My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

[OliveKoala]

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

I can see why she is upset. You could have discussed it properly with her beforehand and said you would either pay for her to join your holiday OR pay for her flights for the other trip. Or given her the option to pay towards this one. But it seems cruel to have just not invited her at all. I can definitely see why she’s upset.

I thinks it’s really horrible not to include your daughter. How can it be a ‘family holiday’ if she’s not invited ?

You wanted her back to watch the house didn't you?

It does look like you wanted to know if she would be back so she was included. Her 2 holidays are neither here nor there. You've only forked out for flights for one of them. You could have included her.

She still lives with you! Good grief.

You are being unreasonable. You should have included her.

Why couldn't you just ask your daughter instead of getting your son to ask her boyfriend? You sound angry with DD or disappointed in her - can't quite work out which, but I'm getting nasty unpleasant vibes from you. As for your last sentence, of course boyfriend would relay the conversation to her, as I suspect you knew he would. 'It's not my fault that he told her...' just sounds fake.

Wouldn't they?

I think you should've made it clear that you couldn't/wouldn't pay for the flights plus for her to go on the family holiday.
We couldn't afford to do both so our eldest gets the option for either coming with us or we pay for them to go with friends.
I don't think it's mean not to take them if you can't afford it. They're already getting two holidays.

Did you let her know at the time that was to be her last family holiday?

😂😂

re-instated for the second time!

Is this you Justine? ❤️

@Hwi thousands of students go on holiday between A-levels and results day - it was a done thing when I was doing A-levels which was 30 odd years ago.

They've (usually) worked hard, striving to get the grades they need to open up the next door in life. They're not 'silly little children'.

It is often the last big hurrah as a cohort of school friends - post exam results there is a lot to be getting on with preparing for university/apprenticeships starting plus in late June after the last A-level exam, holiday prices may not be as high in late August which would be peak season..

They're having some well deserved fun -you should try it sometime!

Exactly, I went with about 8 friends to a cottage in Newquay, it was great.

And then went on a family holiday.

Keith is the name I like to give to men who jump on here to wind up us wimmin folk. I have no idea why I call him Keith or why I think he is from Ipswich. But I just picture him sniggering as he types his word bollocks.

But I do apologise to all the Keiths and all the Ipswich folk. I especially apologise to all the real Keiths from Ipswich.

I still think @OliveKoalais a Keith.

Or maybe an Ian.

Wow. The responses here. And families paying for their grown adult children to holiday.

Wow. She’s at school but guessing has a part time job like I did at that age - which she’s saved money to go on holiday

you have the funds

why wouldn’t you want your daughter there

you are mean !!

My DD is 18 and asked where I was going on holiday this year and could she come?

I said, I'm thinking about a British holiday and yes of course she can come!

I want her to come on holiday with me as long as she wants to. I will pay for it too.

My mum still pays for me to go on holiday with her sometimes and I'm fast approaching 50 years old!

Wow. The responses here. And families paying for their grown adult children to holiday.
What's wrong with treating adult children to a holiday?
Both sons do absolutely loads to help me and their dad every week. They pay for family meals and we support each other. Although we are not on each other's pockets we are close .
It's not going to break my bank if I pay for all of us to go away for a fortnight and have several weekends away throughout the year. Why not? Live is for living and enjoying being with those you love. As they say, shrouds don't have pockets!!

Wtf you excluded your own child from the family holiday... nice. Can see why she's upset!

Indeed - what absolute bastards going on holiday with their children. It shouldn’t be allowed!

So pretty much 100% of people think you are being unreasonable. Are you going to take any notice?

Wow. I’m always surprised how other families work but she’s 17. Of course she gets to go.

I can’t tell if you’re serious or not?

Of course I will include my grown up children in any family holiday. That’s what makes it a family holiday!!

If they were struggling with the money, of course I will support them and pay for them to be included!

Ive gone from thinking op is cruel to op is unhinged. Poor girl.

This is unbelievably mean to the point where I can barely believe it’s true!

Awful, she's 17, she should be able to assume she's welcome on a family holiday, without needing to be 'invited'.
Don't be so cruel and harsh.