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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
SparklesGlitter · 22/04/2025 13:35

I would’ve at least given her the opportunity to say no to be honest

TicklishMintDuck · 22/04/2025 13:38

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:50

She planned her holidays before we planned them family one. I feel simply that if it was important to her to spend time with us she would have asked us before making her plans

I’m not sure why you posted as you’re ignoring what everyone’s saying. Why don’t you want her there? She’s only 17! Have you no empathy?

Elektra1 · 22/04/2025 13:41

Wow. That’s pretty harsh of you. So what if she’s having other holidays? A holiday with friends as a teenager is nothing like a family holiday. I’d have been devastated if my parents did this to me while I was still at home, and I’m not surprised she is too.

Helen1625 · 22/04/2025 13:44

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

Younger than her so under 17, still at school. And they contribute more. In what way? Financially?

You sound very defensive in your posts. I'm thinking either
a) this is made up
or
b)...
No, can't think of a b, it just sounds too unrealistic, especially with your responses to people.

If this is real, and I really hope it isn't, you seem incredibly cold. My daughter is 16, I'm dreading the time if and when she decides not to come away with us. She's part of our little family unit. You seem to think that's it, time to wash your hands of her, you've done your bit.

Sad.

LeftAtHome · 22/04/2025 13:45

My parents didn’t include me in a ‘family’ holiday at 18. I’m in my thirties now and I can still remember how hurt I was. In all honesty it was probably the start of the end of having any meaningful relationship with them.

SunflowersVanGough · 22/04/2025 13:48

I can’t believe the OP. I fund my 18 year olds family holiday and will until she finishes university and has an income and job. I can well understand her upset. Poor daughter.

Violashifts · 22/04/2025 13:48

Definitely unreasonable. I am paying for my 17 year old and her mate to come with us. So she has someone to hang out with and share a room with. I can't imagine not.

I know some pp think it is made up. It does happen though. I remember my friend in 1996 had to use his paper round to pay for his share of the family holiday to Butlins.

My other friend also took her partner and joint child away when the older child was away with Dad as she wouldn't need another holiday. She was always tight with money.

Violashifts · 22/04/2025 13:50

Also she isn't even an adult.

My parents are the other way and think I am negligent for leaving my dd age 17 for a night while I see Oasis.

ScribblingPixie · 22/04/2025 13:53

That's awful. She's only 17 - most parents would be treasuring their child's last family holiday before adulthood. Did you tell her before you offered to pay for flights for her other break that it would mean you wouldn't be inviting her to come on the family holiday?

LuvACustardCream · 22/04/2025 13:53

She's 17. You really aren't coming over well

SingWithMeJustForToday · 22/04/2025 13:55

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:24

I have a right to boundaries just like she has a right to be upset

You do, yeah.

She also has the right to not see or speak to you, though.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 22/04/2025 13:59

This is so sad, why not let her have a fabulous 3 holiday final year of childhood? Why do you feel like you need to bring her down?

wordler · 22/04/2025 14:00

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

They contribute more? So are they older? Are they still going on the family holiday?

Your poor daughter.

lavenderlolly · 22/04/2025 14:00

Poor girl
How hurtful

Ellebelle01 · 22/04/2025 14:02

When I was 16 my mum took my brother and sister on holiday and left me at home. I was upset, got really drunk and had several house parties. Unknowingly someone smoked a cigarette and made a cig burn in the sofa. So, your choice OP 😂

Nicaveron · 22/04/2025 14:03

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:41

It’s not that I can’t fund it . I just think she doesn’t need to go on the family holiday if she already has two other holidays booked.

So what if she’s had 2 holidays already. Is this a case of Mum being the “holiday Police”.
It’s a family Holiday - of course she should be invited. I have just taken my 2 oldest granddaughters(ages 25 & 26), great grandson (3 yrs) and future son-in-law on a family holiday. Paid for them all including holiday spending money for the 3 of them (£250 each). Four star hotel for 11 nights all inclusive. I am by no means wealthy.
Why be so mean. Life is too short. Invite her and provide her with spending money. If you can afford this of course.

hyggetyggedotorg · 22/04/2025 14:06

She’s 17! Still at school!

FozzieWozzieWasABear · 22/04/2025 14:06

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

Oh your poor daughter! How is she meant to contribute as much as your sons if she’s a student? I feel very sorry for her.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/04/2025 14:07

It's very mean to take some kids and not one UNLESS you had told her that she had to choose between family holiday and the holiday that you were paying for the flights for

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/04/2025 14:08

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:36

Yes but she will be leaving to got Uni in September and she spends the weekends at her boyfriends. So she is only around 5/7 days of the week

All the more reason to spend some quality time with her before she goes or she might not bother coming back

ByPearlSnail · 22/04/2025 14:10

This is horrible. Your poor daughter, being excluded, a ‘family holiday’ but she doesn’t count. Awful. And you trying to justify yourself and all your updates are ridiculous.

Nopersbro · 22/04/2025 14:13

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

Gotta call shenanigans on this.

To answer the question, though - if, when you offered to pay for the flights for her second trip you told her this was in lieu of the family holiday and she chose her option, then it would be reasonable to exclude her from the family holiday and reasonable to assume everyone was proceeding on the assumption that she wasn't going on the family holiday.

Otherwise, of course she assumed she was included and is hurt that you excluded her without even talking to her. Not to mention that it's incredibly rude to be discussing the family holiday she's been unilaterally excluded from in front of her!!

Nearlyadoctor · 22/04/2025 14:14

I think it’s incredibly mean, Dd is the same age and again just doing A levels, has 2 holidays with us plus one with her boyfriend’s family for which we’re paying the flights. DS is married and 31 but I still invite both him and his wife ( invariably they don’t join us but do on occasion) and I’d still feel guilt if I didn’t make the offer.
I can’t imagine not offering to get away - if she chose not to come then fair enough but otherwise I’d feel incredibly mean.

Nearlyadoctor · 22/04/2025 14:16

FozzieWozzieWasABear · 22/04/2025 14:06

Oh your poor daughter! How is she meant to contribute as much as your sons if she’s a student? I feel very sorry for her.

Show quote history

The sons are still younger and still at school - not sure how much a paper round pays these days 😂😂

Mummamartell · 22/04/2025 14:17

I personally think that’s heart breaking, you said that she shouldn’t come unless she pays for it herself but her job pays poorly…

it’s not like she’s in her mid twenties. She’s still at teen.
that’s so sad

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