Father not telling me about abroad trip

[Singleparent13]

some much needed advice please. I am a single parent to a 13 year old. Father lives about a 6 hour drive away and has our son once a month for the weekend and about half the holidays. The next trip is for the end of July and my son has just said his dad is taking him abroad. He’s never done this before. He’s not told me, or asked me. There’s a long line of lack of communication and disrespect, which o try to let go of. Am I wrong to feel this is disrespectful? It’s causing me anxiety as I don’t know what’s going on. I have no issue with him taking our son on holiday. My son has expressed that he’s unsure if he wants to go as doesn’t want to be in a different country to me, and says he’s scared of flying. I am happy to reassure him and make him understand it’s a positive experience. But all I can think is why the hell hasn’t his dad spoken to me about it, and why’s he left to so late, it makes me feel insecure about what else he wouldn’t tell me etc. Am I being unreasonable to feel annoyed /frustrated? Another issue is my sons passport has run out.

And of course he’s a bit unsure

he has been abroad twice in his life. The last time years ago!

Well most men would if they wanted any involvement with their child. Most odd if he’d shrugged and said “okey dokey”

Or she just didn’t update the thread? You’ve invented a whole chapter of drama here based on an OP not continuing to update.

What chapter of drama

not telling her ex, which her posts kind of point to that especially given how soon they’re off

and a hardly travelled early teen boy looking forward to an abroad holiday

Even if she didn't tell him, it certainly doesn't mean that

"meanwhile your ds tells his friends he’s going on holiday for a week and no doubt by get excited, particularly as this will be the third time in his life he’s been abroad."

For several reasons. First the son wasn't even sure he definitely has booked the holiday, it says that in her earlier comments. Second, OP probably isn't a dickhead and been preparing him for a holiday she doesn't know is happening and isn't likely to go ahead if it is. OP should have managed his expectations and said it's unlikely he would be going as dad hasn't reached out to make plans, no passport etc. The son isn't a small child, he's old enough to understand. He only sees dad once a month so he's not even seeing him for him to build any hopes up.

I’m thinking about my 13 year old boy

and if he’s been stuck in the middle of warring parents for year, and also knew that his mother couldn’t afford a holiday AND he was a thoughtful boy sensitive to his mother’s feelings…. It’s pretty likely that he would downplay excitement

OP should have managed his expectations and said it's unlikely he would be going as dad hasn't reached out to make plans, no passport etc.

well yes. This is ideal. But given the OP has given no indication she’s considering telling her son the situation and then leaving ball in his court ie if he does want to go, he will update his dad pronto or if he doesn’t, then unlikely he will be in any rush to tell his dad it’s expired…. 🤷‍♀️

OP stopped updating. We don’t know what she’s said and to who. She doesn’t have to tell us. No one owes you an update. To interpret no update as a clear indication of anything is pretty ridiculous.

you need original birth certificate to apply for a passport if it's lost. Also need mother and fathers passport number or birth certificate. It's not easy

You only need one if the parents passport details, not both.
A birth certificate can be ordered again. There isn’t such a thing as the ‘original’ birth certificate, aka the one you got given when the birth was registered. It just means you can’t use a photocopy!

and in this case, the child already had a passport which makes it easier anyway.

It IS really easy to get a new one.

not if it's lost. also need to provide grandparents details of parent was born after 1983

I dont see the big deal.

your ex hasnt told you he is going on holiday. You are not responsible for doing anything. Buy nothing pack nothing. But tell your ds he is wrong, he doesnt have a passport and give him the old one. You do nothing.

Hello, so I kept meaning to give an update. What happened was, a month before the holiday, my ex text as he was with my son, and my son had told him he didn’t have a passport. So I said no, he doesn’t. He said he’s booked a holiday, but if they can’t go due to passport, it’s no bother, and his reason for not telling me was my son had said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go and his dad didn’t want to tell me if it wasn’t happening, because even though the tickets and accommodation had been brought, it wouldn’t matter! So he got a fast track passport, paid the extra and got it in time. Fine. Off my son went.

tonight he was supposed to be getting home at 7-8pm, I got a text saying they’ve missed the flight because even though they were in faro all day, they didn’t get to the gate in time. So he won’t be back until Tuesday. My son sounds utterly annoyed and exhausted.

I mean he was supposed to be coming back to me tonight as he was with his dad a week and that was the agreement. Also, I didn’t tell him about the passport (I know some of you think that’s awful, and I really didn’t know what to do) I just said to my son to mention to his dad he hasn’t got one when he saw him, I’m not sure if he would have told me about it until the time if it wasn’t for the passport. But I will never know. So now my son has two more nights away, they’ve nowhere booked to stay and have to get new flights. I’m pretty gutted as I wanted to spend a couple of days with my son and settle him back before some friends come to stay. I’m finding it hard but trying to let go. Do people generally miss flights?

Personally I think that's irresponsible of him and disrespectful of the plans you had for your time.
It's not normal to miss flights because you can't get your shit organised to get to the airport on time! It's not like he was out there working and got unavoidably detained, he was just on holiday with literally nothing he's obliged to do but get to the airport!

Maybe they have just spoken about it and nothing concrete planned ?

Why is your son so anxious?

It's nice he would take him abroad

It’s not normal to miss flights but it’s also not normal to book international flights without seeing the passport - you usually need passport numbers to do it. Your ex has major organisation issues.

People do miss flights obviously, it happens at every airport every day, but it’s a really expensive mistake that can mess up work and school attendance so most people manage to prioritize getting to the airport/gate on time.

Sounds like your ex isn't very organised in practical things (should have asked about passport when first mentioned the holiday to your son) so I am but surprised they missed their flight. I know it's well annoying but nothing you can do about it so try to let it go. At least he is your ex so you Tony have to live with him.

*not surprised