My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

[OliveKoala]

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

If she’s the eldest…what do your sons contribute? This post is a real mind fudge

@capricorn12 Well yes, once they’re adults in their 20’s and earning a decent salary, I personally don’t think that it should be an expectation that their parents will still pay for holidays- some parents may still choose to, others won’t, neither is unreasonable.

This is a 17-year-old with a p-t job though, not an adult.

This has got to be a joke right? Otherwise it's really just horrible :/

Oh you big old meany OP!!

dd1 is 20 and at uni. She has just come back from holiday with her friends but is still very much invited on our family holiday as we like her company.

Damn, you’re stone cold. Christ.

Why wouldn't you want a last family holiday with your child before you go off to uni OP? You sound horrid tbh.

OP, you sound awful. And you seem to have vanished.

………….having been rightly handed her arse !!

My parents did this to me (ish) at 13 and 17 so they didn't have to get dog care. Swanned off abroad with my brothers. I never went on an abroad holiday with my family, actually never went on holiday with my little brother (11 years younger) and I still resent them for it. I'm 50!

They left you at home to mind the dog at 13!

Well, I'm going away for a week with my 19, 17 & 15 year old DCs this summer & am paying for everyone's flights and accommodation.

This will perhaps be the last time my DC19 will come on our family holiday, because they won't be living at home next summer.

This makes it all the more special - we are looking forward to making memories. I am genuinely looking forward to spending time with them all.

@Annascaulmy goodness! I'm not surprised you still resent them. That's dreadful!

Agree ! OP is very lacking in normal emotions regarding her daughter 🤷‍♀️

I don't want to be unkind but I think you've been cruel. How would you feel in future if your adult kids invited their father on a trip but not you because 'sorry mum, you've already been on two holidays'! This is you being petty. If you'd said to her - I will either pay for you to come on family holiday or for your flights to XX then fine. But if you agreed to do something and didn't make her aware of any negative consequences that's you being unreasonable. Book her in now.

Wow! 😳

I also have a 17 year daughter and would never leave her out of a family holiday... on account of her being family. Whether she's 17, 27 or 37 she'll always be welcome on family holidays!

What boundaries??? This is terrible! Especially as she will be leaving fairly soon to go to university. It's not even like you gave her the choice. Can't imagine how hurt she must be by your actions. Really shameful behaviour from you.

Poor kid. 17 is so young still.

My newly 17 year old would be so upset if we left her behind! It wouldn’t even cross
my mind not to book her on family holidays. Our 18 year old also - though I did ask him if he wanted to go (he did!).

OP you sound awful. Your poor DD. I suspect this will fracture any future relationship you may have.
Her brothers contribute more? Get a grip. She’s an underage teenager who lives at home.

WTAF! What an absolutely horrible thing to do! Probably post another thread in a few years moaning how her Daughter is indifferent and distant to her!

Well I guess op either got the message and is ashamed of herself and not going to be back or is angry and trying to justify to herself and not reading anymore...

You are a really horrible person. Unfair to who? She’s your daughter. She has finished her A-Levels. Why on earth would you uninvite her? This isn’t a ‘ok your own holiday or family holiday’ situation- you’ve deliberately excluded her. She is 17! What do you mean poor? I am disgusted you are a parent!

‘ She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans’ - how disgustingly petty.

Why!! Your attitude is so wrong. YOU ARE HER MOTHER! You are not her friend or boyfriend.

Sadly people seem to confuse boundaries with petty behaviour.