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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
Obvnotthegolden · 21/04/2025 15:19

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:41

It’s not that I can’t fund it . I just think she doesn’t need to go on the family holiday if she already has two other holidays booked.

You sound jealous and bitter and punishing your dd isn't going to work out well for you.

And the fact that you've asked iybu, and pp have said yes yabu, and you keep arguing your point, don't be surprised when your DD doesn't bother coming back between university years.

Most pp want to spend more time with a child before they go to uni, not less.

Loub1987 · 21/04/2025 15:19

What?! She is 17 and still a child. Sounds like you just don’t like her.

Good luck with your relationship in the future.

VicksJunkie · 21/04/2025 15:20

@HwiOnce again you’re on a thread with the most batshit response. 😅 At least you’re reliable in your ridiculousness.

ILoveMyWeeds · 21/04/2025 15:20

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

I actually agree with you on that. I think the less time the poor girl spends with you the better.

mumbleberry · 21/04/2025 15:20

Hwi · 21/04/2025 15:18

What do you mean - she has booked holidays as rewards for her A levels efforts?????? What if they are not the results hoped for? As an anxious parent, I sincerely hope she gets the results you were hoping for, but how arrogant to book holidays in advance as a reward? What kind of warped entitlement is it?

What an odd way of thinking. You don’t think you should reward your children ( or encourage them to reward themselves ) after working hard at something? Have I misunderstood your point?

DPotter · 21/04/2025 15:20

That was mean and you know it. It was a nasty, snide thing to do.

Apologise and get on the phone to add her to the booking.

I also would be very interested to know what the rest of your family think about your attitude.

Smallmercies · 21/04/2025 15:21

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

This is just deranged!! Don't you love your child?

Rocketpants50 · 21/04/2025 15:21

Dd is doing very similar to yours, she is coming on everything we have booked over the summer to - am embracing the fact that she still wants to come. I can't imagine booking a holiday and telling her she wasn't coming. Surely a family holiday is different to a holiday with friends / boyfriend. So yes I to think you are mean.

TayHodges · 21/04/2025 15:22

It’s very unreasonable because I’m sure your daughter would’ve loved to go. However I’ve been told that one of the holidays she is going on is with her very attractive boyfriend so I’d hope for your sake she has too much fun with him to care about what you’ve done.

WilfredsPies · 21/04/2025 15:23

Well you’re never going to have to find space on your mantelpiece for a mother of the year award, are you? And it’s a rare feat to sound cold and spiteful, all in the same post.

Do you understand that you are currently sewing? And when you have no real relationship with her and you are not a priority to her as you grow older, and she has no real desire to ensure that you and any grandchildren have a close relationship, then you will be reaping what you have sewn.

Don’t you dare have the nerve to complain about it.

myrtleWilson · 21/04/2025 15:23

@Hwi did you not book a holiday before you took a-levels? It is an absolutely normal practice

anway, fwiw, I suspect this thread will go poof.... our Mom of the Year is either a namechanger or a first time poster

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 21/04/2025 15:23

. You’re trying to sell the idea that you don’t take a 17-year-old child or a family holiday as the reasonable choice. It’s totally unreasonable unkind and virgin on the plane nasty I don’t know how you can come back from this. awful.

Namechange1345677 · 21/04/2025 15:23

God op you sound vile! She's better off not going and getting away from you asap. My mother in law did this kind of thing ..and now wonders why none of her 3 sons will have nothing to do with her....

OuchyEars · 21/04/2025 15:23

That's cold.
You obviously don't like your daughter, and I'm sure this won't be the first time you've made sure to make her aware of the fact.
I assume you get off on her emotional pain and probably resent that she has learnt to be quiet about it.
Don't bet on your favoured child being unaware of how hateful you are to their sister.

Original poster
OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:24

I have a right to boundaries just like she has a right to be upset

OP posts:
Bobnobob · 21/04/2025 15:24

She’s your step daughter isn’t she?

Bumdrops · 21/04/2025 15:24

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

This sounds like punishing her !!
if she’s going away with friends … sod her !!

ouch321 · 21/04/2025 15:25

I think staff should check the posting history as this thread seems suspicious to me.

In the event it's real ill just say I'm not surprised to hear that there is a male sibling(s), I bet he/they are the preferred child, golden child kind of thing.

howsthehair · 21/04/2025 15:25

This is a reverse - it must be.

Lotsofsnacks · 21/04/2025 15:25

Why you asking then OP? As you had made up
your mind previously, i.e you said, ‘your previous holiday together was your last’

In my opinion of course she should come! She’s part of the family, enjoy her being with you while she still wants to come. Fair enough she’s going on other holidays, but not one with all
her family, which she obvs still wants to do. Please heed the ‘reap what your sow’ advice upthread

Longma · 21/04/2025 15:26

Hwi · 21/04/2025 15:18

What do you mean - she has booked holidays as rewards for her A levels efforts?????? What if they are not the results hoped for? As an anxious parent, I sincerely hope she gets the results you were hoping for, but how arrogant to book holidays in advance as a reward? What kind of warped entitlement is it?

Many people like to reward effort over attainment.
It’s not arrogance nor it is entitlement, it’s just choosing what you feel is more important.

We rewarded DD (not financial, but in other ways) for the amazing level of effort and time she out in to her A levels.
We knew that whatever the grades were, she couldn’t have tried any harder.
Im really glad we did as it was Covid year - so she never even got to sit the things despite her huge efforts!

it is also very normal for bunches of kids to celebrate the end of A level and school with a holiday/break away.

tara66 · 21/04/2025 15:26

OP YOU SEEM VERY ODD.

Loub1987 · 21/04/2025 15:27

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:24

I have a right to boundaries just like she has a right to be upset

Why would you need boundaries from you teenage child? God you sound awful! What has happened to you to make you so mean and spiteful.

I hope she has a nice life and has others who care for her.

muckandmerriment · 21/04/2025 15:28

That's really unpleasant. And very unfair. You should be glad that she still wants to come on family holidays. I couldn't leave my daughter out even if she does have other holidays booked. She won't forget this and it may damage your relationship forever.

Original poster
OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

OP posts: