I've just employed myself as my own secret cleaner

[Clare1971]

I am very slovenly when it comes to housework, despite reading every book/magazine/blog/mumsnet forum on the subject. Bizarrely, our house has got worse since I stopped working full time. I spent a few hours last week looking at forums and not cleaning to find out how long a cleaner would need to do our house and what they charge. Came to conclusion that 3 hours a week would do it but that really, I should just do it myself. I began to mention this to DH but he jumped straight in with 'We don't need a cleaner, I'll do more'. (He used to do more when we both worked full time.) Anyway, I got a bit arsey at him banning me from having a cleaner and argued the case. So then, because actually we don't ban each other from things, he said, well, if you want a cleaner go ahead and get one but leave me out of it. So today, while he was at work, I put on a really silly headscarf, set the timer and cleaned for three hours. Then I put the money I'd earnt in a pot. When he comes home tonight, he'll think a cleaner has been and when he asks, I'll remind him that he didn't want anything to do with it and will refuse to discuss it. I plan to be my own secret cleaner until he rumbles me. I've booked myself for next Monday morning. Turns out I quite like being a secret cleaner - I spent a lot of time hoiking up my judgey pants since me and my family the family I clean for are really quite gross. Please tell me I'm not certifiably mad.

Its only a brilliant idea if you charge your husband, otherwise what's the point , he reckons you are paying someone to get it done so you won't even get the brownie points ;-/

Oh, do you know, one of the best thing about having cleaners is that you can run around the house the night before demanding that everyone tidies up because THE CLEANERS ARE COMING and they Hoover up stray Lego and throw out discarded mountain bike magazines which means the house is easy to clean but ... Yes, I am nicking your plan OP.

theredjellybean - you don't know the OP's circumstances.

The OP stopped working full time, she may work part-time. And if she decided to stay at home for child care, it doesn't necessarily follow that she should clean.
And on her OP she does state she should actually clean herself, so no point in going on about it.

There's always one naysayer isn't there?

An excellent plan. You should employ yourself as a chef and chauffeur as well. And pay yourself expenses for the collection of silly hats you're going to need.

I am a horrible employer. I've just broken my DSs favourite mug and I'm thinking of blaming the cleaner. . My cleaner is called Jane. I wish she wasn't. I wish she was called Christine (thanks BitOUtOfPractice) or even Meena but she's definitely called Jane. And can I just tell you PigeonPost* your efforts were doomed to failure because you DIDN'T WEAR A HEADSCARF. The Headscarf is key.
ZenNudist loving the secret gardener!

she says she stopped working fulltime , yes agree that could mean she is working part time.
So if her husband decided to work part time and then said he was going to pay himself to do the gardening/put bins out ( ducks as being blatantly sexist in choice of jobs there) would we all be as enthusiastic ?

And yes also agree that maybe OP is at home with children but she did find three hours clear to do cleaning ...sort of suggests that she had three hours without children .

Great idea OP - totally copying it

I am not being negative just thinking how I might feel if my DP did this ...

If they can afford it then lucky OP and it is funny.

There may have been a few stars missing from my previous post. Or perhaps I'm just feeling bold.

What a fabulous idea! I may steal it!

That is a brilliant idea!
I have nothing useful to say so I'm just marking my place in the hope that you'll update us when your DH finds out :o

Genius.
Cant afford cleaner atm but if that ever changes will totally steal this.
ESP the bit about:

QUICK - TIDY EVERYONE - THE CLEANER IS COMING!!!!!

No, no, your 'secret cleaner name' is Hilda. And you must wear a headscarf and a lovely flowery patterned apron with lots of pockets.

And remember, OP, that you are a very good tipper. Hilda deserves an extra pound or two at the end of the month since she does such a good job.

I love this. I want to be your friend OP. You sound bloody brilliant.

Brilliantly bonkers!

Just wait until things start to go missing though and Jane gets the blame!

I thought it was going to be a woman I met the other day... She hired a cleaner didn't tell DH and then claimed she was exhausted with the cleaning she had done and had DH running round all evening.

I may have to nick this too, though I wouldn't keep a secret cleaner as I wouldn't want to deceive dh (deceive is a strong word, I don't mean you're doing anything horrible iyswim) but I love the idea of being my own cleaner and having set hours (rather than just sitting on my arse thinking how much of a pigsty the house is).

After half term I think I shall empty a cleaner, maybe one hour on a Monday afternoon and half an hour on a Friday. What shall I call my cleaner? Can she have a pinny instead of a headscarf?

This actually made me giggle. I think I'm going to employ a cleaner from the same agency as the current one me now I work part time and decided I couldn't justify a cleaner has more tea breaks in an hour than actual work time. Now where's the headscarf...

I shan't empty the cleaner, honest, I meant employ [blsh]

FFS I can't even blush properly.....maybe I need a typist too

this is wonderful, but I might not tell DH, I might just decide to have a cleaner alterego when I'm cleaning, and I like the idea of blocking out the time, setting a timer and just getting it done. I have tuesdays 'off' as DC2 goes to preschool, I might just make it the day the cleaner comes. And I'll be judging the filthy pigs I clean for.

Genius!

Do I need a MN approved headscarf then?