Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Holidays

Use our Travel forum for recommendations on everything from day trips to the best family-friendly holiday destinations.

Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
Lilyflame · 22/04/2025 12:47

I think I’ve been on holiday with my parents every year, I’m 55!

Emmz1510 · 22/04/2025 12:47

I can’t conceive of a 17 year old not being invited on a family holiday, and it’s even worse since you led her to expect she’d be coming!
Did you actually pay for the flights for the second holiday? If so, I’d have been inclined to ask her for even a small contribution towards this one. Her job can’t pay that poorly if she’s going two holidays even if you did pay for flights for the second one.
But to just not invite her at all was pretty mean.

BunnyLake · 22/04/2025 12:48

Well aren’t you a gem. If I were your daughter I’d be keeping you at arm’s length, especially when you're old.

frecklejuice · 22/04/2025 12:49

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

Ahhhh the two little prince's are invited bless them, hope you can count on them looking after you in your old age.

republicofjam · 22/04/2025 12:53

Wow! That is cold!!

ImSorryMsJackson · 22/04/2025 12:54

Please do not exclude your daughter. This will undoubtedly be damaging for her and the family. It seems that there is some resentment towards her. Teenagers are demanding and sometimes infuriating but that's the nature of parenting. She is your child (still a minor) and your family - to leave her out is so unreasonable.

Sage71 · 22/04/2025 12:57

Wow so you haven’t actually fully funded any holiday for her this year just paid flights for one of the ones she is paying for and you want her around for practical reasons while you are away so read she will be house sitting/ pet sitting or something similar. Totally unreasonable.

theemmadilemma · 22/04/2025 12:58

You sound a bit shit on communication.

If you'd been clear that paying for her flights meant that should you decide to go on a family holiday, then she would not be included. Then it was up to her to chose.

As it happens, it sounds like she wasn't aware she making that choice.

So yeah, you're a bit mean.

Mumwithbaggage · 22/04/2025 13:05

I just think it's very sad that you've excluded her like this.

Every few years we rent a big villa and all the adult kids and their partners are welcome. Everyone chips in for food etc and we pay travel for dc4 as she's only 21 and at university.

It's nice and what families do.

Sage71 · 22/04/2025 13:06

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:36

Yes but she will be leaving to got Uni in September and she spends the weekends at her boyfriends. So she is only around 5/7 days of the week

So normal teen then do you feel the need to punish her for daring to spend weekends with boyfriend at 17? Not sure this thread is going how you thought it would

unicornpower · 22/04/2025 13:06

Wow, so you’re clearly mad at her for being a normal teenager and spending time with her boyfriend to the point you didn’t invite her on your family holiday! She’s 17, she’s not an adult. But it’s a good way of ensuring she doesn’t want come home from university!

KidsDoBetter · 22/04/2025 13:09

Are you even listening to what 95% of people are saying @OliveKoala ? You will be on here moaning in 5 years time that you daughter doesn't want a relationship with you.

What a cold-hearted awful thing to do. You should be ashamed. And I hasten to add I am not one for saying adult kids need to be invited on family holidays for ever and a day. How I play it is that while they are at uni - so not fully earning orw whatever, then I bring them along on one family hol. Only school aged DD gets on everything as the default as she is a child - and the older ones of course went on everything as kids.

But shes not even a blimmin adult.

Hellokelly · 22/04/2025 13:11

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:24

I have a right to boundaries just like she has a right to be upset

Boundaries? What?

She's 17. She's not an adult yet. I can't believe you're happy to leave a CHILD at home without even so much as a conversation with her.

On top of that, it just seems unnecessarily cruel to decide that she's not allowed to be part of her family holiday anymore because she's also got other holidays planned.

I'm glad you're not my parent!

republicofjam · 22/04/2025 13:13

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:41

It’s not that I can’t fund it . I just think she doesn’t need to go on the family holiday if she already has two other holidays booked.

Dear God, with each post you paint yourself in an even worse light!

Projectme · 22/04/2025 13:15

You'll be posting on here in a few years time wondering why your DD doesn't contact you very much...

Another YABU vote. Just because she has already got holidays booked, why does that mean she should be excluded from the family holiday?! Is she your step-daughter?

My son, who's at uni and has a g/friend, with whom he spends 75% of his time with when he's home, is always invited on holiday with us...if he wants to come, which he does. Usually he has 1 or 2 other holidays booked and we all check diaries/calendars to make sure no dates clash; it's not hard...

Superhansrantowindsor · 22/04/2025 13:15

Noooooo - you absolutely should have asked her to come.

Octopusespunchforfun · 22/04/2025 13:17

This can’t be real. I refuse to believe this thought not only entered someone’s head but that someone thought it was reasonable enough to spout in a public forum.

Annalouisa · 22/04/2025 13:20

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

Are you breaking up with your own daughter?!
"I have decided our previous holiday should be our last" 😬

That is unbelievable. The OP is either a troll or neurodivergent in some way that means she cannot understand how she is hurting her daughter.

You can't uninvite one of your children from being part of your family because they don't need you/your holidays. It's either a family holiday or it isn't.

sweetgingercat · 22/04/2025 13:20

I went on holiday with my parents and kept on going on holiday with them until they were too old to go and then it was our turn to look after them until they died.

We look back on those holidays as times of great fun and relaxation and wish they were still here to have holidays together.

It sounds like you don't really like her much. You may have reasons too, but the ones you have shared here don't seem to amount to much.

CalleOcho · 22/04/2025 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Eyerollexpert · 22/04/2025 13:26

Wow. I think you asking if you're being reasonable and at the time of writing this 95% said no, then you continue to be defensive strikes me that your are stubborn and are unwilling to concede that you have made an error of judgement.
How can it be a family holiday without her?

Terfarina · 22/04/2025 13:33

Christ. Poor kid. I can’t imagine rejecting my kids like this, it is for kids to grow away from parents, not the other way round.

Mine are 16, 22, 25. I feel privileged that they want to join us on family holidays and yes I pay.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 22/04/2025 13:33

It’s mean. She is 17. You won’t get many more where she would want to come. And now you won’t have any. Well done if that’s what you wanted.

FYO-all 3 of my late teen/early 20s DC are coming with us. Can’t imagine not inviting them.

this will damage your relationship forever. But maybe that’s what you’re after 🤷‍♀️

ShodAndShadySenators · 22/04/2025 13:33

I can only imagine that OP and her DD haven't been getting on well for a while for this to even seem reasonable to her. Who does this to their offspring without discussing the options beforehand?

The whole decided "I've decided the previous holiday should be the last one" is so dictatory and really nothing to do with the holidays her DD will enjoy this year. Who could blame the DD for being upset over being deliberately excluded? Will she enjoy her holidays with her friends and boyfriend knowing her own family doesn't want her with them? (I haven't seen anything to suggest her dad and brothers have protested, I hope they have)

zingally · 22/04/2025 13:34

Of course she should have been invited. She's 17, not 25.

Swipe left for the next trending thread