My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

[OliveKoala]

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

The whole family dynamic is strange

17 still a child . Why would you not want her to come ? Mine still come at 19 and 22 !

This might blow your mind OP but my parents pay for a family holiday for 12 of us every year, because they want to. We can all afford to pay but they're generous and like us and want to spend time with us. You're setting an example here to your DD, treat others as you wish to be treated, aka reap what you sow. Eek!

Are you her actual mother or some evil wicked stepmother or something because this sounds appalling? She’s 17, still a child and you want to exclude her from the family holiday. You awful nasty woman.

My kids are 24/25 26 and I still pay for them to join our holiday she's 17 ,you are totally unfair

My 'normal' teenagers no longer wanted to come on family holidays once they were going off with friends

She's 17
What do you possibly need her to contribute
Very sad post indeed

Omg poor girl. Hopefully you are not expecting much of a relationship with her going forward.

Are you not proud of her that's she's managed to earn some money while doing A levels and is now going to uni? Will she be allowed to stay with you during the holidays once at uni, or is she just being cast off altogether st 17?

And today's award for Best Example of Family Scapegoating goes to...

Seriously, OP, you must really dislike her to do this to her. Disgusting treatment of your own child. You should be ashamed of yourself. Sort it so she can come or cancel the whole thing to rearrange a family holiday that actually includes the whole family, or you probably won't see much of her in the future and have only yourself to blame.

She's too old and has been legally an adult for quite a while. Why does she think she should get free holidays?

17 is not a legal adult.

She's 17 of course you invite her!

You’re jealous of your own daughter. You’re resentful that she has wonderful and exciting things to look forward to and a whole future of possibilities that you don’t .
You don’t like the lack of control you have over her …….. she has her own relationship, job and educational goals and you don’t like it.
I had a mother just like you. Her decisions and behaviour didn’t work out well for her and they won’t for you either .

How unbelievably sad that you even think this is ok. Your poor daughter. In a few years you'll be wondering why you're not very close!

So you are rewarding her for her a level efforts and initiative/ hard work to fund her own activities by banning your child from the family holiday. It’s no wonder that she doesn’t want to contribute.

Most teenagers spend time sulking away from their families, that’s what they’re programmed to do. As parents, we’re usually programmed to demonstrate that they will always have a welcome and safe place as part of the family. Not penalise them for doing well. I’m not surprised she’s upset, poor girl.

Aww! Typical boy mom behaviour "I don't have a favourite child I have favourite boy children"

Wow, you are a shit mum. I feel sorry for your daughter. Do you not like her and want to spend time with her? What do her individual holidays have to do with anything? I’m flabbergasted

17 is not legally an adult!

This is very sad; how could you exclude her from the family holiday

Exactly how long do you think she has been an adult for @Blink53368865?
The lack of ability to even read the thread title is astounding sometimes!!

Wow. My son will be 17 in September and I cannot imagine telling him that we would be going on holiday but he wasn’t invited, he’d be gutted.

This makes you a bit of a shitty parent tbh.

So because your sons contribute more than her this is a money thing? Sorry Op but I think you sound awful - this is your child! I feel so bad for your daughter. I can’t ever imagine being like this to my children.

If my children still want to come on family holidays aged 17 I will be so pleased. Why ‘should’ the last one have been the last? And how is her wearing a coat relevant? It sounds like you might have upset her in some way during that holiday, too - and now your punishment is to exclude her from the family with some ridiculous excuse.

You reap what you sow. Make her feel unwelcome and she won’t make an effort with you once she’s got her own young family.

Too old to be included on family holidays at 17? Shitty person number 2 here!

This. If you can afford it why impose some weird quota on holidays?! It’s totally different going with her friends / boyfriend and coming along with you to spend time as a family.

Why don’t you want to spend this precious time with the whole family together before they all go off in different directions?

Check in on her and apologise. I’d be devastated if I were her.