My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

[OliveKoala]

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

This is such bizarre logic and I’m baffled. I think it’s not a kind choice to exclude her and I am unsurprised she is upset.

Have you told her that?

That’s probably one of the coldest things I’ve read on here in a long time, to be fair. Are you jealous of her life, OP?

Don’t be surprised if once she heads off to uni, she decides to spend most of the end of term breaks with others.

My ds is Year 12 and is planning his post A level holidays, celebrations with his mates. We will also take him on our family holiday because he is family. You poor dd.

If the boyfriend hadn't said anything, were you even going to mention the holiday? Or all just sneak off to the car the day after she got back?

I can’t tell if you’re serious..?!

Is she actually your daughter? Do you lover her?

Why ON EARTH are you communicating with your daughter through her brother and then her boyfriend - with her boyfriend not meant to talk to her about it.

this is either made up or you are extraordinarily dysfunctional OP

You might have thought that, but did she?

You really do come over as not liking your daughter very much.

My DC are 18 and 20. I wouldn’t dream of not inviting them. And they’ve yet to turn me down!

DH and I have weekends away by ourselves, but I’m aware DC won’t want to come with us much longer and I’m making the most of it that they are still say yes.

Why on earth should the last holiday be her last one with the family? My stepdaughters are in their 30s and we are absolutely delighted when they and their partners manage to join us, even if just for a few days of our holiday.

The key issue in all of this is poor communication.

You haven't communicated with your 17 year old daughter well enough for you both to understand what each other wants to do about spending holidays together.

Why are you passing messages through her brother and boyfriend rather than talking to your daughter?

Very mean and not nice to be honest. My 20yo son has 5 holidays this year - he has still been invited on ours (and is coming!).

I am not surprised she is upset.

Its fairly natural to spend 2 nights a week elsewhere when you are 17! No idea what that has to do with your selfish behaviour!

Cold.

There will sadly come a day when DD doesn't want to go on a family holiday and those opportunities will be lost forever. I'd bend over backwards to make her included, not just for her, but for you.

That is outrageous.
I have an 18 year old who is also going to uni in Sept. She also has two, possibly 3, holidays booked with her friends and I barely see her at the moment.

There was absolutely no question that I wouldn’t book her on our family holiday. Doesn’t matter!! She’s part of our family!!

no wonder she’s hurt!! What were you thinking?!

Wow. Just wow. Is this real?

OP means that she was wearing her coat
”hiding” in, like many teenagers do with hoodies or coats, even when it wasn’t necessary. I assume anyway.

Ohh so this is some kind of petty revenge because she dared to book her own holidays to celebrate completing her exams?

OP. YABVVVVVVVU.

I wonder if this is actually a wind up?

What do you mean - she has booked holidays as rewards for her A levels efforts?????? What if they are not the results hoped for? As an anxious parent, I sincerely hope she gets the results you were hoping for, but how arrogant to book holidays in advance as a reward? What kind of warped entitlement is it?

This has to be a joke?

Eh?

What's wearing a coat got to do with anything @OliveKoala ?

Look, I do understand that you want your DC to know the value of money and pay their way, however, you've already said she's in a low paid job and paid for her holidays so she isn't a freeloader.

Personally, I would let her come with you, particularly if money isn't an issue. There won't be too many more holidays where she'll want to go with her family

What's the betting her bedroom will be 'reallocated' during her first term at University?

This happened to me left at home after A levels. Still resent it years later. It would have been our last family holiday.

Very likely. Just like the dog thread and so many more nowadays.