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Original poster

My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

912 replies

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:27

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

OP posts:
Shmee1988 · 21/04/2025 20:46

This cannot possibly be real?! First of all, you seem like you're punishing her. She's studied, taken her exams, got a job and funded her own fun and as a result you exclude her from the family holiday because she's already had her own self funded holiday?! And secondly, you say spending time with you can't be that important to her because she arranged her holidays but you hadn't even booked the family one so it's not as if she booked her one with friends instead. OP, you are being crazy unreasonable. I feel sorry for your daughter.

beetr00 · 21/04/2025 20:47

LittleBearPad · 21/04/2025 20:25

Indeed - what absolute bastards going on holiday with their children. It shouldn’t be allowed!

Show quote history

Totally agree with you, how very dare they!!😂

Frenzi · 21/04/2025 20:56

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:28

I have two sons, I do not have a favourite child. They just contribute more than her!

Wow. Just wow!!!!!

Longma · 21/04/2025 21:00

kirinm · 21/04/2025 20:07

Wow. The responses here. And families paying for their grown adult children to holiday.

Yes, heaven forbid parents enjoy spending time with their older children and still like to treat them on occasion.

R053 · 21/04/2025 21:01

The poor girl, being excluded from your “family” holiday. Family is still very important, especially at that age when she is still young and on the cusp of adulthood. Also, the holiday that you paid for isn’t a special treat as such if you have merely swapped it for her place in the family holiday.
I would rethink this. It’s something she isn’t likely to forget.

Growlybear83 · 21/04/2025 21:03

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:39

Her being back home was relevant because she asked me to drive her back from the airport after her second holiday!

I’m also shocked thst your daughter had to ask you to collect her from the airport - surely that’s something you would do automatically? My daughter is 33 but there has never been an occasion when one of us hasn’t taken or collected her from the airport.

real13 · 21/04/2025 21:06

Oh wow, this is horrible :/. Most posters have said you are being unreasonable, but you don’t seem to have taken that on board in your responses.

It sounds like you think you’re right & there’s clearly no way to sway your opinion.

This is so sad. I’d never do that to my children.

jamimmi · 21/04/2025 21:09

Sorry OP as the mum of a 17year old i cant imagine not taking her before she goes to uni. Her 22 yr old brother now back home from uni has been and will be asked untill he has a partner/ family of his own. He's come most years but not this year due to work issues, his choice! 17 is still a child, I'm guessing she 18 over the summer , so very young and still classed as a child for benefit purposes too. I think your being very unreasonable.

Mills88 · 21/04/2025 21:38

I find this absolutely shocking
I couldn’t imagine doing this to my 17 year old!!
I’m hoping she wants to join us on family holidays for several more years yet!!! (Wishful thinking perhaps) even though she holidays with friends too.

Delphiniumandlupins · 21/04/2025 21:45

Your updates make it obvious that you are leaving your poor daughter out just to punish her. She's upset so you've got what you wanted. I thought at first there were financial constraints and you should have asked her if she would prefer to come on the family holiday or have you pay flights for another trip. But you just seem unhappy that she's making a life without you. She's studying for A levels, working part-time, getting ready to go to university - you should be so proud of her. Of course she's sometimes a stroppy, self-centred teenager but you're her mother.

carrotycrumble · 21/04/2025 21:45

What has happened in your life to make you like this OP?

Littletreefrog · 21/04/2025 21:53

My parents decided when I was about 14 I wouldn't want to go on holiday with them and that was that I was never invited on another holiday. Even when I had a toddler DS (their first Grandchild) and they were given free use of a friends 4 bedroom villa in Menorca we were not invited. They went and stayed in it by themselves.

My son is 18 he is going on his first lads holiday and his first festival with his GF this summer. He earns about the same as me. I still invited him on the family holiday and he was over he moon that he was still being included.

Worryabouteverything · 21/04/2025 21:54

Don't think the OP will come back to this thread

Jowak1 · 21/04/2025 22:01

My son is 17 (18 in June) and he is going on holiday with his friends and then with his girlfriend too. I asked him the dates of these holidays to ensure he could come in the family holiday too. So he is having 3 holidays but I wouldn’t dream of not inviting on the family holiday!! He’s young why shouldn’t he have lots of holidays after his A levels ( assuming they can all be paid for which they can.) there isn’t a limit to how many holidays a person can have.

Therehastobemoretolife · 21/04/2025 22:07

This has infuriated me. You sound like a petulant child. Horrible mother you need to grow up

AusBoundDD · 21/04/2025 22:11

Absolutely ridiculous OP and incredibly unfair - I would never dream of doing this to my DD.

Your justification of not inviting her on the holiday because you paid for her flights is bollocks - flights within Europe to teen party destinations are cheap as chips and in no way compare to the price of a full holiday.

AngieBlack · 21/04/2025 22:18

With a mum like you - who needs enemies.

You clearly dislike her and have made that abundantly clear to her. Ah well, nail in the coffin of any relationship with her.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/04/2025 22:23

Worryabouteverything · 21/04/2025 21:54

Don't think the OP will come back to this thread

Seems not

for once all replies are in agreement on mn and aibu

Longma · 21/04/2025 22:27

Worryabouteverything · 21/04/2025 21:54

Don't think the OP will come back to this thread

Yes, won’t be back I suspect.
Didn’t answer anyone’s queries about the actual whys, about the other family members and what everyone else thinks about it in the family.

I know it’s been looked at twice by MN but I’m struggling to think anyone would act like this to their child AND happily post about it openly.

hattie43 · 21/04/2025 22:28

Surely on a family holiday the family should be there, including daughter . Hurtful not to ask her to join you

Grammarnut · 21/04/2025 22:29

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

You tried to hide the family holiday? I get the feeling that when she goes to uni you will be packing up her bedroom since she no longer lives with you. If you treat her so unkindly you might be right, there! However, she is still legally domiciled in the family home while she is at uni (unless she marries etc) - uni is not her 'home', your home is her home.

Coconutter24 · 21/04/2025 22:32

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:03

I couldn’t communicate the return date carefully because I asked her brother to ask her boyfriend when they would be returning. It’s not my fault her boyfriend told her about that conversation.

Why didn’t you ask your daughter?

Whynotaxthisyear · 21/04/2025 22:34

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 14:41

It’s not that I can’t fund it . I just think she doesn’t need to go on the family holiday if she already has two other holidays booked.

Nobody really needs to go on holiday but this would be a chance to spend proper time as a family before she leaves for uni. Odd that you don’t value this.

newmum912024 · 21/04/2025 22:45

You are aging her beyond her years.
Even though she has her own holidays planned, the annual family holiday will be something she has come to hold onto and feels nostalgic for. Can you not remember this feeling!? I do! Also, with uni coming up, this would be a wonderful opportunity to connect together, before she embarks on a huge new chapter in her life, on her own.
if I were you, I’d backtrack and definitely include her in the holiday.

pencilcaseandcabbage · 21/04/2025 22:46

OliveKoala · 21/04/2025 15:10

We don’t have any animals or the such, I just think that our previous holiday together should be our last.

Like others, I really don't understand your thinking. Deciding that the previous family holiday you had should be her final one - that really sounds like you think she is no longer part of your family. No wonder she is upset. As this thread shows, many, many young adults continue to holiday with their parents. It's nice to spend quality time together whilst not distracted by day to day issues. My eldest is 23. I asked him last year if he still wanted to come away with us, and he was shocked by the implication that he might not. So I worked our holiday dates around him. I really wouldn't want to seem to push away my child right before they leave home. Now is surely the time to work harder on your relationship, not distance yourself.