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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
PhatGurlSlim · 22/04/2025 18:20

Searchingforthelight · 22/04/2025 17:41

She should leave OP to it and not use her time picking a shitty retirement home

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But you know what's going to happen, don't you? DD is going to be the one to care for DM while the sons are too busy jetting off on holidays with their wives and children to be bothered. This is always how it works out. That poor young woman.

Annascaul · 22/04/2025 18:21

PhatGurlSlim · 22/04/2025 18:20

But you know what's going to happen, don't you? DD is going to be the one to care for DM while the sons are too busy jetting off on holidays with their wives and children to be bothered. This is always how it works out. That poor young woman.

Show quote history

Not if she has a titter of sense, she won’t.

InimitablePeggy · 22/04/2025 18:24

This is horrible, your poor daughter.

Woodenteaspoon · 22/04/2025 18:24

Of course you should invite her.

OldSchoolCasualty · 22/04/2025 18:27

I have been the daughter in this scenario, and it still smarts, I'm mid 30s now and stopped being invited on family holidays when I was 17, my two sisters were still invited to every one though! mostly funded by parents also.
There was no discussion about said holidays, I would just find out they'd all been on holiday after the fact. Without even asking if I wanted to come.
Since having DD they have started inviting my husband and I on some of them. But I will always remember being ejected from the family at 17.
You will forever destroy your relationship with your daughter if you carry on like this. and it'd be no less than you deserve to be honest.

Woodenteaspoon · 22/04/2025 18:27

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:24

I have a right to boundaries just like she has a right to be upset

What sort of boundaries are you talking about?

Sahara123 · 22/04/2025 18:29

Mine will be welcome to come on holiday with us for the rest of their lives if they want. I cherish every minute I spend with them.

UnicornBubble · 22/04/2025 18:31

A family holiday but she’s not invited, well done. That’s gonna leave a mark on her self esteem.

FairKoala · 22/04/2025 18:31

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

And you don’t think you play favourites

FairKoala · 22/04/2025 18:35

OldSchoolCasualty · 22/04/2025 18:27

I have been the daughter in this scenario, and it still smarts, I'm mid 30s now and stopped being invited on family holidays when I was 17, my two sisters were still invited to every one though! mostly funded by parents also.
There was no discussion about said holidays, I would just find out they'd all been on holiday after the fact. Without even asking if I wanted to come.
Since having DD they have started inviting my husband and I on some of them. But I will always remember being ejected from the family at 17.
You will forever destroy your relationship with your daughter if you carry on like this. and it'd be no less than you deserve to be honest.

Maybe this is what OliveKoala
means by having boundaries

Maybe she wants to create distance between her contributing sons and her less contributing daughter

CreationNat1on · 22/04/2025 18:35

What a horrible mum. Mysogyny

BruFord · 22/04/2025 18:36

Again, it’s all about communication, which didn’t happen in this instance. You should’ve been clear earlier that it was an either/or situation -either the family holiday or you contributing to her other trip.

My parents told me before I went to uni that they wouldn’t be organizing family holidays anymore ( I was an only child), they’d be having their own holidays but if they were going somewhere that I wanted to visit, I should say so. I ended up going on a holiday with them when I was 19. After that, we mixed it, I went with friends, partners, various mini breaks with one parent, etc.

It’s not awful to end the “annual family holiday” concept, but you need to be clear and not suddenly exclude just one child.

LT1233 · 22/04/2025 18:45

Me and my 16yo son have a terrible relationship and if I'd done what you have to your daughter to him, it would be a tactical move to hurt him.

LongLiveTheLego · 22/04/2025 18:46

That’s horrible, she isn’t even an adult. What were you thinking?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 22/04/2025 18:51

Poor kid.

You had an opportunity to spend some much needed quality time with your daughter op and you’ve blown it.

Travelban · 22/04/2025 18:54

Oh wow what am I reading. My 17 uear old is inivted to all family holidays, as is my 18 year old and 20 year old! And yes some years they had multiple holidays of their own... so what?

If we can't afford it we typically go for something cheaper so we can include everyone or we don't go. Sometimes we also invite their friends!!

Thisismetooaswell · 22/04/2025 18:59

Your poor daughter. She must be incredibly hurt. What you have done is mean, cruel and nasty. And as you don't seem to accept that I can only imagine that you don't like her very much

babbi · 22/04/2025 19:00

You are a very unkind mother and I feel for your daughter .

GSmith86 · 22/04/2025 19:03

I think you need to ask yourself are you angry at your daughter or resent her for something?

Be really honest with yourself about your feelings and the reasons for them. No matter how irrational.

Because once you work out what's causing this odd behaviour towards her you can work on fixing it.

The holiday is a red herring. Your post should really be asking for advice on how to get past a certain emotion or issue you have with your daughter.

MumCanIHaveASnackPlease · 22/04/2025 19:28

OP will be back here in a few years time with a thread “my DD is no contact and I don’t understand why”

Sunflower1650 · 22/04/2025 19:29

I’ve read your first post and replies, OP.
You sound insensitive and unkind towards your daughter.
No wonder she feels hurt and excluded. I would too.

Zonder · 22/04/2025 19:32

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:41

It’s not that I can’t fund it . I just think she doesn’t need to go on the family holiday if she already has two other holidays booked.

This is horrible. She doesn't need to go on the family holiday? Nobody needs to go on any holiday. What it says out loud is you didn't want her on the holiday. I would be so hurt if I was her. She's 17 not 27!

Taytayslayslay · 22/04/2025 19:39

You remind me of my mum. We are now no contact and she isn't allowed to see my children. Hope you're excited for your future! I'm sure you'll be fine with your boys, as narcissistic mothers tend to hate their daughters and be obsessed with their son's.

Mrsknowitall · 22/04/2025 19:39

She must be feeling all kinds of hurt, that’s awful of you to do, she’s only 17

Flopsy145 · 22/04/2025 19:44

Reading between the lines it sounds like you don't really like her, and you see her as a bit of a burden to take on holiday.
What you did was very cruel. I would be taking my children away for as long as they wanted to join me, I still go (with dh and kids in tow) away with my dad and family and I'm 31!