My 17yo daughter is upset I didn’t invite her on the annual family holiday

[OliveKoala]

Is it reasonable I did not invite my eldest 17 year old daughter on the family holiday. She has been on every previous family holiday with us however this year as she’s is finishing with Alevels she’s booked two holidays as rewards for her efforts, her first holiday has been completely self funded, where as her second holiday I offered to pay for the flights.

Due to her already having two holidays booked I thought it’d be unfair if she came on the family holiday aswell. Unless she paid for it, which I’m aware she can’t do as her job pays extremely poorly. A few months ago we had a discussion as a family about the idea of a family holiday and briefly arose the possibility of her not coming due to it overlapping with her holidays. However no further progress was made.

This morning I booked the holiday however before I booked it I did ask her when her holidays ended, so she would be back for when the family holiday happens. However this led her to believe we wanted her back so she could join us on the holiday? However this is not the case I just didn’t want our holidays to overlap for practical reasons. Now she seems visibly hurt and has argued with me calling me unreasonable?

What are your boundaries? How has your child threatened your boundaries?

I have mixed feelings about this. 17 is still a child so I’d invite her regardless if you can afford it however people paying for DC in their twenties seems crazy to me.
My last funded family holiday was age 15, DH’s was 16.
Our older DC are 21 and 25, we don’t pay for them to come with us and their younger siblings on holiday anymore. They both earn good money. We subsidise them in many other ways, but they can pay for their own holidays.

What do you mean by contribute?

This has to be a joke

The more replies the OP posts the more I believe the entire story is just a wind up. And if it is true then your a horrible mum OP.

Oh come on! Are you seriously telling me you don’t know this was unreasonable not to discuss with her. I know it’s a bank holiday and all but … c’mon!

You said yourself her job is poorly paid.. Wtf are you holding it against her??
Don't be surprised when you have a poor relationship with your daughter (who is still in her teens and technically can't drink alcohol legally) later on.
Yabu.

I don’t understand the boundaries thing?
What boundaries are you setting and why?

You’ve still not said why you don’t want her there, other than suggestions it’s a punishment for having other holidays with friends, spending time with her boyfriend and wearing a coat in a previous holiday.

How does her brother and other family members feel about her not being welcome?

what is your relationship like normally? The posts suggest it is already quite a fractured and damaged one. Is that the case?

You will push your daughter away from you and may never get that back.

You’re not allowed to say that on here apparently. I dared to suggest it last week about a post, very politely, and I got a 24 hour ban! You have to gaslight yourself on here these days.

I would like my 22 year old to come on holiday with me to somewhere that is out of their budget, way out of their budget.

So I don’t hesitate for a second to pay because it’s in my interests too…. I want to spend time with him on holiday!

I've already reported someone as a PBP today I am not sure MN will let me have another one, but OliveKoala only joined us today. From the posting style I'd say this is a wind up. Yes some mums do treat their kids like this, but most don't publicly boast about it.

It is so frustrating isn’t it!!

Waiting for the thread of “Why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore, boohoo”

cos her mothers a thoughtless twat tbh

Okay, I have responded and been quite disturbed by this thread but seeing subsequent replies I understand this is a wind up. No one could be this horrible of a mother and post about it proudly.

She is a 17 year old with a job and is in the middle of her A levels. What more do you want from this kid?

Very!!

I'm pretty sure you can say it, but I usually just go to "report". And I think its a wind up too.

So mean and sad , OP . 17 !!! I have 5 young adults / teens . The eldest are 22 and 20. We totally reworked our annual ski holiday for next winter so they could both attend . Normally go in January but both will be on uni placement .

And one initially thought she could not come on our summer trip but now she can and have jumped through lots of hoops to make this happen .

How can you not want to be with her ?? Weird .

Are you jealous or upset that she is going on two holidays? You say she doesn't 'need' another holiday- why? How have you decided this? You are so cold and insensitive. It's a family holiday and you don't want your own daughter to come? Awful.

Oh you might not have a favourite but you definitely have one you like least!

How old are your two golden boys?

Are they happy to see their sister excluded?

Is dad on the scene? How does he feel about his daughter being excluded?

What an utterly ridiculous response. Why shouldn't she reward herself for the amount of hard work she has put in? Plenty of people do that because by then they need a little relaxation and downtime.

The results will come along later and if appropriate a further celebration can be organised.

I went on holiday with my parents (teachers) in-between my exams and when the results came out. It was to relax and enjoy myself after all the stress and hard work. Why on earth not? Should I have been excluded from going? Thankfully my parents were reasonable people and would never have done that.

We were back before results day and once I had my results we went out for a family meal together. It's normal behaviour.

My daughter is 17, and i’d still be inviting her on a family holiday yes.

This is unbelievably cruel. It’s one thing to expect her to pay for it, but to just decide that she doesn’t need a holiday because she’s already had 2 is nasty.

You sound like an absolute child! That’s your daughter who is only 17, so what she’s booked two holidays, you can book around them since she booked first. Your poor daughter.

Of course you’re unreasonable, OP. Unless you’d made it clear to her that by paying for her flights it meant you couldn’t also fund for this holiday too. It doesn’t sound like that’s the case. So you’re just being mean.
Shes 17. Yea she’s going to uni soon but right now she’s still a child living with her family. Maybe she was thinking this would be her last break with her parents before she leaves home. Only now she knows her mum doesn’t want her there.
Not nice, OP. Really not nice.