CF guest has everybody dancing to her tune.

[ThisOldThang]

We're in a family self-catering holiday in a long haul exotic location.

My father-in-law is from this place and has a terminal illness. This is his 'last visit' to his home country. He's paid for the flights and accommodation for the entire UK based family to go with him.

That's a total of 8 adults and 4 kids. My brother-in-law's parents have also come, bringing it to 10 adults and four kids.

The holiday revolves around my father-in-law visiting and spending time with all his relatives. There are gatherings and meetups planned pretty much every day.

For some reason, that the rest of us can't understand, my sister-in-law has invited a friend from the gym as well. Nobody else really knows or likes her. She appears to be ND, which may explain why she didn't politely decline the invitation.

She's staying with my brother-in-law's parents in a neighbouring villa. They'd already booked and paid for their accommodation, so they were kind enough to say that she could stay there for free.

This woman is now causing problems and arguments due to her CF'ery.

She's refusing to contribute to the communal shopping 'because she doesn't eat everything that's been bought'. We've always just split the bills by family unit. The kids obviously don't drink alcohol and are pretty low maintenance in terms of food. She's also demanding the kids are counted as 'full people' for any shared costs, etc.

Is it me or should she just fuck off? She's come away on a family holiday and now thinks she gets to call the shots on how we do things. The mind boggles.

Just to add, she's taken over the en suite bathroom in the next door villa that's she's staying in for free, despite there being another bathroom that was allocated for her use.

FFS. And why is it everyone else's responsibility to bend backwards so as not to upset her? She's an adult woman. It's up to her to manage herself.

Because of the man with a terminal illness, I would not make a fuss over the difference between 11th and 15th shares. This makes very little difference with the number contributing

Is there no way the in laws can lock their bedroom door to keep things secure in a foreign country?

You are getting wound up (not unreasonably) by an irritating person. After this holiday you don't need to see her again. I doubt you can get rid of her without SIL kicking off and upsetting your FIL. For this reason, I would just lower the emotional temperature, concede on the cash, block the ensure invasion and focus on FIL.

A lot of drink is being taken, it seems. I'd try not to spend too much time hanging out in a crowd while that's happening , with people who are not easy to live with

Good luck and I hope your FIL has the holiday he wanted. We were going to do this with my dad, but the pandemic intervened, and I'm still sad about that. I think you'll be glad later if you focus on him.

What a strange person this CF is, who would want to go on holiday with a family getting together under these circumstances? What a pity nobody has the balls to tell her to leave as she's intruding and causing upset.

The person who invited her should have discussed everything and agreed it before coming-many childless people do get annoyed at paying for kids' stuff, but this doesn't really sound like the sort of holiday she should have been invited on, if it's special for FIL and family? I'd blame the SIL mainly.

Balls up OP and send her home.

Wife should just speak to CF and say - please don't use the ensuite, that's X's private bathroom. Also please remember we are all here because DFIL is very unwell and we don't want any arguments, so if you could just pay your share of the costs at £41 we would all be very grateful. This is a stressful time for us all so please don't cause everyone more stress.

If she doesn't feel comfortable dealing with that then I would just say that yiu should just think of the extra money as going to poorly FIL to help him have a nicer holiday and keep the peace. when you get home then DW can speak to her sister and tell her how you're all feeling and ask her to sort out the payment. TBH I am not sure I would speak to my sister much any more if she behaved so disgustingly.

Let her pay the £30 and her friend, SIL, can pay the £11 difference

This is for your wife and her siblings (especially the SIL who invited her) to sort out. It isn't really for you to involve yourself in any arguments. I'd tell your wife that in your opinion they need to stand up to this bullshit but ITO your own involvement I'd grey wall any arguments and focus on showering your FIL with love and attention which is surely the point of this trip.

I think you're on the mark. I now remember previous posts.

Before you said this, I already wondered whether the OP has an axe to grind against their SIL and is shit-stirring.

Because the FIL has a terminal illness, I'd be letting alllll of this slide.

Your whole issue is that she wont pay part of food bill?

Has she eaten any of the food or drank the alcohol?

Sometimes people do odd things and act out of character when they are extremely
upset. Presumably that is what your SIL
is experiencing now.

The person who matters is your sweet FIL. I hope he has a lovely, restful and happy holiday.

100% agree

Well look if she has specific dietary requirements and doesn't want to contribute to joint shopping, that's fine. But she buys and cooks absolutely ALL her own food and doesn't touch a crumb or a drop of the communal food. Not even a coffee. Seems fair to me. You can police it. I think you'll enjoy that. 😁

It's very weird that she's come at all. And it's weird that your BILs parents have come too, but maybe they are good friends with your in laws? Still a bit weird.

It's not about the food is it?

I am curious what is being relayed by SIL from the friend and everyone is having to pander to. Is it just this thing about food (and the ensuite bathroom) - because if so, just let it go. Don't have your holiday ruined over a total of £50-75. I do understand why it would stick jn your craw - i am still annoyed a friend divvied up holiday spending down to the penny, but the petrol i spent driving us there and back (nearly 5 hrs in total) never entered the equation. When people are being scabby to you it's easy to get petty and stay that way.

Lots of sensible suggestions eg tell her to get her own food and wine if she is so worried about being taken advantage of but it really isn't about the food, is it?

It sounds like there is other stuff you are expected to toe the line on - what is it?

Or are you just all justifiably really annoyed a random from the gym is on your family holiday?

It seems you missed the line ”To make things easier for you for the rest of the stay you could try …”

Didn’t read the previous post, but it tracks.

its all incredibly main character energy from OP over stuff that isn’t really impacting him.

What I really don't understand is why the PIL offered to share their accommodation in the first place? If she'd had to pay for her own it might have made her think twice about tagging along, and if she'd still come anyway but in her own accommodation, presumably it would have been easier to keep her more at arms length?

She has my sympathy too.It sounds like everyone has spent their lives tiptoeing around the most difficult person in the room to some considerable cost- which is being writ large in this particular scenario.

I'd be wondering if CF knew what the point of the holiday was. I was once invited on a 'we are going on this weekend away with so and so, do you want to come' and innocently and excitedly accepted it, only to realise the husband of my friend was furious about it and spent the whole time making very sure that I was left in no doubt that my presence was extremely unwelcome. I had no idea that the dynamics were that he was fed up of his wife doing this sort of thing and he took it out on me. It was one of the most miserable experiences of my life (and he became quite menacing as well towards me). I had accepted an invitation offered at face value, and it ended up that things were Very Different.

So it might be that CF is largely innocent in this. Was possibly not fully aware of the point of the holiday and accepted an invite in good faith extended by her friend.

That said- she needs to read the room and agree to the 11 person split.

Just tell her if she doesn't want to split costs she's welcome to go and find some other accommodation. It's a family holiday. It's an emotive time. She's there for free. She can choose to save her food costs and spend that money on a hotel as you aren't having the holiday ruined by a freeloader. Also stop encroaching on the ensuite.

£41 for three or four days of food and drink is impressive value on holiday. I would be very tempted to tell her to go on the next shopping trip and sort her own!

She is a cheeky mare! Free accommodation and moaning over a tenner. It is the pure principal of the matter - you all as a family unit worked it out this way and some randomer comes along and tells you it’s not right. I honestly would be that petty, I would make a spectacle of her and just say we will stick with the normal bill split and I will pay the difference for the CF🤣

What would happen if someone (preferably her husband) reminded your SIL + CF that this is a holiday for her terminally ill dad, and that making any demands is inappropriate?

Omg OP never thought of it like this! Happened to us years ago, invited to a night away by a friend to his friend group. We were like lepers through zero fault of our own.