Fledglings flutter round the May Pole – FlyLady May 2015

[Greymalkin]

First of all, a big thank you to Dogsbum for leading us (for the very first time) through the April thread; fantastic job!

If you are struggling with C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) and S.T.U.F.F. (Something That Undermines Family Fun) then this is the thread where we (loosely) follow the step-by-step Flylady housekeeping system (in our own, unique, relaxed style) with lots of chat, support and chat along the way.

The FlyLady link is here Don't be put off by the barf-tastic language of the site - the underlying system is sound!

This little-and-often system is designed so that you can follow a series of steps and routines each day (which gradually become second nature) in zones of the house which are designated weekly; defining and minimising housework - which in theory should leave you with loads more time to do something more interesting instead!

At the same time it is intended to reduce that panicky "rabbit in headlights" feeling when you are overwhelmed and everything needs doing all at once. No problem if you miss a day or two; just jump right back in and it will all come around next month again!

It's up to you, but we advise not signing up to receive the Flylady e-mails as you will be inundated! All the information you need will be linked here on a daily basis.

From the first of the month, we will be following Flylady's steps and routines using a three-pronged approach (dependent on the stage everyone is at):

• start or repeat baby steps
• repeat baby steps + do 15 minutes a day decluttering in the current zone
• reinforce babysteps and do daily missions if you have finished decluttering.
• And if you are really enthusiastic and have finished decluttering - you can go on to detailed deep cleaning in each zone.

There are three key points to keep in mind throughout:

• No perfectionism allowed - this is harder than you would imagine and many of us on this thread struggle with this one!
• You are never behind - just start where you are and anything you do is progress.
• It didn't get into a mess overnight, it won't get tidy over night - accept it will take time to get on top of things and you will be happier.

If you are new; then trying to spend 15mins decluttering daily and doing the babysteps is a good way to start. Some of us (mentioning no names!) can have scary looking ‘ta-da’ lists but don't let that worry you! Do what you can, anything is better than nothing, and don't judge yourself against others.

If all else fails, a + the power of three technique + a bit of support on here can work wonders!

Here's the launch pad for more experienced fledglings.

Don’t let it put you off if we appear a bit cliquey, we really aren’t! Some of us have been on here for years – but all lurkers, intermittent returnees, oldies and newcomers very, very welcome

SC - yes, I know what you mean, and just because you only have one child doesn't make it any easier IMO. I seem to find it almost impossible to truly relax, even though I get quite a lot of me time I fill it with things like gardening, which are de-stressing but not really relaxing. I think my problem is that since the DCs got to school age I've had one eye permanently on the time, there's always somewhere to go, someone to pick up or drop off, someone to get off to bed, something to do. Even on holiday I find it hard to switch off properly like I could in the pre-DC days. I haven't watched more than about an hour of telly a week in the last month (that should change now the OU work is over), have only finished one book since Christmas, I can't actually remember when I last sat on the sofa, probably about a week ago. That unspecific feeling of dread is never far away. YY to booking yourself a couple of weeks of something. I should probably take myself of to a spa or something, as is always being recommended on MN. Even just plonk myself on the sofa for a day with a boxset .

However to do:

Shopping
Hoovering
Pilates class
Work
DD to ballet

Thanks Whoknows for your v. reassuring words - although sorry you are going through the same thing of course - and more intensively with more dc!

I think you've hit the nail on the head when you say it's about, having finished one thing, there is always the next urgent thing to do, waiting for you!! (It's not always like this for me tbh, I do have time to myself normally, it's just this busy end of year period.) I certainly watch more telly than you but likewise no longer have time for reading; I fall asleep too quickly nowadays!) But I agree the worrying never stops with dc around and that is draining in itself.

If it's any consolation, I think you always sound incredibly well organised and very effective in terms of your use of time and what you get done. Hope you can organise a little 'me' time over the summer for yourself! You certainly deserve it!

And good luck with your list today!

On reflection, I think a fortnight's break is a bit unrealistic, but I might squeeze in three or four days in between trips!!

Spas aren't my sort of thing but I would love to just lie in a field somewhere and be surrounded by green

Sympathies on the tiredness and sense of dread, SC - perfectly understandable considering. Yes, definitely book yourself some 'time off' - it's essential, otherwise you'll burn out.

Same for you, Who!

Failed on the nightly nail-cutting exploits, as DS1 woke up. So he has gone to school with talons. He also went in jeans and a 'Breaking Bad' tee shirt, even though I'd carefully laid out his school uniform with him the night before. By the time I spotted this, it was too late for him to change.

Didn't get back to sleep till 3am and was up again at 7, so am a bit worried I might be nodding off in the meeting this afternoon. Have been hugely cheered by a delivery of this serum, which I ordered after I saw some particularly unflattering photos of me taken whilst we were away . Cheaper than Botox.

