Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

If new appliances are out of budget and you want to try to rescue the old ones, I would suggest looking at HG Hagesan range of cleaning products. Plus the usual Elbow Grease and Stardrops range of stuff.

uk.hg.eu/products/

Thanks Frog. I'll take a look at those.

I know I can clear them out and give them a visual deep clean. It's whether it's worth all the effort. Will any parts have seized up, or rubber or pipes deteriorated on the washing machine and dishwasher, will the refrigeration system work and be hygienic, that kind of thing. I realise that these are possibly quite niche questions!

They've not been used for a decade and may have contents in them?

I really don't think they will be salvageable. I moved into a house where the washing machine wasn't used for a year with contents on and there was damage that wasn't economically viable to repair (damaged rubber seals, limescale damage to some parts too).

A decade is a reasonable life span for appliances kept in good condition, let alone left to rot.

I would suggest using your time elsewhere.

Thanks Mojo. It seems such a shame to have to scrap everything, but I rather think you're right. I don't want to take the time and trouble to deep clean them if they then don't work, leak all over or need expensive repairs. Possibly the fridge and freezer are better bets but the other concern there is hygiene.

We seem to keep things going a lot longer than a decade at home. I know when we had to make an insurance claim the assessor was quite shocked and impressed! She said people just don't do that anymore. The trick seems to be to keep them in regular use and reasonably maintained. With a washing machine in particular, keeping it standing unused for long periods seems to be a problem, like you say.

Like my knees and back, they tend to seize up!

Or maybe it's a case of 'Ee, they don't make 'em liked they used to'.

Sadly I think mojo is right - particularly when it comes to the fridge and freezer, getting rid of the mould which is probably there in spades will be almost impossible and I wouldn't want to risk storing food in them if it wasn't 100%, not to mention they'll probably smell dreadful and that will also be hard if not impossible to get rid of. Also if there were problems with the electrics they may have been damaged anyway and you wouldn't want to spend days cleaning them only to find they don't work or only work for a few weeks and then pack up. Get rid I say.

Cross posted elephant but yes I agree - there's a big difference in something that's been used and maintained to something that's been standing neglected for years. We've just moved house and left behind a freezer that's 27 years old still works perfectly and looks like new but it's had quite a nice life!

I haven't read the whole thread but the humanity, kindness and respect for your friend just spills out of your posts OP.

I'd agree with not trying to salvage the appliances. They might need to be cleaned out just so people will take them away though.

However I don't think it's 2k thrown away. If he'd been using them probably half of them would have been replaced already and the others could well be on their last legs, so there would be very little residual value anyway. Plus, replacing could cost a lot less than £2k. Entry level appliances can be really quite decent these days, eg I've never had a Beko appliance I've been disappointed with. They don't have all the bells and whistles but they are often built on designs bought from more expensive brands, just slightly older models. Also ebay/facebay often has perfectly serviceable freestanding appliances that people are only getting rid of to get integrated versions, or because they're moving to a house that has integrated. Your friend could take a punt on a second hand one from eBay or similar for £30 or so.

Gosh I think the fridge/freezer situation really does shed light on the state of the house. Do you know an electrician who could have a look for you? I think you will have to empty them either way (with clothes peg/mask on to protect you from the smell) and then you can see if it's worth trying to get them to hygienic standard?

Hope you enjoyed a lovely large gin!

Ellie, I found this thread just yesterday and have been riveted by the updates and stories it has engendered. What a marvelous human being you are. It just shines through your every post. How lucky your dear friend is.

It has made me look around my house with new eyes. I grew up in quite awful squalor and find it difficult to actually see what is what in my own home. Tonight I'm seeing it more clearly for the first time and am so relieved that it is not, actually not, a pigsty. In fact it is quite orderly and very little clutter. I have always worried that people world know that I am a mess, secretly. Apparently I'm not.

Thank you for that. I will spend tomorrow reorganizing my clothes though. 🙏

Have you thought about how you will remove the appliances? They are going to everyone far too heavy to remove alone plus you would need a van to take them away

Or you could pay for a junk removal service.

The fridge freezer will be rancid if stuff has been left in it. I helped a friend move into a new flat where the freezer was off for a few weeks and meat had been left in it.....it was the most foul thing I have ever smelt/seen

How does your friend cook/eat and wash clothes if the appliances have been off for years?

Also do be careful - if there were leaks and then electricity problems, you need to be cautious about what is safe.

If you can clear enough space to get the appliances out and removed from the house, it might then be a good idea to get an electrician to check wiring/safety before trying to get new appliances.

Thanks so much to everyone for all the kind and helpful posts. I will reply properly later, but just wanted to pop on while I've got a minute to let you know the highlights of yesterday:

1. Another chunk cleared and cleaned - mantelpiece and above, next to the desk. Regular readers will realise that this wasn't as simple as it sounds, but it now looks lovely.
2. Gin fund increased by £3.49

and

1. Yes, I had a lovely, large, dust-busting gin!

TTFN 🐘

Wow, you're doing so well! With the fridge and freezer, they'll smell beyond disgusting and be full of mould, unless the doors have been left open? But if for some reason you manage to clean them, then an electrician (who you'd need to restore the power to the kitchen anyway?) would be able to PAT test them, to see if they're safe. The washing machine might have perished seals (especially if water /clothes are still in it).

