Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

Great to hear from you again, leeloo1. You made me laugh about the bottom of the gin bottle. I'm not sure what I'd have done, if there had been something unsavoury lurking there. As I've managed to resist temptation with finds of archaeological chocolate, I like to think I'd have thrown it away. Who knows though, when desperate, and gin is involved?! Like tequila, whatever it was would have probably been pickled in alcohol and rendered harmless, I suppose. I never thought I'd be typing a sentence like that - this journey is obviously challenging quite a few of my own sensibilities!

I'm going to look into those gel kneeling pads you mention, thank you, because what I've been using, (and not using!), so far really isn't working. Any image I've got to maintain, (and it's not much of one, especially alongside motherhood), is less important than my poor old knees. In fact, I wonder if a gel body suit is available?!

And I see congratulations are in order for your own art cupboard chunk - well done!

Good to know you're still with me too, HellonHeels. You paint a very cosy image of your cat enjoying those fairy lights, so I think I'll steal that idea as well, thank you, especially with Christmas coming

And thank you for showing yourself, Smorgs, and welcome. Like an elephant afraid of a mouse, (albeit a giant mouse!), I certainly need courage, and a new bottle of gin at the moment! Good luck with your own personal paperwork chunk - let us know how it goes? 🍀

How is your friend coping? Is he managing to keep the cleaned area clean and tidy?

I've run out of time and tea now, unfortunately, and duty calls. I'll be back with a bit more of an update in two shakes of an elephant's trunk - or probably a bit more slowly than that, if true to form!

🐘

Hello again, Random. Mixed fortunes, but I always suspected that the approach to Christmas would be a more difficult time. Will say a little more later. Thanks for asking.

Dear lurking to say you are a star! And get some gel knee pads and face masks from Screwfix!

Hello chicken, and thank you!
With Santa breathing down my neck about all the things he wants me to do for him, and all the Christmas events with the DCs keeping me busy, I've booked the trip to Screwfix or wherever in for January - but you're right, it's a new year's resolution must!

Christmas and the end of the year are of course fast approaching, and it seems like a good time to take a moment or two to update the thread and to reflect. 🐘

It's fair to say that when I started on this unexpected journey four months ago now, I had little idea of what I was really taking on, what it would really be like, of the true impact on me, my family and my friend, and of just how long it would take. I also had no thought initially of starting this thread, and then when I did, of the kind, honest, helpful, supportive and often funny people I would 'meet' on it along the way, or how important the messages would be to me. I suspect that it's been a much slower journey than most, if not all, at the start expected, me included, and I really can't blame anyone who has given up from frustration, lost interest, or just fallen asleep along the way! A huge thank you to all the pps, and particularly to those of you who have stayed alongside me up to this point. Yes, I would and could have done it without you all, but I'm really rather glad that I haven't had to. and of course

One of the best things about Mumsnet is stumbling upon stories like this that pull you in to someone else's life. I am in awe of the OP and her selfless efforts for her friend and genuinely look forward to reading each instalment. I hope you can feel the encouragement coming your way from all of us who are following your monumental task and cheering your victories, small and large. In the mean time enjoy Christmas knowing you are making your friend's life better and enhancing all of ours.

Hi Ele. I think there's quite a few us who are still with you and keeping an eye on things . Have a lovely Christmas and I hope there is a massage or two and some decent G&T's in your stocking.

Stumbled upon this thread which sounds very much like my DH when we met as teens following a series of devastating bereavements and a job loss. His house was literally knee deep in pizza boxes, old newspapers etc. He ended up selling it as seen, as a closed lot at auction after many attempts to sort it together. However his mental health has improved hugely and he has proven very resilient in the intervening decade or so. And our family homes have remained neat and tidy with him having readjusted to "normal" standards of living. There is hope for your friend and I'll be back later with what practical advice I can muster.

I've been checking to this thread occasionally and I think what you are doing for your friend is great. I hope he appreciates you!

Happy Christmas Elephant. Thank you for documenting this very ordinary and yet very extraordinary thing you are doing

Happy Christmas. I've been silently following along the journey too. Hope the new gin was nice!

Hello Ele I've been following on from the start. Just delurking now to say Happy Christmas. I've also appreciated your patience and kindness. I hope your friend is enjoying his home more this Christmas, with a bit more hope for the new year because you're in his life

Just thought of you and how were managing in the run up to Christmas. Hugs xxx

Hello OP. I've been thinking of you this Christmas. I hope you had a lovely festive break with plenty of gin. X

Happy New Year to one and all. I hope that you have had a good Christmas. Thank you all for the lovely messages. I did write quite a long reply and update during the holidays, which my phone, internet connection or the website promptly lost as I was about to post it. I think I'd better tackle even my posts in small chunks from now on! 🐘

A special thank you to blitzen, Minor, Grey, vandal, weasel, apples, Sweet, Pash and chem - I hope I haven't forgotten anyone. And wow, that's a lot of lovely old favourites and lovely new people and de-lurkers. I'd better pull my trunk out and actually get something done worth trumpeting about in 2019! No pressure then...

I've just lost my update again, half done this time - isn't it infuriating when that happens?! I'm pretty sure it's the network this time. I'll have to come back again a bit later. Bear with.

But the most important thing to report is, there's been . There's been in fact!

Great to see you back. Keep on trunkin'

I’ve just read all this in a massive chunk!

It is absolutely fascinating and hilarious and uplifting and sad and empowering all at once.

Nelly (can I call you that’s) - you are a truly gifted writer. I really do think there is a book in you somewhere. (I spent £4 earlier today on a book by an author I’ve just discovered and then read this instead.)

Maybe some kind of “you can do it if you really try” book? Some of the things you have said could apply to massive weight loss or doing a Ph.d or climbing Mount Everest.

Well, that went well - I have never had to rummage for my thread before, eventually finding it down on page 3!

I stand before you, (well, sit before you in my pyjamas on the sofa under a thick blanket with the cat), with my sorry trunk between my legs, (I know, that should be tail), with no new progress to report. No, I haven't given up through lost interest or being completely overwhelmed by the task, (though I readily admit to feeling the latter often enough, which I think most people will understand), and no, my friend hasn't banished me from his house with instructions never to darken his doorstep again, (though Lord knows he must have often been sorely tempted). I am as determined as ever to continue helping my friend, and normal service will hopefully soon resume. Only a few words need to be uttered in explanation: FLU HAS STRUCK AND HAS BEEN BUSY WORKING ITS MERRY WAY THROUGH THE FAMILY. I need say no more than that, especially to those of you who have personal experience of this phenomenon. Other than our trunks have used up one hellofalotta tissues. It has not been nice and it has not been pretty. 🐘