Right, off to tackle DS1's bedroom before he returns...

interesting what you say about "dread". I used to feel that all the time. I am much better now although I still get very anxious about specific triggers (like getting ready to go out if I am meant to be looking smart or if house needs tidying beforehand)

I think I channel my lazy domestic pet side. Sitting in the sunshine trying to catch flies and looking forward to the next walk Never trying to think too far ahead except in a positive way. It has its drawbacks certainly.

CBT has helped me a lot. Thinking through the reasons for finding things stressful rather than just regarding them as innately stressful does help me.

I think the other problem is that we believe we are to blame for the stress we experience that it is our power to make it go away by increased endeavour but sometimes it is not your fault if everything is very overwhelming - some life events cannot be "managed" or tweaked to be bearable. Accepting and allowing yourself to feel genuinely sad that some things are really difficult and horrible makes you feel less angry and powerless.

SC I am trying to anaemia route again. I'm sure I am unreasonably tired. And I've suddenly noticed I have ridges on my nails and very pale lips. Even when I lie in I still feel incredibly tired all the time. Exercise makes me feel even tireder - happy yes but zonked.
whoknows hoping there is some good news soon about the placement. You are doing a fantastic job taking the children to all the classes and I know that they thrive on all the extracurricular stuff. Dd has been like a new woman (or girl) since she joined the Sat drama/singing/acting class. Ditto ds2 with all the sport he has been doing recently. Hope shed will be up soon to rest the eye!

Toffee ds1 sounds so chipper

Ds2 is making a lego film with a new mate of his. Rather loud Dalek noises coming from living room. What I love about his new friend is that I know he genuinely doesn't care how tidy the house is.

Dh has gone out; I've done some reading and more Tudors with ds2; dropped dd at school and done weekly/ish shop at a garage on the way home.

I've also decided categorically not to appeal against refusal to assess. There is no obvious school we want - we don't even know if we want him to go back to school at all. I will try the mediation bit first though before I give in. Talked to a number of professionals now and they have made me feel utterly confused helpless and thoroughly anxious. Everyone seems to be contradicting everyone else and taking me down a path that I don't want. May change next year if and when he is back in mainstream.

SC yes - but I think ds2 is the only one that wakes us so he is the one that needs to be trained to do morning chores (more effort there [wink) Dd and ds1 need to be trained to get out of bed without our waking them!!! Poor things get up very early every day including Sat so I suppose the idea of them doing chores first thing on Sunday hadn't occurred to us we are too cowardly but in a parallel universe they would be chopping wood and digging potatoes

"I think the other problem is that we believe we are to blame for the stress we experience that it is our power to make it go away by increased endeavour but sometimes it is not your fault if everything is very overwhelming - some life events cannot be "managed" or tweaked to be bearable. Accepting and allowing yourself to feel genuinely sad that some things are really difficult and horrible makes you feel less angry and powerless. " wise words Swan very wise words! It is something I struggle with.

Doing pissed off over caffeinated tidying today. Ds is off school. For once I am actually tackling the correct zone, laundry etc etc. Need to get things sorted so that the other stuff that actually needs dealing with can get processed. Call it productive procrastination. Tomo I need to sort travel insurance, car insurance, packing lists, shopping for trip etc etc. And have a late meeting. It will be done but i will be happier when some sort of order have been put on my room. Would also be nice to have a tidy room to return to

Lunch break (although haven't achieved much this morning except totter about clutching my stomach, loading the dw and wm feeling nauseous and and tired)

And owing to various school meeting prep arrangements/logistics and kind friends helping out, now have four more extra for supper tomorrow (I always enjoy it and don't mind at all actually but it's just all these extra things seem to spawn more extra things in terms of extra shopping, time, etc on top of doing the actual extra thing itself ifyswim) ie last night's meeting = shopping for cooking contribution to take, prepping it, baby-sitter arrangements (which were cancelled at last minute),, cooking for dd and baby-sitter, tidying up for baby-sitter, staying up late afterwards with dd to do hwk etc etc not just the thing itself which is relatively easy ifyswim! Same with Confirmation, = not just ceremony but loads of visitors, preppping house for visitors (nightmare!) collecting from station, entertaining and feeding them night before, lunch before, and day after, dog-sitting arrangements, supper for all attendees afterwards at outside venue and all arrangements for that, all the godparent arrangements and presents and thanks, etc etc all while trying to keep the stress down here and a modicum of revision going on! And that's following a huge weekend of school fete etc. Followed by two weeks of exams. The school's scheduling is entirely bonkers I'm afraid!!

Apologies for whinging on again - I know must of you have all of this and much more to contend with - think it is just because I am feeling ill that I am making such heavy weather of it!

