Please will you kindly support and advise me, as I try to help a friend sort out his home?

[EatingTheElephantInChunks]

Yesterday I started to try to help a friend sort out his home. If I tell you that it took me nearly 3 hours to clear a space on the bathroom floor about 3ft x 4ft, you will probably understand how things are. Today I did a little better. In about 2 hours I cleared another space the same size, which meant I could open a cupboard. Two shelves were almost empty, so I was able to clean those and use them for storage. I will carry on next time with the other 2 shelves and continue clearing the bathroom floor.

It was very satisfying to get rid of a whole binbag of rubbish yesterday and a half bag today, plus a bag and a half of recycling, and a small bag of confidential waste to shred. There is a folding storage crate of things to keep so far, but I'll go through that again to see if I've missed anything that should be thrown out or recycled.

My friend has got into this situation after many years of serious illness and close bereavements, has no family left and few friends, certainly not really close ones. He has been at the stage for several years where he doesn't have visitors. He needs many repairs and much decorating doing, and is getting to the stage where carers visiting would be helpful. I am hoping to get him to the stage where that will be possible. He is such a nice guy, and it's a shame that life has gradually got smaller and smaller for him over the years. It must be terribly lonely.

I feel honoured that he has trusted me with the truth of how things are. I can't talk to anyone IRL as I know it's essential to protect his privacy, and I have changed my username in case anyone makes the connections. I could do with some mumsnet wisdom and support! I have never felt such a sense of achievement over a bit of floorspace 3ft x 4ft, but equally the enormity of the task hit me.

COPYRIGHT NOTICE
The author - writing under the pseudonym EatingTheElephantInChunks - claims and owns the copyright of all her posts dated on and after 14th August 2018 as her intellectual property and as a moral right and which are all her own individual and original work. Reproduction in whole or part or any other use is strictly prohibited without her prior written permission.

[Edited by MNHQ at posters request]

@EatingTheElephantInChunks should we be worried, Nellie? Are you buried by paper or trapped like Frodo in a spiderweb?

Hope you’re OK

Hope you are doing okay Nellie! Have cleaned my kitchen floor totally today and sorted 3/4 of garden out. The last quarter is the worst though! Slowly does it.

I am here! Thanks for all the lovely messages. I'll be back on soon to reply properly. A quick update though for now to say I managed to carry on with under the desk the next day. I actually got to the very bottom layer, just before the floor, before being called away to deal with a bit of a crisis at home. I hope to get back to work now very shortly.

A quick funny anecdote about my friend's cat. It disappeared, only to be eventually found sitting neatly under the desk. It was as if it was thinking, 'oh yes, this perfect-me-sized corner has been cleared and cleaned just for me, and the heater turned on just for me, and the corner traps the warmth just for me, and so I shall sit here, quietly, for a long time'.

I have just sat and read through all of this and wonder how I missed it until now.
You are an amazing friend. I, as many of us, have, read lots of posts over the years from 'friends' who are quick to make a judgement about the homes of others. Nothing nice to say, just to kick the boot in further.
You, however, have shown such kindness and compassion not only to your friend but to others in similar situations to him.
It's a shame more people aren't like you. Helping instead of criticising and making judgements when they nothing about the circumstances. You, even without knowing everything went in and helped not judged.

Welcome, theworld, and thank you for such a kind and thoughtful post.

Hello again Nacreous. Lovely to hear from you. Your chunky progress is impressive - I could do with your help here! Your garden made me think of the stairs here. We have both left the worst bit till last, and not just with the stairs with me either - I'm probably working on this principle with the whole house! I am a hopeless case!

So, here's my suggestion. It's that we subdivide the chunks! You subdivide the last quarter of your garden into chunks, and I'll subdivide the last 4 stairs into chunks. One stair equals one chunk in my case, although the bottom stair looks so bad I might even have to subdivide that one stair! Brilliant, eh?!

Slowly does it, as you quite rightly say.

At this rate, I might have to change my user name to EatingTheElephantChunksInChunks!

Thank you for caring, Nuts

Sit back, close your eyes, and picture me, if you will, tripped up by spiders webs wrapped around my ankles, trapped under an avalanche of newspapers, unable to get out because I'm stuck to them by old fudge and rock.

But at least I'm wearing a mask.

Welcome Hellon and thank you for your lovely post. I'm keeping a note of anything important but recognisable I'm unable to save in case my friend wants to know, or goes looking for anything in the future but can't find it. I've decided not to tell him about things like those cards as I go along because I think it will just delay things and, more importantly, add to the daily emotional roller-coaster ride for both of us. I'm going to remember your words because they might well come in useful along the journey.

Hello again Pash. Thanks for your great advice about the dust, (I've been a bit itchy, which is perhaps all the dust), and also for mentioning a Henry. You're not the first person to suggest one - I did have a quick look, and was surprised by how many different models there seemed to be now. I only remember one in the past. I know you mention a twin speed one, and I would be interested to hear if anyone can recommend which model is best or any to avoid. Thanks again - and for the gin, which I'll save for October. Pleased to report I got straight back onto the Dry September wagon after falling off slightly that one weekend, and have stuck to it since, despite some dire need this last weekend!

Night night all.

Thanks for the updates OP. Enjoying your thread and your chunking approach is motivating me here to chop away at all my overloaded areas! I have paperwork mountains and tend to hold onto bits and bobs that may just come in useful / have sentimental value and hate to just chuck stuff that could have another life. I’m freecycling and Charity bagging but the paperwork is always my nemesis! Thanks for keeping me motivated

chop should have been chip!!

