Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
Reddelilah · 21/04/2025 15:04

I’d want my 17 (and 19 ) year olds with us on holiday. We’re a family and we enjoy family holidays together!

Unless my children were earning a decent salary, I’d pay for them to come along.

Ellie1015 · 21/04/2025 15:04

Why did her brother ask her boyfriend rather than you ask her? And explain why?

Longma · 21/04/2025 15:05

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:02

Well the second last family holiday we booked, she was in her coat 24/7 and when we didn’t have family activities booked in the evening she stayed in the hotel room. Granted at our last holiday she spent a lot of quality time with us but this is more like our previous holiday where she was wearing a coat most the time! 😂

Look, you don’t want to invite her.
Stop making excuses after excuse.
If you don’t want her there, at least own the decision.

UnstableMonkey · 21/04/2025 15:05

You keep calling it family holiday. Your daughter assumed she is a part of the family.

You assumed she would understand, without even telling her, that she is no longer a part of it.

Very hurtful and I doubt she will forget it.

Upstartled · 21/04/2025 15:05

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

Don't you have her number?

Fingernailbiter · 21/04/2025 15:05

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:02

Well the second last family holiday we booked, she was in her coat 24/7 and when we didn’t have family activities booked in the evening she stayed in the hotel room. Granted at our last holiday she spent a lot of quality time with us but this is more like our previous holiday where she was wearing a coat most the time! 😂

So what stopped you just asking her whether she wanted to go with you or not?

CautiousLurker01 · 21/04/2025 15:05

SendBooksAndTea · 21/04/2025 14:51

Can you not see that this is a really odd stance for a parent to take? My daughter is my world, I can't imagine behaving like this to her. I wonder how.your other children feel about their sister not being included?

Show quote history

That’s our view. We plan to take the kids with us for as long as they are willing to join us, and pay in full other than spending money, until they are about 25 (ie finished uni, saved deposits for flat/house and have a proper FT job). We fully expect both kids (one starting uni this year) to be doing student skills trips, backpacking/inter-railing hols in Europe or saving to pay for trips to visit new uni friends overseas… none of that will make them no longer eligible to share in the family holiday. I appreciate that until this time DH and I will be working so we can afford it and this may change if either of us retired/get made redundant before then, but our kids will always be welcome on the ‘family’ holiday.

Delphigirl · 21/04/2025 15:05

LikeSeriously · 21/04/2025 15:04

I am quite shocked at the responses. A 17 year old is getting two holidays one partly funded by parents and then needs another holiday! No doubt there will be mass expenditure if this teen goes to uni in September. My DD is the same age and is going on two trips abroad this summer with friends. She wouldn’t even have the annual leave to come on a family holiday as well as these trips. I don’t even know at this stage if we will even get a holiday due to uni costs in September. As working parents we don’t get three holidays in the summer🙈

But the OP has said it is NOT about funds.

thepariscrimefiles · 21/04/2025 15:06

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:02

Well the second last family holiday we booked, she was in her coat 24/7 and when we didn’t have family activities booked in the evening she stayed in the hotel room. Granted at our last holiday she spent a lot of quality time with us but this is more like our previous holiday where she was wearing a coat most the time! 😂

Why are you mocking and making fun of your own daughter? You sound quite mean.

Flamethrowers · 21/04/2025 15:07

Why wouldn't You want to spend time with your daughter?

Summergarden · 21/04/2025 15:07

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

But YOU are the parent. You chose to have HER. So understandably, she would have hoped (even assumed) her other plans would have been worked around when you booked the supposed ‘family’ holiday.

BlueSpikeyPearls · 21/04/2025 15:07

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

WTF?!

Why did you not ask her yourself, directly? What is with this asking her brother, to ask her boyfriend? Do you not talk to your daughter?

This is absolutely your fault.

BlackStrayCat · 21/04/2025 15:07

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:36

Yes but she will be leaving to got Uni in September and she spends the weekends at her boyfriends. So she is only around 5/7 days of the week

Nightmare mother.
Horrendous.

Smallmercies · 21/04/2025 15:07

You've chosen to fuck up your relationship with your daughter ... for what? Let's hope it's worth it.

Itisjustmyopinion · 21/04/2025 15:07

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

You are coming across worse in every post. Why is the boyfriend both involved and getting blamed for a conversation that should have been between you and your daughter

Sayshesheshe · 21/04/2025 15:07

Heaven forbid your daughter wears a coat on holiday.

My sister and I are in our 30s and still have holidays with our parents as well as our own holidays, it’s madness to be that you’d have a family one without your 17 year old because you feel she’s been away already.

Runnersandtoms · 21/04/2025 15:08

My DD is off to uni in September and we have planned an extra special holiday this year as it may be the last one where she cones with us! I cannot imagine excluding her, even when she's had a separate holiday with her boyfriend. I want to make tge most of our time together. Also I will still invite her to holiday with us in future, it's just that she may be too busy and have work commitments in holidays going forward. But I hope she'll still come away with us for many years.

TeenLifeMum · 21/04/2025 15:08

As the mum of a 17yo I’m delighted she still wants to hang out with us and I want to enjoy time with her before her next step to adulthood. She’s been to Italy on an amazing holiday (school trip linked to a levels) and she’ll be joining us for our family holiday. I don’t understand your reasons for excluding her at all.

Smallmercies · 21/04/2025 15:08

Is your daughter normally the family scapegoat, or just in her A-level term?

AintNoPartyLikeANumber10Party · 21/04/2025 15:08

Wow @OliveKoala your posts read as really cold and uncaring.

Unless there is a massive back story here YABVU.
Your poor daughter 😞

SixtySomething · 21/04/2025 15:08

OP, Please can you explain what is wrong with wearing a coat?
Is it because it felt like a sign she wasn't enjoying herself beccause too cold?
What did you want her to do rather than stay in the hotel room?

Longma · 21/04/2025 15:09

LikeSeriously · 21/04/2025 15:04

I am quite shocked at the responses. A 17 year old is getting two holidays one partly funded by parents and then needs another holiday! No doubt there will be mass expenditure if this teen goes to uni in September. My DD is the same age and is going on two trips abroad this summer with friends. She wouldn’t even have the annual leave to come on a family holiday as well as these trips. I don’t even know at this stage if we will even get a holiday due to uni costs in September. As working parents we don’t get three holidays in the summer🙈

Nobody NEEDs any holiday, so want/need isn’t relevant.

The OP has stated it’s not about funds, so the money part is irrelevant.

The OP has not said that the DD can’t get time off a part time/summer job, so the lack of annual leave is irrelevant.

she isn’t a working parent, so that aspect is irrelevant.

Reddelilah · 21/04/2025 15:09

PrimalLass · 21/04/2025 14:57

Sounds like you are shunting her out of the family group. I'm desperate to keep holidaying with my teens as long as possible.

Same. I’d hope they want to come with us on an annual holiday even after they left home to study or work. We’re still a family!

Upstartled · 21/04/2025 15:10

I'd wager you own mother treated you awfully, op. And that you are quite prepared to let that shit roll downhill.

JustMyView13 · 21/04/2025 15:10

She’s hurt because you assumed rather than asking outright. You didn’t even give her the opportunity to come and fund it herself - it might be sufficiently important for her to come, that she would’ve considered taking on another job. But you took the decision away from her, which messages (whether intentional or not) that you don’t want her to come.
The fact you’re also in a position to fund her makes it even worse. You’ve carved her out and treated her differently, and you don’t even have a solid reason as to why. I can totally see why this has upset her.

Remember, intention does not equal impact.