Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

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[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

Thank you so much for your post, ickle. I have been feeling torn these last couple of weeks in particular - although progress has always been slow, it's been really difficult to make much progress at all. My commitment and determination to help hasn't changed, and with very limited free time and a family to consider there are always going to be these blips in opportunity. You're right, I have to realise it's a long game I'm playing. Thanks again.

Hello again Pash. Thanks so much - that really helps. I know I can probably do a search for these questions or eventually work things out, but it's brilliant when someone like you comes along and either knows or has taken the trouble to find out. Much appreciated.

I am being much more ruthless than that with my paperwork; all the bills receipts and statements older than a year are being shredded.
All my payslips and bank statements are online anyway.
I just want to clear the decks!

I am back to it tomorrow after pesky work has got in the way this week.

Glad you are still at it nellie it's tough to keep going, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.

Have just found this wonderful thread. You're a star, Elephant.

I've got piles of documents etc to sort so the info above about how long to keep everything is very helpful. Have bought a load of new filing for it all to keep in better order in future.

Eating I am not lost in the jungle. Progress is slow as I am swamped at work currently (leave in a week so have been working all hours to sort things out and hand over) and also helping plan so a friend can escape from an extremely difficult home situation.

But it is getting there. And I am staying on top of the house and rest of the garden too, so o really good. Another chunk planned for tomorrow if the weather is okay. I will keep you informed.

I like the idea of “catching up”, seems like a great way to get your head round the volumes!

Woo, two massive bushes (out of 4) pruned. So I would say now probably 1/3 of the way through the final 1/4 in total, as there’s weedkilling and ivy removal and other bits to do too. Every little helps.

Glad to hear about others progress and successes :)

Nacreous - It sounds to me like you deserve to be initiated into the Order of the Golden Chunking Machete this week. Not only for your chunk of progress in the jungle and keeping the house tamed, but also your work, and most importantly as a friend by the sound of it.

Impressive and motivational.

And hugo - I hope today is going well. Also initiated into the Order of the Golden Chunking Machete for serious paperwork snake charming - sounding determined and ruthless there.

I would be very afraid if I was in hugo's home unnecessarily just now.

Hah! You'd be safe
I am all talk, I have done bugger all today unless you count putting away the washing.

Welcome to the thread Grouchy and thanks so much for your kind post. Another one charming the paperwork cobra, by the sound of it!

I think Grouchy makes a good point with their new files. As long as it actually gets used and doesn't just add to the clutter, I'm sure some new or recycled storage can really help, both practically and with motivation.

As I think I've said before, lack of proper storage has definitely contributed to my friend's situation over the years. Nowhere much to put anything, so things get left out, then piled up and left in bags and boxes. The piles get taller, spread out, topple over. The bags and boxes split, spilling their contents. Things wanted or needed can't be found. Attempts to find things, often in a hurry, lead to things getting jumbled up. You have to buy the things you need again, because they've been lost, destroyed by dust or damp or time. You can't get to the cupboards, drawers and shelves you do have. Eventually you are in an avalanche situation. Things break down, including essential services, but you can't have anyone in to fix them because of access and embarrassment. Everything becomes more difficult.

Rooms get closed off. You get closed off. Life gets closed off.

It's often a lot more complicated than just storage, of course, but here's to slowly opening life up again, either for yourself or someone you're helping, one chunk at a time.

hugo!!! Don't make me laugh - I have lost my voice, neck swollen, ache all over, thanks DC - it's too painful!

If you want me to challenge you to do 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour, then I will. Consider the gauntlet thrown down.

But if not, you haven't done bugger all, you've put away the washing and made someone laugh - painful, but needed, thank you.

A heart to heart with my friend last night. Life is, and must have been for so long, almost unimaginably hard. I have always thought that the riskiest time for him will be when the house is finished. Lots more talking, and more importantly in my case, listening, to do. These chunks - of emotions - are the most important aspects of this long journey of all.

Well done for taking the time to listen. They will be as powerful and healing as the practical stuff you are doing. Have you finished the desk area yet?

What an amazing wonderful person you are OP
I bet his home will start to feel bigger and after you get through the initial declutter more will come off in layers like an onion and there will be more than enough storage space underneath everything x

Amazing friend you are. There is support from social services for hoarding - they sent a cleaning team to my friends flat to help friends who were helping her. It depends on your council and how the social worker is

Our council did a special pick up for free too when the flat was cleared - carers had refused to go in on safety grounds!

You are being an amazing friend Nellie, donating this much of your time is so kind.

Hello all and thank you for your kind posts.

Just a quick progress report. The area around the desk is now clear, some more crates packed, recycling and rubbish out, looking and smelling much less damp and dusty, and I'm part way through clearing out the desk drawers now. Some helpful practical finds in there, but also some very poignant ones, which are taking some dealing with. My friend is feeling very up and down, which is perhaps to be expected.

I've also been back over the areas I'd already done in the bathroom, stairs and landing. Nothing added to them, I'm pleased to say, but needing a freshen and tidy up.

In other news, I'm slowly feeling on the mend from the dreaded lurgy, and I'm still on the tea, rather than anything stronger. It is rather boring at times, but definitely helping me feel a bit less tired and buggy.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

Well done for keeping on and great to hear areas you've conquered are staying clear. There are lots of nasty bugs around so hope you feel better soon

Rest and heal - you are doing an amazing job!

You are formidable OP!
It's amazing that you're plugging away at this. Too marks. What a work ethic. for you

Thanks to Kei and ickle for your kind words. And bucking - you're back. I only thought about you the other day when posting on the Zoflora thread. I remember you in the early days chastising me for faffing about with antibac wipes! They are still coming in useful at times, but like a proud mentor/guru/parent I hope you'll be pleased to know that I'm on my 5th bottle of Zoflora, and probably 3rd of bleach.

Alcohol-free Nellie, still plodding on.

Glad all still going well and that you are starting to feel better. Have a and .

Thanks so much Stepford. I'm certainly fuelled on tea, (we won't mention cake, biscuits and chocolate), at the moment, but won't make it much longer without a glass of wine or especially a G&T!

Like an elephant heading determinedly to an oasis after a drought.

Hello everyone. Can anyone offer any advice on the large kitchen appliances please? I haven't started the kitchen and can't get to them yet. I understand that the water is turned off to the kitchen because of a leak and the electricity was off for a time but then partially restored. Can a fridge, freezer, dishwasher and washing machine be brought back in to use after possibly a decade, and if so, how? They are apparently good quality brands and were nearly new, so it seems a shame to waste them and perhaps a couple of thousand pounds, if they can be salvaged. Power and water is apparently off to all of them, but contents possibly still inside. Any thoughts?