your knees woman!

With dodgy knees, extra commitments with the DCs, and now all having a schoolborne cold/achey/sore throat/shivery/lethargic virus, (which seems to have gone straight to my dodgy back), I'm sorry to say that there's not a lot of progress to report in the chunking department.

Another load of rubbish and recycling has at least gone, and I've at last found something out of date that I feel able to still use without dropping off my perch: posh teabags, from a posh farmshop, thankfully sealed in a posh tin, and less than 2 years out of date!

I've been working my way diligently down the aforementioned bottle of Sainsbury's Taste the Difference Blackfriars Dry London Gin 10. I wasn't panicking about replenishing, as it looked like there was lots still left. But horror of horrors, tonight I've noticed that the bottom inch or so of the bottle is actually glass, not gin!!! How my trunk drooped. At least it means that I can try a pp's recommendation, but with nothing much found for The Gin Fund for some time, I'd better get a wriggle on with a bit more chunking.

An elephant on a perch - now there's a novelty.

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Many thanks this time to Poo, MrsVole, TooMany, Pash and Random for your very kind posts. Even if I don't get to reply at the time, I always enjoy reading and then reflect on them, and they do all help to keep me going

Thanks Pash and Poo, (interesting-sounding double act!), for your wise words and ideas about the fireplace.

I'd got as far as thinking that if I clear enough space around it and the hearth, and the sparkguard and fireguard stay in place, and I do a visual check and smoke test, then it should be ok. It hasn't been swept for a few years, obviously, but then it hasn't been used for a few years either, and I've checked that there's an intact anti-birds' nest wire cover on the pot.

Your posts have made me think though that it possibly does need sweeping before use to be on the safe side. There are several fireplaces so a visit from the sweep is definitely needed, but as with other things can't be done until I've made much more progress, unfortunately. It sounds like I need a plan B, either with the decorative candles idea or an electric fire for now. At least it will look better, and hopefully provide some warmth too as the winter weather kicks in.

Alas, Pash, no winning lottery ticket here! We're not in the right part of the country, but my friend said that he hasn't bought a lottery ticket for a good few months. There's every possibility, as you'll understand, that he has had winning tickets in the past, not checked them, lost them, and they'd gone unclaimed - but I'm sure they'll all have expired by now.

It led to some interesting 'what if' pondering. The dream would be to buy him an ideal little place to move straight into with just his cat and taking very little else with him. That would leave me to sort through his current home at my leisure, and just transfer over the absolute treasures and essentials as I found them. I'd still have to do it all, but at least any time pressure would be off me, and he'd be immediately housed in comfort in the meantime. And he could have a weekly cleaner and a long-wanted dog straight away! I'd do exactly the same for him if I won the lottery, never mind if he did. Better start buying a ticket!

It's human to dare to dream big sometimes, isn't it, even if it's not very realistic?

And on that note, now the little and not-so-little coughers and splutterers seem to have settled down, it's hopefully time for some sleep.

Oh wow - what an amazing thread, and what a great friend you are, Elephant.

On the earlier subject of old kitchen appliances, I had to sort out a house that had been standing empty, with no heating on, for over a year, and I brought the fridge and the cooker back to life. The fridge looked diabolical - absolutely filthy, and full of mould. I didn't really believe it would clean up and be OK, but it did and it was. I realise your friend's appliances have been left a lot longer, but I think it would be at least worth trying with them.

"But horror of horrors, tonight I've noticed that...

... the bottom inch or so of the bottle is actually glass, not gin!!!"

I read the first part of that and thought you were going to say there was something living/lurking/disgusting at the bottom of the bottle, so glass actually seems like quite a relief!!

Well done for carrying on making progress. You can buy strap-on gel knee pads, which decorators/builder/gardeners use. It might not be the most attractive thing, but it'd mean you couldn't forget to kneel on something soft and save your back/knees from further damage?

It's small beer compared with what you're doing, but my mum helped me clear the overstuffed art cupboard. 1 carrier bag of rubbish for recycling, 1 for the charity shop and 1 to donate to a local school, plus 1 box of card making stuff still to go through later, it's now a thing of beauty (OK, only if you squint!) whereas before it collapsed on me whenever I opened the door and kept being shovelled back haphazardly as I never had time to sort it properly. :)

Still reading along with you

I have a set of fairy lights in my previously empty grate. Gives a cosy feel. My cat will settle in front if the grate and gaze into it

Hello Nellie, I have been lurking for months and have so enjoyed reading. You sound like a great friend and a wonderful person. Keep going, you have inspired me to sort out our mountain of paperwork that had been neglected during our house renovations. Bon courage

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Hello everyone. Here I am again, turning up like the proverbial bad penny, or rather a 5 years out of date chocolate bar.

Many thanks to all for reading, whether you're still with me or new to the thread, and especially to Time, Hell, lee and Smorgs for posting.

Just having a catch up on the thread with a cup of tea, and mulling over what's happened - or not! - since my last update....

Time40 - I was interested in your success with the old kitchen appliances. The general and understandable advice from pps so far is not to bother, and you're right that your's were 'younger' than the ones here! I suppose I won't be able to decide for sure until I get a proper look at them, but for future reference in case I think they might be worth tackling, (there's that word again), would you mind saying how you went about it, how long it took, and what you used please? TIA

I'm always interested in other's successes and failures, because as everyone will easily tell from reading along, this is very much a learning process!

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