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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 21/04/2025 15:10

Are there actually parents like this in real life? Awful way to behave towards your child, shes still a dependant ( which makes it even worse).

Original poster
OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

OP posts:
theDudesmummy · 21/04/2025 15:10

So it's all other people's fault then? You really need to face up to the fact that you don't want to spend time with your DD and stop making ridiculous excuses about coats and boyfriends.

beetr00 · 21/04/2025 15:10

OUT RAGEOUS!

but you reap what you sow @OliveKoala

I sincerely hope your daughter is a strong, independent woman and not a petty rsole like her mum. 😆

MillyHilly99 · 21/04/2025 15:10

I'm actually gobsmacked..

BlueTitShark · 21/04/2025 15:10

The only thing that comes to mind is
’Don’t be surprised if your dd doesn’t speak to you anymore once she has left home’

Excluding her ‘because you decided she had enough hols already’ despite the fact you didn’t pay fur one if them and paid very little on the other (a flight to Europe won’t have cost a fortune right?) was just crap.
And blaming other people for telling her your plans? What did you expect?

UnstableMonkey · 21/04/2025 15:11

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

Of course it’s your fault. You are her parent. Just a cruel one. YOU should have asked her if she wanted to go on the family holiday.

Do you not have a mouth to talk with or a phone to text her with. If you had honestly wanted her to go you would have asked her. But you don’t. That is shit OP.

Katiesaidthat · 21/04/2025 15:11

She´ll probably stick you in an old people´s home (a cheap one, the rest is needed for the flights) for the weeks she goes on holiday 35 years from now. Remember you reap what you sow.

ILoveMyWeeds · 21/04/2025 15:11

Berlinlover · 21/04/2025 14:43

I wouldn’t have thought a seventeen year old would want to holiday with their parents, they must take a lot longer to grow up these days. OP YANBU especially when she has two holidays of her own planned.

My children still come on family holidays with us and they’re in their 30s with children of their own. Sometimes my mum comes too. And DH and I are lucky enough to be able to pay. Four generations in a villa for a week - I think it’s the greatest privilege of my life that I have a family that still wants to do this.

WallaceinAnderland · 21/04/2025 15:11

Aw, OP that was mean.

Dery · 21/04/2025 15:11

@OliveKoala - have only read your posts. I could understand if finances were an issue and you were funding her other holidays. But as it is, you sound strangely cold and detached from your DD and clueless about the impact this would have on family dynamics. I mean - why didn’t you talk to her about this? Why are you asking your son to ask her boyfriend stuff? Don’t you talk to her? Don’t you love her? How is it even a question of “inviting” your own child on a family holiday? Aren’t all members of your family automatically included?

When our elder DD completed her A levels, she did some of her own travel and came on the family holiday as well. We’re doing the same with our younger DD this year who will have her own separate post-A level holidays as well as coming on the shared family holiday (which also involves her elder sister, now at uni). We saw those as additional to family holidays, not instead of.

Frankly, you sound like a strangely unkind and unloving mother. Your poor DD.

RaininSummer · 21/04/2025 15:11

The poor girl. This may well have been the last year she would have holidayed with you all. I think you should tell her there has been a misunderstanding and you are all going and get that sorted.

Mangolover123 · 21/04/2025 15:12

You are being very mean.
This is the last opportunity before she goes off to university, for you all to be together. She might not live at home ever again.
You should be glad she is living her life to the full and encouraging her.
You are about to lose your daughter, book her on the holiday.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/04/2025 15:12

It’s unreasonable unless you had a conversation with her where you said either you can come on the family holiday or I’ll pay for those flights.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/04/2025 15:12

RaininSummer · 21/04/2025 15:11

The poor girl. This may well have been the last year she would have holidayed with you all. I think you should tell her there has been a misunderstanding and you are all going and get that sorted.

Agreed

Longma · 21/04/2025 15:12

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

Why?

Why don’t you want your daughter to be part of a family holiday?
Can it even be called a family holiday when a significant member of the immediate family isn’t welcome or invited?

Do you want to push your daughter away?

Do you not have a good relationship? Is this why she isn’t welcome?

BlueTitShark · 21/04/2025 15:13

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

Well maybe you should have told her before hand instead of hiding the information and leaving it to others to tell her!!

Instead you’re blaming everyone else (friends, your dd etc….) for what everyone to,pld you was a really crap decision.
At least you’re consistent I suppose 🙄🙄

VivienneDelacroix · 21/04/2025 15:13

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

Do you actually like your daughter? Why weren't you communicating with her directly? Asking her brother to ask her boyfriend is just bizarre.
Your daughter has no doubt got the message loud and clear that does not welcome.

Flossflower · 21/04/2025 15:13

You are so mean. Most people include their children if they want to come.

FeelingLessTired · 21/04/2025 15:13

The coat thing escapes me. Is it code?

So your DD is studying hard for her A-levels, has a job and this will possibly be the last 'family holiday;' you can have with her before she flies (or flees) the nest. Do you not see her as 'family'? Are you in subconscious competition with her in some way? Do you think of her as an outsider to be tolerated on your schedule?

I'm baffled tbh.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 21/04/2025 15:13

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

May we ask why you think that? It’s rather unusual..

L0bstersLass · 21/04/2025 15:13

@OliveKoala Of course your child is upset that she's been left out of the annual family holilday.
And here you are, desperately scrabbling to make a rational excuse for it.
There isn't one.
So what if she's already booked on some holidays? People are allowed multiple holidays.
The fact that you got information from her boyfriends suggests you were avoiding taking to her about it.
You know it's wrong.
Either own it, or put it right.
This nasty behaviour is all on you and will affect your relationship with her for years to come.

CurlewKate · 21/04/2025 15:13

Of course she should be invited! At the very LEAST it should have been clearly discussed.

itstimeforme · 21/04/2025 15:14

At 22, 25 and 28 our DC love nothing more than a family holiday, I cannot ever imagine leaving one out. Our eldest two insist on contributing and sometimes we accept and sometimes we treat them all. This is irregardless of what holidays they have or haven’t had all year. And 17 seems so young to be excluded.

Longma · 21/04/2025 15:14

I’m interested in the rest of the family.

Who else is coming on the ‘family’ holiday?

How do they feel about 17y DD not being welcome?