Today I completely failed to get my DCs to school. Both have the odd day when they just refuse. DS (5, yr1) in particular - he gets very clingy and upset. DD (7, yr3) is having a bullying issue and that's what got her upset today, although she would've gone in if DS had, I think.
I've lurked/posted here under various names since I joined MN around 2010, and both DH and I are very pro-HE. We've read a bit about it and made plans about how we'd approach it, I even had plans for projects etc! We decided to give nursery/school a go though, and DD flourished immediately (she's very social... unlike us!) so we put HE plans on hold with the agreement that we would absolutely HE if we felt it best. This turned out to be a blessing as DH got an injury and lost his job, I had to go to work but then I got very ill - I'm now disabled with a variable, unpredictable condition. There's no way we would've managed if they weren't at school.
Things went pretty well until this September when DD moved to juniors (separate school, not primary) - it's huge (150 pupils per year) and she was overwhelmed. She has friends (barring this 'frenemy') but just found it too much really, she became even more anxious - she's always been sensitive - and wasn't sleeping. She has a referral for this as it does affect many aspects of her life. Anyway sometimes she would have to be peeled off me at the classroom door, which had honestly never happened before. BUT academically it has been surprisingly good for her - she's blossomed under the clearer structure and adores homework and spelling tests, finally enjoying and making progress in maths etc.
DS, who loved reception, is sometimes completely refusing to even get dressed now. Due to my health I simply cannot force him or 'drag' him to school (and we have no car to bundle him into). I tried once and really suffered for it. When I ask, he says it (the school day) 'takes too long', and he misses me. He also hates assembly and says it hurts his ears (he does cover his ears at loud noises, and has had congestion/hearing loss in the past so this is feasible, but school don't seem convinced). He is youngest in the year too, and has a significant speech disorder although that is gradually improving.
Anyway, both schools are very supportive and understanding and we've always been very open about or struggles. I have arranged a meeting with the infants SENCO tomorrow and am awaiting a call from the welfare officer at the juniors, both because they want to see how else they can help. I'm in a bad phase healthwise - not been to work for a few weeks - and I'm scared of their attendance dropping - I doubt the EWO would be so sympathetic as the schools themselves!
So back to today - I just wasn't up to the battle of getting them there. They both visibly relaxed when I agreed, and were very happy to do "school at home". We've had a great day - a bit of maths, reading, spelling etc, and DD even spent well over an hour enthusiastically making a poster to show her class, after reading more about a topic they'd briefly touched on at school. She said "I've set myself some homework!" and was so happy doing it! The only thing they've grumbled about is lack of telly (which we don't have during the school week anyway).
I'm just confused really and I have no idea what to do. Most of the time they are fine but when they have a bad day it's not just bad but impossible! But I was wary of making this too fun (hence not putting DVDs on - which I would, if we were actually HEing) in case the school refusal (if I can even call it that, when it's not constant) gets worse because they want to stay home more. And I'm worried that the fact I have idly dreamed of HE for years will cloud my judgement if it's not actually the best thing to do in this instance, IYSWIM. If they were refusing every day then it would be a much easier choice! DH (who due to his past is much angrier about this other girl upsetting DD) is very gung-ho and "we will make it work" but although I am yearning to just take them out, my head is more powerful than my heart.
I'm reasonably confident they could learn a lot at home (not that I'm saying it'd all be easy like today!), but there's the practical worries - money?! DH's job is low income at the moment, and without my extra pittance from part time work we would struggle (although things might get easier as our rent will decrease if we get housed - currently on register... which incidentally would mean we'd have to change schools anyway, because there's virtually no council housing in this relatively affluent part of town). Because of money and physical constraints I'm worried their world would just become TOO small, if that makes sense? Even continuing things like Brownies would be a strain on our wallets. And selfishly I worry what effect it would have on me - I need, need, NEED downtime both mentally (I have AS) and physically, and would lose confidence without my job I think. There's no family who could help really and with both of us being very shy, we don't have a support network per se and would really struggle to make one. Today I've got by because we are literally 'playing school', so they've had playtimes when teacher can have a rest - can't see that working long term. Getting enough exercise is a concern too, I worry enough as it is because I currently can't manage to visit the park after school etc and we don't have a garden to run around it (again this will hopefully change with council housing).
Oh gosh this is ridiculously long, apologies. I have just had all these thoughts going round and round for weeks/months now and I'm hoping for some wise words from you lovely people! :)