My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

[OliveKoala]

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

I have a daughter the same age and after A levels she is going away for a week with her boyfriend to celebrate their 1 yr anniversary and then 10 days later when her brother finished school we go on our family holiday for 2 weeks, Before I booked it, I asked her if she wanted to come and she said definitely yes so that was end of that - she is coming. I think not inviting her is a bit mean especially as you asked her if she was back- you sort of implied you were booking it at a time she could make.

I can’t imagine going on a family holiday without my 17yo dd!!!

Tight that. No one needs a holiday, so she doesn’t need three…but, way to go to tell her that her time in the family is over. Don’t expect to see much of her in the uni holidays etc.

You are vile.

I am actually so shocked at your replies.

I bet it won't be your precious sons looking after you in your old age.

at this rate it won't be her daughter either.

This makes it worse! If it was financial, I could try and understand!

Exactly the same here, @gamerchick- commiserations, it’s sad

well.. i'm a 43yo mum of an 18yo and a 16yo, and i think YABU, and mean.

I also just ran it past my 72yo mum, and she thinks you are too.

The family holiday is an entirely separate thing from any other holidays, and to just decide she isn't coming, so you all go and leave her home alone, is unkind.

She is obviously hurt thinking she's not wanted. If she wants to come with you she should and you should be proud of that. YABU

Why don’t you want her there? It might be the last one she comes on. No wonder shes hurt I would be so upset

This has to be a wind up surely.
Do you dislike your daughter?
Was she particularly miserable with the coat on holiday and moaned and said she never wanted to go again?
Even then I'd still ask mine if she wanted to come with us, not just book without her. Even if she was a moody, miserable human some, or most, of the time.

You need to work on your communication because it definitely would have seemed like planning to include her asking when she was back. At 17 it is a perfectly reasonable assumption that that's why you were asking.

You sound like you don't even like her. Of course she's upset. Why are you grudging her holidays?

We're delaying our summer holiday until late summer so our 19 yo DD can join us on it. I can't imagine ever telling her she wouldn't be welcome on a family holiday. It would need to be her decision not to come.

Well I expect to see your daughter on the survivor of dysfunctional families threads in future years.

If you can do this and think its reasonable, you will have done plenty more over the years.

Your poor daughter.

I can't think of a colder, shitter reason not being invited on the family holiday. Its not about the number of holidays. Its about it being family time that she is being deliberately excluded from.

Imagine how she will feel left at home knowing you are all having fun together and deliberately without her.

This is a spiteful act OP.

Sounds to me like you are punishing her. What an awful way to parent your child.

Ugh, you are very unreasonable and your replies do not paint you in a favourable light.

Holy shit OP, you're horrible.

I'm amazed that a 17yr old has a job that allows her three holidays and then they complain at not getting paid enough?!

Where does it say that the OPs daughter complained about not being paid enough?

In the Original Post where the OP states the DD's job pays very poorly???

I never said the daughter complained. But the OP mentioned they were paid very poorly.

Min wage at 17yrs old isn't much and I can't imagine it's easy getting time off for three holidays in any competitive / decent paid job.

This thread is absolutely horrible and I really hope it's a wind up. It would break my heart to treat my daughter like that

How sad and stingy.

She’s 17 OP, still technically a child! I would be hugely hurt if I were her. I’m all for boundaries but she’s paying for the bulk of her other holidays and if you can’t have 3 holiday when you’re 17 when can you?!