The dishwasher might be fine. They have pipes at the back for water inlet /drain, which are easy enough to check over or replace for £10-20?

Suddenly its not surprising that you didn't choose to start the big clean up in the kitchen. :(

You must be doing an amazing job if you're considering making a start there! 💐

Hello again leeloo1. Thanks so much for your post. I hope you're getting on OK with your Stuff'?!

Your post was really helpful. I can see the appliances just about, but not get to them. It looks like the doors are closed, and I don't think there's water in the washing machine, just clothes, but can't be sure. I think time will tell with all these things, but thanks to you and other pps I've got a reasonable idea of what I'll be facing, what to do, and what not to do. Actually, I think the whole house needs rewiring, but that's something for the future when it's relatively cleared and clean.

I'm afraid that I'm still a long way off starting the kitchen. I broke my rule about not thinking ahead! As I've probably said before, it looks like it's going to be the hardest room for many reasons, including damp and so on, and making for the worst working conditions. I'm sure though that it will make an enormous difference to get it up and running again. Perhaps, as some PPs advised, I should have tackled that room first - get the worst over with, if you see what I mean? I'm dreading it, but the end result will make it all worthwhile, I'm absolutely certain.

In the meantime, I chunk on elsewhere, making a little bit of difference as I go, but I keep reminding myself that it is a difference, and not to lose heart.

Oh, and there was another £1.09 for The Gin Fund yesterday, which is not to be sneezed at, is it?

(Already doing enough sneezing, thank you very much, more than a certain dwarf in fact, but that's another story...)

Oh, oh, and another lovely welcome oasis of gin on Saturday, but just a small one this time. Back on the dust-busting cuppas instead.

I don't know where all the ohs came from - please ignore!

'oh' away if it helps with the cleaning!

I've had a couple of weeks off sorting the 'stuff', but thanks for asking.

I had a work inspection downstairs at the beginning of October, which has made upstairs worse - as a few big bits of furniture got hidden up there for the duration. This has made upstairs a bit more difficult to nativigate - and made my bedroom look like a junk shop, so less things are being put away and I haven't hoovered up there since... (slattern!). The inspection took a lot of effort to get through and I've been exhausted since, so haven't had much energy to try to sort it out. :( I could so easily end up in a situation like your friends! Though hopefully I'm not too near that yet!

I've also had 2 kids' birthdays in the last few weeks, so the influx of stuff for those hasn't helped either! My parents are great, but buy stuff for the kids, saying "you can just get rid of it in a few weeks if you don't want it around" - but of course the kids have great memories and would be devastated! Grrrr

Monday morning was the first day I've felt like I had the motivation to try to do anything about the state of the house and I managed to clean the kitchen and bathroom, so I just need to keep the momentum up!

On the plus side the inspection went really well, so it shows all the effort I've put into extra training, organising my work space and sorting my work paperwork over the last year or so has really paid off!

Well done you are doing an amazing job for your friend.

Just dropping back in to see how you are doing - what a fantastic job you are carrying out for you friend. Sounds like so far he is doing well in maintaining your hard work too. I hope you are looking after yourself!

Because I had a DC with me, today's chunk had to be a different kettle of elephant. I drove into the city and took a huge mountain of clothing to the laundry and washed and dried it all for my friend. It took 2 small and one medium of their industrial machines, which probably equated to about 7 normal household loads, and then 3 of their large dryers. As it had all been waiting around for quite a while, I added some Dettol Laundry Cleanser to the fabric conditioner drawer, and it's really freshened it up. It seemed quite good value for just over £20, and although it took me a couple of hours it was a lot quicker than trying to do all that at home.

I say a huge mountain of laundry, but it's probably more accurate to describe it as a few hillocks, with a whole mountain range to do. But it's a start.

🐘

Well done Eating. There will be a lovely smell of fresh laundry in the house and that is always nice. Hope it's all remaining tidy/clean in your absences. 

Thanks Pash, Elb and Ellli. It's not perfect but I can see it's still hard to manage to do anything properly yet. He is keeping pretty much on top of it, and I hope that will get easier. Some of it must be about just getting back into good habits too, which takes time. Nothing new seems to have come in, apart from the essentials, which is just great.

He really appreciated the laundry drop and said it smells lovely. There's nowhere to store it properly yet, so I've left it loosely sealed up in the bags. That way, it will stay together, neatly folded, and sweet-smelling, but it will be relatively easy for my friend to access. I like the idea that he'll get a wiff of freshness whenever he goes into a bag. Hopefully one day the whole house or at least most of it will be like that, and the clean laundry will be stored in drawers and wardrobes, and there'll just be one laundry basket-full to do. Hopefully.

How's it going, OP?

Just dropped in to see how things are. I have been following with awe and admiration. You are very inspiring.