Just thanking the stars that I removed ballet from the equation!!

yes can see that was somewhat unrealistic of me Swan and at digging potatoes (hadn't considered their early morning starts on Sats either!) Can see how difficult it is to get extra shut eye with different dcs burning different ends of different candles!!

And so sorry to hear that you are also feeling below par again Swan! Do make yourself an appt at the doctor's pronto! (We will badger you on here !!) Hopefully it will turn out to be something like anaemia which can be sorted fairly easily.

Toffee hope you don't mind me asking, but did you ever get to the bottom of your tiredness/blood test results? I'm sure you mentioned it but my addled brain can't remember just now! No worries if you don't want to discuss; just hope you are feeling less run down now!

Swan so sorry that all the professionals you have spoken to have made you feel stressed and anxious rather than offering proper guidance. But well done for making a firm decision despite all these difficulties. And good luck with the continuing battle.

And yy to lovely friends who genuinely don't care about the state of one's house! Blissful!

Toffee oh poor you having such little sleep! Hope the serum does the job but hope you get some more shut eye tonight too! And fab that your ds1 has gone off to school so bravely no matter what he is wearing

Toffee/Swan thank you for all your kind thoughts about the 'dread'!! (Glad it's not just me!!) I did have a couple of sessions of CBT when dd was going through her sessions with educational psych, and I was really impressed with how it lessened my anxiety although the effects seem to have worn off a bit since, so must re-visit!

Swan I have the same specific triggers (think it is all about our fear of being judged adversely). And yy to just sometimes accepting that things are overwhelming and a bit crap frankly and to not planning too far ahead.

Right, had better get back to it ... thank heavens for this thread ... as ever!!

x posts

Thanks for the much needed special brew DEM and agree, Swan you should do this professionally ...!!

Good luck with productive procrastination DEM (know EXACTLY what you mean by that, not the thing itself, but the thing which will make the next thing easier/more bearable!!)

Speaking of which, had better close the screen and get going ...

Big grateful waves to all!

I am creating a masshoosive mountain of paperwork by weeding out the unwanted and junky stuff. This should mean that the room feels tidier, nope not even close :(

Alright - tips for reducing stress - do not help at school fete - say you are too ill (heart/stomach) or if you help do not cook anything
buy some quiches or tarts you can throw together with salad/fruit salad for the rest of the confirmation meals. Or even some pasta menus so you don't have to cook more than just last minute sauce and or soup charcuterie rather than full meat and two veg meals. Or even meals like salmon portions and hot freshly cooked new potatoes, green salad (from M & S again if you want to cut down on prep)
venue - that is the special meal for the godparents which can be pulling out all the stops
never cook a meal for a babysitter - give them reheated stuff or snacks/salad - they are there to help you!!! Make babysitter give dd supper of most basic kind.
You are incredibly generous to host all these people and they want you to be happy not stressed and exhausted.

We didn't give a confirmation party for ds1. I wonder why Too worn out to even consider it and he didn't mind because for him it was one long teenage party!!!! I myself went to a confirmation party three years ago far away (godmother) and stayed overnight as guest of honour - house was not cleaned especially for me (although it was basically fine) and two meals I was taken out and one meal was cold cuts/salad - that was enough of a treat with the service itself and the thrill of "visiting". She also dropped me off at the station afterwards. And there was just one of me! I was glad my hostess was so relaxed - I really would not have wanted her to be exhausted.

Having said all that - this house is REVOLTING.

I need to do something - anything would improve it Will start with the washing up

Ohhh thank you Swan it is terribly kind of you to go to the trouble of posting that reassuring advice - you are right - important not to be too stressed for guests!! I will remember that! And have also taken your very good catering advice on board too!! Will definitely prep some pasta sauces in advance! And maybe some soup. And sneak to M&S for pre-prepped veggies!! Will also make use of traiteurs here!

(I don't normally cook specially for baby-sitter but she is so lovely, and she so loves her food!!)

And thank you for saying that about your experience as Confirmation visitor/attendee - I feel much better now - and much reassured!

If it's any consolation, this house is absolutely revolting too but I am too dithering to be doing much about it!!

Toffee surreal is the word regarding tiny clothes, etc. I'm glad I'm not the only one with that feeling.

Microscope delivery sounds very exciting, that sounds like a really lovely side to home ed that all the family can enjoy, I was always fascinated by them at school but we never seemed to have much time to spend using them so having one at home would have been great, I'm very envious

Steady yes, I think you are right about the nesting stage, definitely feels like a new phase. Thanks re: friend.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so stressed - I hope you do manage to book yourself something in the holidays.

Toffee serum sounds a bit scary, snake venom! Let us know if it's any good though as I'm thinking about treating myself to some sort of anti-aging cream at the moment. I generally look a bit younger than my age but I'm an older mum so I wouldn't mind a bit of assistance if I'm going to end up spending a lot of time around younger mums in the next few years

Swan I like the idea of channelling a lazy pet, makes me think of my childhood cat lying in the warm patch on the carpet created by the sun shining through the windows, I used to join her at times and it felt lovely.