I have started cutting things back in the last 1/4 of the garden yesterday. Today it is absolutely pissing it down so I think progress will be extremely slow...

I have made big strides today; I have had a helper and the car so took some things to the tip and bought some storage things to organise some of the crap!
I can't believe how much more there is to go.

Any further news, or have you stumbled upon a portal and been sucked in?

Sounds like you've made a lot of progress, @Nellie, and well done on the dry September xx

Hi @EatingtheElephantinchunks

Your loyal fans await news of you/your friend/your chunks. Hope you are well.

@Nacreous - your gardening sounds successful. Well done!

I have loved reading this thread, but haven't actually tried the method. I have some paperwork that's very overwhelming (volume). I will see whether I can come up with a chunking method for it.

Trumpetings to the mumsnet Nellie-herd! 🐘

Firstly, let me start by saying elephant-sized thank yous for the lovely posts and apologies for the lack of an update so far this week.

Oops posted too soon thanks to being jumped on unexpectedly by a baby elephant (aka a DC)! I was determined to check in and post before I go to sleep tonight, but I'll have to try again. Where is Winifred Hathi when I need her for a bit of matriarchal help?!

I'll try again!

Hello Llama - welcome to the thread and thank you for your kind post. I think you were right first time with chop rather than chip - we are chopping through the jungle of paperwork and other stuff (technical term) with our chunking machetes!

The reasons why you keep things ring bells for so many of us, I'm sure, including at my friend's. It sounds like you're making some good progress? It feels better, doesn't it, if as much as possible of what we get rid of is going to charity or rehomed, or at least being recycled, rather than going to landfill? Having said that, there's still a huge sense of achievement from a full rubbish bin going off too, isn't there?

As some PPs and readers will remember, I've struggled from the start with how much is probably going to have to go to landfill. Although recycling as much as possible is still important, I'm trying to look at it from a slightly different angle now. It's not that more is going to landfill, it's just that it's going in (hopefully!) a much shorter time scale than it would usually have done. I'm sure that the rubbish and recycling bins have been nearly empty when they've been collected over recent years. It's just now time to catch up, if you see what I mean?

The most important thing is what needs to go goes, not where it goes.

Nacreous - talking of jungles, I'm wondering whether you've got lost in that last quarter of your garden, or whether you have managed to machete your way out?! Update please, at least via smoke signals from the centre.

hugo - wow, it sounds like you had a really productive day! I understand absolutely about the whole. Fear of the whole, in fact. It is, after all, pretty much what made me start the thread and why I can only deal with it all blinkers firmly on, and a chunk at a time. Let's keep looking forward, and remembering that everything we do - every little thing - makes life a little bit better. Definitely advice for myself as much as you, hugo!

Hi again Ring - how kind you are!

Paperwork mountains seem to be a common problem, don't they? My approach is literally just a carrier bag's worth at a time. Get yourself ready first with - alongside you - a bag for recycling, a bag for confidential waste, a bag for rubbish, and then some storage to put what you want or need to keep in. Box files are good, lidded boxes or collapsible crates, or just free cardboard boxes. Label clearly with what they are - bank statements, utility bills, personal letters, memory box, whatever - and the year. Get rid of all the envelopes, out of date leaflets, catalogues and so on. Repeat with the next carrier bag's worth, probably for the next 20 years if this here is anything to go by!

Any tips gratefully received, including how long things are meant to be kept for.

And then of course there are the ten thousand emails...

Hello again math - yes, definitely feeling like I've been sucked into a portal, or perhaps I'm the new Dr Who and somebody forgot to mention it!

It was always going to be a different challenge once the summer holidays ended, with other commitments, less freedom and help. The dreaded back to school bugs are also out in their usual unsplendid force.

But, like The Dawn Patrol, we march on.

Lovely to hear from you again, blitzen, and thank you! I'm pleased to report that I'm still managing to stick to Dry September. It's not always easy, especially at the weekend evenings or if something has been particularly stressful, not to reach for a glass of wine or a G&T, or preferably both! But I said I'm going to do it, the DCs are watching me, I'm sure, in terms of being a good enough role model, and I'm convinced of the health benefits. I've decided that my penalty for having a blip that one weekend is to carry on for the first week of October. I don't drink a lot, but I do enjoy a glass or two, and it's easy for it to gradually creep up. It does feel like it's helping to reset the levels.

Like a lost soul in the desert, I suspect I'll be crawling towards the oasis in just over a week. I rather suspect that I chunk better with a G&T to look forward to.

Have just found this post and wanted to say you are such a kind and thoughtful friend. Thank you for all you are doing. I really hope you don't ever feel guilty if you say no sometimes as you must have some time to yourself and your family. It sounds like the house is a long-term project so don't let it take over. Take care of yourself too. Well done for the progress so far will continue to follow and be inspired!

@EatingTheElephantInChunks this is from the money supermarket site. It seems to be two years roughly for everything. If you're self employed it's 7 years for any kind of tax paperwork but I'm assuming that's not an issue here! I'd say household bills maximum two years and file bank statements from 2010 onwards but anything older than that can go!
How long should you keep paperwork?
If your house is falling prey to mountains of old pay slips, tax returns, bills and mortgage statements then you probably want to have a bit of a clear out, especially before enforcing your new filing system.
So how long should you keep your various statements and slips?
Generally speaking, hang onto bills and bank statements for at least two years, and insurance documents as long as they are valid.
When it comes to tax-related paperwork like pay slips, P45s and so on, HMRC suggests keeping them for at least 22 months from the end of the tax year they relate to.
So, as the tax year finishes on April 5, you’ll want to keep your relevant paperwork until at least January 31 two years later.