My theory with all this stress, etc. is that basically we are simply not designed for the life we lead. We're designed to get up at sunrise, go to bed at sunset and do nothing more complicated than try to find some food for the next meal. Our lives are far too busy and full of far too much choice, etc. and so our brains are constantly overloaded and overstimulated.

I remember as a kid I used to long to live on a deserted island and lead an incredibly simple life, I don't know where that desire came from but maybe some primitive part of my brain just knew that would be the best thing for me and my quality of life. I then went through a phase of wanting to be a nun and it was about the same thing, wanting a simple life. Maybe it's just my crazy brain off again

I have got to the point where I am fed up of people. people who bash knives and forks on plates, people that eat loudly, people how make mountains out of a mole hill, people who feel the need to scream and shout about not having computer access. So right now a deserted island sounds heavenly Dogsbum

In reality i am doing sitting down jobs and trying not to kill anyone. It is suprisingly difficult to day.

I'll join you on that island if I may Dogsbum

Btw, the surreal nature of pregnancy lasts right up to birth and for a few days thereafter. I remember dh and I entering my hospital room the night before (c-section) and seeing a tiny transparent hospital cot and wondering what it was for [duh!]

[makes space on hay bale for DEM]

now feel very fed up with everyone

my zen like calm and acceptance was clearly shortlived

mostly just frustrated by ds1's lack of ability to concentrate on his work or worse still actually understand it I've just asked him what musical technique does Bernstein employ in West Side Story (at his request - he wanted to revise his favourite subject) "a fast technique"...

Our other musical enthusiast (ds2) is watching Eurovision [oh dear]

Dh watched about 30 mins but it was too much for him.

Still on the plus side we now have lots of food and lots of clean laundry for tomorrow and lots of dirty plates

proffers bucket of spring water to Dem and SC

Dog I love that theory of existence. We are shortcircuiting!

On the other hand I do watch the cats and they seem intent on making their lives much more complicated that they are - my cat climbed into a kitchen drawer - extracted a red pipe cleaner from a bag of craft stuff -then spent a long time chasing it in circles - I mean what could be more sophisticated and decadent than that - craft your own mouse?

Quick link dump and then I'm off to bed:

Links for Wednesday 20th May:

Link to the flight plan for an overall summary

Tomorrow’s baby step is Keeping on top of laundry affectionately known as Mount Washmore on this thread

The Daily focus for Wednesday is Anti Procrastination Day roll your sleeve up and tackle one of those task you have been putting off!!

Our habit of the month is Moving More

This week we are in Zone 4: The Boudoir aka the Master Bedroom. Declutter in here for 15 minutes each day.

Our mission in this week’s zone is dust the tops of your door and window frames

The detailed cleaning list for this zone is Zone 4: here for the more experienced Fledglings

Launch pad is here and is full of all the info you need each day, well worth a look.

Ok I am going to put a list as I am feeling a bit like I have not achieved much. You can ignore it.

ta da
Deal with the pile of odds and sods from outside my bedroom door on landing
sort and get rid of one box of stuff from bath tub
spend 3hrs clearing junk from my floor
wash towels, sofa throws, visitor bedding, old towels (yep 4 loads)
write a to do list
Write some paperwork
put out large sack of recycling and big bag of rubbish
clean bath tub
Soak in an epsom salt bath
start packing for friday
update planner with fun things like meetings and sports day
hoover lounge
fold laundry rescued from dryer
Start writing my new recipe book - the old one is falling apart and as the planner has worked so well I am considering getting bound in the same manner.
Consider stitching (and stitch to stuffing point) a zombie
sort out bag containing bits for running tomorrow's errands.
avoid speaking to ex
Sort basket of wires
get new kit labelled, grown out of kit unlabelled, mending done.

it still doesn't feel enough but I suspect that that is the perfectionism that the picture I posted yesterday was warning about, well that and the amount of coffee I have drunk today I guess I wish I had managed to get random pile of 'stuff' on my floor finished.

Just been woken up by a cat jumping on me and wanting a cuddle feeding.

Dogs - I think you are right about too much choice everywhere, the essay I've just finished was about choice and constraint in modern society, so it's a topic I've been giving some thought to. I also remember the surreal baby clothes thing

Toffee - wow, your post yesterday about DS1 going to school and the only issues were lack of uniform and long nails, what a long way you have both come.

DEM, hope you managed some sleep, another mega list from you there.

ILs arriving today for a flying visit, so we had to get downstairs straight last night, failed on upstairs but they've seen it all before. Also managed a couple of loads of washing in between work, shopping, school and ballet.